Binge Eating Disorder and Depression Made Food My One Friend

Some people don't understand this, but binge eating disorder combined with depression can make food your only friend.When binge eating ran my life, I also experienced major depression. I don't know which came first, the binge eating disorder or depression, but co-occurrence of depression is common among those with eating disorders (Depression and Eating Disorders: When Sadness Never Fades).

Depression and Binge Eating Confined Me

For me, isolation is the most present symptom when I am experiencing a depressive episode (Mental Illness, Isolation, and Loneliness). I feel as though I want to be forever away from the human race, which only fuels my eating disorder behaviors. When binge eating, food became my one and only source of companionship.

Food was who I hung out with after school and on Friday nights. Food was that true friend who was able to wash away the pain my days would hold. Food was the one thing I cared about and I knew would never leave me. When I was happy, food provided me with more joy. When I was sad, food gave me comfort. When I was anxious, food calmed my nerves.

I honestly believed food was all I needed. No person could possibly fill its shoes.

Binge Eating Disorder and Depression Lied to Me About Being My Only Friend

The moment I arrived at the conclusion food was not the genuine, loving friend I thought it was--that was when my perspective, thankfully, began to shift. I can't tell you the exact moment it happened. What I can tell you is that it was one of the biggest light bulb moments I've ever had.

My addiction to food and my eating disorder behaviors surrounding it were in no way serving me. They manipulated me into believing that I did not need people. We all need someone, whether we like to admit it or not, it's just the truth. Binge eating disorder and depression were not my friend.

Living a life devoid of human contact is a great way to rob yourself of everything you deserve to have. Whether it be joy, relationships, community, or connection, it takes away all the good things. These are the things a full, whole life contains. My life was empty of those things when I was binge eating. It fills me with sadness to think of all the amazing moments I missed out on in the past.

Being binge free for an extended period of time has allowed food to become an acquaintance of mine instead of my one and only friend. It is someone I am able to sit down with three times a day and enjoy a moment with. When I am with food, I eat mindfully, enjoy every bite, and taste each flavor the meal has to offer. When I am done, I am just that--done. I am able to walk away from my dish and walk into relationships with others. I know today these relationships are what fill the void I once felt.

Connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering. -- Brene Brown

What to Do About Depression with Binge Eating Disorder

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