Introduction

This is my first entry. Although I study health and wellness very in depth, have a fitness trainer, go to PT, take medication for bipolar disorder, I still have issues with bipolar depression and mood stability that I wish I had more support for. I feel that I have to be someone who I am not, put on a happy face for people, and trust me, I do want to be positive and have worked hard through EFT and energy clearing to gain a more positive outlook. But sometimes I just wish it would all go away. I struggle to believe in a higher power, I do believe but during weak moments find myself becoming very angry with God. I don't want to be that kind of person or the kind of person who puts expectations and conditions on how friends treat me. I want them to be in their own comfort level, even if in my heart I wish there were people I were closer to. It has been hard to be 39, without children. My friends have children and don't want to talk about health concerns. They just want me to show up as happy and upbeat, and they relate better with other moms now. It can be very lonely. But I am learning to do things during my time alone such as taking beading classes and making jewelry, and studying wellness as much as I can. I am aiming for wellness. That to me is shooting for the stars!