Losing Time: The Insidious Nature of Dissociative Amnesia

May 30, 2011 Holly Gray

Nothing about dissociative identity disorder is quite what the most popular phrases used to describe it imply. “Losing time” is no exception. When we talk about losing time we’re talking about severe dissociative amnesia which, in a milder form, is something I believe everyone experiences. But the phrase “losing time” suggests a highly dramatic, easily recognizable aberration. In my experience, however, dissociative amnesia is startlingly surreptitious. It’s easy to be unaware that you’re losing time at all.

What Does Losing Time Look Like?

A guest stayed at our home for several days recently. My partner and I were chatting about recent events last night and she referred to the day our guest left . . . five or six days prior to the one I was sure he departed on. As we discussed the timeline in more detail, it became clear that I’d lost about a week of that particular stretch of time.

These dissociative memory problems happen regularly for me and have for as long as I can recall. And prior to my dissociative identity disorder diagnosis, I quite genuinely thought other people were chronically confused. It never occurred to me that I might be losing time in part because it just isn’t the most likely scenario; but also because my concept of dissociative amnesia was rather farcical. I thought losing time looked like coming to in a hotel room far from home with a stranger in my bed. And while I’m sure that can and does happen, I’ve since learned that dissociative amnesia often camouflages itself so well that, until you spot the seams, it doesn’t look like anything at all.

Dissociation is not always the worst case scenario you may mistakenly think it is. It runs along a continuum. Most of us experience mild symptoms of it in our everyday life, like Alice, the travel consultant, who loses all track of time when she becomes engrossed in a good book - a mild form of amnesia.

- The Stranger in the Mirror, by Marlene Steinberg and Maxine Schnall

How Do You Know When You're Losing Time?

If I’d spent my life waking up with strange people in strange places I might’ve known I had dissociative identity disorder much sooner. As it is, I lived with severe dissociative amnesia for almost thirty years before anyone – friends, family, co-workers, therapists, and most notably I myself – spotted anything out of the ordinary.

Without external evidence butting up against my perceptions of reality, there’s nothing to clue me in to the fact that I’ve lost time at all. Had my partner not mentioned the date of our guest’s departure, I would never have realized I’d missed those five or six days. Dissociative amnesia is far more insidious than most people realize. And in my experience, the only surefire way to know you’re losing time is if you happen across clear evidence that directly contradicts your memory. Otherwise, it's remarkably easy to miss what you're missing.

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Tags: losing time

APA Reference
Gray, H. (2011, May 30). Losing Time: The Insidious Nature of Dissociative Amnesia, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 20 from

Author: Holly Gray

Robert Morgan
March, 30 2022 at 5:20 pm

was hoping for more in-depth article.
I have multiple email accounts on my phone and sometimes i get emails for someone by another name. if i delete the email, the next day or wekk or month, it shows back up. like someone hacked my phone, configured an entire email account, and has bunch of sent messages in the outbox.
i feel like im hacking someones account as i read emails that were not meant for me, or sent from me.
if i bring it up "think you have the wrong number" they laugh and call me by the other persons name as if im joking, and i tell them "dont call back you HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER".
If it was just once here or there im sure we all get those, but the same name keeps coming up more than others.
things are not in places i left them (nobody else lives with me).
i feel like im in a movie where someone has split personality disorder, because ive never heard of a ghost with an email account.
So i started watching "people of earth" and an episode kinda of got me thinking about "lost time".
And that had me google and found this page, looks like im back into the google rabbit hole while i search for more as im thinking maybe split personality disorder?
i wanted to get a home security system that i could record my whole day in the house on and then i thought since the gaps are longer id need like a week or month of recorded days to go back through, and i dont have money for a setup like that or the time to review all the footage, nor would i know what to look for.
im worried about telling the credit card company about charges i dont recall making as they may cut off my CC and i need it to live.
also afraid to go to a psychiatrist for other reasons including losing my job, but i wont get into detail about that here.
why can't there be super hero powers instead of losing time FML
(btw i have a great memory.. for things that "I" do. like i can recall what someone told me a year ago about a scenario at work with detail and find a trail to back it up. I perform "forensics" digitally and several colleagues know me for having this great memory to recall things so many years ago with such clarity, so it just seems odd to be losing time, and "forgetting" things. I don't forget things, the things just never happened, and yet theres a record of these things glaring me in the face.)
if someone is "spacing out" or on "auto mode" while driving to work, that's NOT what I call "lost time".
Lost time is to me is finding out someone is living in your shoes - or more aptly, skin.. or worse, im living in someone elses.... and i wonder, am "I" the figment. If i get "help" will "I" remain, or "him"?

April, 4 2022 at 11:12 pm

I am in the same situation. It was little things at first. It has gotten worse and worse. I would wake up or come home things are gone. I've put up cameras. Like I just fall asleep for a few days or weeks. I've been to the hospital and clinics. I woke I was mutilated. I went to the doctor she said I would need to see a surgeon. I thought she would call the police on my roommate. She said get a new roommate. How would I not wake up? There was a lot of blood. The police just said he probably did molest my daughter too. They wouldn't arrest him. Things just got worse if you can even believe it! I leave something in living room go to the bedroom. When I go back to the living room the thing or things are gone! Sometimes an hour or two sometimes only 15 minutes. The doors are locked windows locked. Locks changed so many times I can't count. I should own stock in that and oil wasting gas and years driving for nothing. Every thing I had savings property jewelery gone! Even my vehicle's. I slept in my car woke up some one stabbed me on the left of my mouth!

Not now
August, 17 2022 at 6:38 pm

Dude it sounds more like you been hacked to me n I've exerienced both alot

September, 6 2022 at 4:08 am

I just need to say, that last part resonated so much my ears rang.

October, 21 2023 at 1:18 pm

Hello Robert,
First, if you really are losing time, you are dissociating and may have dissociative identity disorder, not 'split personality.' The latter is "not a thing."
Second, regarding "... i wonder, am "I" the figment. If i get "help" will "I" remain, or "him"? The answer is that after integration, you both remain. If you have dissociative identity disorder, it means that you have merely walled off a part of yourself due to trauma. When one heals, all of the dissociated parts come back together to form one person. So, you and your other part will merge and gain each other's strengths - a good thing.

August, 17 2021 at 3:17 pm

the other day i woke up at 7am and started watching youtube and in minutes i looked at the clock and it was 12 what was that?

October, 19 2021 at 9:21 pm

That might just be the internet rabbit hole. I would guess at least half the IT users out there experience this.

Not now
August, 17 2022 at 6:42 pm

Hackers can bring in epilepsy attacks threw phone, sounds like druggingbor poisoning, gasing

March, 25 2021 at 11:09 pm

Uhm. I’m 16 and I noticed that I’ve been loosing time. I send texts I don’t know I sent. I can blink doing on thing and then blink again and it can be 2 hours later and I have no memory of the in between. Like today I went to get a work uniform for my job with my mom. Then I blinked and I’m in the shower, 2 hours later. She told me that we even went out to eat during the two hours...and I don’t remember it at all.

October, 19 2021 at 9:33 pm

Hi Taylor, I came across this while looking for something else but glad I did. It's very interesting because I do think we all experience things like this to some small degree. I find the older I get the more I lose time but also have adult ADD that has been getting worse so not sure if that's a culprit. What you are describing is concerning! First thing would be to rule out something physical going on with your family doctor. Has your mom mentioned this to you?

Not now
August, 17 2022 at 6:45 pm

Could anyone be drugging u, or dissassocitive disorder I'd get it bad with my family that have narcisstic in every way abused n blamed for it the past, combined with stockholme syndrome

April, 1 2023 at 4:18 am

This is usually called dissociation, which can be related to recent trauma or from earlier on in childhood. For it to be happening more recent and to not remember something as vivid as dinner shortly after is a concern, and should see your primary doctor about referring you to a specialist, not just a psych. There can be other explanations like actual physical injury. But as an adult with add and pretty severe cannabis habit, I can tell you from experience that thc will elongate your periods of dissociation even at times you are not high. It’s an unfortunate side effect. So if it’s a new habit, cut it like cancer.

Steven Webb
December, 12 2019 at 8:37 am

My 44yo wife spaces out in an instant with all memories intact up to about 16 years old. She barely remembers me. She will have no recollection of any of our marriage nor our kids the oldest being 15. She can be fully functioning in this state that I've witnessed last minutes to as long as 13 hours. She will snap out in the same manner as she went very reminiscent of flipping a light switch on or off. The epilepsy center at parkland hospital has ruled out any physiological issues and referred her to the psychiatric department however due to lack of funding and lack of insurance we could not continue any treatment although some medications combinations were seeming to make these things go from multiple times a day to virtually non-existent meaning maybe once a month. This all started when she was 41. We have been together since she was 16 and I was 17.

August, 19 2019 at 11:50 am

I think this has happened to me a couple of times, and it's kinda unnerving to not know what's going on. I'll be doing something, (Watching television or playing games) when I'll look at the time and realize that it's an hour later than I thought it was. I think I might be losing time but I'm not sure. It's really confusing sometimes.

laura serbin
April, 30 2018 at 1:16 am

I lost time for almoat 3 days, unusual for me to sleep all day until 7:30 at night, I thoight it was morning. I checked my recent calls, only one to daughter in law at 8:50 the next I,m getting pulled over by police and srrested for DUI. only remember bits and pieces, bailed out going to my front door there were 2 papamedics waiting for me my son had called , only remember getting blood drawn and I left before d, could see me, thought i was done, blood work nothing, coast me 3,100 and atty srill going to court for 5th time, DA is on the fence and it should be dismissed would this be a symptom of a Brain aneruysm, as my doctor ran MRI and CT found 2, larger one surgery in 2 weeks. Could it be the aneruyms?

Alice Hastings
April, 12 2018 at 1:19 pm

First time I noticed this- I was putting my grandson to sleep and all of the sudden it was 3:00. I started at 12:30. I was stunned it was 3 already. I know time flies when you’re having fun, but this scared me. Am I imagining it or did it actually take 2 1/2 hours to get him to sleep?

jennifer clark
April, 3 2018 at 1:56 pm

i came across this searching for information about a problem i have but it is different. i mostly remember everything quite clearly i think but i dont know if it happened a couple of days ago or weeks or months even

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

April, 24 2018 at 7:12 pm

Hi Jennifer, I had this happen to me today, like you said, the reverse. Some events that happened last night seemed in my mind to have happened weeks ago. When the disconnect became clear, It really freaked me out. Is this also a form of dissociative amnesia? Im guessing it is. Any other input would be appreciated. Thanks.

Scarlet Red
March, 25 2018 at 7:54 pm

I'm scared. I went to Walmart today picked up a few thing (milk,soda and printer ink). I remember standing in the checkout isle but that's it. Don't remember paying, having what I picked up, nor my nephew that was with me. He said he couldn't find me so he went to the car looking. He also said I came to the car a few minutes later without the things. I live a good 45 mins from the store and can't even remember the ride. I was the driver. I don't know what happened. I checked my credit car balance and it appears (need to check again tomorrow) I did not make any purchases with it. I'm freaking out.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Becca Hargis
March, 26 2018 at 2:47 pm

Hi, Scarlet Red. I understand feeling scared, panicked, and the feeling of freaking out. First, your comment makes me think of a couple of questions. Are you currently receiving mental health services? Is this episode of dissociation your first one? Do you remember anything going on that day that might have triggered your dissociation? Were you triggered, anxious, or stressed over something?
Besides those questions, I can really empathize with what you are feeling according to my perspective. I've been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, specifically DID, for over twenty years. When I first began dissociating, I was petrified. I would find clothes in my closet I had no recollection of buying. Packages would come to the door that I didn't remember buying. It is very disconcerting to find that you've done things you don't remember.
It might be good to get a mental health check-up if you can. In addition, write in a journal every day, and especially write down the experiences you are having, what happened or triggered it before the dissociation started, and what brought you out of the dissociation, meaning what do you remember before you came to. Lastly, while it doesn't feel well, know that what you are experiencing is normal for someone who might have a dissociative disorder. It's okay to feel panicked, but please make sure you see a professional about your experiences.

March, 15 2018 at 10:52 am

I will hold complete conversations with myself of past event then an hour later will vaguely remember and be like omg was that out loud did anyone hear me see me. What is happening! I have had episodes of this periodically in my life during high stress timed

January, 15 2018 at 10:15 am

I ruined my coffee yesterday by putting too much creamer in it I filled it with creamer to the brim before I came back to idk if this example is appropriate or if it is this at all

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Not now
August, 17 2022 at 6:54 pm

Yep maybe can be, seconds minutes hours days months too, I'm hoping not but probly years too

Emma Z.
November, 4 2017 at 4:05 pm

I had dissociative amnesia most often when I was between the ages of 5 and 10 (?). I’m not entirely sure because I completely forget the events I have amnesia for that had occurred in that time. When I was younger I would go to a lot of funerals and completely forget about it the next day to the point of being confused when my parents and other relatives talked about the funeral, not remembering where I was or what happened the day before (the day of the funeral), or recalling the fact that said relative had died. My parents would be annoyed at me for always forgetting certain relatives who had died and going to their funerals. When they’d have to tell me that they’d died when I would ask at family reunions where they were and when I was confused when they spoke of the death of said relative. I also had a funeral dress for funerals and I remember always insisting getting rid of whatever funeral dress had fit me because “I never wore it” and my Mum would always say, “No, you’ll be wearing it again soon”. My parents, relatives, and siblings all remember going to funerals I had gone to but have no recollection of. I’m not sure why I specifically completely forget the day of all funerals I had gone to with the exception of two that I still remember. It’s pretty strange and I’m not sure if I’ve had other episodes or whatever they’re called of lost time.

Haley Patton
July, 28 2017 at 7:20 pm

I don't know what's happening to me. I keep looking for answers on this but I keep finding what you're describing, which is where you're unaware of the time lost or I see things where people just feel numb like they're disassociating outside of their body. When I experience this problem it feels like I'm instantaneously traveling in time. One second I'm brushing my teeth, about to go to sleep and the next I'm wiping tables at work, like I'm actually teleporting or something. I go from one time to another and I feel very confused but also very aware of the fact that I essentially just blacked out and lost all that time. I think it has something to do with anxiety, depression and stress, all of which I have in copious amount on account of being diagnosed with PTSD a few months back. I can't afford treatment or medication, I have no insurance and I can't apply for disability because my neglectful, con-artist parents have been filing for welfare, disability and racking up tons of debt in my name, since I was old enough for them to open up a bank account for me.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

October, 8 2017 at 7:19 pm

I have been experiencing the same thing recently, and i have gone through anxiety and depression as well.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

October, 20 2020 at 1:28 pm

Haley, I certainly hope you are coping with your problem. I have the same things happen to me and I tell myself that I'm moving from one parallel dimension to another. It's just been the two that I've noticed but I've been keeping a small notebook and noting the date and time I am doing things. This helps me to not worry so much about it since I too have no insurance. Hang in there.

March, 3 2017 at 3:10 pm

I think this might be happening to me I have had a few instances in the past but today it happened again . I was at the Apple Store today getting upset and emotional for various reasons to do with my broken phone and I looked down in my hand and had my credit card in it I remember taking it out of my bag . I said to the lady well I guess I'll take this phone she said mam u already paid and signed I said are u nuts I never gave u a card or signed anything I was not even sure if I wanted that phone she looked st me strange and said yes u did I said well then where's my reciept she said I'll get I a paper copy now but I already sent one to ur email . Boy was I freaked out and still an and it got me thinking about other times when i had similar incidences and then I started thinking I wonder how many times this really happens that I don't realize

February, 4 2017 at 8:17 am

Hi everyone -
thank you for sharing your experiences. They help me figure some things out amongst my confusion.
I am the girlfriend of someone I suspect might have dissociate amnesia and I'm looking for help/opinions on the below writing. I apologize in advance that there isn't maybe enough details to support my speculation below - let me know and I'll give more info.
So, dissociative amnesia, because I catch him not remembering things he has just said and one time he used another language that he wouldn't normally use and then he though I had said it, when I hadn't said anything, so he kind of "caught" himself, but he couldn't remember it, so when I bring it up now, he believes it's my memory lapse.
Unfortunately for me, I feel his memory lapses around his experiences with women. I don't know why, but he can't remember any women he's had feelings for in the past. When I asked him about it he said he just wasn't into girls, but I was only to discover that through an 2yr old conversation I read that was between him and his friend, that he liked girls plenty and these two actresses in particular. When I showed him some pics of these actresses and asked him casually if he'd ever thought they were somethin' he said no, never, and he said he never though of them in that way at all. When I told him that just 2 years ago he was calling these "his girls" and thought they were very hot/attractive, he said he genuinely couldn't remember saying that. I used to think that perhaps he was lying to me, but with all the memory laps here and there, I feel like his memory laps are beyond the "normal" and he genuinely can't remember chunks of time OR things surrounding women.
Does it happen that the amnesia can "choose" topics to forget?
Perhaps he has other personalities - but living with him for 2 years I have to say that I haven't "met" any of them... or maybe I don't notice them?
I wonder what his trauma would come from though... because he seems to have had a really nice childhood and only when he was a teen did he have some trauma when one of his parents was going through cancer.
Thank you if you read this and I hope you can give me some of your input from what you know about DID - amnesia and also give me your personal opinion.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

April, 24 2017 at 7:48 pm

How can I help you?

November, 8 2016 at 11:31 pm

Good evening all. My name is Joe im a combat vet with extreme to severe PTSD due to multple deployments and direct interaction with the enemy including hand to hand combat where i have taken lives. I also have been diagnosed the same for injuries recieved while in a combat zone. I quit taking my meds 4 years ago and relied on my faith in God to relieve me of the symtoms and episodes,trips as some have called it. I woke up yesterday morning i had no idea where i was or who i was in a sense. Its soo confusing and hard to explain. i was late for work which is not unusal for me im always late for work. But what was unusual was there was a dude in my living room and i knew him but didnt know how he got there or when. Then i got dressed and walked outside to get in my big truck and it was not there. I then called my boss and he asked me was i high or messing with him. I then realized something wasnt right. i told him i think im having a breakdown or did have one because i was trying to hide the fact i was totally lost. Especially after he informed me that i havnt drove for him in over 3 months. And that i had drove for another guy i didnt even know. Then he informed me the other guy i drove for fired me 3 weeks ago. At this point my pulse started racing i got dizzy and extremely numb. Then i got a call in less than 5 minutes from another gentleman that was logged as a contact in my phone that told me where to go to fill out the application for him and drug screen info Etc. I dont remember ever talking to this guy! Nor have i any recollection of asking him for a job but he was now a contact in my phone. It just gets worse from there. I dont remember the last 48 hours much less my birthday the fourth of july halloween my sons birthday on and on i remember bits and pieces from the last 6 months but thats it. Oh and i met the woman ive been searching for my entire life and she is the only woman i ever want to have by my side for the rest of my life in December last year. We are very devoted Christians. And we were madly in love At least i still am. By reading emails and text for the last 18 hours that i dont remember sending or recieving and have aalmost 100 from Marlene from august til yesterday that i never opened but was in my right mind i guess enough to Archive them so they wouldnt be deleted. The last time i remember being in my walk in closet in my bedroom i had moved all my things to another closet and all her things were in the walk in. She had soo many more clothes than i do and i was soo happy she moved in with me. Now my closet looks like me and only me have ever been in there. There is nothing in my place other than a few notes and old letters and some photos on my phone. She is gone . we are broke up and she has already fell in love with another man and hates my guts and the threats and language in our text and emails are horrible. She never spoke to me like that before and i never would have done it to her. THis woman is my life and im completely back me now and still head over heels in love with a woman that hates me now. I dont know or have memory other than slight hazy things here and there. Ive went off on PTSD trips for 3 weeeks at the longest but never a duration of 6 months or maybe i have. Iam soo confused. oh and i attend church or bible study 3-4 days a week every week. I also journal. I have a gap of 2 1/2 months where i have no entries in my journal and 3 months no entries. I called my pastor and he said he hasnt seen me in at least 3 months and my bible study group said i had not been there since July. I love God and church and my brothers at bible study but apparently i gave up on My Lord And Saviour over the last 6 months but right now i still feel the same like i never missed a day. Please help.... i cant talk to anyone. She hates my guts. I have no friends i trust. If the military finds this out they will commit me. I have lost the greatest treasure in my life, Marlene!!! HELPPPPPPPPP God Bless

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

May, 17 2017 at 12:47 am

I hear you Joe....thank you for all that you have sacrificed, thank you for your service.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

March, 31 2023 at 12:59 pm

This poor man never should have stopped medications if they were working. God works in mysterious ways.
God created man, and this big brain of ours so we could use our brains to help by making medicine and healing. Isn't that what Jesus was? A healer. Just because we don't have his powers, doesn't mean we can't use our own God given gifts for good as he did.
I'm sorry for this young mans suffering. Be careful of some people's teachings. Going without your medications could lead to you doing the devils work for him without even being conscious of it!
Be careful and God Bless you!

September, 13 2016 at 7:37 am

It's very disturbing walking past a mirror and recognize that your reflection is a stranger. Maybe older or younger than at the time. You often have to lie to others about things when they ask about past happenings because truthfully you have no idea what happens only noticeable drawings, writings, items that occurred during your "away" time. I have had fugue states like walking around in a town I grew up in years ago in the middle of a snow storm wearing a T-shirt. It's quite unsettling and disturbing, but more so trying to explain it to others.

lana jones
August, 17 2016 at 8:24 pm

In a store shopping..woke up and found myself 2 blocks away...???? Had severe headache that morning..was that a warning signs of blackout?

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Crystalie Matulewicz
August, 25 2016 at 10:06 am

That can be dissociation, yes. It's also common to experience headaches/migraines when there is a lot going on inside.

Dik Liu
June, 21 2016 at 10:32 am

Are my symptoms that of dissociation? In the past year, I have suffered from bouts of hypersomnia that would find me sleeping involuntarily for up to four days, followed by hours or even days of confusion and disorientation. I have also have episodes in which I would go to bed in my Brooklyn studio and a few days later wake up in a different part of the city.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Crystalie Matulewicz
June, 21 2016 at 3:52 pm

Those symptoms could possibly be related to dissociation. Hypersomnia isn't connected to dissociation; if you are actually sleeping and not just losing time, then that is another concern entirely. Either way, you should seek help from a medical and psychiatric professional to see what's going on.

May, 17 2016 at 6:30 pm

This is driving me nuts. It's the thing that just won't heal, it seems. My anxiety is long gone, I'm functional, I'm thriving in life, I've never been in a better place mentally, and yet, I'm just floating through life. I don't feel an attachment to anything, and I have zero sense of time. Hours can pass and they simultaneously feel like a single minute and like a full eternity. I'll think a day or two has passed since something, but then when I check, it will be many days later and I'll have no idea.
I thought I'd just started my diet like a week ago, but when I checked my food log, it turns out I started on April 28 -- that was 20 days ago. I moved into a new apartment 1.5 months ago, and the two years I spent at my last place, as well as my roommates there, are the tiniest fragments of a distant memory. It already feels as if I have lived in my new apartment forever.
I've been learning a language with Duolingo, and I decided to take a break. I thought I'd stopped for a couple days to take a break, but then a push notification popped up on my phone saying it has been five days since I last practiced. I had no idea, it felt like a single day. I regularly miss all these little things through the day, I'll suddenly skip ahead a few seconds or a minute or two. Like when I was at the gas station, I got a coffee, I remember paying, then I'm at my car door getting in, and I had no memory of grabbing the napkins or anything, I found them stuffed in my pocket. It was a total hole in my memory. Or I'll shut the stove off and then I'll be draining the noodles, and I'll have zero memory of actually turning the stove off and picking up the pot.
Most of the time these losses of time are seamless, but every now and again -- usually if something manages to make me actually feel emotion, which is rare -- my stomach muscles will tighten and I'll feel more and more pressure in my body and usually depression and physical discomfort until it just sort of...releases. And when that happens, my mood will suddenly be really elevated and I'll feel great, and my memory of the day before that moment will get extremely fuzzy, so that I'll only have a detached awareness of the last 20 minutes or so, and no memory of what I did earlier in the day. It's like everything before that release is some distant memory of things that happened to someone else, if I remember them at all.
Because of this, I enjoy nothing. I don't go out aside from work or groceries, I don't go to things unless it is for the benefit of someone else, because I know that I won't actually feel present and established in the moment, and it'll seem like a vague dream almost as soon as I leave. I'll go to BBQs to make friends happy, I'll smile and laugh and say the right things, but no one knows that I'm just an animated body going through the motions. I don't even feel depressed anymore, I might as well be an empty body with a smile on its face sitting in a chair, useless.
I know this is because my parents never let me leave the house, I was trapped 24/7 with their abuses, and the long miserables days trapped in the same room day after day after month after year feeling all these hopes and yearnings eventually broke my mind. I can't help but think that as I grew into an adult, my brain formed and was shaped in such a way to handle that particular environment -- seemingly endless days completely devoid of stimulation and human contact outside of my parents. My brain learned to delete blocks of hours so I wouldn't go completely insane. I know I can't feel emotions anymore because the pain of yearning and hoping for salvation eventually became so painful, the pain of hope and yearning was worse than any other pain. So my brain somehow removed my ability to feel, and on the rare occasions where I actually feel something, it's as if something snaps in my brain and then...boom. It's all gone, everything before that snap.
How is a person supposed to rewrite the very structure of their brain? Therapy has reached its peak. Meditation can't touch this. Mindfulness doesn't work. I'm afraid that one day I'll blink, and I'll be 70 years old with no memories of seven decades of wasted potential.

May, 2 2016 at 1:06 pm

Do you have a counselor? A good counselor can provide support and can help you become more aware when your alters are out. They can also help with the anxiety that tends to tag along with DID. I am thinking about you.

May, 2 2016 at 3:01 am

Dear Kristianne: I understand isolation and the inability to be FROZEN and want to give up but THERE IS HELP. I am new to this sight, but believe I noticed a number on here that you can call. I cannot say I understand your fear, but I do know there is help, so please don't ever give up. If you do not have a psychiatrist or psychologist, maybe you could call the local mental health center where you live. I do understand self-harm, dissasociative amnesia, and it helped me to realize I am not alone, and neither are you! You are very brave to reach out and talk about your problems!!!! Don't forget that!!! BRAVE and NEVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE! If you need help you call always call 911; anyway that's the number we have - they will be able to help you in any emergency. That means, feel the fear, but reach out for help. God Bless you Kristianne.

April, 24 2016 at 12:36 am

I have DID and I severely hurt and injure myself when I am not my true self. I am really scared and have no family or support. I recently got 3 complaints from neighbours a few weeks ago when I lost from midnight to 7:30am. I can't really explain anything about it right now but if there's anyone that has any suggestions for me I am open to them. Thank you in advance.

April, 2 2016 at 6:55 am

I have therapy for this but sometimes I blackout even when nothing bad is going on and people don't notice a change in me at all. At times, I don't even remember a therapy session which I'm paying alot for I might add. It's like I've just woken up, I'm noticing the periods of time that I am losing. Although I may appear normal when I am blacked out, I'm not always and I'm worried about work in case I do something bad that I'm unaware of. I've felt myself blackout in the middle of an argument with a stranger, it's not the first time either. It's an experience that's caused me to become housebound

January, 11 2016 at 6:52 am

the other night I left a friends home to pick up something at the store and became lost I drove around for three hours before finding my way back! I had left my phone at home! After arriving back admits a crying friend and a police at the door I was confused I thought I had only been gone 30 minutes! Prior to this incident I had taken my daily medications twice in one day also having forgetfulness! Is this just fluke coincidence or should I see my physician for tests

January, 5 2016 at 6:01 am

Not so much time, for me its seconds and minutes. I have trouble remembering what i just said. Or what someone just did.

October, 27 2015 at 4:53 pm

im losing days, i dnt remember what happened the day before and i argue with my friend that im not, but now i know i am. fucking great, now i can undestand why ppl act the way they do and the way they look at me like im guilty of something.

Wendy-jo Weston
October, 23 2015 at 7:39 am

I too have been recently diagnosed with DID.
It appears I have a few different personalities
with no memory of each other. Since starting to learn about and receive therapy on DID seems to be helping though my acceptance of it is still very raw feeling. This was a good thread to read.
Thanks Wendy-jo

October, 5 2015 at 7:39 pm

I can't explain what is happening to me, maybe some of you have a clue. I have PTSD and MPD. (I believe my personality disorder is the problem, however I seem to be functioning normally under different identities when it happens, according to my wife it is me at different ages.) Well here is what happens to me, I blink and I am someplace else having a conversation with someone or working, then I blink again and I am in bed or driving. I lose entire days sometimes, Classes, 2-8 hour stretches. However my work is done for school with 3.86 GPA and 131 credit hours, Always complete my tasks at work even apparently talk to people, drive, obey the law ect... It just isn't me doing it.... Its like someone changed the channel on the TV except its my life.... Tonight I was using a pallet jack Blinked and was cuddling with my wife no clue what happened but apparently I left work early, drove home and climbed into bed.... I don't remember any of this.... I'm losing my friggin mind.....

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

October, 21 2023 at 1:23 pm

Dear Tom,
People who lose time are not "losing their mind." Dissociation is a defense mechanism, not a sign of psychosis.
Two notes about "MPD": (1) The name of the disorder is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), not "MPD"; and (2) DID is NOT a personality disorder but rather a dissociative disorder.

August, 31 2015 at 2:31 pm

I feel like I just lost time. I've been up for 8 hours and just finished filling out an online application for a job. 8 hours have passed and I can only remember doing about 2 hours worth of tasks. It is such a strange feeling for me right now.

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