My Obsessively Clean Poetry Wall
- I'm Not Really Sure
- Waste Some More Time
- Counting the Hours
I'M NOT REALLY SURE
Right, you know you can do this so don't be scared,
carefully, one by one, let's go down these stairs,
don't stamp your feet, you'll disturb the dust,
It will blow into your face, In a contaminated gust!
Mind those walls, did I go too near?
Am I too close, or am I well clear?
I think my hair, brushed past the curtain,
but then I'm not really sure.....I mean, I'm not certain.
I must convince myself and make myself sure,
I really DON'T WANT to wash it anymore!
well I'm down all the stairs, and in the front room,
avoid that table... and that other chair,
Phew! I'm exhausted, but at least I've got there,
I'll just wash my hands, and of course my arm,
I feel a little anxious, but I must stay calm!
okay, I'm washed, clean, and sitting in my spot,
so, what's on TV?...as usual, not a lot!
Where do I find enough inner strength,
To cope with the months up ahead,
As I face up to the fears, that I've had for years,
and let Doctors sort out my head?
Where can I find enough confidence,
to look at them straight in the face,
as I let them inside, and nervously reveal,
the weirdness in my life that takes place?
Where do I look for motivation,
to make me believe that it's worth,
All the pain, and hidden frustration,
of coping with life on this earth?
Where do I find the support
to encourage me on in my strife,
so at last I believe, that I can achieve,
some normality back in my life?
Lost, lonely, feeling scared,
Separate lives, nothing shared,
Hidden thoughts, silent hope,
No longer wait, no longer cope.
Caught in the middle, nothing to win,
Unable to finish, too scared to begin
Drifting, sad, tearful eyes
letting go, releasing ties
Self - expression, selfishness,
No point caring more...No point caring less!
Deep into sleep, sleep to escape
from doing what's needed,
the steps you should take
So, you waste some time, and leave me behind,
Waste more time, it's too hard on your mind,
Waste some more time, time after time,
Waste some more time.....time you can't find.
I look outside my window now,
and watch life passing by,
staring silent with saddened thought,
I quietly begin to cry
As from deep within, the pain that escapes
cry's relieved, to be outside
I wipe my tears and retreat once more,
back inside my fears, to hide
O for Obsession, again and again
C for Compulsion - causing me pain
D for Disorder as wires are unspun
O is Once more as a rituals redone
C - through Confusion as thoughts are unclear
D is for Dreams, stolen by fear
O is for Out there, somewhere out there
C is for Ceasing, stop if you dare!
D is the Doubting, not really sure
O is for Over, and over once more
C is for Counting - how many times
D - I must Do it, the decision's not mine
O is so Often, hands are all sore
C is for Clean, 1, 2, 3, maybe 4
D is for DON'T, don't do it again
Oh - Out of control, so more of the same!
Silent thoughts, thinking deep
too tired to read, too restless to sleep
Counting the hours, one by one
this day ending, tomorrow begun
Time moving slow, taking it's time
time running down - to the end of the line
Night turns to day, darkness to light
Black moves away; Sun's rise glows bright
Tiredness drags, pulling me in
as Engines rev up and Birds start to sing
Eyes close up tight, thoughts turn to dreams
then curtains are pulled, and bright sunlight beams
Free thought, free fall
free to be, and to taste it all
Open fields, opened mind
"Worry thoughts" left behind
Free to breath gulps of air,
free to walk, without much care
Outstretched arms, touching walls
touching floors with Tennis balls!
Open doors, unlocked space
take my hand and away we'll race
don't look back, just come with me
leave it all behind, together we're FREE!
Staff, H. (2009, January 5). My Obsessively Clean Poetry Wall, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, January 28 from https://www.healthyplace.com/ocd-related-disorders/articles/my-obsessively-clean-poetry-wall