4 Things to Remember When You Have BPD

October 23, 2019 Rosie Cappuccino

Having a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be really challenging at times. Not only is it tough having intense emotions, difficulties with self-criticism and near-constant fear of abandonment, but the condition is still shrouded in misunderstandings and misrepresentation. I have found it beneficial to remind myself of the following four things and wanted to share them in case they help you.

1. You’re Not Attention-Seeking

People with BPD have emotions that rise very quickly and feel very strong. As a result, people with this condition can become extremely distressed in a matter of seconds. When someone with BPD is upset, it's because they are genuinely distressed and struggling to cope with those feelings. Everyone deserves to have their distress listened to, respected, validated and believed. You're not deliberately "being dramatic," you're an individual trying to manage an incredibly painful mental health condition

2. You Are Lovable

Many people with a BPD diagnosis have experienced trauma and chronic invalidation which can lead to feeling as though you are "too much," "too sensitive" or '"oo difficult to love." Furthermore, it seems quite common for people with this condition to be in abusive relationships in which they are told over and over that their emotions are wrong. One thing to remember if you have BPD is that it’s not your fault you’re struggling. It’s not a personality flaw or a failure on your part, but rather a response to many complex factors which happened outside of your control. You are likely to have numerous lovable traits. I have noticed that people with BPD tend to be highly empathetic, caring, creative, fun and generous, for example.

3. Don't Believe Everything You Read

The last time I saw my psychiatrist she acknowledged that searching online (as well as in books) for information about BPD can have devastating consequences. There are numerous websites and online videos depicting people with this condition as abusers, monsters and bullies. Additionally, some books and research papers portray people with BPD as helpless, unable to feel better, vengeful or vindictive. Whilst depression and some anxiety disorders are becoming increasingly more understood and better represented, it is taking time for personality disorders to receive the same level of understanding. 

4. Borderline Personality Disorder Is Treatable

The pain can get better and the condition can be well managed, even to the point that a person no longer meets the diagnostic criteria. There are a number of therapies and treatments that people use for BPD such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and mentalization-based therapy (MBT). Many people use art therapies, activities such as yoga and spending time in nature as a means of healing. If you ever hear the myth that people with this condition are untreatable, then please know that this view is outdated and has been proven wrong. (More on borderline personality disorder treatment here.) 

I hope you found these things to remember about borderline personality disorder helpful. Is there anything you would like to add to your own list? Share your thoughts in the comments.

APA Reference
Cappuccino, R. (2019, October 23). 4 Things to Remember When You Have BPD, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 19 from

Author: Rosie Cappuccino

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May, 9 2021 at 8:43 am

Ii have suffered from mental illness since I was 4. I just turned 60. BPD is a possible new diagnosis for me. I have shed a lot of tears of pain over a life spent trying to feel the love yet the empathy and overall radar on other's feelings is always there. I needed to hear something good. All I think is it's really all my fault now . Fighting suicide because the implications of all of this are overwhelming. Thank you for the encouragement.

May, 11 2021 at 8:38 am

Hi Terry,
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I'm glad to feel that you're feeling encouraged but sorry to hear that you're passing through such a difficult time.
If you feel suicidal or you're in a crisis situation and need immediate assistance, people at these suicide hotlines in the U.S. are there to help. We have additional suicide information and resources here.
1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE) - National Hopeline Network
1-866-488-7386 (1-866-4.U.TREVOR aimed at gay and questioning youth)
You can find further resources in the Resources section of the HealthyPlace website.
Sending you kind thoughts!

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