Goodbye (And I wish you all well!)
I'm both happy and sad right now.
Happy because I have landed my dream job. Sad because that means I will no longer be writing this blog.
It's been a tumultuous, frustrating, and yet rewarding two years since I started writing Surviving ED.Two years ago, I was approached through my personal blog, The Spirit Within, to be interviewed about "Deromanticizing Anorexia." That video was the start of Surviving ED.
I didn't know it was going to be such a difficult two years. All of you have seen me through several separations and the ultimate demise of my marriage, a descent into alcoholism and prescription drug abuse, and several hospitalizations.
But there also have been bright moments. Like recovery.
I think I can safely say that I am recovering, and that I am hopeful that I will be fully recovered some day. My psychiatrist and I recently decided that I am doing so well that I will be able to terminate treatment this month — after almost five years of therapy.
Anorexia, any eating disorder, is hard to beat. I have met many people in treatment, and sadly I have seen many of them relapsed. As I have relapsed myself many times.
There was a time I didn't think that I could recover. There was a time I didn't think I wanted to recover.
And now I'm living it.
I want to leave all of you with this: you can recover. I was very resistant to recovery, but I am doing it every day. I credit my wonderful eating disorders psychiatrist; he says it was all my work and that I'm a hard worker. So perhaps he was the guide that lead me out of the abyss of anorexia.
Anorexia and other eating disorders sometimes almost have a pathological hold over many of us. For a long time, I embraced the eating disorder identity. I was an anorexic. And nothing more. I didn't know anything more.
And that was odd for someone who developed anorexia in her early forties. I was amazed and appalled at how strong of a hold this illness took on me. I was very frightened.
In the five-plus years I've battled anorexia, I've often wondered what causes it. Why did I develop it? Why does anyone develop an eating disorder?
I have speculated about this question through this blog. I have written about society's demanding expectations on women. I have written about the addictive nature of these illnesses. I have written that some clinicians think that eating disorders have a genetic component. I have stressed that for me, anorexia was a coping mechanism, something that came along when I could not cope with all the stresses and demands of my life.
I have searched for answers, and yet I am still as puzzled as when I started writing this blog two years ago. Maybe I will never find the answers; maybe no one will ever find any one answer to why people develop eating disorders.
Why did I develop anorexia? I still really don't know.
But does it even matter? My psychiatrist put it this way: if I was in a building and it was on fire, would I stand there and speculate about why the fire started? No. I get out of the building and save my life. So that's what I did — I worked on recovering from an illness that I didn't really I know why I had.
The reason I will no longer be writing Surviving ED is that my new job is writing, and my contract states I can't write for other venues. That's pretty standard for writing jobs, as they don't want your focus to be on writing for someone else.
It is my dream job. I am very fortunate. I have come out on the other side of anorexia and I am thriving, starting work doing something I love and living a life of recovery.
I still will be around on Facebook, Google+, and @angelaegambrel on Twitter. Please contact me if any of you need anything or just want to chat. I feel very grateful for the two years I have had at HealthyPlace and am happy that I might have been able to help some of you.
I wish you all well and I pray for each one of you to recover fully from your eating disorders. It is possible. Please remember that.
Gambrel, A. (2012, December 2). Goodbye (And I wish you all well!), HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, March 30 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/survivinged/2012/12/goodbye-and-i-wish-you-all-well
Author: Angela E. Gambrel
Angela,congratulations on getting your dream job. Hope all continues to go well and blessings flow your way.
Thank you for sharing your courage with all of us, Angela. You inspire me, and I look forward to remaining connected to you. Congratulations on your new job! We will miss you.
I am very happy to hear that you landed your dream job, Angela. Best of luck in your career and wishing you continued success, I'm sure you are going to do great!! Patricia Avila
Thank you, Alistair!
Angela: Congratulations on the new job - I wish you well. I surely will miss you though. I really admired the strength, honesty, and courage you always shared with us so generously. You have inspired many people; probably more than you fully understand. Very best regards, Alistair McHarg