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Life with Bob

About a week and a half ago, my son, Bob--who has bipolar disorder and ADHD--was prescribed Loxapine by his psychiatrist. Loxapine was added to his medications in an effort to counter his recent depression symptoms, as well as a concurrent onset of overwhelming paranoia, fear of being alone, nightmares, and sleepwalking.
You didn't believe my last post on Stigma of Mental Illness Affects Parents Too--where I claimed to feel 100% non-responsible for my son, Bob's bipolar disorder and ADHD--did you? If you, too, are the parent of a child with a psychiatric diagnosis, you likely didn't buy it. Chances are, no matter how much you tell the world--and yourself--otherwise, you can't help but feel at least partially responsible for your child's mental illness. Especially if you, too, live with a psychiatric illness.
My name is Angela, and my kid has bipolar disorder and ADHD. Now that I’ve completed the first step, I’d like my coffee and donut, thank you. It’s taken me a long time to get here.
All this talk about sleep is making me wonder--will I ever get any, myself? The recent discussions about sleep disorders and mental illness are unusually timely--I'd been planning to do this week's post on sleep problems, because we are definitely experiencing them at our house.
Bob was home this past weekend--for the first time in a month, one of only three he's spent at home since May. It was far from relaxing. His childhood anxiety is in full throttle, and dealing with his constant irrational fear had me looking forward to Monday.
Fall is upon us. The shorter days and less light affects my son's mood. Have you noticed any changes in your child's mood? Or yourself?
Bob’s biological father and I are not together, so my husband and I occasionally find ourselves “Bob-less” when he is spending time with dear ol’ Dad. No thanks to a legal loophole, Bob is away from our home nearly every weekend during the summer break. These Bob-free times are bittersweet for me. I miss him terribly when he’s gone. Because he has bipolar disorder and ADHD, I worry about whether he’s getting enough sleep, or drinking enough water, or being given his medications properly. I worry about what sort of ridiculously dangerous activities he might be taking part in, and how he’s getting along with his father. I wonder if he’s missing us, and while I hope he is, I hope not too much.
“You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids.” We hear it all the time—but do we really listen to it? Reading some of the comments left here, I don’t think so. I admit I am equally guilty. As parents of mentally ill children, we spend plenty of time talking to therapists and psychiatrists, but very little of that talk involves our own mental health. So often, we find ourselves completely embroiled in our children’s mental illness and treatment, we end up neglecting ourselves.
I am a working parent. Some parents work because they love their work; others because they need the money. I’m a little of both—I don’t love my work, but I value my sanity and indoor plumbing. Without my income, we’d have neither. Being a working parent is a juggling act under the best circumstances, but when your child has a chronic illness, it’s virtually impossible. Sadly, parents whose children have a psychiatric illness (like my son, Bob, who has bipolar disorder and ADHD) struggle with all of those difficulties--and then some.
There's no cure for crazy. Sometimes I forget. My husband pointed it out to me once. "When he does well, you get your hopes up," he said. "And I think you let yourself have expectations that aren't realistic. It's almost like you still think someday he'll be cured." He was right, of course, but that did nothing to soften the blow.