Living in a dream world.. footprints in the snow.

It was my first day back at work today after 9 days off for christmas. the holiday seemed to drag and yet now i am not sure where it has gone? today passed pretty uneventfully but at the same time feel as if i am living in some kind of surreal dream world. a world where although i feel somewhat lost and confused . it feels like it cant hurt me. feel like i care. but at the same time really dont care what happens to me anymore. dont really feel like my mind and everything else is connected. yes.. maybe its like when you get a blister. its cushioning you from whatever painful thoughts are bothering you and making you feel this way in the first place. and yet i am not far enough down in this to not recongnise that this isnt really a good thing in the long run. my best friend today said.. she saw that i was confused. and that i need to seek help before it gets worse. theres nothing more that i can say to explain how i feel now. except i feel as though that i am not living as such. more existing. and dont know how to live. wish i knew how to live a normal balanced life. if someone told me today.. that i will still be feeling this sort of thing in ten years from now. i am not sure that , that is something that i could accept. i didnt choose to be put on this earth after all.. did i? what do you think?