2 Techniques for Dialoguing with Alter Personalities
I've lived virtually my whole life with a vague but pervasive sense that somewhere there were people I couldn't see who knew things about me I didn't. When I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, I finally understood that the information I wasn't privy to existed in my own head, guarded by alter personalities. I naively thought I could simply ask and all would be revealed to me. I quickly learned that developing internal communication isn't nearly that easy. But there are dialoguing techniques that can help.
Write Letters to Alter Personalities
This is perhaps the most oft recommended way of dialoguing within the dissociative identity disorder system. In my experience the suggestion is accompanied with the directive to offer comfort, acceptance, and gratitude to the alter personalities you're addressing. But it's also been my experience that faking it won't help.
The most dramatic shift I've had to date began with a letter in which I expressed my genuine feelings of anger and powerlessness. I felt no gratitude at the time. I had no comfort to offer, and I certainly didn't claim to accept things as they were. What ensued was a series of mutually honest letters that culminated in an agreement that quite literally changed everything for my system. I firmly believe no lasting change can happen without gratitude. But you have to start somewhere. And forcing yourself to express feelings that aren't sincere isn't the place.
Dialogue with Alter Personalities Through Art
I'm nothing short of amazed at the enormous potential for healing in any artistic endeavor. What's most impressive to me is the dialoguing that can take place without any conscious effort. If I create - through any medium - simply by following what attracts me without attempting to make sense of my choices, I am communicating with my system. I think this works so well partly because it bypasses cognitive reasoning, and partly because it creates a mild hypnotic effect, which can open a door into the dissociative identity disorder system.
While it's important not to impose any hard and fast rules, I get the most out of dialoguing through art when I:
- Avoid judgment. If I feel the inclination to paint a red lollipop on the side of a house, I do it regardless of whether or not it makes sense.
- Talk about it when I'm done. Even if I have to pretend my listener exists, I explain my artwork and creative choices to someone. Just by talking about the red lollipops their meaning becomes clear.
Dialoguing with Alter Personalities Gets Easier
I've discovered that utilizing these and other techniques regularly pays off in more ways than one. Not only am I more knowledgeable about my system, I also feel more connected to others in it and, therefore, myself. This increased awareness creates opportunities to learn and connect more, which makes communication easier and more efficient. It's a cumulative process and one that's essential to treating dissociative identity disorder.
Follow me on Twitter!
Gray, H. (2010, November 29). 2 Techniques for Dialoguing with Alter Personalities, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, December 2 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2010/11/2-techniques-for-dialoguing-with-alter-personalities
Author: Holly Gray
I think I have DID. I remember talking to two people, and they acted like I said something bad. They were looking at me and I don't remember saying anything bad. It's like I blinked during conversation and was back. . One completely stopped talking to me because of it. She won't tell me what I said. Only that it was racist. I'm not racist. Also, I've had my body parts act on their own. And the voices saying things in my head while I try to talk to people, greatly differ from my view of the person I am talking to. What do I do? I used to think they were demons.
How do I know if my alters are taking over?I t's really confusing. I get werid mood swings at work to where I am happy one moment and the next i am angry. My therapist says I have BPD, but one night when i was sleep walking, walked into my parents room and started digging through their clothing looking for my birth mother who died when i was four. But when i was calling out her name it was a child voices. And at this age I was in 12. Also how do i talk to them??
I have bpd as well, but I've noticed this "other side" that I've aptly named Patricia 😅 sometimes I joke because I'm a Pisces/Aries cusp that I'm the Pisces and she's the Aries... I don't really have an answer as I'm only able to see her when I'm super drunk and it's never a healthy conversation, but I just wanted to say I can relate and am trying to figure it out as well.
Hi so um idk wether or not I have DID. There are so many times in my life that I can remember, but it’s like watching them from a fifferent part of the room. I don’t remember making decisions and I regret them a lot. About a year or so ago, I was walking down a hallway... and that’s it. That’s all I remember until a teacher asked me what I was doing. I didn’t know how to answer (I’m 13). Apparently something was stolen and me being down there was suspicious. Later, my teacher asked me wether or not I stole it. I said no. Everything was fine until she asked me if I was the only one in the hallway. I said yes. Her expression changed to something more stiff and again she asked if I was the only one in the hallway. Confused, I told her that I was the only one. I was wrong. The whole time, there was another girl next to me, talking, and I was answering. Like actually responding. I tried to explain, but no one believed me. I was teased and called a thief. I didn’t understand it, so I told myself that I was in the wrong. That it was MY fault. Now sometimes at night I text someone and I wake up fully remembering the texts, but not remembering myself during the texts? Idk if that makes sense. I usually always remember my thought process, but I actually couldn’t. It kind of scared me. My parents are divorced, but it is still a very ugly situation. Sometimes I become a totally different person after hearing about the lawsuits. I am a very positive person, but there was one point where I became so depressed that I ended up self harming. It is now unfathomsble to me that I would make this choice, and because of how I was taught, I told myself that I was attention seeking, and my pain wasn’t real, or I didn’t deserve to feel pain. So I ignored that. Sometimes I get so angry when I am sitting still, and I feel the need to spasm, or throw something. I usually end up just breaking pencils, but it’s weird because I’m just sitting there. Lately, if I am focusing on small details it actually scares me and I have to throw the pencil across the room. I am a different person around everyone I talk to, and it makes me so scared. I used to have these dreams where I am almost asleep. So I guess it’s not a dream but anyway I will be looking at my room as a whole, and suddenly it’s like my vision will zoom in on one spot an it will become so quiet that the silence is actually screaming. I would run into my moms room crying. It turns out that ever single time I had those dreams, I had a fever, so it was like I was warning myself. Sometimes when it is really quiet the sounds around me turn into whispers, and they become so freaking loud I have to cover my ears, but it doesn’t help because the sound is inside my head. I honestly can’t tell. It seems impossible to me that I have DID, but idk. Sometimes it seems like it’s all in my head. Other times, it IS undeniably in my head, and it’s there. Sorry it’s so long. Any ideas?
I think that you're 17 now
I just wanna know if you passed this or not
I’ve found this website so useful. I’m a transition worker for a charity and I am currently working with someone who has DID. She has virtually no support at the moment apart from me and she’s really struggling at the moment. I am the only person in my charity that has seen her alters and I mostly see the youngest one who is around 7 years of age. The woman I support is 25. She has a couple who are very angry and there is self-harm. I am extremely worried but I could do with some advice of how to converse with her alters, particularly the angry ones. I also don’t want to trigger or antagonise any of the alters.
Any advice or guidance would be greatly welcomed as the support in the UK for someone with this diagnosis is not great and the last thing I want is her getting sectioned (I think that would make things much worse).
I realize this was years ago, but in case you still struggle to communicate with reactive alters. If an alter is reactive, something is probably triggering a host. If it was sudden, think about the conversation you just had with them. And I mean the whole thing. Was there a point that their posture changed, or anything noticable? If you remember what you were talking about before that change, you can figure out why they are out.
Anything and everything is a trigger. Names, places, smells, tastes, everything.
If an alt acts defensively, it's best to stay calm and chose your wording to avoid misunderstandings. Do not let your hurt show if they are mean. That alter is likely trying to prove to the rest that no one can handle them, they are too far gone, and getting "help" would mean opening up to potentially more trauma. (It's very possible that they've experienced medical trauma/neglectigance from an early age as well, so.. lots of valid fear!) Patience is really important.
Hello there. We don't know if this method fits you, but it does for us:
When we want to tell something to the others, we just take a cassette recorder, record what we want to say and we carry it around with us. when one of us takes over the body, he or she just reaches for the recorder to check for new messages. at night, we hang the recorder from the doorknob, so that in the morning, whoever took over the body during the night sees it and checks it.
It never fails, at least for us.
And yes, we like to speak in plural. it's more fun and gets people even more confused.
wow, I'm in the early stages here, of DID. Accepting it and learning to communicate with mine is difficult. My therapist says there are 6, I can only see/ feel 4. I'm confused most of the time, I also have a traumatic brain Injury. and often feel as an observer/ outsider. I'm glad this exists.
At last I know I'm not crazy...
I had two alters inside of me...
I knew one to be female but I really couldn't place the identity of the other one though I think he's male...
The female one usually had a clash with the male and they'd be a confusing fight going on in my head but no one really knows just me...
For now, I no longer feel the female one's presence but instincts is still around..(instincts, that's what I call him.) ...He's awesome and I feel like only him really understands me...
He knows me like everything about me... Like everything I don't know...
I put on character masks a lot..
Like everytime I'm with people, its a different character....
I hate people cause I feel like they just want to judge me..
I'm great at pretending and I get confused a lot ..
I'm 17 and I don't have a boyfriend though most kids my age do but connecting with someone and having to share my everything feeling with them is what I can't do with anyone else except instincts cause he's my best friend and I love him...
He helps me a lot and he tells me stuff I should and shouldn't do...
I don't have a hard time switching character with my alters because we connect though we argue alot but we love ourselves and there's nothing better than that...
Being with them is better than being with people...
OK. I am going to take a chance and not think of myself as crazy for doing this, no offense to any one. A year ago I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder (Recurrent Episodes: Moderate), and ADHD : Predominantly Inattentive. I am now 32 years old. Been taking meds as directed by my psychiatrist. In April I got out of the shower and look at the mirror, and could not recognize myself. Like I was looking at a stranger. Then I snapped back. Then days after that it happened again. I'd say a total of 6 times it's happened. Now I have been having trouble remembering conversations I had with my wife. Or she would say don't you remember saying that? I literally have no clue what she is talking about, which results in a fight. My moods have been swinging more often. I get headaches off and on despite taking a motrin. And despite being medicated, I feel the anxiety again! What is going on?! I don't hear voices, am I supposed to hear voices? Then I guess you can say this was the icing on the cake. A coworker accidentally hit me in the eye with a rubber band, and I just completely flipped out! Cussed him out! I had to take a walk. But when I came back to work it's like I never got mad, but yet I feel this anger inside toward this person. I thought I got over it? I see my psychiatrist June 1st. I am going to be completely honest, I have no idea what or how to bring this up, because for the past year everything has been great. All input is welcome please.
I was just diagnosed a month or so ago. Oddly, I had zero clue until my therapist and I started non-dominant hand writing inner child exercises...and then I was writing with three alters and a fourth just showed up. I don't lose time and have had a fully functional life but obviously "pockets" of trauma are still harbored in these alters. They don't dialogue in my head, the only communication is art or writing. My therapist said they need to start talking to each other. Part of me thinks, no writing, no diagnosis, but really this is where the healing lies, I know. She would like to communicate with my parts but they remain nonverbal but will write in response to her questions. Do I really want these parts to communicate in my head? I think not.
Right now it's a 100% controlled environment until I pick up a pen. A lot of forgotten trauma has come out and I question the truth in it, too. I would love your feedback.
I've typed this out three times now, just to have my computer take me a page back and delete everything I had written so I'm gonna try to make this quick this time.
First off, I wanted to thank you for sharing this post. Really. I don't have D.I.D but my mother does. I am also her caretaker. I was talking to her this morning and I asked her if I could try to communicate with them through letters (like she has before herself, in the past). She said she didn't mind but that it was up to them, of course, to respond to me or not.
I was wondering if you had any advice for someone like myself. Anything I should try to stray away from saying/asking? Maybe anything I SHOULD say or ask? I just don't want to do anything to set her balance off, I don't think anyone else has ever tried to communicate with them like this before but her. So I am not sure how they will react.
I do also know they love to come out and play with my 2 year old daughter. If that helps at all. They aren't afraid to talk to me, sometimes they do try to trick me into thinking its not them and she hasn't switched, but I can usually tell. This is really the only reason I'm not 110% sure. I don't think it would upset them at all, since I'm one of the only people they are comfortable coming out in and being in front of, but at the same time, I am not sure.
I really want to do this though. It is probably just as much for myself as it is for her, I do have questions myself, but I really just want to help my mother. Help her understand more of herself and her other personalities and the reason 'why'? If this makes sense. I just want to help her.
Thank you. So much. For everything. Sharing this post and what you've gone through and helping others as well as any possibly help or advice you have for me. <3 <3 <3
It's impossible to tell you the right or wrong way to go about this, but I think it's great that you are trying.
Just as you try to get to know a person first as you meet them, try to get to know her alters. You can ask basic questions and see how well they respond to that. Remind them that you are a safe person. I wouldn't purposely go into anything trauma-related, as that could make things worse.
Thank you for sharing this.
I do not have DID but the one I love does and it terrifies her. I am trying to understand how best I can help her, whether and how I should communicate with her alters (they do sometimes suddenly talk to me), and just generally how not to make things more difficult for her.
Thank you again for the guidance and help you share.
Just found this blog- glad to hear others with DID.
I'm not officially diagnosed yet- but with all the research I've done and
insights into the bizarre behaviour of my past (& present) I am already
concluding that I have at least a dissociative disorder.
I am in therapy now- very lucky to have found a good therapist- he uses
the Internal Family Systems approach- which I find very helpful.
I'm taking a few pills just to help "take the edge off" - for anxiety & depression.
I do feel very chaotic and am changing my stance on things from day to day.
I don't know what will happen with my relationship. There's A LOT of pain inside- been there for so long. I get overwhelmed with trying to comfort that pain.
I bought some journals to give space for each part.
Just feeling overwhelmed today.
Hope to hear more from others with DID...
Thanks for the space to post.
Heartbroken bird on a wire. Heaven need make me stronger or take me home. So very tired of existing in a sea of grief. So very epically ashamed of ugly crying. Bless those humans who know and double bless those free from knowing a road like this. People care for me, or used to. Patches of a quilt do not a woman make. God forgive us all.
Hi there, I don't know if this blog is still open as the last entry was early 2011 but here's hoping that it is. I wish I had found it a few years ago when the system was in a crisis but hey, that is the beauty of DID right? We somehow manage to cope in circumstances where 'singletons' crumble ;-)
I was diagnosed with DID (then Multiple Personality Disorder)in 1992, by an expert in the field. She was fantastic and we worked together for 6 years. unfortunately there wasn't much scope or opportunity for her to develop further in the country where we live, so she went to Holland to do research and work. After that we just bumbled and stumbled through every day,pretty much.
In this country, there is little or no real support for DID and the few therapists who treat it are very expensive and we have not yet found one who has much experience at all. I can identify with the bloggers who have posted on all your blogs and have / have had similar experiences an symptoms. We are pretty much in a good space as far as internal understanding and communication is concerned but there every now and then the system is put under pressure and de-stabilised again and new 'members' reveal themselves / demand body-time etc. For me, it is about unconditional acceptance, trust, nurturing, trust, understanding, trust, consideration of the needs of others, trust, caring and more trust. Trust is the hardest thing to do and to gain and the easiest to lose!
We are in a crisis situation with huge decisions to make and it was in the search for support and an understanding ear or two, that I came across your Blog.
I hope someone out there sees this and connects to help alleviate this feeling of 'aloneness' and being overwhelmed by all that's going on.
I know there is a place on this website to help locate good therapists, but I'm not sure where. I started out with a very good one that has experience with DID. I'm from Ohio in case u r too. You can join some DID groups on this site & there might be some help there. Lots of good info.
PS will the system alert my email when there is a reply? I don't want to keep the tab open and my Favorite url's don't always save...
Just stumbled across this site looking for more info about mind control conditioning that created the alters in me. I am not working with a therapist, and most of the ones I have met would not be able to handle this, I don't think. For years, I have been gently working with myself, to create a loving and unified whole (healed) but the world situation's fragmentation makes HOPE hard to have, so then the system falls apart. Are any of you here working with a trusted therapist? Are there meds that help with DID?
Thanks for your responses,
Thank you for your comment (and for reading!)
The site will not send an alert when there are replies, no. I apologize for the inconvenience.
I have a very good therapist, yes. I can understand why parts of you would be reticent to enter therapy, but I do believe it's incredibly difficult to do much healing without aid and support. If you decide to consider looking for a therapist, I recommend checking the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation online (see their Find-A-Therapist feature) and the Sidran Institute's website: isst-d.org and sidran.org respectively.
There are no medication specifically for Dissociative Identity Disorder. Many people with DID do take medications to help manage some of the symptoms and problems that often accompany DID, e.g. depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress.
I hope to see you again, Adrienne.
Hey Lenore, can we become friends? I think I over stressed myself. Can't keep up this year. feel lots of fear.
Holly, sometimes I will just sit and color in a coloring book. It is amazing over the 2 years I have been doing this the different types of coloring. I date each page I do. I find giving the 'little ones' a chance to express themselves the days go easier. The month of Dec though I have tried to ignor this. So as the days go by things get worse and worse. Had a hard day. I see you can't just ignor the feelings and emotions inside. I think I'm going to go crazy. Have so much to do for Christmas. Do time. Then there is one who thinks that sleeping will take care of everything and then I'm rushed to get stuff done. Family all comming over for the 23rd and a party to go to on the 22nd. Have 2 blankets (small ones) to make for grandsons. Have to plan the meal on the 23rd too. Decorate the tree. Be the perfect grandma. blah blah blah. Then there's the Nativity Play I started with the family. I wanted to start a tradition.
I feel like screaming. Hiding, sleeping. make it all go away.
I let very few people close to me & no one for long. My children are used to me. I'm good at covering things, so they just think I'm a "ditz" sometimes. They do know I'm in therapy though & they know I have some issues...just not labeled DID.
It will come out at some point...I'm just not ready for that hurdle yet.
Thanks for your comments. I also do not like to hand write anything. My handwriting is so different at times. Sometimes it looks so childish. I just don't like my handwriting.
Right now I'm suppose to be somewhere and find it hard to leave the house. Don't really know why. Do you have that too. It seems that I have to be 'late' to push myself out. Then when I'm out I want to go everywhere and can't seem to make myself stop. This is where the Fibromyalgia comes in and I crash in pain from that. I started Cymbalta about 2 months ago and it has helped with the pain so that it is not so harsh on me. still get tired and hurt. Well I was suppose to meet a friend at her house right now so I'd better go. talk later.
I'm suprised you haven't told anyone. Don't they see something different in you?
I sure can relate to the spelling thing. It happens all the time. I want to invent a pen w/ spell check in it!!! That's why I prefer to just type things out, so I don't have to worry about it as much. "WORD" can correct me.
Finding this site has helped me not to feel so alone. It is hard when those around you don't know how to relate. In my case no one knows I have DID but my therapist, so they really can't even try to relate. Being here has helped me be able to share what's inside with those who know and understand, but I'm still able to hide. For me, that's very comforting.
Hello to all of you. This has been real helpful to read everyone's blog. I have known I had DID for 3 years now. My head too is filled with lots of chaos and confussion. One minute I can't spell something and the next I can spell. Have a hard time leaving the house and loose track of time very easily. I'm alone alot of the time for my husband is gone 12 hours a day. So i think i will just use your idea about journaling. I too get headaches and found out it was because of the switching. Then I find it hard to do all I plan because part of me is too tired to go and then an hour later I think I will be going and can't figure why a friend is not ready to go and that is because I told her the first time we were not going because I was tired. Everything can get so confussing at times.
Thanks for your comment.
DID certainly can make navigating life a confusing endeavor. I do think internal communication helps to ease that, but it doesn't make the confusion go away entirely. Not for me anyway. Still, next to educating myself about my disorder, internal communication has been the most important factor for me in easing all manner of DID related problems.
Good luck with the journaling. I hope you find it as helpful as I have in my own life.
Thanks lenore. Your journal sounds like a great suggestion.
My journal looks like one big jumbled up mess. Total chaos! But at my very core, I like to be an organized person. I may try this to see if it works. I hope you will let us know if it is working for you as well.
Thanks for the feedback on the headaches. They have been a constant part of my life for as long as I can remember. I've had the MRI scans, and tried all kinds of medication, and nothing works. It just seems that they are a part of all this. But maybe if we can quiet some of the internal chaos, we will eventually get some relief.
Mareeya-- I recently started a journal w/ a section for each inside to share. Each tab is marked with either their name or description. I put my thoughts on what is said in a section in the back. It's to early to tell how it will work, but I have found that any effort on my part to give them a place results in less chaos inside.
Headaches are a regular part of my life.
I agree! When I fight the urges to acknowledge "them" my life gets just a little more chaotic. Recently I have been having small snipers of time with "the baby" and all she wants to do is crafts. As long as I let her play it's over relatively quickly. She sort of comes and goes like a typical 4yo that gets distracted but if I try to ignore her it's also like a typical 4yo being ignored. Suddenly all I can think about is plastic beads or painting until I let her choose and "help" her do her craft.
I have just recently discovered this in me and I'm still very in denial which has also cause the "normal" chattering in my head between them to be absolutely deafening quiet. They can make me feel absolutely cut off if I'm not acknowledging them or am convincing myself it's all in my head.
Hmmm....I don't know. I'm pretty sure psychic ninjas are following me around.... ;)
Those techniques are wonderful. If I feel a little stuck it helps to begin writing with my non-dominant hand, too.
If I know an alter's name I write it down on colored index cards, too, along with their ages, purpose, and anything else they may want to share about themselves.
Paul, I think your comment on how these "techniques help build the internal dialoguing that one can do inside one's head" made something click with me. I already have dialog going on inside my head, but it is very chaotic, confusing, and it pretty much never turns off. It is chaotic to the point that I get migraines all of the time, and then the migraines will often result in switching. This leads me to believe that if I were to utilize these techniques, then my internal dialog would be less chaotic, and less confusing. And as Holly stated in the last paragraph of her blog, communication would be more efficient. For those of you who have experience with utilizing various techniques, can you relate? Did it seem as though everything was chaotic in the beginning, but then less chaotic once you started using specific techniques? Also, has anyone else experienced migraines that coincide with other DID symptoms? My therapist told me that my frequent migraines were an actual clue for her in my diagnosis of DID.
Great techniques Holly. Yes, dialogue is not easy at all. I also do parts' check-ins on the iPhone. It's a great little way to acknowledge parts. I have them listed in a little check in app and check them off one at a time. These sorts of techniques help build the internal dialoguing that one can do just inside one's head. But that takes a bit of doing for sure.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I realize now that I was on a bit of a rant, and I'm feeling a bit embarrassed.
"It might help you to know that the fear, need for isolation, and feeling like a freak that you describe is classic."
This is so very helpful to know. I will remind myself of that. I am so glad I found this blog, and can read the experiences of others. Reading about carla's experience with isolation, and your feelings of desperation, chaos, and confusion after your diagnosis, really helps me to make some sense out of what I'm feeling. I am not glad that you have gone through these feelings, but I find comfort in knowing that these feelings are normal.
I promise you that your blog is not misleading. I actually find it very down to earth, real, and heartfelt. I come here because I know that I have so much to learn, and I need these tools that you are offering. I really am soaking it all in.
Thanks Carla. Thanks for understanding the fear. I know this fear must be common, and I will try to take that next step soon. I'm sorry you lost those six months. As much as I really want to stay home and not expose myself, I really have to put on my work mask and return to work. I'm pretty good at faking it, though deep down inside I feel like a freak, and that makes me want to hide. I have a mask for every occasion, and as much as my masks help me get through what I find to be difficult situations, I just get so exhausted. I think that contributes to my need for isolation. I just want to stay home where I don't have to wear a mask. I want to rest for awhile. The holidays coming up seems to make everything worse for me. I have to attend an office party soon, which I am so dreading, but I know when it gets here I will put on my social mask and transform into the perfect party girl. Then I will go home and wonder if I pulled it off. It helps to come here and put my fear into words. I'm glad I found such a great place to learn about this and receive such kind advice.
I wholeheartedly agree with carla that what you're describing sounds like fear, not laziness. I also echo her message that it does get easier.
It might help you to know that the fear, need for isolation, and feeling like a freak that you describe is classic. Not long after I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, I called an acquaintance that also had DID. I was terrified, lonely, and desperate. I told her about my diagnosis and stuttered my way through a panicked description of the chaos and confusion I was feeling. She asked me when I was diagnosed. I told her ... it had been a few months but no more than 6. She responded with a knowing "Aahhhh," and said, "Yeah you're in the really rocky stages now."
I've since learned how right she was. It can be misleading to read blogs like mine or books written by people with DID who seem calm, stable, happy, etc. Know that no matter how "together" we may appear and quite possibly be, we have all been through those terrifying, confusing early months and years and they have derailed us all. I don't think I've done the overwhelming confusion, fear, and desperation of learning you have DID justice yet here at Dissociative Living. I will try, though. Because over the years I've heard from people newly diagnosed with DID many times and without fail they all say the same things I did on the phone that day. It's important to me for you and others with DID to know you aren't a freak - you're a human being struggling under the weight of a heavy duty diagnosis and trying to make sense of yourself and your reality. It's not easy.
What if instead of agreeing to the prescribed idea that it's nessesary for you to "wear masks" or fake it, or pretend..... what if you just don't? What if you being you and setting all that heavy self-counciousness down and letting it go? You may think you are not good enough but I promise you that you are. And I think youd be surprised at, once you do let yourself be the only approval that you need anymore, that by liking, and letting yourself be known by your peers could be the gift of a lifetime. Is everybody going to like you? No. Is that ok? Absolutely. You like you, and the people who are real and sincere will make you feel so relieved to not be hiding, or trying to fool yourself and everybody else anymore. You don't have to be "the perfect" anything except the perfect you. You still want to improve and work on yourself? Ok. Do it. But just stop looking to everyone else to tell you that youre ok because if you wait for that you'll probably be waiting a long time, and thats not to do with you, just the extreeme preocupation with themselves, their own fears, self-delutions and identity affirming behaviors they are going through. Like acting better that you, or anybody else. Or just looking down and being hateful to you because they think they can. Their maltreatment isnt about you, its about them. And once you start trying to see and notice all those "wrapped up in their own issues" crap that people try to make us take the blame for...... are crap. And you deserve better. So. Be your own best friend. Your own biggest admirer. Your own companion (do think you like by yourself AND ENJOY IT). You're going to be more than fine.
All the best.
well, you are right. Nobody else's opinion has to matter about this but ours, and I mean ours because we like to speak in plural. It's more fun and it confuses people even more.
We have actually had a couple people letting us down and slowly cutting relationship with us because they say we're just faking it or that we're the devil's creation, but f***them. We mean, if you love yourself and your headmates, what else do you need? Don't say food, water and air. This is actually one of the bes motivational speeches we've ever heard, although it's that simple and face-to-face style.
Thank you anyways.
A hug from Mexico.
-Riz, Aguilar, Rian, Mashie-
to Mareeya---------I did what you want to do. I stayed locked inside my place for 6 months, not dealing with anything. It's not laziness, it's fear of taking the next step and it can incapacitate you. Dealing with it does get easier though and I feel better now than I did when I ignored it. In fact, now I wish I could have those 6 months back.
This is exactly what my therapist is trying to work with me on at the moment. I emphasize "trying". I'm not always the easiest patient. This information is very helpful as far as seeing some options to try, and also just knowing that others are actually doing these things, and finding the techniques helpful. So I know I'm not alone. I haven't made the giant step of attempting communication yet, because quite frankly, it scares the H*** out of me. I don't know why. I'm not really one to scare easily. I'm just not feeling myself lately....whoever that is.
My first step this year was to keep a journal, which lead me to acceptance of my DID.
The last couple of days have been rough as I've been bouncing between anger, and a refusal to believe this is even real. I deep down know that it is real, but you know... There is like this huge argument going on inside my head right now.
All I want to do right now is isolate myself. Literally....isolation is what I really want. I want to stay locked inside my apartment, and not deal with any of this. I know it sounds lazy, and I'm sure I will snap out of this.
I also know that I will refer back to this post and use this to help guide me when I'm ready to try to communicate. So, thanks Holly for putting this out here. I'm listening, and soaking it in. I really am. Sorry for the rambling. :) -- Mareeya