Borderline Personality Disorder and Abandonment
People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have issues with abandonment (Common Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms). Last week I terminated therapy with my therapist. I struggled with the decision, as I know that those of us with BPD sometimes blame others for our emotional pain. Therapists are frequently used, in acute stages of BPD, as the reason for all of our emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant. This can bring up abandonment issues for those with BPD.My therapist felt annoyed with me for cancelling too many appointments. He was so angry that he refused to communicate with me about it, not even to say, "We can talk about this in our next session."
I knew he had a valid reason to feel angry, but since he had never mentioned feeling annoyed with me about anything before, I was surprised and hurt by his refusal to talk to me.
Borderlines Often Have Intense Feelings of Abandonment
I asked myself, "Have I ever felt abandoned like this before?"
Many scenes flashed through my memory. Abandonment is usually a key issue with borderlines. I knew that I was feeling the pain of every time I had ever felt abandoned, not just the one instance with my therapist. He was not to blame for my intense feelings (Fear of Abandonment Due to Mental Illness).
I waited four days for him to communicate with me, hurting all the while. I finally decided that I did not want to work with a therapist who would abandon me when he felt angry with me. It was not the anger that bothered me. It was his refusal to talk. I cry when I think of all the good work I did with this therapist. He knows things about me that no one else knows, but it is time to move on.
Fighting Against Emotions Is a Way of Abandoning Ourselves
Though I think I made the best decision for me, I still feel a great deal of loss. Instead of fighting the grief and pain, I allow myself to feel whatever is there to feel. I have learned, in my 52 years of life, that avoiding emotional pain is what causes suffering. Sometimes I have hurt so badly that it felt like the pain might kill me, but it never does. I would rather let myself cry than fight against the tears, which hurts even more. I am not saying we should dwell on our pain, but that we should allow ourselves to feel whatever is there to feel, and love ourselves through it all. Let's not abandon ourselves.
Abandonment and Borderline Personality Disorder -- No One Is Perfect
We're all learning how to manage this thing called life. Therapists are not perfect. They laugh and cry just like we do. I know my therapist didn't intend to hurt me. I evidently did something that pushed one of his emotional buttons, and he temporarily lost touch with his therapist role. That's okay. I'm not mad at him, but I must take care of myself.
Have you ever felt abandoned? Do you fight against your emotional pain? What are some difficult things you have done to take care of yourself? Let's talk.
Lewis, L. (2016, August 10). Borderline Personality Disorder and Abandonment, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, August 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2016/08/borderline-personality-disorder-and-abandonment
Author: Laura Lewis
I also got fired from a psychiatrist many years ago for missing one appointment. I cried for weeks and contemplated suicide over this abandonment. In my opinion professionals should be ashamed of themselves for being so UNprofessional. I should have taken it further but the fear and unmanageability of the task was too daunting. So I've suffered in silence.
Anyway, thank you all for sharing. I always find out I'm not alone with my illness. The 12 step program is phenomenal. God bless!
I could use some advice if it's not too much trouble. I'm 95% certain my friend has BPD. However she was previously diagnosed with Bipolar disorder combined with ADHD. I guess my question is how do I know for sure? And how can I convince her?
The important thing to over come is the feeling
that these mental health issues are a life time problem.
That your mental health can be managed over a life time.
That you can be recover to a point where banding yourself
with a mental illness is no longer a good thing to dwell on.
Recovery does take work and theopy- but the goal must always
be to return to normally - remembering always the road that
you have taken, and the means to help if required .
You obviously know nothing about the disorder or those who struggle with it. At times, you feel on top of the world and seek out help for your affliction-
Other times you feel as if you are on auto pilot, moving through molasses and can only accomplish the absolute necessity of obligations for the day.
I could go on, but if you cared you can research it yourself.