Experts Troubled By Link Between Sanity And Loneliness

When it comes to mental healthcare, ours is a golden age indeed. Short centuries ago, strange rangers like me would have seen the business end of society’s wrath and suffered mightily. Options included being tortured until cured, or dead, whichever came first, being burned at the stake until cured, or dead, whichever came first, stoning, caning, sarcasm, and ostracism to the far flung hinterlands where jackals stole what little food was available and rendered sleep impossible with their endless howling.

Today, mental health marches across the landscape spreading chuckles, mirth, merriment, guffaws, smirks, chortles, wry little smiles, deep appreciation for the little things of life, and bills. Freedom from the bondage of whackadoomiousness ain’t free, we know that, but most of us are quick to point out that it’s cheap at twice the price – after all, the alternative is intolerable. And so, with global endorsement, lavish funding, and society’s imprimatur, one would imagine that mental healthcare is making tremendous gains, and it is, but not uniformly.

According to a panel of scientists at ASPAS (American Society for the Preservation of American Societies) the reason for this is, while sanity is increasing at a brisk clip, insanity is keeping pace, erasing much of the improvement. When asked what in particular was fueling the “balmy boom” – ASPAS spokesman Chumley Entwhistle said, “recidivism. Quite simply, today’s recovered whackadoomian can have quite a lonely time of it after being granted their official ‘Certificate of Sanity’ by local officials.”

According to Entwhistle, “Newly sane whackadoomians face a double bind. They no longer identify with active whackadoomians since common interests have virtually vanished. Then they look around for sane people to befriend and discover that the pickings are slim. Unlike people passing for sane, whackadoomians that have clawed their way out of extremis actually can tell the difference between mad and just cranky. They quickly discover what most folks never realize…

“Humanity is divided into three groups, the admittedly mad, the mad passing for sane, and the sane – with the last group being statistically insignificant. Seeking out the company of the actually sane, not merely allegedly sane, becomes a tiresome chore for many of them, and they return to the familiar bonhomie of Whackadoomia.

“The ones who resist this temptation sometimes must go for weeks without the company of another sane person, fortunately they have learned the wonderful trick of being their own best friend and favorite company and thus have a nice time of it all the same,” said Entwhistle, who smiled quietly to himself.