Bipolar Girl Reaches for her Goal to Become a Mental Health Advocate

I couldn’t get to sleep last night. My mind was too full. I’m planning to go back to school and there is so much to do. There’s the financial aspect, there’s what I’m going to do with the girls, there’s applications and FAFSA’s to fill out. My biggest worry, though, is whether or not I can do it. Am I capable enough to go back to school and be successful despite my bipolar? Is it possible to even be making these plans not knowing if my bipolar disorder is going to be under control enough to do it? I’m not getting any younger. If I want to enter the work force and become a mental health advocate, I need to do it soon or I’ll regret it.

All these worries reminded me that I need to get some more counseling. I haven’t seen my therapist since October. And although she is a fine therapist, it’s a bit far for me to drive an hour to see her. It’s time to see a new one. I hate looking for a new therapist, but it needs to be done. My psychiatric nurse says that I don’t cope with stress well and stress is a-coming. Going to school is a stressful thing. I need to be able to cope well.

I’m arming myself with battle weapons against my bipolar.

I’m determined to finish this goal in my life and I won’t let bipolar disorder stop me. I will survive. I will do more than survive. I will thrive! I’m making a change in my life for the better. I’m jumping off the edge. I don’t know where I’ll land, but right now I don’t care. I’m moving forward and that feels fantastic. My whole body is tingling.

I’m doing this more than for myself. I’m doing it so I can become an advocate for the mentally ill. I think of all the people who end up in a psychiatric hospital because of bipolar disorder or other mental illness and don’t understand what’s happening to them. I think of the ones who fear that they’re never getting out of the mental hospital. Those are the people I want to help. I want to do good in the world of mental health. I want them to have an understanding ear. Who could understand better than me?

And so I work toward my goal. I’m doing more than dreaming right now. I’m actively pursuing my goal to help others. And in the process, I’ll heal myself.