The Big Question- How to Say 'No', Worry Free?

June 11, 2010 Aimee White

Today is one of those days where if I am asked to do one more thing for someone, I am going to lose it. I am a people-pleaser, which means I have a really hard time saying no. So when I am asked to help out, I am almost always going to reply with a big grin and a "sure thing," even if I don't want to.

Today I feel stretched so thin. I feel like I am just not capable to do all of it. But I stress that if I break commitments, then I will make someone mad at me. So, either way, I lose. Stress is there no matter what. What happened to good old laid back Fridays?


The Stress of Always Saying 'Yes'

I find myself in this predicament constantly. Feeling overwhelmed, brain fried, and spread too thin. I don't even want to count how many blog posts have been spent on this topic. I keep thinking if I can just make it another 6 months, until after this baby is born and I can quit my day job, maybe that will free up some time. But I have never had two kids before, so what if it doesn't? Sure I have a spouse to help me out, but he has his own obligations and meetings and things on his schedule as well and can't be my second set of hands all the time. In fact, sometimes his schedule adds additional stress trying to coordinate and work with each other.

Sometimes, it's just the littlest things that can push me over the edge. Like my daughter scribbling all over her arms and legs with pen right after she just got a bath.

I know it's because I am a perfectionist. And when I have too much on my to-do list, it seems like I don't get any of it done to my standards, which is extremely annoying. It's like a snowball of stress getting bigger and bigger every day.

Saying 'No' Without Feeling Guilty

So the big question is how to cut back? I get that I need to put myself first, but I don't get how to bridge the gap. How to tell people, "No, I am sorry. I can't do that." and not continue to stress and obsess over how they must hate you now and how selfish they must think you are. (Ed. Note: read 'How to Say No: Assertiveness, Non-Assertiveness, and Assertive Techniques)

If anyone has any ideas in this area, I would love some feedback. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

APA Reference
White, A. (2010, June 11). The Big Question- How to Say 'No', Worry Free?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 13 from

Author: Aimee White

June, 14 2010 at 4:04 am

Boy you hit the nail on the head for me, perfectionist, trouble saying no. There are a lot of people don't understand why I can't do it, they only see me when I'm doing good. So I have a tendency to do too much until I'm no good to anyone.

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