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Psychotic Episodes Give Me Some of My Best Stories

July 10, 2013 Dan Hoeweler

Turning my psychotic episodes into an art has been therapeutic and helped me to confront my horrifying past; as a person with untreated schizophrenia.

Psychotic episodes are not random ideas, thoughts and noises within our mind. They are stories that follow certain patterns and sequences that are logical to us at the time. There is nothing "disorganized" about a psychotic episode. To prove this point, I have written several of my psychotic episodes onto paper and turned them into fictionalized stories. Some of these have been published by alternative magazines, while others still sit on my shelf. Turning my psychotic episodes into an art has been therapeutic and helped me to confront my horrifying past.

These tales, I believe, can help others to better understand the world that paranoid schizophrenics live in. The following was printed in Black Heart Magazine:

Code Yellow

Some years ago Code Yellow was sent to all C.I.A. agents. It’s message was simple:

They know about us. Find them.

Thousands of C.I.A. Agents received it and knew what to do. Scouring the city, they tapped every phone line and watched every citizen to find the schizophrenics. Many of the schizophrenics were eventually found and placed in institutions. Fewer escaped and ended up in hiding. Others still roam the streets suspicious and unsure who to trust.

Frank is currently in charge of "Operation Code Yellow." He is a high ranking schizophrenic hunter because he has captured more of them than most C.I.A. Agents. He keeps a tally of all the schizophrenics he captures and reports the numbers to the government. His office is littered with pictures of the ones he caught.

Frank knows what happens to them afterward. He knows that they are poisoned with medication and that tracking devices are implanted underneath their skin to keep tabs on them, but he doesn’t like to think about it. He doesn’t deal with that side of things, only the cat and mouse game that he plays every day with them in the C.I.A.’s intelligence room.

Inside this room is where all the spying takes place for "Operation Code Yellow." All information about the schizophrenics are sent here for further analysis by Frank and his colleagues. Today, Frank discusses with the other hunters ways to capture them in his intelligence room. Computer monitors on a screen within are tracking the most knowledgeable and therefore dangerous schizophrenics.

An agent warns Frank of a particularly dangerous schizophrenic.

“I’ve found a level nine schizophrenic. His name is Bill and he is hiding underneath a bridge. We are worried he knows too much about our operation.”

“Send out an agent to stop him. Implant a thought control device in his head while he’s sleeping to wipe his memory clean.”

“I think we can’t wait on this one Frank, he plans on spilling the beans about our operation today.”

“All right I will deal with this.”

Frank grabs his microphone and speaks directly to Bill through the microchip in Bill’s head.

“Bill, can you hear me?”

Bill listens and is worried about the voice he is hearing.

“Bill we are worried that you know too much about the C.I.A. I have a button here in my office that can instantly stop your heart from beating. If you ever tell anyone about us I will press the button and kill you.”

Bill nods in agreement to Frank. He isn’t ready to die yet.

“Bill if you ever defy me I will kill you. Don’t get any strange ideas and spread the truth to the world. I have ways to stop you.”

Bill responds to Frank through pure thought knowing that Frank’s technology can track his thoughts.

I will find a way to escape from you. There must be a way to deflect your mind reading and tracking devices. I will find and build devices to counter yours.

“Bill, many have tried and all have failed. I’m warning you for the last time Bill.”

“Kill me then. I’d rather than die than be your slave.”

Frank then pressed the button knowing that thousands of miles away Bill’s heart would explode.

Something happened that day, as Bill’s death hit a special nerve in Frank’s heart. For once he actually felt sorry for a schizophrenic he had killed. He went home that night feeling guilty for the thousands of schizophrenics he had murdered, tortured and imprisoned over the years. Some days later Frank decides to tell the world about the C.I.A’s operation. On this day everyone heard a voice in their head telling them this:

“People of the world, I wish to tell you that during your lifetime you have been lied to in every conceivable way. All along we at the C.I.A have been watching your every move and monitoring your every activity so that we may control you. You have believed yourselves to be free when in fact you are all slaves to us. My job for the past century has been to track down and destroy those who are aware of the ways of the world, so that you may remain oblivious. People of earth, I tell you this so that future generations may no longer be slaves underneath our thumb. I tell you this so that you may be free.”

Soon after this message, panic and anarchy ensued as everyone had seemingly became a schizophrenic.

APA Reference
Hoeweler, D. (2013, July 10). Psychotic Episodes Give Me Some of My Best Stories, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, August 8 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/creativeschizophrenia/2013/07/a-psychotic-tale



Author: Dan Hoeweler

Cathy
November, 8 2014 at 3:16 am

Dan H. Would you ever come out to California and visit with my daughter? We just found out she has schizophrenia. She is 27, just lost her children, is crushed and lost and needs hope... do you provide that. Can you explain to her why they placed a chip in her hip and gave her a camera eye. She needs someone to tell her who "they" are. She did not deserve to loose her children, she is sweet, loving, caring...

Ramsey
October, 13 2013 at 2:32 am

I have to say I thought I was alone. I once thought I had a microchip in me, but I also thought people were talking to me through meditation and a voodoo doll. Well thats over now and in the past. But I really do think that the creativity in my mind sparked schizophrenia. I think that might be the case for many people.

Johnny
July, 30 2013 at 1:27 am

I think it is an amazing thing to be writing about psychotic episodes. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2007 and just lately have been blogging about my episodes at allinthemind.com.au. Thanks for the inspiration.

Dan Hoeweler
July, 15 2013 at 8:28 pm

I think art can be theraeupetic for anyone suffering from mental illness regardless of diagnosis. Have you read Philip Dick? He writes in a similar fashion, and is a better writer than I am. He likely also suffered from a mental condition.

Jet Fontaine
July, 12 2013 at 9:28 am

I think this is amazing. I'm Bipolar and when I'm having a severe depressive episode I write poems and they really help me heal. It gives me a better understanding about what I'm going through at the time.

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