Play Yourself Down

Chapter 96 of Adam Khan's book Self-Help Stuff That Works

WHEN YOU HEAR SOMEONE bragging or thinking they're better than you, what's your first instinct? To take them down a notch? Let them know they're not as great as they think they are? And when someone is humble or playing themselves down, what do you want to do? Build them up, probably. It's human nature.

The problem is, when you do well - even if you aren't an egotist or a braggart - some people can get the impression you think you're pretty hot stuff, and they'll try to tear you down. Therefore - and here's the point - if you get more criticism than you want, play yourself down. Get to it before they do. If you play yourself down well enough and quick enough, the criticizer may even do a complete turnaround and try to build you up. At least they'll have less desire to tear you down. You've taken the wind out of their sails by playing yourself down.

There are rules to playing yourself down. You can't just go around saying, "I'm a sniveling, worthless puddle of scum sludge." Too obvious. Here are a few pointers:

1. Never lie. Not only does lying feel bad, but if the other person knows or suspects you're lying, it reverses the effect you're trying to create.
2. Don't make a big deal about it. Don't go on and on about how imperfect you are: It'll sound like you're trying to convince yourself. Just make a brief comment and go on.
3. Point out something the other person is better at than you. Often people who make a habit of tearing other people down feel intensely competitive, and it'll help them relax to feel like a winner.
4. Never mention you're better at something than the other person unless it's absolutely necessary. This will only be difficult if you yourself are intensely competitive.
5. When you make a mistake, admit it before anyone else can accuse you. This is a good thing to do anyway, but it also helps keep people from trying to tear you down.

IT SOUNDS CONTRADICTORY, but people admire humility - as long as it is humility with class. Follow these guidelines and you'll achieve just that. The end result will be a more peaceful, less contentious, happier life.

Play yourself down.

Earn more respect from the people you work with:
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Find out why your ability to deal with people
is so vital to your success:
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next: The Conflict of Honest