There are exactly two settings on my dial: blow your mind and blow your brains out. I’m bipolar. We’re like that.
Not surprisingly, the sex mostly happens on the blow your mind setting.
Hypersexuality is defined as “exhibiting unusual or excessive concern with or indulgence in sexual activity”
(Such an unsexy definition I have never heard. Trust science to whittle an experience of cataclysm to a ripple in an antiseptic pond.)
Hypersexuality is generally associated with hypomania and mania and used to be known as nymphomania. (Although the terms nymphomania (for women) and satyriasis (for men) are still used by the World Health Organization.) It should be noted that the severity of hypersexuality runs the gamut just like all hypomanic /manic symptoms do.
I am a very sexual person in nature. I like sex. I like it a lot. When I write about it, words drip from the page. When I speak of it, my tongue lashes each word. When I engage in it, people on the street notice.
But this is not hypersexuality.
Hypersexuality is actually the excessive desire for sex or indulgent activities. Hypersexuality is about the needing, the craving of a release. Hypersexuality is feeling sex move across your skin, slip down the shaft of each hair, and settle deep within your core making all other wants irrelevant. Hypersexuality is driving force. Like eating. When you’re starving to death.
And while this can be rather fun in the right circumstances and perhaps even enjoyable to languish in, it’s not necessarily productive or adaptive.
Hypersexuality and Relationships
Hypersexuality can be a fun time depending on what you and your partner like and how available your partner is. You may be able to channel the overflowing sexuality into a glorious weekend or even week.
Or you might not.
Unfortunately, often hypersexuality results in the seeking of sex from any available source and sometimes this is outside the relationship. Yes, hypersexuality during mania can destroy relationships.
Hypersexuality and the Single Life
Hypersexuality might result in you dating more, picking up someone in a bar or possibly just writhing around on your living room floor. It depends on the person.
Effects of Hypersexuality
I am an extremely intellectual individual with excessive control over my behavior; so personally, I don’t have any serious ill effects from hypersexuality. However, this is not the case for everyone. If a person is prone to high risk sex with multiple partners this can be quite dangerous. It’s also worth noting that hypersexuality is often combined with a decrease in inhibitions, impulsive behaviors and impaired judgment, all leading to a perfect storm of destructive behavior.
What to Do About Hypersexuality
It simply comes down to knowing yourself and your life. This symptom is just like any other, if it is harming your life, then you should develop strategies to handle that. For example:
- Recognize hypersexuality onset
- Tell your partner
- Talk to your doctor for a possible med change
- See a therapist
- Create a network to help you handle the symptom without harming yourself or others
While you’ll likely have to just wait for the feeling to pass, the feeling alone won’t destroy your life, but your actions can.
Tracy, N. (2010, October 14). Hypersexuality Explained, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, January 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2010/10/hypersexuality-explained
Author: Natasha Tracy
As I read these posts I am amazed at the similarity in my symptoms. I am 47 and hyper sexual, absolutely consumed by it. I can also relate to the description of oozing sexuality-I like to make men's hearts race. My poor hubby of 24 years cannot keep up, although he is having a good time trying. I feel insatiable, and I actually have prowled Craigslist and I signed up on Ashley Madison, but luckily my account got locked. I carried on an email relationsh with a guy from Craigslist until I got creeped out. I am doing my utmost not to cross the line, but it is so hard. I am seeing a psychiatrist next week and I am hoping with a proper diagnosis and meds, I can scale back because I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. There is also s guy who I see regularly and he we have a mutual attraction-flirty relationship. God please help me be good! I have been honest with my husband about my actions and he is very understanding and loving-I actually think it is bringing us closer together. I also run 6-8 miles every morning after just a few hours sleep and I always feel great. I try to run out the sexual thoughts, but its not working. Thanks for all of the comments and for the wonderful article that got it all started.
I've been sexually involved with very few people in my life & suddenly I'm incorrigible. I'm sleeping with my boss (who is damn fine, but I'd never noticed before) & aiming to bed about 4 different men I work with, including 2 at the same time. I just can't stop thinking about it! I've been fucked 5 times in a day & still just writhing on the bed needing more.
I can't explain it. It's crazy behaviour. On the plus side I'm losing weight because all my energy is put into seeking sex.
The only way I find to stop it is to set myself a no sex rule. Once I break it though I'm off again like a racehorse out of the gate.
Despite me wanting and trying for months working with her on her sexual dysfunction (I pulled out my A game - she asked me if I could just get off her and go jack off in the bathroom), we went from having it 6 times a day (when I fell in love with her) to once in 50 days.
She then over a minor disagreement bounced off and walked out of the house and ended up on skid row, spent $100 on methamphetamine (which she had never done before) and was picked up by the cops a train wreck wearing someone else's shirt.
A few weeks later, after she broke up with me and refused to talk to me about what was going on between us (manic rage episodes because she was off her meds) raged at me for going camping (what we were arguing about in the first place) with my ex. She went and had a threesome with some random guy and her best friend. Then proceeded to put up posters all over my neighborhood with my picture and phone number the very next day.
Odd considering for months I was trying to just get my sexual needs met for months and then she just was on an absolute tear, even before she broke up with me. She went so nuts that she even left a clown wig and a pig mask at my front doorstep with the K of my name written backwards, lipstick on it and X's through the eyes. Text bombing me for two hours from work. Thats all after the posters and insanity.
I really tried to work with this girl and get her back on her meds but as her mania increased she refused, things reached such a boiling point that she started screaming at me over the most bizarre things (like me saying "I love you" too often).
An unmedicated person who isn't taking their treatment and health seriously is absolutely no candidate for any kind of a relationship. I got this girl a job, loaned her money, gave her a cheap place to live, gave her emotional support, put up with her BS, drinking, passing out, blacking out, clipping her head into every kitchen appliance in the house and the floor when drunk, the embarassment. Now she leaves me a note saying that she hopes I die and starts spreading rumours around that IM the freaking alcoholic. (I had to carry her military medic style to bed 4-6 nights a week blacked out - I actually got into the habit of texting her each night after I got her to bed to let her know what she may have forgotten). She said I was a psychotic narcissistic person and a bunch of nasty things.
They need to be taking treatment seriously and otherwise they are not suitable for a relationship with anyone. What a horrible disease of the mind.
I am male 52 and bipolar 2 with hypersexuality. I feel and do 100% of what you wrote. I'm on med and my shrink said he could give me a drug that would help chill me out..but I said no because I don't want to be a zombie. On the other hand I've been married for 24 years and have not had sex in 4. And 5 years ago we had sex maybe 3 times, so really 5 years in a sexless marriage. Basically my wife got all fat and angry and I couldn't get it up. So it's depressing and well. I don't have answers just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I know this is a pretty old post (well I think it is, I'm really not that used to paying attention to dates and I've never really posted anything this personal before!), but I literally feel compelled to comment.
I am in utter chaos at the moment - it's the only way I can describe it. I am ridiculously distracted - far more than usual and I can barely string a coherent set of thoughts together. I am barely keeping it together in front of my children. I am a single mum with three children; 7, 11 and 16.
I have been diagnosed with BPD and I take meds for anxiety and depression - I have done for nearly twenty years (more on than off). I am 37.
I have been aware of periods when I have a very strange feeling about sexuality. I will watch porn and masturbate regularly. It's not enough. It's like the orgasm is totally pointless. I am a recovering alcoholic and I feel like I know cravings and obsessions. I struggle massively with spending, eating and other maladaptive coping strategies.
But the 'sex' thing is literally pushing me over the edge. My thoughts are utterly dominated by fantasies and thoughts of sex with a particular celebrity. I feel so ashamed just writing this - teenagers get 'obsessed' with boys in bands, not women hurtling towards their forties.
The feelings are overwhelming. Trawling the Internet for pics and watching YouTube clips obsessively. I spent hours the other day reading fanfiction (dubiously 'erotic'). I have even been writing some.
I love writing and often journalise feelings and moods. But my writing at the moment is kind of 'sensuous' (cringe). As was mentioned in the initial post, I literally FEEL sex running through my veins. My heart beats faster and I feel incredibly turned on. But there's literally nowhere to go.
I have always loved sex, although since adolescence I have had a weird relationship with it. I've never been able to make a meaningful connection between sex and love, or even emotions. It has always been a purely physical thing.
I doubt this will be read but if it is, advice would be so gratefully received. I've not had sex or any intimacy in five years and I'm not about you go out seeking 'real-life' sex but I'm really struggling here!
Sorry to rant X
I am very hypersexual right now and have been actually for months. It is really driving me crazy...bad phrase i know.. I can't concentrate on anything and it is all I think about. My fantasies are wrong and I feel guilty but i can't help myself. I can only pleasure myself for so long before It just doesn't work. I am married and have been married a long time to some one who is asexual i suppose. It has been 10 years he has withheld sex from me and 28 years of withholding affection. He is a good guy but I'm constantly in a state of should i stay or should I go now. I've begged and pleaded, we have talked, well i have talked but he just brushes me off. I'm not asking for marriage advice. Just want to share how painful it feels when you are desperately wanting something that you will never get. I have always been a very sexual person and with bipolar look out. I've only strayed once and the guilt was imeasurable but here i am in a chronic state of needing sex. I didn't know it would be so physically painful. It hurts so deep to want something so bad. I'm like a few above who said it is so hard to be satisfied because just a little release only helps for a few minutes. I wish there was somewhere we all could openly discuss our problems with this. Sex is such a big thing in our culture and there is no where to talk about problems that present with hypersexuality. Thanks for listening to my gibberish. I'm all over the place.
So far my coping system for this is my crippling fear of getting knocked up.
Mind you though it sounds nice it really isn't espically if you cant find relief. Its annoying and distracting and probably a 1/3 % fuel for my rage attacks.
And too you people wanting to try and take advantage of bipolars remember its a POSSIBLE symptom and you will still have to deal with all the other symptoms of your partner. Tred wisely
She is not sleeping around and is scared I will leave her when she has these down times (which I will NOT DO)
Would this increased sexual drive (all towrds me) still be considered hypersexual???
I guess it would, but Im just scared she might be right that she is bipolar (which her father is diagnosed as)
The way he explains it is, 'a nymph is someone who is constantly horny, which is me. And it sucks because I can't control it and I have to leave every female because I get super perverted.'
I have never met him in person, but I'm worried if he should see someone. I don't know if he is bipolar, but I know that some reasons for becoming a satyriasis is because of abuse or mental damaging situations. He has been through a lot in the past 5 months that I have been talking to him. He is 16 and I am 14. I have been researching about this so that maybe I could help him, and have found out that through the ages of 15-21 is sexually prime for men. Remember I have never met him and he knows when to stop texting me, and that I have only found this out recently. Any suggestions or advice? It could help me out.
Hy as in Hyper-fill-in-the-blank.
My thing today is that I know I am in that mode - I am so - how shall I say - needing a wonderful writhing on whatever surface - floor, ceiling, walls...
Like you - I am way too smart [for my own good - tending to out guess myself] Yet control is an issue as I am attempting to NOT give in - to let it pass and have never successfully done so.
Bipolar for me cannot be the excuse with an explanation. I simply would love to have my partner back - the one who like me - would never say no and usually encouraged my advances...
Yet - I am attempting to set a boundary with myself and my 'desire' unhealthy or not.
Thanks in advance.
Alcohol and alcoholics and like magnets to abused people because it gives off that idea that you will have fun if you just keep drinking. Meanwhile the alcohol is getting together with that voice in the back of your head that says "Hey, you know they are judging you" and "You shouldn't do that because you'll be a burden on someone you love".
This situation would probably take months of therapy to "fix" but the bottom line is, alcohol = bad times. Hope this helps.
P.S. Also sorry if I step on anyones toes by answering to this, I sorry.
This is what I came here to find. I have a tendency to feel as if the way it is now is the way it's going to be forever. My sense of time in manic episodes is so skewed.
Been with my serious boyfriend for over a year with little to no problems, but this morning I woke up and had to self-please for 2 hours before feeling vaguely satisfied.
But that isn't really the problem, though. What brought me to tears was the insane thoughts I was having while masturbating. I couldn't stop imagining his friend. While it's fairly normal to imagine people other than your SO during masturbatory sessions, this one felt different. I had the dangerous thought of driving over to see his friend at work. Not to do anything, mind you, but just as a flirtatious "I was just thinking about you and you have no idea," kind of thing. This is very uncharacteristic of me. It's not been very long since my diagnosis - maybe 3 years, and this is the first time trying to handle the episodes while off the meds completely.
After my doctors prescribed me literally everything they could feasibly try, I decided to try and naturally process my episodes by talking with my boyfriend and friends to calm myself down. So far so good, but I think the real test is about to come (stupid pun). I still can't shake the feeling of wanting to hide this morning from my boyfriend. I feel like he'll be devastated. I'm so sick of this illness. I feel as though I've already cheated. It's so easy to feel as if the worst imaginations in your mind are simply things that haven't played out yet. It's exhausting.
Thank you for this article. My big worry is always that this will last forever and rip apart my relationships, but my feelings for my SO's friend have been extremely minimal and almost non-existent until now. I have to believe that they will go away once the mania does.
The meds were changed, but the dosages were not strong enough to pull me out of this fun new world that I had entered. I managed to keep a boyfriend for about the first three months, who managed very well to give it to me real real REAL good 2-3 times a day. However, it was not enough. After a good hour and him sweating, once we (he) finished, I would masturbate. This had happened occasionally in the past, leaving men wondering "didn't I do a good enough job?" Pornography viewing almost all day was coupled with ceaseless masturbation. I fell in love with myself and the power I felt. No amount of sex was ever good enough, and broken "dates" left me infuriated and looking for someone else in a hurry to help me get my "fix." Men, women, couples, gangbangs, orgies, 2-3 different meetups in one day...I think you get the picture. Stuck in this mania, I lived my own little porn movie, with me as the insatiable star. As I traveled up and down the highway, 2 hours in one direction and two hours in the other, meeting people I may have chatted with only a few times, it occurred to me too many times that I could be killed and no one would know where to find me. That thought, however, was not enough to stop the out of control engine that was my libido. It wasn't until I decided to double my dosage of Abilify that i was able to slowly come out of the manic fog that was composed of the countless individuals I had used like tissues.
Reckless behavior, poor, poor judgment, risk-taking, pleasure-seeking behavior. This is my bipolar and how I learned the meaning of hypersexuality.
Whatever you get yourself into, God can get you out of, but only if you want His help, and you have to take the first step. Bipolar is not a death sentence, and you do not have to be a prisoner of your episodes. I have learned this after much trial and error. The life I lead now is much different with knowledge under my belt and a good doctor who listens and has helped me to know myself better.
I don't think that a certain type of person is prone to it. I've heard of deeply religious people who experienced bipolar hypersexuality, when manic. Whether you can control hypersexuality, out of control spending, etc., while manic depends on whether you are aware of your bipolar disorder or not. Unfortunately, people don't often find out until it impairs their life or unless you're experiencing psychosis.
Now reading the advice here is great, one of which I picked up on was the network idea. The only issue I have there is obviously this network has to be made up of friends or family that can openly discuss such things. Not only that but in terms of 'talking' I have to make sure my wife is ok with me revealing details of our relationship as that is obviously effected by hypersexuality. I suppose what I'm looking for is some advice of how to approach this, I have a friend in mind to start but obviously just walking up to them and discussing this isn't easy for me, not to mention that it has the potential to make anyone feel a little unconfortable. Annoying really as I'm one of those 'open' people in regards to talking about sex, but I have to accept not everyone is.
I'm sorry you (and your wife) are having this issue. Here is what I can tell you.
The origin of hypersexuality is often unknown, but obviously, in your wife's case it happened at the same time as her heart attack so the two would seem to be related.
You are correct that some medications can have the side effect of increased libido. I would say that it is unusual to see medication alone push a person into out-of-character behavior (like affairs) but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen. Everyone is different and everyone reacts to medication differently.
HealthyPlace has a database of psychiatric drugs, and you can look up their side effects: http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/psychiatric-medications/psychiatric-medications-pharmacology/
For other medications, sites like rxlist.com have a more complete listing.
The trouble is, "hypersexuality" isn't what you're going to see on the list. It's considerably more common to see sexual problems listed rather than increased sexual drive. So in other words, even if the medication is causing it, you may not see it listed (or it may be listed using a word with which you are not familiar).
The best thing to do is to consult a doctor. I know you said your wife isn't interested in that, but it's really the only way to get a better answer. Your doctor will have clinical experience and will understand all the medical terminology used in drug materials.
But one other thing, is it possible that your wife's behavior is actually due to psychological causes? Is it possible that a heart attack made her face her own mortality and this brought about a change in the way she looks at certain things?
What I'm saying is, it may be purely psychological and no matter what, medication changes aren't going to help. Major life events, like a heart attack, can all make us question where we are and what we do in life. In this case, a psychologist may be able to help. Maybe couple's counselling - no matter what the cause - may be the answer. That way you can talk about how this is affecting you and so can she.
- Natasha Tracy
Thanks very much.
- Natasha Tracy
Thought the link “High-Functioning” Bipolar Disorder read High Fuc*ing Bipolar Disorder - amused me...
I'm not sure that it's a frequent question doctors ask. However, it is only one characteristic of mania/hypomania and so each person may or may not experience it.
Yeah, that was a new word for me too. It really tells you something that everyone knows the word for a hypersexual woman but no one does for a hypersexual man. (Nyphomania, of course, was considered to be quite the illness in women.)
I'm glad you liked the post. Thanks for the comment.