I'm Driving to My IOP Despite Anxiety

I’ve been driving to my intensive outpatient program (IOP) five times a week despite my anxiety about driving. It’s not a very far drive, but it’s a start. Here’s how I have been able to drive, despite anxiety, to the IOP.

Driving to My IOP Despite Schizoaffective Anxiety

I’m in the IOP for structured group support during a difficult medication change. The group meets five days a week for the first four weeks (I’ve completed almost all four weeks) and three days a week for the next two weeks.

I had planned on taking the train to the hospital where the IOP is held. But there is an immense number of stairs at the train stop nearby, so I thought it was ridiculous not to drive. (I don’t do very well with stairs because I’ve had double knee replacement surgery.) My sister quipped that there must be a lot of stairs indeed to get me to drive. So, I guess too many stairs is what it takes for me to put away my schizoaffective anxiety and drive.

The members of my group and the therapists who facilitate group discussions are my cheerleaders for driving despite my anxiety. I bring it up a lot. I’ve learned at the IOP that driving a short distance every day is an achievable goal, whereas it would be a recipe for failure to expect myself to drive from the suburbs to downtown Chicago every day, for example. I used to do that in graduate school, but my schizoaffective anxiety about driving was nonexistent back then.

Fighting Schizoaffective Anxiety About Driving to the IOP Is Hard Work

I don’t want you to get the idea that I just snapped my fingers, and my schizoaffective fear of driving just magically went away because I have to drive to the IOP. It’s something I struggle with every day. I’m far out of my comfort zone. It’s hard work. But I had been looking for a reason to drive. I just hope that I keep driving when I’m done with the IOP, so all this hard work isn’t for nothing. The IOP also offers support strategies for taking new steps in life, and I believe those will last.

The reason I want to drive despite my anxiety is that I feel like an invalid when I am unable to drive. Maybe I’m touchy about conditions that disable you because I went through two hellish years when I could barely walk because of bone-on-bone arthritis. But the point is that not only are my knees healing, but I’m driving again. At the point I’m at in my life now, I’m driving. And that’s the point in my life that matters most.