Recovery in Community

School is getting nearer and the anxiety is increasing. There is a lot that is changing and a lot to anticipate for the fall semester. I'm living off campus with someone other than my roommate, I'm taking the last of my classes to hopefully graduate in December and the classes that I have been putting off until now are those that terrify me the most. This is all coming up because my roommate from this past year is sitting in my room. She has just returned from a month in Korea and has a lot to do in the next few days. A week from today starts the beginning of the madness that is to come for me. My anxiety levels are all over the place and I don't know when or if I'll be able to survive the moment at hand. It's going to be hard not living with my friend and the girls on the hall. I've been living in community for so long that I'm not sure how to function on my own any more. In many ways I feel like I have become a child again. Growing up I had to do so much...cooking, cleaning, taking care of my disable mother, raising 2 toddlers...the list could go on. Since I've started university (off and on since 2003), I feel like I have been avoiding responsibilities and actually find myself running from them. I'm very much a people pleaser and that is one reason I find it difficult to perform "adult-like" duties or responsibilities. If others see how I do things and they aren't pleased with it then I have failed and there's no point of trying that again. Anyway, my blog has digressed. I have realized over the past few days that having my roommate here keeps my mind from wandering or wanting to resort to SI. The community is something I need in order to be successful in recovery. Knowing that there is someone else that is there, that is in a similar place in life, and that isn't going to run away or give up on me is HUGE! It's definitely a new experience and I'm still learning how to function in this role. So I'm scared that not living in community is going to give me an excuse not to stay clean. I know it's one day at a time, but since I've failed before, I'm terrified of failing again.