Time-Out Isn't Just for Kids

Time-out - that time honored tradition that hasn't been around very long, but used in schools and homes everywhere (though not by everyone) is a blessing in disguise for me.

Bob has been too old for time-out for quite some time. I don't even remember the last time I used it with him or why. But, I do know that it has a very unusual effect when used in a different way.

What is Time-Out Anyway?

Long before SuperNanny made her way into out living rooms and the hearts of frustrated parents everywhere, time-out had been used. The simple idea behind time-out is to give a child time out of their negative behavior and into calm, quiet behavior (read Tips for Parenting a Child with ADHD). Until SuperNanny showed me how to do time-out properly, Bob with his undiagnosed ADHD in pre-school could sit for hours bored out of his mind. Likely and definitely, Bob forgot why he was in time-out.

Time out was Famous to Me

"Famous" was (and still is) what some people call time-out in a sarcastic way, of course. One of those was my father. But, I used it. A lot. With SuperNanny to help me tweak it a bit, it worked. However, as Bob got older, it stopped. It just didn't have the same effect on him. Something had to change in order for it to work again.

Time-Out Works for Parents, Too!

So, I began using it on myself. Yup, time-out isn't just for kids. As parents, especially those of us with children with special needs and/or mental illness, we need time-outs, too. Everyone needs a break. Time to catch our breath, to calm down or to reflect on what's upsetting us about our child's behavior. Or even all three.

I have given myself time-outs in the past. I found that it worked faster to get Bob to change his tune than having time-out for himself. Often after five minutes of going to my room on time-out, Bob would knock on the door and check in on me. "Are you okay, Mom?" And I was. Or if I still needed more time, I'd let him know and he'd quietly walk out.

Time-Out is Back

I gave myself time-out this past weekend as Bob was struggling to complete his homework. The homework horror returned after two full days without his medication. (Note: Bob gets a day off on Saturdays, but I forgot to have him take it Sunday.) I was irritated, but realized that I was getting to the point of yelling. I gave myself time-out with a good book for 10 minutes. That 10 minutes motivated Bob to complete his writing assignment (which he hates) and let me know about it. With a hug and a kiss, I was able to let Bob know that I knew he could do his work. So, Bob felt better and I felt much better knowing that I didn't punish him for his behavior, but gave myself room to breathe.

Lesson Learned - You Bet

After a few times of giving myself time-out over the years, I learned that Bob was compassionate and sweet. He learned that I got frustrated and upset, too. I learned that all he wanted to do as most kids want, is to please their parents and make good choices for themselves. I think Bob also learned that I didn't want to punish him at all. The first time I took a time-out, it shocked Bob (and myself). This past weekend, it reminded him that I'm a human being that also needs a break. Time-out is a beautiful thing.

Parents - have you ever given yourself a time-out? What did you learn?