Borderline Rage: What I Wish People Knew About BPD and Anger

I am undiagnosed bpd I am married my husband can only take so much I've raged bad recently to the point he thought I was possessed I blacked out also it took 3 days for me to get over that rage during that time I felt abandoned when he had to take his kids and I feel highly guilty and it's been over a month now I've been isolated and scared of myself yes I will get diagnosed next month but it feels like forever I felt close today but I was really clingy and I knew he was busy I feel selfish but most of the time self less I try to do things for him to try to balance the clinging I'm soon getting a job I hope it distracts me for the time being.i know he can only do so much I'm scared for my family and for myself it's like as I got older it's harder to handle and I feel horrible he's shown me unconditional love and loyalty like no other trying to fight myself to not lose him like I've lost my family from childhood cuz they couldn't understand me..I just needed to vent thank you

I really don't know what is worse, the brutally painful reconization and acceptance of BPD, or the exhausting and immense amount of effort it takes in the attempt to control BPD. Not to mention the extreme intolerance you project towards anyone that believes in you enoungh to attempt to shift your percetion and introduce you to accountability. Oftentimes I confuse this overwhelming fatigue (progress) with my depression and it convinces me that once again I am dysfunctional, incapable, and unworthy. In my greatest moments and accomplishments, BPD lurkes in the shadows, quietly waiting to push me towards self-destruction. As if to prove to myself that I was right in believing I never deserved any of it from the begining.

As a half century survivor of BPD (twice through DBT, nada,) I have a saying relating to this topic:
"The comparison about bringing a gun to a knife fight? I bring a thermonuclear weapon to a bridge game."

90% percent of the time it sucks.. Its like fishing for pirhanas ..you get all exxcited that you got a bit, then you real it in, enbracing the challenge, the excitemnt builds, and when you finnaly get it out of the water, it tries to bite your hand off...so you throw it back and swear to be more careful about where you fish...and then when you keep getting bites, you keep catching the same fish over and over, like 10 times in a row...then MAGICALLY ..you cathc a nice big catch shiny bass,and you are soo happy and proud of it....but the next cast.....its another pirahna...and you get bit again......at what point do you give up? Because you love bass.

I think it is impossible for someone to know how a person with BPD feels and thinks if you don't have BPD. Therefore, as hard as it is for spouses and family, please find a counsellor for yourself to confide in rather than posting comments questioning the truth about the symptoms of BPD. Also, please know that people with BPD often come from dysfunctional families and marry those with mental illnesses and/or addictions who can be abusive. So, they can and often are victims of abuse.

I HAVE BPD AND UNDERLYING ANGER BUT I NEVER HAVE URGES TO KILL ANYONE. YOU HAVE SEEN SOME VERY STRONG REACTIONS TO ANGER AND THEY SOUND FRIGHTENING. WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE IS WRONG WITH THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE, UNFORTUNATELY, "MET." IT TAKES ME A WHILE TO REACH BASELINE BUT I'M NOT VIOLENT...

I really want to know guys. I read here on some comments that those with bpd can’t control their behavior or words coming out from their mouths, so I’m wondering is it ?? Real uncontrollable? And if so how come when they see a police officer in a middle of rage they can calm the drama very quick and lower their voice immediately???
It’s happend!! My partner has bpd which he don’t admit but I know. , and when he is in rage attack it’s enough for him to see police officers even in the other side of the road or one of his freind that he respect .....

I'm sure my boyfriend has BPD. He is generally angry and can be abrupt. He has no patience on the road and gets very angry with other drivers, resulting in foul language, speeding and reckless driving. He has angry outbursts and rages, including physical violence, threats, name calling, swearing, throwing things, breaking things, yelling very, very loud (often triggered by external events but sometimes its just a sudden change in mood that comes on him) He has recently admitted he has uncontrollable anger and moods. He said he 'can't control the words that come out of his mouth' He also suddenly gets a very low, sad mood come on him - he has described this for years as 'I feel bad' but he has recently confirmed it as 'sad'. He has thrown food at me whilst out walking and totally ruined weekends with his rages. I leave as soon as I can leave the house (usually Mondays) He pleads with me to come back and says he's suicidal. The cycle goes on. Does this sound like bpd??? Any help/advice will be greatly appreciated.

I have been treated / diagnosed BPD for 7 years, 30-37 so far. It was A WHOLE LOT worse before but though I have come a long way I find myself flying into rages more often because I am stressed my 8 year old pushes and pushes until I explode into a fit and I feel bad but its uncontrollable when I'm pushed too far and I disgust myself, I hate that I get that way because nobody deserving of the swears, yelling, and I had been on respridol and my psychiatrist took me off but I think I need it. I'm taking Seroquil and Clonazapan but I feel like the only thing that helped the anger/rage was the respridol. I had a bad episode this morning - I begged my daughter to stop pushing me, to just do the simple tasks I gave her but the whining continued, no matter what I did she had a smart remark and I said "please stop, please just do as I'm asking - comb your hair and put socks on- but she made me put them on so she could tell me it was wrong and then did it herself anyways. She kept the whining and yelling and I tried so hard to plead to her to just stop but she didn't and I ended up flipping out, yelling hitting myself and saying I'm an idiot? I'm a stupid b*tch, I wish I was dead because I can not take it- the pressure to get to work on time while fighting with her so I can drop her at school is getting to be too much. I hate that I'm like this - mostly I'm in control but when I lose it I totally lose it and it just takes that one toe over the line to put me in that state.

I lived with my partner for 4 years but recentely got out the relationship .i suffered anger off him , physically restraining me when i wanted to go ( i was afraid) constantly having to reasure him i loved him .he felt threatened by anyone close to me & would either get angry or cry .towards the later end of our relationship i was getting very tearful ,down & depressed this worried him immensely as he could only reflex on how it made him more insecure .at the height of my depression due to being caged in 24 /7 with my ex partner i told him that i felt like dying .as quick as a wolf he spat in my face and said"well fucking die then'.he was allways sorry the next day /hour.if i was late ringing him he would rant and acuse me of not loving him enough ect .a proper rollercoaster .no consept on money whatsoever & has debts of thousands following him .i could write a book

You know I have BPD and I am thankful as time goes on people are understanding how important mental health is. After all what is under the hood of the car keeps the motor going so it should be that much more important to keep our minds in check. I tend to be very open about my struggles with disorder but when people hear I have this most tend to run and not even give me a chance. I tend to be the more quite reserved type and most of my anger is turned inwardly. In many ways I feel like I am the problem and I cause pain and I am the one that needs punished so when there is rage if I don't figure out ways to control it or work through I became the target of that rage, but in many instances it's something outside of me that's upsetting to cause the rage and in most cases a false reality. However, when I am at the anger and rage level and I am being provoked and they aren't backing off I have to say if there were no consequences for my actions I have no idea what I would do. Additionally, i.will be honest I don't know how anyone with BPD is still alive or functions at times. When I go inside my head and have what I call BPD moments I.hear voices telling me how horrible I am, how worthless I am, and howmuch wasted space I am. I have created a space in my mind for that noise and avoid it with all costs, but if I go there or get down or have been criticized I became my worst nightmare. It isn't easy to co-exist with all of this. For those who struggle similar to me it is easy to maybe now see why self harm and suicide is very common with BPD that and cutting sometimes relives stress. In many ways without therapy to help us learn to cope or work through it I just don't know how one cam manage to have any decent quality of life. I do isolate a lot in fear of hurting others and I become way more reserved if I feel rejected or abandoned or not wanted in any given situation. BPD is scary and in many ways I am afraid of myself not knowing fully what I am capable of especially since I surpress so much.

Very informative and interesting

The victims are the poor spouse (usually the husband) who has to deal with a mentally deranged borderline. The screaming, the yelling--throwing items, doorslamming, then running away to parents or echo chambre you go girl "friends." unless the borderline recognises-acknowledges her severe illness--nothing will change. The key is distance, and if cannot work out, divorce. Easier to treat a meth addict than a Cluster B.

Lisa,
I hear you. I don't know where you live, please contact community mental health in your city. You can get treatment, and even get help getting to and from appointments. DBT is short for Dialectical Behavior Therapy and it was developed for people with BPD. It truly can help you live a more hopeful life. It's difficult work sometimes, most anything worth while is...and I am certain your daughter is and that you are as well. Community Mental Health programs are in every county of every state. It's a place to start. Best of luck!

I am 47, single mom of 7 yr old sweet, beautiful girl. What really is presently causing turmoil in my life is seeing her explode. She had a friend over recently and when friend rejected ideas of playtime my girl cried hysterically saying that everyone treats her like trash. I'm beyond shame and guilt!!! It's heart-wrenching to know that I brought her into my hell on earth. I was always told that I couldn't have children and found out I was pregnant after I separated from her father. I knew not having children would be a blessing, mostly for their sake. I'm sure my BPD is beginning to have an affect on her. It could be environmental and biological. I'm panicking. I have no help and no means to acquire help. I was sexually abused at 6, 12, 23 and in my 30s. I love my baby more than anything and the very last thing I want is this life for her. Please, any advice I welcome. I can't afford therapy. I scour internet for help on anger and BPD and PTSD but I feel like hearing from others would be even more beneficial.

john, in my experience, most people with mental illness do understand the burden they lay on other people. they may not always be able to express or separate from it but it's there and acknowledging it out loud can be really humiliating. that's not to say that it should never be talked about -- quite the contrary. the stigma of shame around all of this is part of a much bigger problem. but to say that they don't know what it does to you, what it takes from you, just because they still need it is somewhat short-sighted.
a person in a wheelchair understands the physical toll it takes on someone to help them in and out of their chair but they still need that help. and it doesn't mean they'll never get frustrated and lash out because they need it, sometimes (or often) at the very people who are trying to give it. i certainly do. and i feel miserable about it every single time but controlling it is like sopping up the tide with a tissue.
that's the difference between someone who has a mental illness and someone who doesn't -- yes, we all have the same provocations and triggers and bad days and shit feelings. but where you have a bucket and a towel, we have an ocean and a flimsy scrap of paper.
the other difference is that, regardless of your circumstance, you more than likely have the choice to walk away from it. that's not necessarily a choice you would want or like to make or even feel you can but in most cases the carer does not have a legal obligation to stay and deal. and even if they do, they don't have to deal with love. but we can't walk away from it, it's always ours. no matter where we go or who we love, it's with us. sometimes, yes, that reliance can cause resentment because you also have a control over this person that makes them vulnerable to you in absolute ways, ways you are not vulnerable to them. it's true that, in many cases, the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down and that grasp tugs from both directions. but the fact that you can bail either physically or emotionally is not a mystery to the person you are caring for. it's a terrifying understanding and it is with us always. in moments of peril, it is sometimes the loudest thing we can hear. caught between the fear of rejection and desperate need for acceptance, sometimes we push back. sometimes, we all but demand you leave us already before we need you even a single bit more. and at the same time, how dare you promise to be there only to take it all back when it gets ugly. of course it got ugly, we told you it would. it's always been ugly. and if we can make you leave us for that, then we were right when we swore we were unlovable.
all the things you do for that person are all the things they cannot do for themselves -- those tasks are monumental to them, ones they sometimes can't even imagine handling alone. that you are doing it at all is probably nothing short of a mystery to them, in many cases a flat out miracle. they might not be at a point in their treatment where they can identify and speak it to you but it is a tremendous gift to choose to be someone's caretaker, and we are almost always aware of it even when we can't bring ourselves to believe that, or act like, we deserve it.
i'm not trying to excuse any of the way you've been treated -- it's difficult and exhausting and bless you for bearing the burden of caretaker. and i am so sorry for your pain, what you've given up and given over. i'm just hoping to maybe help better define the correlation between reliance and fury and, as you said, the provocation of those we love.

I identify with so many of you. I'm looking for an online real-time forum or chat room for those suffering with BPD and support. Anyone feel free to contact me.

This last week I had a second situation where I was so angry I was thinking murder. This scares the crap out of me. I'm just now looking for answers on this. I'm bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I've dealt with bipolar for 20 years. Bpd for six months. I was diagnosed bpd about 10 years ago but didn't care and forgot about the diagnosis. It he's so much to read was has been posted here. So far I haven't found anything in books about the rage I've had. Rage doesn't even cover what I experience. After it I can see clearly the build up of feelings. I just want to hide from the world.

CRYS...I hear you......
I am cPTSD which a euphenism for BPD. I also have Bipolar and Asperger too. Quite a mix huh?
What has worked for me was some....some DBT.....but mainly Neurofeedback.
Neurofeedback has helped me a lot. After 29 sessions now....I fond it very hard to use my previous go to tool..disassociation....
Also check for MTHFR issues too......
I have made very good progess.....I have Everest to claim and nothing expect my death will stop me...

Thank you Tonia for your comment on April 15/16 - I really don't want to bother anyone but sometimes I'm so afraid of what I'll do to myself that I ask for help (or rather scream for help) or do something to bring attention to myself so somebody will look at me. We often feel invisible, like we don't exist, like ghosts.

John, I don't think you realise this but BPD has a way of clouding the patient's judgement. I know this sounds irresponsible but when a bpd patient feels like they need the emotional support of their close friends, in their minds that is the way it should be. They do not realise how tiring and irrational their expectations are. It is not intentional and if they could they wouldn't be such a bother.

One thing that is very difficult about living with a person with BPD is their expectation that a loved one will constantly be available to assist them to moderate their own emotional states. You describe this in your "Number Two" paragraph. I mean no offense to you, but I see this attitude expressed over and over on the internet, that a BPD person seems to perceive what others consider as basic emotional self-moderation processes as being "core needs" that others are required to "meet", and that there is intense anger and frustration when others fail to meet the expectations of needs. The BPD sufferer seems chronically incapable or unwilling to moderate own emotional states. What people with BPD seem not to realise is that being available to assist with moderating emotional states is deeply, deeply exhausting. Over time, providing this level of assistance is exhausting at the level of personality-destruction; to the person assisting, there seems to be nothing left of the self outside meeting the needs of this other person who is constantly in emotional turmoil, of constantly attempting to help find the way out of this labyrinth of destructive and self-destructive intensely rageful and grieving emotional states.
You may not perceive this as being very helpful, but I will really encourage you to look more closely and critically at your first paragraph in this article, where you describe the circumstances that lead to your experience of a rage explosion. I will encourage you to try to understand that people who do not ragefully explode also experience these events of provocation, physical states, and different emotions that result in a rage explosion for people with BPD. However, speaking as a person who has been a long term carer of a person with BPD, throughout psychiatric hospitalisations and many other events, it sometimes seems looking from the outside in, as though a person with BPD will deliberately gather these circumstances to themselves in such a way that the sufferer will explode ragefully. I really encourage you to think about your own role in causing your rage explosions.