The Suicide of a Bipolar Online

Just a small thing but it's important to me. I HAVE bipolar I AM NOT 'a bipolar'. I am not a walking disease. I am a human fighting a devastating illness. Thank you.

Thanks Rhonda. you have a very clear way of expressing the attempts we make to fight off incessant suicidal thoughts and the awful feelings that under lie them.

I don't know how anyone with BP could not be deeply concerned about the risk of suicide. We SO love to fantasize about the release! The victory! But, I HAVE to think about those who love me. Thank GOD for those poor souls (LOL). I have 2 grown children, 4 granddaughters, and a husband who has put up with me for 20+ years. No one else would have done the things he's done. I have the good habit of following all the way through with my fantasies. Thinking about who would find me, how they would feel. How it would affect my children for the rest of their lives. That's the best prevention I have found. You have ; who will understand when you don't feel like socializing, but be there for you when you do. Distance yourself from anyone who adds to your negativity.
And by all means, stay active in something, connected in some way. I lost my job a couple of years ago and have been in semi retirement and I have lost my identity to a large extent. When you lose all interest in anything, as we tend to do, and you don't HAVE to get out of bed, and you've already seen every episode of all your favorite shows on TV, retirement isn't at all what you might have dreamed it to be. You are very wise if you plan ahead to stay active.
It is very, very sad to hear of those who have acted on these vicious impulses while at the same time struggling so hard to help others. It does bring awareness to the severity of the disorder, though.
I am very new to this blogging, but very seasoned with BP, so I wanted to contribute to everyone's comments anyway I could. They were all helpful to me.

Just found out last night that a former co-worker attempted suicide two days ago only one train stop away from a major hospital. I've been in the psych ward of that hospital before. The train I ride to and from work each day also passes by that hospital and the stop where he did it. Thankfully he's still alive, though!
But it's just so sad. His highfunctioning autistic adult son is devastated. He is normally an extremely devoted father, very instrumental in promoting his son's growth and abilities, despite his son suffering from Aspergers Syndrome. They went everywhere together, were like peas and carrots. It just breaks my heart.
Ever since this former co-worker retired 3 years ago he seemed to have lost his way, his sense of purpose, his, identity. Shortly before he retired he had a stroke but seemed to have mostly recovered from it, minus a few minor intellectual deficits. Afterwards he would still come to the office to chat because he was lonely. But since all the recent cut backs there's just not as much time for socializing anymore, at least not at work. He used to be our union rep. Stood up and fought for other people's rights and was well liked and respected by his co-workers but not as much by management. He reached a "glass ceiling" early on in his career because of, well um, I'm not quite sure. I never really understood why he didn't pursue other avenues. He was extremely well read. Was university educated. Would have made a fantastic university professor. Loved to talk, talk, talk.
I am also nearing retirement myself. Since I live alone, no spouse, no kids, no cats, I know I'm gonna have to find something productive to do to fill my time or else I am gonna curl up into a little ball and die. So for a while now I've been reading the volunteer postings in my community on a regular basis to get an idea of what's available. I also have alerts on my computer, looking at part time jobs posting as well. Recently I was approached by the co-ordinator of a recreational group to become a co-facilitator. Me, really? I am the least likely candidate for something like that but I've decided to take it on as a challenge anyway. Well, sort of... (The recreational group is an extension of a mood disorders group I attend occasionally. It also happens to be held in the same hospital were my former co-worker is currently sectioned under the mental health act). I've started looking at what type of recreation and leisure activities there are in my community. I've even asked a recreational therapist, in the mental health clinic I currently attend, for some ideas. She gave me a 2 page printout of ideas but I also found that most of what she told me can also be found by doing a simple Internet search. She told me as well about some clubhouses in my area for people with mental health issues, that offer recreational support among other things such as help with job searches, housing, etc that I wasn't aware of. There are opportunities to volunteer there as too
Basically what I'm trying to do at this stage of my life is to find something meaningful to do to fill my time both now and in the future because even though I suffer from a serious mental illness and am also nearing retirement I'm just too dammed young to be put out to pasture, yet
No sir, no glue factory for this filly!

I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder in the last month. I have known since my early twenties that I was. I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years now. He just can't help the fact that it is a mental illness. He doesn't want me to take my meds for the rest of my life. Says he is just waiting for me to " snap out of it". Even says things like why do you have to take such a high dose. ( I haven't even started to second prescription yet). He says he knows I can snap out of it cause he did. That he just woke up one morning and was all better. Has no patience with me. He is pushing me away cause he just doesn't want to understand. When we try to talk about it, I end up shutting down. I just can't get thru to him. Please help me with some idea of how to give him a better understanding of my illness. Thank in advance!

I'm very sorry for your loss, and deeply saddened that this person who fought so hard and reached out to fellow sufferers was taken by this illness.

Fighting this nagging urge at times can bring you to a " do or die corner ". For me I make up other options to turn to. Call people,visit,breath a little. I get busy with anything. Sometimes it helps, I can call my shrink and get in ASAP. It's hard to think straight at these time. I'm so sorry for the loss, it scares me and for you out there it should scare you. Don't give up, don't give in. Fight.