Do You Leave a Bipolar Partner if They Refuse to Get Help?
It is an unfortunate reality that some people with bipolar disorder refuse help. And it is an unfortunate reality that this deleteriously affects those in their lives. And it is unfortunate that some people are tied to those that refuse help, such as in the case of a marriage or partnership. So the question is, if you are married to a person with bipolar who refuses to get help for their illness, should you leave them?
Concerns Before Leaving a Bipolar Partner Who Refuses Treatment
It’s a really difficult and personal decision as to whether to leave a spouse and I certainly couldn’t definitely say to someone that it was or wasn’t the right choice for him or her. But I do think there are things to take into consideration like,
- Are there children involved? What effect does the bipolar partner have on these children?
- What is the effect the bipolar partner is having on the other partner?
- What effect is the bipolar partner having on the family’s welfare (such as financial stability)?
What Kind of Negative Effects is the Bipolar Partner Having on the Children?
My personal opinion is that if there are children involved and the bipolar partner is harming those children in any way, it’s the responsibility of the other parent to remove those children from the situation. I don’t believe that children should be harmed by a parent for any reason – mental illness or not. However, my black-and-white thinking on the subject may not be shared by others. People may find a certain level of emotional harm, for example, to be acceptable. I don’t. No one has the right to harm a child even if it is driven by illness. Period.
What Kind of Negative Effects is the Bipolar Partner Having on the other Adult?
When it comes to harming another adult, the line is more blurry. Adults can take more harm than children can and have the right to choose to do so. So if the partner can stand the effects of the bipolar spouse/partner, then it’s certainly his or her right to stay in the home and the relationship. There still is a line, though, when the damage is too much and once that line is crossed, action needs to be taken. No one deserves to live in hell and make no mistake about it, living with a person with bipolar who refuses treatment can, indeed, be hell. And no one deserves to be abused, and it’s certainly the case that a person with uncontrolled bipolar can be abusive.
What Kind of Negative Effects is the Bipolar Partner Having on the Family’s Welfare?
Again, when it comes to adults dealing with other adults, a certain level of harm may be deemed acceptable. If the bipolar spouse, for example, is responsible for supporting the family financially and they can no longer do so because of their illness, this may be okay for a while. If the person with bipolar destroys the family’s relationships with outside individuals that, too, may be acceptable for a while. But at some point, these too may cross a line.
Can You Withstand the Harm Your Bipolar Partner May Inflict?
Other than in the case of children, when it comes to an adult harming another adult, the question really is, can you withstand the harm? Can you withstand being yelled at or frozen out every day? Can you withstand walking on eggshells and never knowing what will happen next? Can you withstand affairs and gambling habits? Can you withstand whatever your untreated bipolar partner puts you through?
And that is a personal question. When you marry you agree to stand by a person, no matter what and that means different things to different people. In my opinion (as an unmarried person) everyone has the right to happiness and a marriage should facilitate that, not stand in the way of it. I don’t believe you should withstand daily harm from the person you love. I understand standing by someone, but I also understand personal freedom, choice, autonomy, and happiness. And sometimes achieving those things means leaving someone who refuses to help him or herself.
This is an extremely unpleasant reality, but remember, a great of this choice lies with the person who has bipolar disorder. They have chosen not to get help which has created a reality such that the other party may have no choice but to leave. So try not to beat yourself up if you have to make that choice. It takes two to make a relationship work and you can’t help it if one of you gives up by refusing help.
Tracy, N. (2013, July 9). Do You Leave a Bipolar Partner if They Refuse to Get Help?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, June 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2013/07/leave-bipolar-partner-they-refuse-get-help
Author: Natasha Tracy
My husband had not been diagnosed but himself, I, and my psychologist all do believe that is what is causing his mania and depression.
When I met my husband, I was young and into drinking. He was also an alcoholic. We got along very well. After a couple of years living together, I noticed that his drinking was very bad, and he behaved badly. He would disappear at night, he would have accidents, and I noticed that he was basically not within reality, and at other times, he was deeply depressed and inconsolable. I always thought this behavior was the alcohol, and the fact that he never worked on closure with his mothers sudden and tragic death. I thought that maybe he just needed to quit drinking and deal with his past. I was completely wrong.
I had quit drinking as I got older and needed to be the responsible adult for our blended family. I became a full time student, work full time, and we also had a child of our own. He continued to drink heavily. I finally became tired of it and packed up my bags and told him I wanted a divorce. He quit drinking for 8 months. During that time, I realized that it was not the alcohol. He went into two different severe manic episodes that involved staying up very late with a lot of conspiracy theories. Suddenly he became “enlightened” and is somehow “superior” to the rest of us. He seems to feel that it’s his duty to enlighten the family and that he knows best. He wants to sell our house and buy a plot of land in the forest and live in a camper. He’s very upset that I don’t want to join him. Now, he’s in a deep depression. He says that doctors are there to keep people sick and that he can cure himself. Today, he is incredibly irritable and continues to yell at our 5 year old. I have to go to work this evening and don’t want my daughter staying with him while I work, so I am taking her to my mothers.
A little over a month ago, I essentially had a “mental breakdown”. I do have high anxiety due to my busy schedule, and come to find out, my therapist thinks that my husbands illness is a big factor in why I’ve snapped. I started having panic attacks, I had depression with it, and I’m recovering very carefully.
He became strong for me during this time and used it as a time to preach enlightenment to me and became upset that I didn’t want to use his meditations (I meditate regularly, but I don’t feel the need to preach about it or two sway anyone).
Now that I’m feeling more and more like my normal self, sometimes I feel like he’s trying to drag me back down. He’s getting worse. It’s like he wants the “upper hand” in marriage, and when I was breaking, he was his happiest.
Is this common? Will someone with bipolar strive to bring people down with them? I know it’s not him doing it, but I’m exhausted and need to be healthy.
Is it also common for the partner of someone suffering from bipolar to become so distraught that he or she needs to start seeing a therapist? I feel like this is ruining my life, and that his illness is keeping me from doing the things that I want to do in life. He refuses help. He says that help us a good idea but he just won’t go. He thinks he can cure himself on his own through his weird meditations, YouTube videos, and diet. Those things work a little, bit more needs to be done. I’ve suggested he see my naturopath doctor. She says that she has supplements that can balance him out. He says that’s a good idea, but he’s not making any strides himself, and the state that I reside in makes it very difficult if not impossible, for me to have him admitted.
Hi, this morning I thought I was the only one living this awful situation of having a bipolar husband . I have been married for 22 years. My husband was diagnosed with depressive bipolar disorder in 2014 when he tried to commit suicided. In 2016 I was diagnosed with cancer and that was the end of our marriage, he cheated on me , placed his picture on online dating sites , told me he was not in love with me , put several tattoos on his body , and the last thing he tried to put his son in jail after my son tried to stop him one night when my husband out of no where came home after being drinking and started throwing my clothes out in the street. Then I realized that I could not take the mental abuse anymore and that I needed to remove my kids and my self out of that situation. He is gone now , I filed for divorce , but I still love him and I am struggling with these feelings .
I've been married 9 years 2nd marriage. I love her and even adopted her two teenage kids that live with us. However, my wife started showing red flags our first year of marriage. I have to walk on eggshells everyday on my house. If she gets upset she doesn't speak to me for 2-3 days. She always does the silent treatment. She is very jealous. I can't even have a facebook account because she is so jealous. If I even say one thing about her kids to help out around the house its world war 3. She is not nice to my kids and complains about them everyday. I love her and we do have fun together most of the time, but I feel like I am mentally abused with all the silent treatments. I've talked to her a million times about it and she refuses to get any help. She turns it around on me or my kids on every situation. I'm in my mind 40s and sick of the mental abuse and silent treatments. I want to divorce her sometimes, but I don't want to hurt anyone or make things worse. We have a house and business together and I already pay child support to my last wife. I can't afford to pay child support to two ex wives. I guess I'm stuck.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. It must be hard to have a partner like that.
I recommend you try to get her help. That's how things can get better.
I understand she might not want this initially. I have written about that issue here (not affiliated with HealthyPlace): https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/person-mental-illness-accept-illness/
It's horrible feeling stuck. Maybe that will help direct you to take a step.
- Natasha Tracy
My case is very similar to Frizabelle.. my wife of 7 years has been diagnosed with BP and she refuses to take medication, she even refuses to acknowledge that she is not well.... her parents are afraid of the stigma so they are not helpful at all, which makes her more suspicious about my intentions... My wife's BP manifests itself in the form of morbid jealousy. She has accused me of the most awful things from having an affair with a co-workers (i don't even have her phone number) to spying on her by putting cameras all over the house, tracking her phone and car! this has been going on for 3 months since we discovered that she was BP.. She left me because she was so convinced of all these horrible things but then had a "wake-up" and came home telling me that she only feels safe around me and she only trusts me... i suggested that we go to the doctor and we did. ..He put her on antipsychotics and antidepressants.. she used them for less than 2 weeks (i dont think she was taking the meds every day) and all of a sudden she stopped and started accusing me again of all these terrible things... she went to the doctor alone but i dont think she was honest about the symptoms.. she ended up leaving me again..when i asked her why she refused the medication, her reply is always "there's nothing wrong with me" and that the side effects of the meds were too much to handle! I have a step daughter of 8 years old whom I absolutely adore, I can't imagine myself living away from her…I can see how this is all affecting her and I hate the fact that there is nothing I can do.. the poor girl thinks im a monster for making her mum cry all the time… I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if I should get a divorce but then I will never forgive myself for abandoning her while knowing very well that im the only one who can help her (if she lets me)..I know that my daughter will suffer if left alone with my wife, my job and health are suffering tremendously and I was almost fired a couple of weeks ago … I’ve reached the end of the line and I really don’t know what to do anymore!
I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this. It's very difficult to accept this illness and many have trouble with that for many reasons. I highly recommend you look up this book: https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Mental-Illness-Treatment-Anniversary/dp/0967718937/ref=sr_…
I have no affiliation with this book and neither does HealthyPlace, but it has been helpful for many.
- Natasha Tracy
I think my partner of 7 years has bipolar or schizoaffective disorder. We have two little boys together. Throughout the 7 years he has left and then come back. There is a pattern with and it seems to happen around the same time everytime he leaves. He blames me for everything but then when he wants to come back he'll beg and cry make promises tell me that me and his children are his world and so on. He has accused me of all sorts and called me all the names under the sun. He hallucinates sees things that aren't there and when he closes his eyes he hears voices and sees people coming towards him. He has a gambling problem also. Quite recently he had a psychotic blackout where he became violent and smashed up my house, the first time in his life he has ever been arrested, he could not remember a single thing about this episode, he finally realised that he wasn't well mentally and decided to go to the doctors but would not let me go with him, I don't think he was completely honest with the doctor as he was only given anti depressants and said he's suffering from depression and anxiety, I know that it's mire than just that from the pattern and the mood changes hallucinations etc. Well after we got through the awful episode in which he begged and pleaded with me not to leave him that he was going to stop it all and that he knows he's mentally ill he promised he would always take his anti depressants, we got back on track and we were the happiest we had ever been we were making exciting plans for the future we were close and in love again felt like I got real him back. Four months later(didn't last that long) he decided he didn't need his pills anymore and that he's well mentally so he just came right off them never even discussed it with me just nothing. For the past 3 months it's like living with a stranger he would hardly speak to me let alone make eye contact would just sit on his phone constantly, no affection or anything from him just nothing, a few days here and there he's been OK but that's about it. A few days ago he wasn't right at all and sent me a text saying he is going to find somewhere else to live. He keeps going on about a text message I sent a friend at work about 6 years ago asking about this guy she liked so he has got it into his head that's never left it that I was the one interested in this guy even though I've told him till I'm blue in the face that I'd never be interested in anyone else after his blackout he accepted that and knows I wasn't interest but now he is saying that he never said that at all, he has accused me of the most ludicrous things its unbelievable and ice stood by him through everything, he has cheated on me been on date sites porn sites had phone numbers messaged them on social media sites the list goes on. Right now he us in complete denial and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him but he doesn't even look well right now and sometimes he will have that darkness in his eyes. There is schizophrenia and bipolar on both sides of his family. It's like he's afraid to be diagnosed, his job doesn't seem to be affected and he tries to keep active by climbing mountains or cycling round places when he can and I think he thinks if he does that then he'll be fine. At a point he did think he had bipolar as I eventually got him to read up on it but now he thinks there's absolutely nothing wrong with him but myself and his family can see he's not well, he is also good at putting front on acting like he's fine to people like his friends and Co workers. I just don't know what to do i know I have no choice but to let him leave as I can't stop him but I just know that eventually he will want to come back
Are their any support groups for the care-taker spouse - the stories are difficult and I sorry for what we go through when our spouse or partner go through their mental illness. I've tried to start a group for spouses & partners of spouses (partners) who have MI, it not easy. let me know it you know of any.
I don't know of any specific programs but I can suggest you contact your local NAMI (just Google them). They may know of some. You are right, a support group for loved ones is a great idea.
- Natasha Tracy
I'm about to leave my husband. Manic episodes are so hard. He won't take meds. I have to move on.
Six months ago, I left my BP boyfriend of 5. years. He was emotionally cruel, he’d continually tell me to get my stuff and move out, wouldn’t talk to me for days at a time, etc.
I didn’t know he had BP until he had a manic episode on Thanksgiving and he texted me desperately. He wouldn’t answer his door so I went to his ex-wife’s house. She told me that he was urinating “globs” of negative energy, was riding a comet, had met god, etc. She said the reason their marriage ended was because of another manic event. He was diagnosed as BP then but rejected the diagnosis. We uncovered a lot of lies he had told and negative behavior. I visited his estranged brother, who said he is distant from his brother because of the untreated BP and narcissistic personality disorder. Both his ex-wife & brother’s stories made everything make sense. He blamed me for everything and now that burden has been lifted from me.
After his manic episode and desperate texts on Thanksgiving, I asked to let me know if he was ok. He is still delusional and thinks it was a spiritual Kundalini awakening. He told me that I was his best friend, apologized for treating me poorly, etc. (intermingled with all the crazy talk). We texted a little through the week and the conversation ended with him saying to me “seriously, there’s something seriously wrong with you”.
I wished him luck and told him to get help before he loses his daughter.
I’m happy I left, angry with myself for putting up with him for as long as I did, and am reflecting on the pain and ultimately the joy and hope I have felt since leaving 6 months ago.
I have been living with my Boyfriend who has bipolar disorder for the past 5 years. I have been up and down the roller coaster with him. I had to get him hospitalized once, he got so out of control. After that, I hoped he would stay on medication, and go to his therapy appointments. Instead, he took the meds until they ran out, and blew it off. About a year later, we moved to a new house that I am buying. He had another episode, this time flying off the handle screaming and yelling at me. I was just cleaning the house when this happened, and I have no idea what set him off. I was scared by his behavior, and thankfully, he walked out. He spent the next few days at his mom's, then came back. I told him that if was going to continue to live with me, he had to get help, including medication and take it! To my surprise, he did as I asked, and that went pretty well for a couple of months. They scheduled him to get his meds injected once a month, because is was so bad to "forget" pills. He missed the appointment, and never rescheduled. I mentioned rescheduling a few times, but it never happened. There have been so many times when he goes out to bars while I am at work, and although I do not approve of that at all, I tried to trust him, and not make a big deal out of it. There have been numerous times he has accused me to stealing from him, or being "out to get him" in some way. I have had to work double shifts lately, due to a coworker quitting. I am not home much lately, but I am the only one working, and I really don't have any choice. When I came home from work the end of this week, I was so exhausted and just wanted to sleep. He slipped out while I was sleeping, and didn't come home until around 4-5am. Of course I was angry, and let him know so. The next day, he just gets up and walks out, and didn't come home until around 3am. He could barely walk he was so drunk. He got a huge argument with my son, then passed out. The next day, I was still very upset, but I just kept quiet to avoid any drama. Later this evening, he made some comment that just instantly fired me up, and we got in an argument, where of course, everything is MY fault cause I am "never home" and I just want to stay home all the time (even though he NEVER invites me to go out). I love him, and I have put up with so much because I know he is "sick" and I really hoped I could convince him to get help, but he seems to prefer his crazy life, roaming the streets drinking, hanging out with literally ANYONE. As a previous poster said in their comments, I wasn't worth enough to him to take a pill every day, or one injection a month. He walked out tonight, and I changed the locks on the doors. I love him and it hurts, but I think it's time to get this roller coaster for good. Good luck to you all, and please pray for me to stay strong.
Stay strong Dina. I am in a similar situation as you and finally found the strength to walk away from my ex boyfriend of 4yrs. I kept giving him a chance time and time again and stayed by his side through numerous doctors appointments but still refuses to believe that he has bipolar. I recently sat through a family meeting along with his parents and doctors while he was in hospital to discuss his treatment so that he could be discharged and he sat through it and told everyone that he had finally accepted his illness and will take the medication that is prescribed. And now after being discharged he has turned to his old ways and believes he doesn’t have bipolar and will only be a matter of time until he stops his medication again. During our years together, I have been lied to, cheated on and emotionally abused that I started to see a therapist for my own sanity. But enough is enough for me. I finally realized that even if I loved him, I cannot help him if he doesn’t want to help himself first. I am now struggling financially because I supported him during the times when he wasn’t working and yet when he was working and earning a lot of money, he would rarely offer me any financial support. And if he did, he would expect it back straight away. As I look back at the years I’ve spent with him, it makes me sad to see how much I’ve sacrificed for him and all he did blame me for his illness when he became unwell. Stay strong Dina and I pray that you don’t look back and that you keep moving forward
Me and my wife has been together for 2 years and married for 8 months and I love this woman with all of me we are a lesbian and interracial couple and I’m 7 years older than here and I had a 3 year old when we met and it took me this long to understand everything but during these dark times of her texting and calling other woman well her ex’s but this last one is new and they have video chatted and all of this hurts so bad but it took me 2 years and the feeling like I’m crazy cause she made me feel like I was but it’s her that needs help she is bipolar and hasn’t been on her meds for 2 years and things keep getting worse but when she feels stress it’s a trigger and her mom is a trigger also and that’s the main one her mom and it’s so hard to see the love of ur life trying to live and make her mom happy but she is fighting her self to get back to me to watch her be so confused and torn so she runs to these people that don’t know her and really don’t care to either it’s a escape from reality cause my wife thinks if she does these things that I will walk away so she can’t hurt me anymore and I keep getting back up after she knocks me down ready for more cause damn it I want her to be healthy but when I talked to someone for myself she told me that no matter how much I love her and how much she loves me I can’t save her she has to want to get help and then I can be there and support her and we do it together but until then me trying to make her see or get her to wake up when she doesn’t want to yet is only making it worse and pushing her further in to her episode and I have to remove myself and just let her fall but it’s so hard to watch the one u love fall and then when she ready to get up help her up and then we can move forward together damn this hurts so bad cause I love this woman so much
I have been with a man for 3 1/2 years now and we were engaged. Over the past year he became more distant and our intimacy all but vanished. 6 weeks ago he left, packing all of his things and moved out. He put my ring on and said he would be back. In the passed 6 weeks i learned that his ex-wife had him diagnosed years ago and he has never been on medication. I had always heard his sisters day "oh he is BP" and his daughters, who now have lost me told me all the time that he was crazy. I never knew what would be like. How it would feel to have a man that you love so much just move out and go away. He still has access to my home and i have a key to his apartment. I went to see for myself if he was ok, and it was completely dark in there. No pics of anyone or anything, even his mom who passed away a year ago Saturday. my heat hurts for him and i am trying to wait to see if he comes back around and after reading these comments i am now afraid. My have two beautiful children 13/16 that loved him so much and now i need to be strong enough to walk away. I am not even sure he is on medication or cares at all.
I want to thank all of you who wrote on here. IT takes so much courage to seek help for others and for ones self.
Please be careful and guard your hearts.
My bipoler wife has left again. And it is strange because yesterday she said that she wanted to be a family again then she disappeared how much more can a person take the children keeps asking about her and I keep telling them that she's over at friend's house but actuality she's in the streets with some other man
Its hood knowing you are not alone,i havr been in a relationship for 13 years,my partner gor diaganosed 8 years ago. When we got the diagnosis it explained previous behaviour. He does not take his meds and pretends to the doctor all is well......it is not.The past year has been horrendous and all i do is cry. I cant do right for wrong. Im the one that does everything in regards to upkeep of house and looking after our child. Im getting to the point that enough is enough.....a gew weeks ago he smashed up our room....and whilst i was in tryibg to tidy up the mess i got it next. I was hurt pretty bad and cant get it out of my head. He cant remember and ive only told him bits and pieces as i know what reaction ill get if i tell him excatly what he done. He is always right no matter what i say. I can no longer walk about with a fake smile on me face.....i feel so empty and so alone. He only has me and our son,he doesnt get on with his family. I love him so much but i cant do it anymore. I have lost so maby jobs because of him,i recently lost my mum and even then he was nasty and abusive and i wasnt able to deal with mattera because he turned it round so it was all about him. He has know idea as to how he makes me feel... Its always all about him....my heart is broken and i am broken.
I am sooo sorry to hear you are going through this. It pains me to read your comments and a lot of the comments on here. Your story is soooo similar to mine. I too have never felt so alone and could barely smile anymore. My husband would verbally abuse me in front of our daughter and almost became physical. The next day he too would act like nothing happened. He has never paid much attention to our daughter either which breaks my heart for her. I no longer could stand walking on eggshells and see our 9 year old daughter cry. One night my daughter was crying in bed, I said we are going to be ok. She said "I am never ok". That is when I knew it was time. I spoke with our family doctor and a therapists. They both told me I needed to get out of the situation. They said even if he gets on meds, you have to deal with him taking them and not taking them. I had to make a very tough decision. It pained me to reach out to my family and tell them the hell I have been going through for 15 years. Recently, while my husband was out of town 2 weeks ago, I packed my daughter and family dog up and left. I sent him an email stating you need help, etc. Since I left, I have learned from neighbors, family and friends he has gotten worse. ( I noticed that each year as well.) He now thinks this is all our neighbors fault and that they are following and spying on him. He also believes my father bugged our home before I left so he will only talk outside on the patio now. Long story short Sarah....please open up to someone and leave. This was so scary for me and still is. Do you have anyone you can ask for help even though it can be embarrassing? Also, when you do reach out to your school. My husband already tried picking up our daughter on Friday. I had a feeling he would and I kept her out that day. Since the school was already aware, they reached out to me. Since he has hit you, you need to get a restraining order for you and your child. I am praying for you and everyone on here. Here is something I have found that kept me strong and I continue to read everyday especially when I am feeling down. Don't just watch the video....read the words. https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2016/07/youre-allowed-to-leave/
Stay strong Sarah....and everyone else on here. xo
Sarah, I totally understand what you are going thru. Our situations seem very very similar. I’m at my wits end. I want so Badley for him to disappear so me and my children can live peacefully.
I'm going through a legal separation right now from by husband of 20years. He was diagnosed bipolar with delusions and refuses to take medication. He has got significantly worse over the years but especially the last two. Im also accused of cheating on him with anyone and everyone. If i went to the store with our 4 kids i was accused of cheating at home with kids accused it doesnt matter what proof I have he won't even look at it he already has his mind made up. He says I'm lazy I'm a liar everything always my fault. He calls me every name in the book. He was never physical until this year he spit in my face twice and on another occasion choked me 3times I called the police and he was arrested for domestic violence. Which of course I sent him to jail he says I said you put hands on me. He checked himself into mental treatment facility June 2016 per his psychiatrist request and stayed 7days got out started drinking and stopped medication. He's an alcoholic. Then in October 2016 he attempted suicide and was taken to hospital for 6days and mental facility straight from there for 7days. As soon as realised he took medication for 10days until gone. Then he called his psychiatrist to see about refill and he was told she would no longer be his Dr
Because he had blew up on her receptionist at last appointment so then again he was unmediated
The whole time he was in there I was trying to figure out how to stop foreclosure and pay bills and save his job. We are on one income and fell behind from first hospital stay. Things had been horrible and no matter what I did it wasn't enough. This last March he got upset took off left us for couple weeks. Then came back and abandoned us april 20th with no car no money . He then received our income taxes the 25th and blew all of it $8,000. Mind you he owed my parents $4,000 from borrowing. They didn't receive there money. The only people that were there for him in despair. So he is still gone and we have nothing. He hasn't paid may mortgage yet and since we're in loan modification trial you cannot be late or they can stop foreclosure. So not only am I losing my husband of 20years now the kids and I face losing our home. Our dog is buried in backyard my 5yrar old daughter best friend it broke my heart when she said if we have to move can we please bring titan? We have indured hell these past two years and I felt I had no other choice but to file for separation. He was served about a week ago and will not respond to text anymore. He has not seen or called or asked about his kids. I cannot explain the hurt I am in this is the hardest thing ever. I love him and I gave him my everything and he acts like he doesn't care one bit. My heart breaks for my kids who ask about him. I don't know what to do I want to wake-up from this nightmare. I could go on and on . I pray that he realizes what he's doing I pray he gets medicated and sticks with it for him and our kids. I feel for everyone out there who has had to deal with a bipolar loved one and I feel for everyone fighting bipolar
Amber when I read this, I began to shake! I can not believe that you are living the same life that I am enduring now. He has done it all. He spit in my face, and I was totally caught off guard. This man is 350LBs plus and stands at 6ft 3. I am 5/2 and 165 LBS, so I am not ever going to provoke him when he starts his episodes. How are you getting through? I am being accused of cheating everyday, of being disrespectful, rude, popping off and it is hard to understand because half the time, I do not even get a chance to speak. It is almost as if he is arguing with his self. He asks me questions, I will answer them and they are totally disregarded because he knows the truth. He is ALWAYS right. This is hell and I do not understand why I can not just walk away. He is so loving one minute/day and within the middle of the week, he is back to the accusations and disrespect. He has called me names that I am soooo embarrassed by. The crazy part is that, I am so strong and I do not know why I put up with it.
Shay..I am so sorry your enduring this pain. Nobody should have to endure this abuse. You are so tiny compared to him he could seriously hurt you. Although I wish it was under different circumstances it's nice to know that someone else understands what your going thru. I think the reason they accuse is to try to justify there behavior by accusing you of the things there doing. I since found out. While he was accusing me he was paying prostitutes. That's where most taxes went. He came back home in late June said he had the right to be here it's his home.. Well his abuse and accusations continued everyday. He wouldn't buy necessities for kids and I soap toilet paper etc... We weren't able leave the house He slashed tires. While he was free to come and go as he pleased. Leaving in middle night coming home early morning. Then late July he was on a rampage which I was not entertaining so he spit on me. Then I went tobgarage to get away and do my nails he came out there screaming cussing throwing things flicked a cigarette at me lit and threw a broom with metal handle at me . the metal part hit my nose so hard I called police he was made to leave. Since may we have several court dates for the seperation at the last one I was granted temporary orders for child support, that he pay mortgage and utilities. And pick kids up every other weekend. He has told judge and myself he been paying Bill's whole time. That was a lie he hasn't paid any since may. Are water was shut off on 1. Electric will be next week . I filed an enforcement for orders due to the fact he is in contempt of court waiting to hear what will happen. He picked them up last weekend took them to a nasty hotel one night I went got them day early after receiving a phone call from woman who said she and others want to hurt him for lying and such. He turned down Wednesday visitation with them he's to busy. He has new clothes shoes etc... While kids had nothing for school. He missed my daughter birthday no call nothing. He doesn't care the pain he is inflicting on us. He wont get help there is really nothing more I can do. He is still making accusations of me cheating thru email. I wish and pray things were different. But they only got worse. I pray your husband gets help because I'm afraid it will get worse. As much as it hurts I have to let him go. Its not fair to my children it's not fair to me and it's not fair to you. I've stood by his side thru everything but you can't help someone that doesn't want help. I feel your pain believe me I do. God doesn't give us nothing we can't handle. And in time I know will be ok. In the meantime I try to live in the present the past is gone and I think I was holding on to the good memories . But the past is gone. And the future who knows nobody is promised tomorrow. Try to remind yourself of all the things you are thankful for. I pray your situation works out for the both of you. If you ever need a listening ear I'm here for you. You can email me. Awhyte_3@msn.com. i❤❤❤
I feel your pain!!!
I need help my wife is bipolar everthing described here and on other websites suggests that . Now when i started to discover this i thought cool i can figure it out becuase when she isnt having episodes its the best relationship i have ever had.we have been togather for around 5 years and i have dealt with alot im constantly told im cheating. Whenever i talk to her mother or her sister she says im trying to get with them. Any argument we have escalates very quickly to the point that i have to either restrain her or be physically harmed i have no protection from her.she gets a little verbal with our boys and im worried if she had one in joint custody and no lonher had me to take out her episodes on that she mighy actually hurt one of them im scarrf that if i up and leave this will happen.whether she means to or not.she is always threatening to runaway to a mission or or thretening to call the cops on me and say im hitting her . Whenever i have money she throws fits till she gets her way.i have tried everything on the help sites .i am very miserable here life is hell for me .its gitten so bad that at one point i was being promoted to assistant manager that she had episode stating i was cheating and blew up that i was not able to retain my job. Im scared for my boys i really dont want them to loose thier mommy but the way she is going i truly am worried one might get hurt .but i really just want to take them and cut her out completely but idk.. idk how i would be able to raise them on my own while i work i have no other family ....i feel stuck and depressed i recently started smoking agian as i cant find anyway to resovle this i have no financial stability i feel trapped and i feel she knows this and uses it to her advantage
I lost my best friend to bp also . she was my whole world . we were together a yr and a half and did not know she was bp until half way into . she cheated on me beat the hell out of me mentally and physically but kept going back to her . I cooked cleaned was paying all the bills took care of the kids and still never was what she wanted , could never meet her standards . I was accused of cheating on her every single day sometimes 2 or 3 times a day . I could never go to the store or ride in the car with her without being told I was checking out someone . got to the point of not being able to watch tv with her or I was cheating with whoever was on tv. I was never allowed to have friends or I was cheating . she was fine until she stopped taking her meds then that's when the shit started . I never worked so hard in my life for someone just to get my heart ripped out over and over and over . she also self med without me knowing . I cant do it anymore . leaving her was VERY hard . she always knows what to say to give me hope . she is the love of my life and pure evil ! never in my life has anyone treated me like she has . im considering seeking help for myself , im not the same person I used to be , im an empty shell of who I used to be .
Thank you Jesus!...This is the best thing I've EVER found on bipolar. I totally thought I was the only one this was happening too. I have endured countless HOURS of name calling (some i've never even heard before) just to have him roll over in the same breath and say "i'm sorry babe, let "do it". Are you f****** kidding me?!?! I have lived with this horrible disorder for 2 years. He has left, just got up and walked out at least 50 times. Some times for a few days, usually for a few weeks. I even woke up one morning to find out that he had packed his truck up and left in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. He always leaves with a paycheck and comes home broke. I have had to pay the bills and pull his weight at home while he runs the streets drinking, and hanging out with some of the worst people. He's even gone on for HOURS about what he thinks I was like with a boyfriend I never had when I was 15. 15! Are you kidding?! I'm 41!!!! He HATES me because of a relationship I had when I was 19. I mean he's OBSESSED with thinking about me with other men. He literally thinks I have had sex with EVERY man I've ever crossed paths with since I was 11. WTF? I now see that I'm not crazy (thought maybe I wasn't but when you're told you are long enough you start to believe). This last time he bounced was 2 days before he was going to see a Doctor for the first time and get meds. I have tried to stay by his side and support him thru things I would have never thought one human could do to another but no more. He told me about a week ago that he knows he can do anything to me and I'll never leave him. Yeah. Right. Says you. If you haven't married your beloved mental roller coaster yet, DON'T! You WILL regret it, sooner than later. If it's already too late, you married in sickness and in health. My suggestion is demand they get medicated (and make sure you hand it to them and WATCH them swallow it) or consider dual housing for your own sanity. I love him so much it makes my chest hurt to think of the things he's done and said to me. I WANT to spend the rest of my life with him, but NOT if it means I'm going to become suicidal as many times a day as his mood/mind swings into crazyville. Eventually the bad will out way the good and you will realize you've wasted your time, love and energy on someone who doesn't feel you are worth taking a silly little pill for. The illness is an excuse for what they are doing to you and the way they treat you. Lowering your self worth enough to justify being with someone who is sooo incredibly disrespectful and ill is just not worth it. I wish you all the best of luck and I pray that your situation ends better than mine. You just have to find when enough is enough.
Wow, I'm glad to read all of these stories. I feel less crazy and not so alone. I believe my husband is bipolar 2. It's like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He has a psychiatrist and has been on several kinds of meds, but none have stopped the cycling. When he's on meds he has an episode about every 8-12 weeks. They are usually triggered by something that I do or the kids do. He blames us for his unhappiness, he goes into rages and breaks things, then leaves saying he wants a divorce. This still happens when he is medicated- I don't think he's had the right meds yet. He stops taking the meds every couple of years and doesn't tell me. He stopped his meds last October and has been cycling in and out of anger and rage and depression for a few months. He blames me and the kids and hasn't been home for 2 months. He is angered if I even hint that he may need help. Even therapy. He dropped his psychiatrist who wouldn't let me be involved in his treatment, but at least did medicate him and recommend therapy. He hasn't seen his therapist for months. We've been married 5 1/2 years, together for 9. I love him and don't want to let him go. Our good times are really good. I feel so helpless. I have to get the strength to tell him he has to get help or I'm the one who is leaving. It's an awful, awful existence. My heart goes out to you all and to those who have this terrible disease. I wish I could figure out how to get him the help he needs. I want to support him, I really do.
My wife and I just celebrated our 11th anniversary and of course a few weeks later now she wants a divorce again, out of the clear blue it's seems except it's really not I've been watching her cycle through the stages and she did tell her p doc she was manic so he put her on abilify again which always triggers the worst in her but she says its the best she's felt although she has only worked 2 days in the last 6 weeks since med change and has been neglectful to the kids ( we have 3 together btw) will not stay home with me and the kids if we beg her which the kids have given up on but I'm still the sucker trying to hold things together and be tortured and punished for loving and trying to support her. I don't know what to do anymore being that I don't want to battle for custody with the women I love to protect the children I love from their own mother. It makes me feel so depressed when my kids get so excited that I'm off work for a few days that their smiling ear to ear and jumping up and down because they know dinner won't be frozen pizza or old leftovers from my last days off and they will get to go to the park or for a treat and actually get help with their homework. She has said the old quote in the past and I remind her how true it is "when mommas not happy no ones happy". We have been through a lot in our time together, I nearly died in a car accident when hit by a drunk driver on a motorcycle at nearly 100mph which killed him and the passenger and I lost an eye and broke many bones had reconstructive surgerys amongst many other surgeries and treatments and many lasting scars and injuries. She wiped me, sponge bathed me, fed me through a tube, cleaned my trach etc. A few years after her mother found her father hanging from the garage door frame cold and blue in which there were some warning signs of bi polar but of course he refused treatment and said everything was fine which was obviously a lie, since his suicide things have been a rollarcoaster I kept our kids for weeks by myself with some help from my parents so that she could stay with her mom to grieve and I finally had to ask that she come home and be with her family she had not seen in at least 3 weeks and that's when shtf,I wasn't sympathetic and compassionate enough and was an uncaring asshole even though I had tried to do as much as possible to help with arrangements down to pulling some strings a few hours before they needed to drop of cloths to bury him in to get his favorite shirt dry cleaned and pressed being that all the dry cleaners they called said they couldn't do it that short notice, I then picked it up along with 2 dozen roses for her and her mother. Now I'm just ranting but you all get the point, she doesn't seem to see the things I do and how hard I try to be there for her and support as well as the appreciation I have for her but this just isn't the sweet women I married who nursed me back to health at my worst but I keep hoping I can find her again and keep her to grow old together but I can't seem to find anybody who has the ultimate remedy or answer, I feel like I may be searching for unicorns and leprechauns and there's just that rare occasion of a rainbow that keeps me Seeking and hoping.
I am at the end of my tether with my BP husband and reading your comments has helped. Thank you. Everything you wrote about you're going through could have been written by me. I have only been married 1 1/2 years and the majority of the time life is good. But without rhyme or reason, we have a tiny disagreement or I counter comment he has something said and he completely over reacts, and leaves, says he is desperately unhappy and wants to end our marriage. He will no longer talk to me about his bp and goes into a fit of rage when I ask him anything about it. He says he is taking his meds but I am pretty sure he isn't. Two days ago I counted tablets in pack and still same number there. I broke down last night when I asked to talk to him after he effectively ended our marriage in the morning. He just launched into a tirade of verbal abuse telling me why our marriage had failed. (Because I don't listen, I faff, I am negative). To a slight degree these may be true, but I avoid talking much as I know it is trigger. I don't faff, I get on with daily routines of juggling children, jobs, and trying to manage household chores (of which he does none). I love him very very much. I have no one to turn to as don't want to turn to family and friends to make our problem known and public. I just read his review notes from last review session and it states he in remission. He really does think he no longer has bp. He used to be open about it and talk to me about it, ie therapy sessions, med etc. But if I even mention anything to do with it. I am heartbroken. X
Hello all! I am reading all your stores and have the same. I have been with my bf for 2 yrs now and he has accused me of cheating and is jealous of me having a lot of friends since i am a social person. He is depressed a lot. He dropped out of school, lost hos car, lost his place. Moved in with me and it has been good, but bad. I get so aggravated and want to give up, but i love him. My friends/family said to give up you can find better, BUT I CANT!! Why?? He was on lithium, was on it for a month and got off because of the side affects. He was off it for a month and started flipping out because i would curl my hair or wear boots to work. He has an appt to go to get on more meds on Friday. Has anyone else had an issue with their bf getting of and on meds or is this common? Im at my wits end. I also have 2 kids (not his) Am i giving up? So lost and confused pls help
Help – I feel totally and utterly trapped…
My spouse is bipolar with schizophrenia, pretty bad. We’ve been together for 15 years, 8 of the most recent years have been utterly hell, over 14 hospitalizations in 8 years, 3 times he’s threatened to kill me, (although, you ask him, it really wasn’t him, it’s not his fault, it’s the ‘spirits’ or ‘angels’ or other voices he is being told.
He’s the background…met him 15 years ago, young aspiring actor/musician, got in to SAG, got a legitimate A-Listing Agent, worked in a few movies, several commercials, the TV shows Charmed and 2 ½ men, several others. He writes music, very good music, a few have been used.
In 2008, he had his first psychotic break. He was hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai medical center for 7 weeks. The first week, he was wondering the halls, didn’t recognize anyone, didn’t recognize me. I thought I lost him, no one in my family has any mental health issues, I didn’t know what to think, what was going on.
After coming him, someone stable, it took another 5 months before he was able to go outside the house again, that summer (2008) we married.
Since 2008, he’s been hospitalized like I said over 14 times. Last year (2015) he was hospitalized 3 times alone. His last hospitalization was 12/2/2015, I woke up at 2am with him 18 inches from my face threating to kill me. Called the police, told them it’s a mental health emergency (helps warn them what they are walking in to and hoping they send the Psych team out who will not pull a weapon and kill the patient on site). Off he went again to the hospital, however, this last hospital was horrible, they bold faced lied to me, I’ve got recordings of them telling me one thing, then the following week saying that’s not what they were doing, they wanted to dump him after the first week. Mind you, we have private insurance, it’s not like they’re not going to get paid. However – by the last week of December 2015, the hospital placed him in a taxi and sent him home, without telling me at all. I believe in California, where we are (Los Angeles), the hospital is required to advise the party the individual threatened to kill that they are being released. ESPECIALLY if sending him back to the same person they threatened to kill in the first place.
I called the hospital on 12/29 (also recorded) 40 minutes of me yelling at every level of manager/doctor asking where the hell was he? Why? Because I called to see how he was, no one could find him. NO ONE could tell me what happened to him…. 40 mins later, while still on the phone with the same hospital, my spouse walks in the front door… ‘hi honey…’
Needless to say, 2016 has been for the most part good. However, he’s not taking ANY anti-psychotic or psych meds. Refuses them. Why? Because, he’s not bipolar according to him. All he has is insomnia. He knows this because he read it online, so it must be true..
He’s taking Ambien to help him sleep and Ativan. I knew already he was a ticking time bomb again, just waiting for crazy ville to come back out. Well, 4 weeks ago, I started to see the signs and symptoms, talking about people changing into lizards, the voices, on and on and on…
Since 2008, I won’t say we’ve lost friends, but, no one comes over our house anymore, every holiday, every celebration is a train wreck of one type or another. He never leaves his music room, spends 15 hours a day on facebook rambling about his hallucinations, we don’t go out, I haven’t seen TV in over 6 years, because everything they say on TV he believed was real or directed towards him!
He has no family except his mother and sister in Illinois, they can’t help at all. I’m on the verge of bankruptcy with medical bills (deductibles AFTER insurance we’re responsible for, over $50,000).
And this morning, he says, I’m going to be beheaded. I can’t hospitalize him yet (again), because he isn’t that far gone to be assessed yet, when the team comes to asses him, he has enough cognizant whit to talk his way out of being hospitalized. I have to wait until he decompresses so bad AGAIN, that he has to get dragged out of the house by the police.
WTF do I do? I feel trapped, I feel absolutely hopeless. I’ve been fighting doctors, hospitals for the last 8 years trying to get him the right help, the right assistance, to assure he isn’t released without going through intense therapy (he was raped by his father at 16).
We haven’t been intimate in over 6 years, why? Because several times, during his episodes, he thinks I’m his father. Now, I’m fearful that any intimacy would lead to an association I’m his father and might trigger a psychotic break. I still love him,, but I’m not IN love with him.
If I divorce him, over 14 doctors have already said that he will end up homeless and on the streets, just like many of the homeless roaming Los Angeles with mental health issues. This is Los Angeles, I can’t afford 2 house payments, lol….
I feel trapped… trapped because I don’t want that to happen, trapped because I have no idea what to do anymore. I’m exhausted fighting him, fighting the system. I feel beaten.
And to top it off, on Friday 12/30, I asked his sister if she and her mother (his mom) would please call him once a day, maybe trading off days so the sister calls one day the mom calls the next day, he's all alone, doesn't have any friends anymore, doesn't speak to anyone, doesn't leave the house, he's a hermit. He only has me to speak to and I can't handle it anymore, it's not good for my health, it's not good for him to keep hearing the same thing from me, he needs his family to step to the plate. Yesterday, the mom texted me, not bothered to call me, but texted me, saying she spoke with him and he sounds calmer, but definitely he needs immediate hospitalization because he keeps talking about having babies and that his mom is dead, his sister was buried by her father and so on, but she can't speak to him and getting upset herself, it's not good for her (she's 60 btw), and doesn't want to call him often. I went off on her, telling her I've been dealing with it for 9 straight years, 24x7, ALONE, that we are talking about her son and I'm asking her to speak to him not to help me, because she really can't, but to help him. I am only getting 1-2 hours of sleep most nights because he keeps me up, waking me up at all hours rambling about people who transform into lizards and that he doesn't want to lose his halo feels he needs as an angel,.. I finally blew up at her and said at least my family genes has the good decency to drop dead of heart attacks instead of having mental health in their entire family (all males on his side of the family have severe mental health issues) lingering on for decades causing grief and pain for everyone around them.
I think my only action for his benefit and mine is going to be to file a restraining order right after his next hospitalization, maybe that'll force the hospital and social workers assigned to him to actually get him treated. I don't have any choices, I've been providing a safe haven for him to return to and subsequently as he is an adult I have no power of attorney over him (since he refuses to grant me that) he does what he always has done, because he can get away with it.
This is all to familiar to me. My fiancé was pregnant with our first child 11 years ago and the hormone change triggered her Bipolar disorder. At 6 months pregnant, she would stay up for days, hallucinate and scream in public, didn't know who I was and didn't recognize her own family members. I took her to the hospital 3 times in one month to try and get them to help with no avail, they just kept releasing her. Finally, during a really bad episode, she couldn't remember her own name...so they had a psychiatrist come in and evaluate her. They ended up keeping her in a psychiatric center for two weeks before releasing her with medication. She didn't really stabilize until about two years after our daughter was born. Oddly enough, she stopped taking her medication and stayed fairly stable for the next eight years. During this time we have done very well, purchased new vehicles, a beautiful home and both have very good careers.
Now at the age of 41, she is experiencing Menopause symptoms (comes early in her family) and with her hormones again on the fritz, she has started showing these Bipolar symptoms once again. She randomly quit her job and maxed out her credit cards on ridiculous things. She didn't sleep for 36 hours and I had to take her to the hospital where she emotionally broke down and started screaming "kill me, kill me I just want to die!" which was very hard to watch. Then suddenly turned to anger and I unfortunately became the target. In the hospital room with the doctor and two nurses she screamed about how she hated me and told them that I had raped her and I am an alcoholic and drug addict. I pulled the doctor aside to explain to her that she is in fact Bipolar but the way she looked at me told me that she wasn't believing it. I have found that this is one of the hardest parts of trying to get a Bipolar loved one help. You often become the target and are considered the bad guy by people that don't know the situation.
I was told that because of her suicidal talk at the hospital they would need to keep her and post an officer at her door overnight. I left the hospital and received a phone call about two hours later saying that they had sedated her and I can come pick her up. Absolutely zero help...
Upon bringing her back home, she spent the next few days calling me names and telling me she hated me. With my daughter at the beach with her cousins, I decided to leave the house for the time being. Two days later I was served with a restraining order and told not to contact her, our daughter or return to my home. She had claimed that I had hit her in a drug-induced rage (I don't drink or do drugs). She has lost the ability to tell her thoughts from reality. I immediately hired an attorney and got the restraining order dropped and filed for temporary emergency custody since I was told to protect myself and not to return to my home. Obviously I don't want my 11 year-old daughter alone with her in the house either. That was a week ago. Apparently the court system doesn't know the meaning of the word "emergency" and nothing has been issued at this point. She has randomly called my family members and threatened to file restraining orders on them, even people she hasn't seen in years. The members of her family that try to talk sense into her are also threatened with orders.
I am also filing for divorce to remove my child and myself from this entire ordeal. We have basically been financially ruined this year from her behavior and she refuses to leave the house, which doesn't make things easy for anyone. When bringing up her Bipolar disorder she gets very agitated and defensive. She claims that she "once had Bipolar and it was cured". At this point I cannot help someone that is not willing to help themselves, especially when anyone trying to help is threatened with bogus claims and potential jail-time.
I guess where I'm going with this is, as much as I truly love and cherish my daughter, I would have not had anything to do with this woman had I known what was to come. I would not recommend marrying a "unwilling" Bipolar sufferer to anyone. You're future will never be stable and if you have children they will suffer.
All these comments are a testimony of what each of us have gone through. I know it is the right decision to leave. My fifteen year old son loves his father and the two have a bond that he did not share with two older daughters. My husband always showed signs, mild at first then consistently increased over time. He seemed to always need to be high every other month but no more than that. Years progressed we had children. Things than became complicated. I became more distant slowly I loved him then. When he was younger he was a fun dad for the children but when my girls started talking back which adolescent girls can, he just lost it My husband and I did not seek help until much later. I brought things to his attention he would listen majority of time and try to be more reasonable. My story is a carbon copy of others here. It just started out mild, then grew moderate due to his substance abuse. Became more of a self centered pick when on or coming off drugs. It apparent it only happened when doing drugs. Things improved over years and went to marriage counseling. Difficult yet was helpful. I should of left him when drugs were getting out of hand however, I was staying at home and being caretaker for three children when things shifted into severe mode. I remember the insults. I was a fighter meaning very steadfast about how he treated me and what a schmuck I thought he was. I told him and would leave the house with children. I thought I was strong. Probably just in denial. Had no where to go. I could of but I felt so alone. He did not mistreat me continuously . The hostility and irrationality of his behavior was not a weekly or monthly occurrence . Not until now in 2016. Long story, sorry! My husband became an alcoholic around 2007 thru 2011. He became a mess. Tequila was the killer. It was pathetic. He embarrassed me and angered the kids who were getting older. My daughter disliked him and lost all respect for him and my son was hurt and stayed away. Same with me. I would look at him and just leave to the bedroom and be with kids. He would fall asleep very soon after coming home from work. Happy that would happened. We were very angry with him He was an ass. He went to rehab twice and really improved. Getting clean is what set his mania into severe mode. It was bizarre. A huge event happened where he lost it. I let his sister know what was going on and she definitely noticed something was up. He could not sleep for days and could not rest, stop moving or stop chattering incessantly. He got on med for being Bipolar. Yeah lithium! He slowed waaaayy down and also took Web u rite for depression . This all helped him tremendously . He was consistent with medication for about 1 1/2 years then he started to miss his morning lithium dose and so forth. His behavior then had becomed more stable by itself. I said that I spoken with others who had the diorder who were less behaviorally harmful and they just took Seroquil or Trazadone to go to sleep. So then that worked for a while. Then he went back to using stimulants ..that actually helped him mellow out from a high in mania but then came the accusations, name calling and angry outbursts. Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde have returned. I can hardly take it anymore. Now I am saving more money consistently and planning out what my options are for me and son. He knows how he makes me feel and am distant and careful in what I say. He has learned over time. The only thing he was consistent about, in behavior, was that he was always inconsistent! I am more hopeful about myself and future now I put myself first and hold ground tight when his emotional manipulations are in play.
Been there done that. The bottom line is you can't help people who don't want to be helped. To keep complaining about what your bipolar spouse or partner is doing is a waste of time. They are who they are. You are going down the drain physically, mentally, emotionally and some financially. This is time you can never get back. They have no regard for your sacrifices or care. Yes they will walk away and let them. Yes you will hurt for a while but you will look back and be glad they are gone. You will loose your sanity trying to make sense of this illnesses. These relationships are not healthy. You will end up confused and broken. They will move on to the next person while you are a shell of your former self. While they might have a hard time making correct choices you are suppose to be able to make better choices.
As I read this, I think...wow! All of these are you and your ex. I just cannot believe it. The crazy thing is I am so depressed and lonely. I am grieving the love we shared. All the fun times, but scared of all the sad times-from Bri g put out, accused wrongly, implied of messing around, yelled at then becoming his love. I wonder why am I so needy? Why do I want to be in a hurtful relationship just to have someone? What is up with me? Why am I not content?
Wow ! I am in awe at how much some of these stories sounds just like my life. I've been with my husband for twenty years and really started to notice his mental illness about 8 years ago. The highs and lows are starting to come more frequent and typically happens when he is drinking. Our kids are starting to walk on egg shells and I'm starting to notice an emotional disconnect with my son that worries me. I am too afraid to bring up getting help to my husband because the smallest clue that I give him regarding him and mental illness he completely blows up. I am really at my wits end and I'm looking for a way to safely leave. I am the sole provider for the house and I know this will push him to new lows. I battle with this because I am not perfect in all of this. Before I really understood what I was dealing with I just thought he was a mean cheating bastard and started to have an affair on my own. Of course he found out and now (3 years later) I am every hoe slut and any other deragotory term you can think of. I'm sick of it and ready to go but feel some what guilty of his current state because of my actions. I am so lost and confused
Hi everyone. This sounds like my husband. I found out he was having an affair and he moved in after 3 days and was with her for about 2 months. He would always be mad at me and find ways of making everything my fault and not accepting the responsibility of his choices. It was always me or his family. We made him do things, it was never his fault. After those 2 months we was with her, he said he wanted to work on our marriage. We drove from LA to CA with our 2 kids to be around his family. We had a huge fight one night on the drive there. I let him know we couldn't work on our marriage while he had a girlfriend. That made me a monster, I made him break up with his girlfriend. I'm sure she also needs some mental help since he ignored her calls and texts, she decided to call and text me and let me know how she had been in my bed with my husband. Very proud of herself for breaking up our family. That night he talked about killing himself and it wasn't the first or last time. We did manage to move past that as long I didn't talk about anything, which I didn't for a while because I was concerned about him. We made it 3 wonderful and then heartbreaking weeks again because he decided to one day out of the blue to go back to her and abandon us in CA. He is not the person I married 9 years ago and with a 8 and 3 year old, I have to keep them safe. I didn't choose to walk away but he pushed me away. There is so much more in between but that's the bulk of it. His family has asked him to get help and told him he's making a huge mistake but he is so selfish and says nothing is wrong with him and if he has a problem he can handle it himself. I've learned the hard and painful way, if the person is unwilling to acknowledge they have a problem, there is nothing you can do. Until they are ready to help themselves, no one else can help them. It's been 3 1/2 weeks since I've heard from him. He literally walked down the street one day after getting physical with me and I've not seen or heard from him since then. I have seen the lovely pictures that his gf posts on fab so at least I know he's alive. My advice is if your loved one is willing to get help, help them but if they aren't, you need to do what is best for you. Especially if you have children together. The kids don't deserve to get hurt because someone refuses to help themselves. I feel for everyone and understand what you are going through. I hope that you are able to find peace with yourselves to make those hard decisions.
Wow. Oh wow. Aren't we all just perfect mirror images. To the commenters who are NOT married to their bipolar partners, don't do it. I'm sorry, I know that you love them. I love my husband too. Or I did. I don't know anymore. I've been married 12yrs. We have three kids, and they are starting to suffer now. They stay in their room most days. My oldest is sinking into a depression. She's 12yrs old. She doesn't even want to get up most of the time. Most kids her age are out running around with friends, laughing and joking. Not her. She told me the other day it's because of him. She can't stand her own father. She's tired of walking on eggshells with her siblings. They are all tired of seeing me used as an emotional and verbal punching bag. He's been having an episode for months now. CRAZY highs and lows. It can change by the hour or the minute, depending on what real life throws at us. And me? I'm tired. I don't have the energy to help him anymore, or beg him to get help. Too much has happened. I took my wedding ring off the weekend of my 12yr olds birthday.(which he ruined over a cell phone that HE messed up). I'm not putting it back on. I'm done. My kids come first.
I feel everyones pain. I had to move out of the place I shared with my husband because he went nuts on me when I was 37 weeks pregnant with my husband. We were married 9 months and together 2.5 years. He hasn't worked steadily since we got married, he does drugs, is extremely paranoid and delusional that I am having an affair with someone at work he made comments that his son isn't his and that he wants a paternity test. One minute he loves me the next minute I am a slut and a whore. He never takes responsibility for his actions and everything is my fault. He told me in the beginning that he suffered from severe depression, adhd, and anxiety disorder, but my therapist thinks that he has bipolar disorder. During the last episode he threatened to kill me. Unless he gets the treatment he needs and gets a job and changes I won't go back. I have blocked his number and messages because they do nothing, but upset me. I'm trying to forgive him because now I know that it is the disease that makes him like that.
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, our anniversary actually only 2days ago & he's in the middle of yet another disappearing act so that was a hard day not hearing a word. We've had 2 children in this time which makes this all the more harder. There was tiny things in our first year that I can now see as bipolar behaviour but at the time didn't think anything of them. It was only after I fell pregnant with our son he really showed signs, I've read babies, work.. general life changes can trigger bipolar so this obviously did. I was suddenly getting some awful verbal abuse, caused of it probably not being his baby because I cried a few times just being hormonal for no real reason.. but according to him I was crying cos it wasn't his baby. Absolutely ridiculous comments, I'd been with him every day that we'd been together for a year so that was hurtful to say to me. Disappearing acts as he still lived at his parents.. and still does! When our son was born he was besotted with him.. back to himself. 5 months later I fell pregnant with our daughter. Disappearing act again, up and downs with Me constantly for no real reasons then all lovey Dovey. The day she was born he was different.. not as besotted as he was with our son. Went out drinking 4 nights in the first week and a whole day out with his mate. Going out drinking alot, ignoring me, don't wana be with me anymore then a week or 2 later didn't mean it and loves me. Over and over. She's one now and he STILL lives at his parents so easily disappears whole weeks at a time. I go there looking for him and his mums always saying he said I've said or done things I haven't. .and that's why he's not here. He's always blaming me for his disappearing acts and lying. He lies to me all the time, pretends he was in one night then I find out he was out. Caught him messaging 2 girls but he swore blind he never... even though I'd seen the messages myself! Looks up girls and exs on facebook when he goes funny on me ignoring me. He's quit 4 jobs in the time I've been with him.. just cos he's fed up with them..even though 2 weeks before he'll be saying how good the job is! He keeps buying new cars then wanting to sell it and buy another the next year! His mates take drugs and I know he has with them which seems to make him worse. . But he won't acknowledge it when I say it. Every may are the worst times so I believe he has seasonal bipolar. He laughs when I say it and tells me it's me who has bipolar! He's told me once he heard voices.. twice got so depressed he's said he didn't wana be here anymore.. and hearing that killed me. He's told me there's millions much more fitter girls than me & no one else will want me.. I'm crazy. Any abuse he can give me basically, then he'll say he doesn't mean it. It's so up and down its mentally draining.. I also have a 10 year old daughter from before him, I'm worried she'll think it's normal for a man to disappear for weeks at a time! My 2 year old loves his dad he talks about him all day everyday..so it breaks my heart when he disappears like this and my son wants him. This is the worst it's been though, over 4 weeks now. He's only been here 4 times in that time, ignoring me, wont say why he's doing it.. going out with his mates drinking and left his job AGAIN 2 weeks ago and his mums told me he's been sleeping till round 2 PM everyday. It's so hard on me I feel like a single parent to three kids & so lonely and unloved by the person I love so much I can't just leave him. He did once say he will go doctors about this..then the next morning made an argument over nothing and left to avoid it. Since then he won't listen if I bring up bipolar and I'm at a loss. When he's not manic or depressed I'm so happy. . We are a proper family.. then bam out the blue back to him being nasty to me.. disappearing.. quiting jobs.. wreck less behaviour.. always skint cos he blows his money. What can you do when they won't get help.. but you can't give up on the person you love? He swears at every other driver. . Acuses me of being a cheat and I'm with my kids 24/7 and don't even go out so it's absurd! Easily angered when he's like this.. he even hates me when he's like this.. actually hates me. Lies about me to his family and friends.. so many other symptoms I am 100% sure he has bipolar.. which can mean my kids could have it so even more reason I nee d him to go doctors so we know what's the chances. I love him so much but I'm getting so depressed and can't take living like this anymore
Finding this thread has been so helpful to know that I am not alone in this. I've been with my partner for almost 2 years and we've had a lot of bad episodes from his bipolar disorder. I think I can deal with the paranoia and the jealous outbursts but I can't deal with the suicidal thoughts and remarks he makes. I've coaxed him down from jumping off a huge wall where the drop would have killed him. He was on meds earlier in his life as he was diagnosed at 17. He made the decision to come off them as he didn't feel like a 'human' whilst on them. I've tried to convince him on numerous occasions to seek help and medicine but he refuses and this usually sets him off even more. I love him dearly and we have spoke about marriage and kids at some point but I have fear that I'll be trapped. Don't know what to do. I have a high pressured job where I run a business whilst studying for a health social care degree (where my grades are slipping) and I feel like my entire life is just filled with stress. There's no escape as my home life and work life are places where I am unhappy.
Reading all those comments gave me some strength somewhere.... Am not alone... My story looks like a looot of ur stories.... I've been married for 8years ago. My daughter is now 4 years old. During this marriage, my husband was diagnosed with bp. Every time he was high, he would start leaving the house and comes back very late, he would drive for hours listening to his music... And after a couple of days, he would leave the house saying we don't fit together, we r not meant to be husband and wife.... It happened more than 10times.... And when he used to come back, he wouldnt find a reason why he left... He would say he's sorry... And eveytime i used to forgive him.... Last summer, it also happened, and he asked for a divorce... It was so quick, he was putting a lot of pressure saying he wants to finish it asap! I signed and we were officially divorced... By that time, he was living in Africa and started dating his colleague, and they were living together... Before Christmas, he came back... We started seeing him with my daughter in restaurants, malls.... After a week, he called me during the night saying he wants to come back home, started crying and crying.... Begged me for forgivenss which i did.... We spent three wonderful weeks, he was caring, loving, very present.... He filled our house with love and attention.... My daughter was super happy and so am i... Until two weeks ago i felt that his mood is swinging again... We were supposed to get a new marriage by the end of this month, but he started saying out of a sudden that we dont fit together again, and when i ask him where did ur promises go, he says he was really trying but he's not happy and he does love me as a friend not as a wife... He moved out from the house again few days ago and took all his stuff with him... Am again very depressed, very confused, and dont know what to do.... Can anybody help or advise?! I really need it. Thank u
I've read so many of the post on so many websites over the past year/year and a half now. Usually I read them and feel hopeless w/ the bp spouse situation so I never leave or have left any comment. After the last week or so and after reading these post I decided to. Not that it will change one single thing in my 41/2yr marriage to my husband whom I believe w/ all good reason is bp and maybe a few other chemical imbalances etc. I had no idea his mother & grandmother both have bp multi personality disorder and a few other mental issues. No one felt the need in his family to tell me such important information. I knew not one single detail about bp. The symptoms. That it's highly hereditary. How a person left untreated is a ticking time bomb. No one felt the need to share that w/ me. Meanwhile I've spent these past couple of yrs researching symptoms & signs of bp. My husband is spot on w/ every single detail of symptoms. Signs started seeping out w/in the first yr of our marriage. They would be like a small awkward moment over something that wasn't even a big deal. Or he would make a tiny issue a very, very large issue. Little things here and there that I could not wrap my mind around as hard as I tried these moments just seemed nuts all the way around. At first he would apologize for the insidences. They were more happy times and less awkward times. Now, fast forward 31/2 yrs later. You never know when you're the awesome living wife or the maggot b**** that can get outta his house ASAP. It's nothing for us to be talking about summer plans or having an intimate evening then by 7:30a.m. I'm recieving a text from him telling me to get out. He wants a divorce and has from day one. How horrible of a person and wife I am. That no one loves me (even my own family) friends whomever knows me in his eyes at the time, he tells me they all hate me and think I'm trash. I have pampered and catered and waited on this man hand and foot. After I've had a 12-13hr work day (he too works long days mist days) I will come home tend to him and the kids. Cook dinner, serve dinner, clean up the kitchen, bath kids, laundry. Most evenings play out just like that while he lays on the couch telling me how worthless I am and how I do nothing and he does it all. Now, I use to cry and I couldn't wrap my mind around this man's thought process until much educating myself on the bp illness. Then it all started piecing together. One day he's madly in love w/ me and we have so much to do together because after all, we're "soul mates" the next day he wants a divorce and I need to go ASAP. Like now. The things he ask are always impossible at the moment he ask them. The highs and lows are shuffling so fast I can't come up for air. It's always out of nowhere. A coworker may have ticked him off. His boss may have chewed him out. He may just have woke up w/ something in his head that's not even reality. You don't know what "it" is but it triggers the cycle. He went from having really bad highs to very, very bad lows to a full blown rage. Bad rage. He has said the most cruel vicious malicious things to me so many times I'm sick to my gut w/ it all. Two yrs into the marriage after one night of a slight bp episode the next morning he messaged me he was sorry and needed help. That was two yrs ago. Today, he doesn't have a problem. I do. He has done nothing but all the good. All the bad is on me. He doesn't need help. I do. On and on. He's turned into a full blown Jekyll & Hyde 24/7. It's a living nightmare. My heart has been shattered over and over again. I've begged and pleaded for him to get help. I've discussed w/ him that he's not crazy and it's just a chemical imbalance that can be fixed w/ the right Drs and meds or therapy. Whatever the help.... I'm here. He has Refused over and over. He lives two separate lives and quite frankly I've come to a point that this marriage isn't safe for me and my babies. He is an unstable on all levels and I'm not sure nor do I feel safe w/ him at this time. I feel staying w/ him has just enabled him to seek help. That he feels he's got me where he wants me meanwhile the situation is worsening by the day. He brings so much turmoil around everyone we know. Friends... Family. It's so sad and I am helpless staying in the marriage. It's all his way or the highway. Walking on eggshells and being spoken poorly about to ppl you love and some you don't even know plus the abuse you take daily... Ive decided, it's not worth it any longer. My heath is depleting. I have always been a very healthy active person. He is destroying everything good about me. The kids are affected as well. I don't care how little they hear or see. Kids know. They know when they are being shut out. They don't understand that. We have to flex and bend constantly for him and his state of mind constantly. Well, I tried w/ every ounce I had in me. Over and over. Things is there are children to finish raising. Life to live. We don't know the time we have to enjoy what we can while we can. My children deserve better than a selfish adult (illness or not) that knows and admits they need help yet chose not to. I can't take it anymore. It's not a life for no one. If someone is trying to help themself, then yes! That's a plus and its trying to get better. You have a pal and a goal but w/out either there's no better to look forward to just crazy days and lonely nights. Drained of all life inside yourself. It hurts me to my core to watch this illness take over the man I love. To lose my marriage to this illness hurts my very being. That being said, it's a far greater pain to sit back and be stripped of all life inside you while you watch your love be consumed by this viscous illness. It's just not worth it another day. I hope that those of you who have a loved one seeking help, I hope you support them and let them know how proud you are of them and I hope there is someone out there who has beatin the odds w/ bp and are doing well. In your life. In your relationships. I hope you all the best. Stay strong and courageous my friends.
Hello.. im Isaac just turned 26 with a beautiful wife and 1 year old daughter. lady and i have been together for 4 years. Her failed perception on easy things to understand in lifedrives me insane yelling at her for thinking the way she does. I know far to well the TORTURE this insanity can have on the ( for lack of a better term " Not troubled partner" ) I find avoiding my logic is a skill she is great at.. it's her way or the highway i call it. Weight gain is the best argument she can ever come up with when i ask her to atleast try to get on a low dose of meds. Not concerned with how i feel and just wanting a mentally stable woman to come home to. I AM MARRIED TO TWO WOMEN nice and evil wife.
My wife has been dealing with depression and anxiety for years now, and i have usually been able to deal with it, the out bursts, the blaming, constant fear of what is going to set her off. she has always refused she needs help of any kind, and even when i had a bout of depression and was on medication, she still says she doesnt need help she just needs to workout and that will fix it all.
The issue now is that we have a 5 month old son, and despite taking care of my son when i am home, take care of him at night, and waking up all night, cooking diner, you get the idea. Despite all of this i am told i do nothing, and im not supportive etc. When she has these bouts of rage then she cant handle taking care of our son, just sets him down, or is screaming around him.
I asked her last night again about getting help however she said again she doesn't need any.
i am not sure what to do now.
Dear LOST, do not marry this man! No matter how much you love him, things will get worse! I have been married to a bipolar man for 20 years and I am miserable and so are our children. He berates us and calls us names and has these manic episodes that are awful. Just want him to get help but he won't. I'm at my wit's end. Hate to hear all these stories but glad I'm not alone.
It sounds like some of your partners might be narcissists by the behaviors described.
Wow I just read all these accounts and I'm right where you are, especially THIS quote by Lost, above:
"He comes up with twisted stories of how I said something that insulted him. I can tell him over and over that it’s in his mind and although it may have a hint of truth he makes up how it all played out. I just get so tired of fighting I give up and give in and the next day he acts all mad at me, and i have tell him i'm sorry."
Reminds me of the first really bad time when I knew things were horribly wrong. I was lightly dancing beside him at a Boston concert and enjoying it with him, and he told me to stop. This man who had won my heart because he fearlessly enjoys himself everywhere no matter what people think. This man who always dances with me in front of a crowd. I didnt stop, I just looked at him in astonishment because he was being really weird. Well he walked off and left me. Never came back. I had to get a taxi home because I couldnt find him. After crying my eyes out, sitting in a police golf cart waiting for 2 hours, after calling him repeatedly, and he never answered. But he texted me horrible things. Like "go F yourself". And a photo of an ex-boyfriend that he found on the internet.
I cant remember crying so hard in my life. Except last night when I realized that our 9 month marriage is over. I cannot take the emotional rollercoaster anymore, because it has happened many times in many other ways since that first incident.
I did see signs when we were dating but didnt know they were signs. I just thought he had it bad in the past and with our love it was time to heal. But he demonized everyone. His family. His friends. His ex. He hated his mom. That should have caught my attention. My mother always told me to watch how a man handles or treats his mother and thats how he will treat you. I thought I was special. I am not. I am now one of the demons he hates. He now hates to engage me unless I make him the superhero of the universe. He has a very fragile ego, has huge insecurities, is easily offended... and at the same time he has very little consideration for others. He never hears others feelings, his are too big and too important. So if you tell him your dog just died right before he is going to tell his joke, he will go ahead and tell the joke no matter what you just said. He is as inappropriate a man as I have ever met and its killing relationships I've nurtured for decades. I just found out I'm going to be a grandmother and I can already guess that my son and his wife will not want the baby over here.
I recently refused to do drugs with him. Therefore I am one of the moralistic enemies in his life. I would have never put up with someone like this when I was single for 8 years. We dated to short and married too fast. I am ashamed that I have put my family through these emotions and I want out with as little damage as possible.
I have read all of your stores and I'm crying this is what's going on with my fiance. We are getting married next summer and Im worried I'm making a big mistake. I love him soooooooooo much but I don't know if I'm strong enough to take all his ups and downs. He is always making everything into a fight and telling me that it's because of things I say and do. We can be out with friends laughing having the best time then we get home and hell breaks lose ( he doesnt act out infront of ppl he holds it in till we are alone) He comes up with a twisted stories of how I said something that insulted him. I can tell him over and over that it's in he mind and although it may have a hint of truth he makes up how it all played out. I just get so tired of fighting I give up and give in and the next day he acts all mad at me i have tell him im sorry a million times ( plus how much i love him cause he asks that question 50 times a day to make sure i do) so he will stop talking about how I'm the issues when I know I'm not I just want it to stop and it's making me crazy. He yells calls me names punches holes in walls throws anything (last night our coffee table because i wouldnt say he was right about something he twisted in his mind but in the end i said sorry and he has done nothing wrong again) when we are driving I have to listen to him swear at every car on the road. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time. He tells me he has depression and how shitty he feels all the time and I hate it. I know the man I love is there and all I want to do is help him even after all the mean things he says and does. I know bipolar is in his family but they do not talk about it. I think they feel being moody with outburst of anger is normal and the people who see what I see are to scared to say it , I guess iam too. He also has major ups where he is God's gift to the world in every way. But if people don't agree with everything he says or someone makes a joke about what he is wearing etc he crashes. I tell him I will go with him to get help and when he is drink ( almost every night just a few he says ) he will say ok and then the next day if I bring it up he gets mad or just ignores me. This is the first time iv ever wrote anything about what's going on and it feels good but it's heartbreaking to see in words what I feel. I stay with him cause I know he loves me and we do have wonderful times too. I see him in my life and the thought of him not being in it upsets me. It Took me along time to find him and 30 sec to fall in love with him . I want him but I'm worried it's turning me into a mental mess I don't know who iam sometimes because the old me would never put up with the treatment I get sometimes. Anyway feels good to let it out. I just hope some day he will get help and we can move forward that's my dream .
I am in the same boat as all of you. My gf and I had been separated for a week or two. After she finally reached out to me because she had a breakdown, she told me she went to therapy and what the doctor told her. I was on board wth her every step of of the way. I wasn't gonna give up on her. She recently stopped going to therapy and is refusing to take meds or going back. She knows I was willing to stand by her side no matter what. The verbal abide has gotten worse, her temper has gotten uncontrollable. Last night we had a big argument over everything. I really just want to be able to move past Everythjng start fresh. But how I can help her if she refuses to get help? My only fear is that she is gonna get worse, and it worries me.