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Being honest with myself

I'm not really sure where to begin. I would like to say that I am doing well, that I've been free from hurting myself for as long as I've led people to believe. I met with my counselor yesterday. She got so excited to hear that I told my friend I was thinking about injuring myself but didn't. She freaked out, literally. I was finally getting it and learning positive ways to release my feelings and emotions. My insides felt like they crumpled because I knew the truth of my situation. When I moved into my current living situation, one of the stipulations was that I could not cut in the house. I was ok with that. I knew it would be a struggle, but I definitely thought it was doable. Unfortunately, my sobriety didn't last for too long. Every visit I made back to my home town brought back memories from my past. I did my best to not be there mentally, but in reality there was no escaping it. One day about a month ago the homeowner had a confrontation/intervention moment with me. She thought it had been since Easter weekend that I had resorted to self-harm, but it had been more recent than that. She reiterated that this kind of behavior was not acceptable in her house. Here's where I'm struggling...the addict inside of me bends these rules as much as possible. I know that the behaviors that I continue in are the same kind of issues that are not acceptable in the house. But because it's not cutting I have convinced myself that it is acceptable. So here I am. I'm broken, full of shame, needing someone to talk to about these thoughts that won't stop running through my head. I hide my addiction and have started finding alternative methods of self-injurious behavior. Every day seems to be a struggle to continue living like this. Will I ever be free from this addiction? Can I ever be honest with those that care for me?

APA Reference
(2010, August 7). Being honest with myself, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, November 13 from https://www.healthyplace.com/support-blogs/myblog/Being-honest-with-myself

Last Updated: January 14, 2014

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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