Parenting Anxiety in the Present and for the Future

Anxiety can be about the present and future. This came to mind because we had a big transition in our family recently. My baby started kindergarten. Now, both of my girls are in school. The house is quiet, and life feels a little different. This isn't what I pictured life would be at this moment. I thought we would have at least one more little kiddo around to fill our house with noise and laughter, but that hasn't happened. I feel sad. I feel a little lost. I wonder what the future will hold since this phase of life has come sooner than I anticipated. This change brings up anxiety about the present and the future, but I know I can overcome it and live happily in the now. 

Anxiety in the Present

Change in the present brings me anxiety because it comes with a lot of unknowns. In my current experience, when my kids are at school, I don't know how they are feeling, if they are behaving, or if people are being kind to them. Because of my anxiety, I haven't always been the best at arranging playdates and opportunities for my kids to socialize. I worry that I have hindered their ability to make friends or speak their needs to another adult. Have I given them the tools they need to succeed? 

Anxiety for the Future

The future brings me anxiety for the same reasons. Have I prepared them to become adults? The silly thing is they are five and six. I have many more years to help them. I don't need to panic about that right now. Sometimes, my mind wanders and remembers my first life experiences on my own, like applying for jobs, paying rent, and registering for college classes, and I panic. I realize they have no idea how to do those things. Then, my mind races with all the things I need to teach them. Because of the anxiety slump I was in for five years, I feel like I'm five years behind in teaching them. Have I failed my kids? 

Stopping the Present and Future Anxious Spiral

Anxiety causes me to spiral like this a lot. If I give in, I find myself frozen in a panic and unable to function. If that happens, I will fail my kids, so I don't give in to the anxious thoughts. To calm my anxiety, I try to find the good things about right now. Today, those things look like the following: 

• My five-year-old made a new friend on the first day of school. 
• My six-year-old went to class the first day without crying and chatted with her best friend instead. 
• My youngest knows how to count to 100 even though we didn't do formal preschool. 
• My oldest is doing well academically and has even been placed in the gifted program. 

When I take the time to list the good things, no matter how small, I realize we're not doing too badly. Our kids know how to make friends and function in society in a way acceptable for their ages. 

Life looks and feels different than I had envisioned it looking right now, but life's still good. The anxiety for the present and future will always be there, but it doesn't have to be heavy and overwhelming. As I continue to love my kids, work on myself, and communicate with my spouse, we will navigate this crazy, wonderful life together, and all of us will be ready for anything that comes our way.