Sex Exercises: I'd Like You To...

If you feel that sex tends to follow a pattern that fulfills your partner's desires rather than your own, it's time to pluck up the courage and tell them what you'd like. Sex counselor Suzie Hayman has some tips to take the embarrassment out of voicing your desires.


  • Have a pen and paper to hand.
  • When it comes to sharing your desires, make sure you're not going to be disturbed and find somewhere comfortable to sit together.

Know your desires

We all have desires we'd like to have fulfilled, but we may be careful of suggesting them for fear of embarrassment.

This exercise puts both of you in the same position of asking - and offering - and gives you the chance to say what you'd really like to do and have done.

What you want and what you'd like to offer needn't be extreme or exotic. They can be as simple as having your feet rubbed or giving your partner a hug or kiss. The key is that they make both the giver and receiver feel sexy and wanted.

Because it's a fair swap, it gives both of you the chance to express your real desire. But remember, you have the right to say no to any suggestions you don't like.

Write a list

Sit down on your own and write down ten things you'd like your partner to do for you, sexually and romantically.

This can range from "Tell me you love me" to "Stroke my nipples with a feather" and "Tie me up". Then write down ten things you'd like to do for them.

Share your lists

Pick a time when you're both feeling happy and comfortable with each other. Settle down with a cup of coffee or glass of wine and share your wish lists, point by point.

Find a treat you'd really like your partner to give you and match it with something they want. Agree to swap treats, either at a specific time and place or some time within a set period - over the next week, for example.

Once you've both had your desires fulfilled, go through the list again and choose something else. You each have the right to say no to specific requests, but it does cut both ways.

Keep adding to your lists and take it in turns to ask for your treat or offer them a treat.

Related Information:

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2021, December 16). Sex Exercises: I'd Like You To..., HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 13 from

Last Updated: March 26, 2022

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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