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Christmas Triage: Let Your Expectations Fall Like Snow

December 20, 2013 Alistair McHarg

Have you heard this one already?

Three clinically depressed highjumpers walk into a bar. They lower it.

I’m kidding of course.

Then again, I’m not kidding, (as always), because if there is anything that will help today’s mentally ill individual survive the three-ring-circus of psychological torment and emotional Armageddon known by that deceptively sweet euphemism – the holidays – it is lowered expectations.

Why? With every layer of tinsel, every rehashed Christmas chestnut mangled by Beyoncé, every eggnog-infused martini, every promise of no money down and no payments for the first seventeen months, every drug-addled midnight greeter at Walmart scratching his most recent tattoo, every ill-considered fax at every office party, and every other cliché of Christmas cacophony and tintinnabulation comes the rising tide of truly ho-ho-horrible inevitability – the hopes, the joys, the fears of all the years, reindeer and pain dear – that Grinch-ish thief of all that is merry; expectations.To have a high time on Christmas lower your expectations.

Those of us who have mucked out a foxhole or two after the elves have returned to their elf-help groups, leaving only ripped wrapping paper and the unnerving sound of gnashing teeth, know only too well that – an expectation is merely a resentment that has been booked in advance.

We watch the lemming-like inevitability of shoppers who resemble nothing more closely than poor Charlie Brown looking far across the yard at the relentlessly malevolent Lucy finger pointing down at the poised and ready football, believing deep within that dimwitted, soft-boiled egg of a head he has that this time it will be different.

Sadly, it never is. Fellow Whackadoomians, examine the terrible trap we must sidestep. Because it is the Santa-bag of expectations we bring with us – not the event itself – that causes our undoing.

Week after week, the entire culture conspires to deceive; is it any wonder we question reality itself and struggle to differentiate between what is, what might be, and what could be if only we had been less naughty and more nice throughout the year?

The entire communications infrastructure which now extends to gas pumps, check out lines in supermarkets, phones, rented movies, in short, everything we encounter in our daily lives, stokes the id until it roars like a voracious furnace – wanting, craving, needing and hungering for a mountain of flashy, splashy landfill-food made in China and destined for a useful life so short it would inspire pity in a drosophila before vanishing out the back end of our consumer economy. It all happens in the bat of an eye.

It was the redoubtable Taz Mopula who warned, “If I could give you just one piece of advice it would be this; do not, under any circumstances, take my advice.” In this spirit I will say that I would not presume to give you advice and if I did you would almost certainly not take it but if I did and if you did this is what it would be:

Want to enjoy your holiday? Ratchet down the level of your expectations to zero and start there.

APA Reference
McHarg, A. (2013, December 20). Christmas Triage: Let Your Expectations Fall Like Snow, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, May 17 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/funnyinthehead/2013/12/christmas-triage-let-your-expectations-fall-like-snow



Author: Alistair McHarg

cindyaka
December, 20 2013 at 3:26 pm

Recently bought a coffeemaker at Target,couldn't find one not made in China for anything. Now I just have to worry about identity theft or whatever merriment the hackers are looking to achieve! Maybe I should attend a elf-help group! Wishing you all the best,a Merry Christmas, and blessings in the New Year :)

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
December, 20 2013 at 5:14 pm

Cindy: Best Holiday Wishes to You and Yours!

Tom Cloyd, MS, MA
December, 20 2013 at 11:42 am

Oh joy! Another winner! I think I'm going to have to make this a habit.
"elf-help groups" - Oh but I DO gotta get me one of those!
See you in that foxhole. I'll bring the rum. It'll all be over before we wake up...we can hope!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
December, 20 2013 at 12:08 pm

Thanks for stopping by, Tom - best holiday wishes to you and yours.

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