Mental Health Alert: Learn To Spot The Warning Signs Of Normality

I’ve been getting my mail in Cookoopantsatopolis for a very long time now, and the fact of the matter is, I like it here. The people are nice, you laugh a lot, it’s never boring, and, frankly, you have experiences unavailable elsewhere.

Another thing. My fellow Cookoopantsatopolis-dwellers are special, they have been through astounding trials and voyages which have given them depth, soul, and character. Now, I don’t mean to suggest that Cookootoplians are better than square white bread eating mayonnaise-loving Johnny and Jane Lunchbuckets; but I wouldn’t stop you from saying so.

I guess my point, assuming I have one, is that we all must struggle to know who we are, accept who we are, love who we are and enjoy being who we are. This goes double for Cookoolians who have had to endure harsh judgment not merely for what they do, but for their very being.

I Just Want To Be Normal

As you move through the various levels of recovery, you may begin to identify with “normal” people, you may even start to believe there is something desirable about being one of them. If left unchecked, this slippery slope will dump you on the doorstep of Squaresville, man – in peril of losing your identity altogether.

Don’t let this happen to you! Be on the lookout for these warning signs.

The Seven Deadly Warning Signs Of Approaching Normality

1.) You’re beginning to think you were too hasty in your condemnation of Disneyland and Disneyworld. “Climate-controlled” entertainment now seems oddly appealing; the thought of visiting Chuck E. Cheese no longer fills you with dread and loathing.

2.) You have begun collecting coupons for products you have no intention of purchasing; you just like clipping coupons.

3.) You refuse to see any movie starring Will Smith because you believe that he became dangerously edgy immediately after leaving The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

4.) The prospect of wearing white after Labor Day causes you to break out into a cold sweat.

5.) You enjoy saying, “Muffy and I are having bloodies on the veranda” through clenched teeth; even though you don’t drink or have a veranda, and have never met anyone named Muffy.

6.) You purchase a Hummer with the intention of installing a Jacuzzi in it.

7.) Even though you have no children, you join the PTA simply because it affords you an opportunity to bake.

Beware! Remember - There Is No “Cure” For Normal!