Positive Thinking Keeps Your Bipolar at Bay

My live in 37 year old girlfriend/wife and I broke up a few months ago, in December. She blames my bi-polar and on off internet hypersexuality, and I lost tolerance for her South American type jealousy, controlling attitude, and want of a child (I am 56-been there). We were friends, but could not work out our difference, and we both decided to move on. OK, with that said, a few weeks later, I felt abandoned in CA, as she moved back to NYC. I also had work, 1/2 remodeled devaluating home and of course, issues surrounding the bi-polar...namely hopelessness and suicide. I began to have obsessive actions and thoughts and the ability not not let go. I still and not there yet, 6 months after the separation.
Today, I just had this dream which is pretty easy to understand.
Here is the dream.
A group of friends and family warned me, with some sarcasm, before I jump into a pool to, not to drown myself.
I am now underwater. I attempt to swim to the surface, as I hear my name being called. I only make it to just below the surface. I am struggling, to break through, as I am holding a handful of sand above my face, which is preventing me from doing so. The sand flows from my hand, into my face, blinding me and annoying me. I just can't let go of the sand. It is the excessive sands weight, that keeps just below the surface.
My vision is further hampered by the rippling ripple effect of the surface water. It frustrates me. I can make out the shape of friends and family, at the edge of the pool, who do not notice my struggles.
I am now screaming under water for help, but I am not gasping for air.
I outstretch my legs to be easier seen, but my actions go unnoticed.
I am hoping someone will jump in to save me, but I just float there just below the surface, with only the sound of my muffled screams.
I am wondering why I can not make the simple choice, of letting go of this handful of heavy sand, that both blinds me, and keeps me from breaking though the surface. It is causing me to drown.
I also wonder why no one at the on the pool edge, sees me struggling, or hears my screams. I am frustrated that they can not save me, and that I can not save myself, by the simple action of letting go of the sand.
I then woke up, startled, sad and agitated.

Dear Mary and Christina
I was going along decent until 2 years ago I started going up.
I have to act fast to stem the tide. My family Dr. added Seropquel. It is a major help The side effect for me is sleepiness.
I get great help from my sister, a former girlfriend and myself. We can tell very quickly when I start to waver from the middle line of the railroad tracks
Good luck

I'm struggling big time at the moment, I'm switching up to a half a dozen times a day and seem to be constantly shouting and getting upset this has been going on for about 2 weeks, I'm walking on egg shells around my son as he is getting the brunt of it. I'm 42 and I feel like my life has been turned upside down and will never be the same again, I just don't know what to expect anymore, I was hospitalised 6 weeks ago for a month as I went into hyper mania and lost all touch with reality I didn't sleep for almost 3 weeks I didn't recognise my family I was traumatised and so were my family especially my son they thought they had lost me, I've had 3 episodes in the last 12mths the last one been the worst, I suppose my worry and question is will these episodes get worse?? I have no memory of the episode before and during the time I spent in hospital and now struggle with my memory daily, Is there anything I can do??

Thank you. I`m trying all the natural things there are to try and I know its a slow process but I was on medication and it totally wrecked my brain. I took so many pills and I think they made me worse. Being alone doesn`t help much either but I`m really really trying.

I just joined this site....now. I'm going through a rough patch right now...Bipolar is killing me. I can`t function or do anything. Getting out of bed is like moving a mountain. I hate feeling like this. I don't want bipolar medication. I just want it to go away.

hi mermaid. i sure appreciate your honesty and openness. shame (not feeling good enuf) is such a big part of this crap, and i've come SO far in accepting that it's just a brain disease. i have written myself a letter of suggestions of things to do (paint my toenails, play a certain album, call a safe friend, pet my dog, take a tub bath, light a candle, say, 'this too shall pass' (but never as soon as i want it too).
NO one likes meds. they cost money, have side effects, are a pain to remember, and i've stopped them before. BUT not for the past 10 yrs, and things are much better. i've needed to chnage types and doses at different times, use a dawn simulator lamp, meditate, read comics and rent fun videos from the library.
if I felt like you, what would you suggest? listen to your heart, my dear. my friend becky used to say, 'if you tough it out, you did it wrong!'. it's hard to ask for help, but we're pretty generic. i've been sober 23 yrs, and sponsor 8 women in AA/Alanon who are also bipolar...and know tons more with bipolar kids/parents/friends. There IS hope, there IS help, and we take turns holding each other's hands. isolation is the killer, and i'm so grateful for your letter.
we moved four months ago, and i'm missing my support system and counselor. see a new shrink soon. i'm more depressed than i've been in three years, and i've been 'hiding out'...
SO: i'd love it if you'd email me . we're in this together, my new friend.
besides, if you have your shit together, all you have is a pile of shit!
give yourself a hug. i'm sending you one. please, everyone who wants to, i could use one. got some scary stuff to go thru tomorrow, and i feel about 5, not 53. stay tuned!

We tend to forget how affected we are by our attitude. Attitude is everything. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has helped me with this type of positive thinking.

Thank you for the information. I am suffering from the same illness. The problem is to think positive. I work in a stressful environment where negativity is in every corner. At home is worse cause I feel that I'm failing my kids . If anything goes wrong I blame myself. Last year I was taking pills for this condition but I felt like a zombie. I quit and joined the gym. It worked wonders for me, ther were no relapses life was fun. This year and last 3 months of last year I vowed never to take the pill and I'm no longer in the gym. My life is hell. Prayer and my kids are the only things that keeps me going. When I feel down I recite the LOrd's prayer ten-fifteen time. Sometimes I just remain ther crying in bed for no reason, then when I read one verse in the bible I gain my strength and act normal again. The prase that I am using now is The Lord is the strength of my body in him I am confident. This helps because I feel useless and less intelligent. I hate my husband cause he does not understand according to me. He is trying very hard.