Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me
I am a strong person, physically. At six-foot-three inches tall and 250 pounds, most people wouldn't waste their breath arguing that assertion. And, whether because of, or in spite of, my bipolar and anxiety diagnoses, I consider myself to be strong mentally, as well. I am intelligent, accomplished, likeable, and successful.
Despite the mountains of evidence of this, my brain works diligently to convince me that every interaction I have with another person is a misstep. If I text someone and they don’t reply back, it is obvious they are mad at me. If someone doesn't answer the phone when I call, say hello when they pass by, or reply to my email, then my mind goes into what can only be described as an emotional roller coaster. It isn't a fun, state-of-the-art roller coaster, either. It’s an old wooden one, poorly maintained, and it’s painful when it turns corners. The ride up the first hill is jerky, slow, and the anticipation sends shock waves I can feel all over my body. It is emotionally, physically, and even mentally straining. It is fear, panic, anticipation, and dread all rolled into one giant full body panic attack.
Anxiety Convinces Me That Everyone Hates Me
At that moment, I feel as though everyone I know is mad at me. They all disrespect me, think I am stupid, and do not want me in their lives any longer. Quite simply, my anxiety says everyone hates me.
Now, on top of all the other emotions, guilt forms. I feel guilty that I put someone in such a difficult position. I imposed by reaching out to them. Asking them a question, for a favor, or simply saying hello was uncalled for. I should not have done it and, since I’m a good person, I want to apologize. I want to reach back out to them and ask if they are mad, if they are okay, what I did wrong, and let them know I want to make amends. I want to set things right.
I Just Want the Anxiety to Stop
More often than not, what does get me in trouble and where I do make a mistake is by war dialing, constantly texting or e-mailing, or asking them one too many questions about why something is a certain way. Even apologizing for a legitimate mistake can be over the line, if handled the wrong way.
Ninety-seven times out of a hundred, the reason I didn't hear back was because the person was busy, in a meeting, mulling it over, or because people have things to do other than answer me. In the rare occasions where I did make a mistake, offend, or bother someone, the issue is generally cleared up quickly with an explanation and an apology. The people in my life know that I am a good person and don’t intentionally hurt others and they doubly know I wouldn't intentionally hurt them.
Ignoring the Anxiety that Says that Everyone Hates Me
It is hard to sit back, relax, and not engage the anxiety. It baits me to do something I will later regret. I work with my therapist to find techniques to calm down and I explain to my friends and family that when I ask if they are mad me, it is because I genuinely care and I want to make sure they are okay. I am also honest in admitting that checking in with them alleviates my suffering. Often, it is more about me than about them, and they understand that.
There are as many ways to alleviate anxiety as there are people. It is trial and error, but there are techniques that work for many people. Mindfulness, meditation, advanced preparation, sleep hygiene, therapy, and medication can all be used to control this disorder. But the biggest factor in this will always be me.
Howard, G. (2014, May 6). Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2014/05/anxiety-says-everyone-hates-me
Author: Gabe Howard
When people go through such tough, stressful times, it's common to feel isolated and alone and to want to escape. It's okay to feel that way, and acknowledging it like you have is an important first step in healing and taking action to change things. Connecting with a therapist can be beneficial. So can support groups. If your community has a NAMI affiliate, that's a great starting point. You don't have to have a mental illness diagnosis to attend their groups. Other organizations might exist in your area, too, such as DBSA. Check your community center for information. Also, if you are feeling suicidal, reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-8255(TALK). They can be of tremendous help, and they can point you in the direction of resources in your community. There are absolutely things you can do to feel better and live the life you want to live.
even no any savings.
I'm easily nowadays get tired and not confident. I can't and don't know to perform well in my work, neither in my life.
I started to feel everyone around me don't like me at all.
I always getting 100% negative thoughts in my mind. Such as will my future wife or girl friend (lover) will be good or play fool behind me. Will my future be bright.
Will I success in my life. Am I in my right path. I don't know what should I do.
I always alone. I don't have anyone to share, because everyone busy with their own life and problems. I always feel why I were born here and what is the purpose.
Do you know when I were small kid, I use to scared of dead, but now I'm waiting for it because can't stand anymore my life here in this world.
I'm like a boat without a peddle that just follow the stream where it goes and lead without knowing where it would bring me. I've been like this in my whole life.
Yes, its easy to listen and to advice but its difficult to follow because everything and time and life change everyday, every hours and every seconds. Seems like I hate everyone around me and myself.
I end up feeling guilty like the writer, though. I just feel sad, hurt, angry. My coping mechanism has mainly become the avoidance of interaction with others as much as possible. Makes for a lonelier life but it really is better than how I feel when interacting with people. It's bard enough dealing with others for my job - it's a relief to be alone after work hours because I'm not dealing with the constant feelings of being disliked, disrespected, etc.
Can't recall a time in my life that I didn't feel like this, that I didn't feel people treated me like this. If there's a solution, or even better coping mechanisms than hiding from the world, I haven't found it and I've dealt with these feelings for a very long time. Since childhood.
Perhaps you might consider the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (1-800-273-8255). You can talk to someone 24/7, or you can chat online. At the very least, you could investigate the website to see if they provide the type of help you need. Help is available, and you are not alone.
The best advice I can give is when you feel like that, stop and replay the conversation and events leading up to this feeling one by one in your head. When I do this, I realize that none of it had horrible deep hidden meanings and while it doesn't take away all the bad feelings, it helps me calm down a little bit.
Also, it seems like you very much need social interactions to help you feel wanted and needed. But you also need to consider that your girlfriend may have different needs and alone time might be one of them. Maybe she's a little bit introverted.
I'm very quick to jump to the worst conclusions about people. I feel like I'm always being treated like I'm wrong or I shouldn't have a voice. Even trying to explain it to family I get scolded for blaming them for something they aren't doing. That I'm too sensitive and too accusing. I don't mean to be and I have told them that.
I get mad at friends on Facebook when they ignore all my other posts except the one i have an opinion on. There again i think I'm being scolded and shut down.
I hate my voice almost more than my thoughts. People don't get that. It makes them uncomfortable that I'm quiet but when I speak I normally get spoken over. So.. I become frustrated.
I have no drive to do things because I feel no one will take time to understand me. Where I try and take time to understand them.
Sorry for the long comment I just needed to try and vent.
Im not trying to bash anyone, but its the truth. Am i experiencing anxiety or having suicidal thoughts? YES I LIVED WITH IT FOR 6 YEARS STRAIGHT, IM 19 SO ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE IVE LIVED WITH IT BUT I DO NOT DARE TELL ANYONE. NOT EVEN MY FAMILY KNOWS ABOUT WHAT IM GOING THROUGH, LIKE NOT KNOWING THE REAL ME, IM SMILING AND LAUGHING BUT INSIDE IM DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS OF SORROW . ITS NOT THE TYPE OF SADNESS THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, ITS THE TIME WHERE EVERYTHING WENT WRONG WITH MY LIFE FROM SOCIAL TO ACADEMICS. IF I HAD A CHECKLIST OF OF THE NEGATIVE THINGS, I WOULD CHECK THEM ALL. OF COURSE I HATE MYSELF, I BLAME EVERYTHING BECAUSE SIMPLY I WAS BORN INTO THIS GOD FORSAKEN WORLD. SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DOESNT MEAN IM ACTUALLY GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE BUT I WISH AND PRAY THAT I GET KIDNAPPED AND KILLED OR HIT BY A CAR, STABBED. YOU NAME IT! BUT IM NOT STUPID AND SELFISH ENOUGH TO DO IT MYSELF.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I FEEL BURSTS OF SICKNESS WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY LIFE, MY FUTURE, MY PERSONALITY AND MY FAMILY( NOT LIKE I HATE THEM) ITS HARD TO DESCRIBE. I GET THIS OVERWHELMING SENSE OF PUKING AND THROWING UP.
IM NOT SAYING ANYMORE
For many people, dealing with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts for so much of their lives would be difficult, and doing it alone, without anyone else knowing about it, would make it all even worse. It often leads to incredible frustration and hopelessness. What you describe is a common effect of anxiety and/or depression. Of course it doesn't seem like it now, but these things can and do get better. Connecting with someone for help and support can make a huge, positive difference. It's hard to know where to start, though, especially when you're not ready to talk to friends and family. If you are interested, this link will take you to information about a wide variety of resources that might give you some ideas for reaching out and connecting with someone. Some are in-person, others are online, via text, or through the phone and are anonymous. http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/mental-illness-overview/i-need-mental-help-where-to-find-mental-health-help/. You've taken a great step already in reaching out here. Keep going!
You might be surprised to know that you are absolutely not the only one who feels this way. This type of social anxiety is very common in middle school and high school. Many people just tend to "fake it" -- to act bubbly and outgoing in order to hide it. Of course, that doesn't make your feelings any better, and I'm definitely not minimizing what you're going through. I just want you to know that you're not alone in this. Your concern about seeing a therapist makes sense. Perhaps you might feel better knowing that ethically, you are the client and the therapist is bound to confidentiality. Therapists, even school counselors, can't disclose things you say to your parents. Sometimes parents do have to give permission for a school counselor to see a minor. It depends on the school district policy. Parents don't have to give permission for an initial visit with a counselor, so you could stop by and talk to the counselor about what's going on, find out if he/she needs your parents' permission to talk to you, etc. Counselors get to know you personally and can work with who you are to help you identify the best strategies to manage anxiety and depression. In the meantime, work on small steps you can take to keep anxiety and panic from taking over and keeping you away from school. Can you talk to teachers and ask if you can sit in the back of the room so you don't have to feel like people are staring at you? Can you identify one or two people you feel closest to and could develop a friendship with and then concentrate on the positive aspects of that rather than on all of the other people, who aren't actually that important to you, judging you? What do you do to feel calm (if you don't have anything yet, that's a good starting place -- find what soothes you)? Find the good and do more of that. It's a process, but it is very possible to overcome anxiety, panic, and depression. Don't give up!
Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace so can't respond to your comment. The feeling you describe is a common experience in anxiety, especially social anxiety. You're not alone! Keep that in mind as you learn more about anxiety/social anxiety and how to overcome it. :)
I'm going to a therapist now, and she has me fill out thought records, where you write down the experience that triggered the anxiety, the thoughts and beliefs associated with it, and then write/explore other possibilities about what may be an explanation. For example, my ex's parents are always trying to teach him to be a gentleman. He's a good man, a little lacking in dating experience, and sometimes a bit oblivious. His dad emailed him and cc'ed me said that HE should call the insurance company. It's possible that his dad wasn't trying to be rude to me or ignore me, or wasn't being suspicious of me or annoyed or feeling burdened. It's possible he was annoyed with his son, and wanted him to take care of it. Or not annoyed but trying to teach him to man up and take care of things instead of making me or him do it. I have no idea. It still is difficult to feel like any other possibility could be true. For some reason my brain automatically takes the worst case scenario and clings to that as the most likely. But it helps to start exploring other ways of interpreting experiences, since those of us with high anxiety interpret the worst "they all hate me" as the default. I'm also super highly sensitive to other people's emotions, so as soon as I sense the slightest bit of negativity, I instantly panic and wonder what I did wrong. Sometimes it is something I've done wrong, so that sensitivity allow me to fix it. However, realistically it's probably often the case that there are many other reasons people are unhappy or upset that have nothing to do with me, and just because I can perceive and pick up on people's emotions, it doesn't make them my fault. Taking other people's emotions on me is too much of a burden, yet I've done it habitually for my entire life.
Phew! Perhaps it may seem inappropriate to rant on so long on a website to strangers, but it feels oddly wonderfully therapeutic. And I'm don't feel like I can talk about this with anyone in my personal life. This makes me think perhaps group therapy or discussions are the way to go when it comes to severe anxiety--because part of the anxiety is judging yourself for feeling anxiety, and feeling like a weirdo or a freak. But in a group you realize there's nothing wrong with you, and other people sometimes experience these things too, so you're not alone, so you can feel a little less anxiety knowing that and judging yourself less for it.
(Sigh of relief)
Thank you for creating this safe space to talk about these things. God bless you for being brave enough to be vulnerable. You're blessing me and others because you had the strength to say something.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace so is unable to respond to comments. His post describes something that is very real to so many people living with anxiety. I'm glad you've enjoyed the post as well as the comments!
I'm glad that you like the HealthyPlace Anxiety-Schmanxiety website. Gabe wrote this particular article, but he is unable to respond to comments as he is no longer writing for HealthyPlace. Articles will keep coming, though, so please visit often. Each week there will be two new articles, and we hope to hear from you again.