People Don’t Have ‘Best Before’ Dates

I know a forty-something woman who I’ll call Bonnie. For lack of a better adjective, the best way I can describe her is simply “cool.” She’s well-educated (holds multiple degrees), has traveled and lived abroad, is smart, funny, kind, and is an interesting conversationalist. She’s also single as single can be — as in never been married. I’ve often wondered why she’s not in a relationship. I mean, if I were a guy I would probably want to date her.

Once you’ve reached a certain age and are still single, people often start assuming there’s something wrong with you. They wonder why someone hasn’t snagged you yet. They conjure up weird ideas and scenarios like: maybe she has a freaky fetish, some painfully annoying tendencies, or is a serial killer. But to my knowledge there’s nothing wrong with Bonnie, except for the fact that she might just be a bit too nice.

People who are newly single after a divorce are not seen in the same light as those who are single and have never been married. Those in the dating game tend to view divorcees in a more favorable light as they are perceived to have more experience in relationships and were once committed enough to take a leap of faith.

Maybe It’s Them, Not You

So why is Bonnie still single? Is it possible that maybe she’s too good to be true? Unfortunately, Bonnie suffers from a combination of the “so-cool-you’re-intimidating” syndrome and plain old ageism. You would think that being accomplished as a woman would make you an attractive catch. To a certain extent this may be true, but sometimes someone’s accomplishments can make others feel inferior, so lesser people will stay away to preserve their fragile self-esteem.

Fighting ageism in the dating world is like trying to get an interesting female acting role in Hollywood past the age of 35 — it’s an uphill battle. Sure, there are the rare talents like Meryl Streep who have managed to stay relevant past their so-called “prime”, but there are loads of talented, mature actresses who are overlooked for their younger, and sometimes less talented counterparts. It’s not easy surviving in these youth-oriented playing fields (as a woman especially).

A Better Way Of Looking At Things

It’s hard not to feel bad when you are picked last; childhood memories of being selected last for team games due to my lack of athleticism still haunt me. Most people who haven’t found that special someone by a certain age start to feel bad about themselves. They begin to question if there is something genuinely wrong with them.

But unless you are delusional about your talents and what you can offer like some American Idol wannabes, maybe you should give yourself a break. A better way to look at your singledom is to not see it as a failure, but rather that you just haven’t found anyone good enough yet, or that nobody good enough has found their way to you yet.

And if you find yourself single and looking for a certain “type” of person, maybe now is a good time to re-evaluate your search criteria and decide to give that older woman or gentleman a chance.

It’s such a shame when someone like Bonnie is single. Hang in there Bonnies of the world – someday you will finally meet someone worthy of you.