Bipolar Doesn't Make You Unworthy of Love
Bipolar doesn't make you unworthy of love. I have a lot of trouble with that statement. I don't have trouble because I don't believe it -- I do -- I have trouble because I don't feel lit. I'm not sure whether I feel like life has taught me that I'm unworthy of love because of bipolar or my brain just made up that nastiness because of the depression, all I know is that it feels true. It feels like I'm unworthy of love because of bipolar.
And when I say I feel unworthy of love because of bipolar it's a personal thing. Like I said, I feel it. And I feel it about me, not about you. So, for example, I'm quite capable of saying that bipolar disorder doesn't make you unworthy of love and believe it when it's about you. I just really have trouble with the statement when it's about me.
Why Does Bipolar Make One Feel They Are Unworthy of Love?
There are so many reasons why people believe this lie. It's because bipolar makes us believe we're broken and beyond repair. It's because bipolar makes us believe that we're lower than everyone else who doesn't have it. It's because bipolar disorder makes us think we're a danger to others. It's because depression causes low self-esteem and low self-worth in and of itself and when you feel that way, of course you think that no one would ever love you.
And any kind of serious illness can do this to you. When you feel irreparably broken, you truly believe that no one could love the heap of mess that you believe yourself to be.
In my case, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't been in a relationship in a long time. Yes, I've had them but it's been quite a while. This fact alone seems to prove the fact that I'm not worthy of love because of the bipolar. It suggests (to me) that people can sense the bipolar just by being around me and that makes them "know" that I'm not worthy of them -- any "them." I literally feel like I have an invisible scarlet letter on me.
(Yes, some would call this self-stigma. Okay, feel free to do that. I, personally, feel it's different and deeper than that.)
And yes, spending another Valentine's Day long doesn't do much to improve these feelings. It kind of makes me want to take all that feel-good-love-yourself-on-Valentine's-Day stuff and smash it into bits with a cudgel.
But People with Bipolar Are Worthy of Love
But I want to make one thing clear here: my feelings are wrong. My feelings are just my feelings. You can't control your feelings. If you could, bipolar disorder wouldn't be a thing.
People with bipolar disorder deserve love as much as people in wheelchairs, as much as people with diabetes, as much as people with dyslexia and as much as everyone else. No one would say that people with any other type of disability didn't deserve love, and the same is true with bipolar disorder.
So if you're like me and you're plagued by feelings that you're not worthy of love because of bipolar disorder (or really, anything) please know that it's your sick brain making you feel things but that feelings are not truth. Feelings are personal. Feelings are flighty. Feelings are amorphous. Feelings are just a teensy part of who you are and can be argued away with fact. And the fact is that you deserve love as much as I do regardless of bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder doesn't even enter into it. Everyone comes with flaw and foibles and bipolar disorder is simply part of that. Now I admit, bipolar disorder is a pretty big foible, but it's not insurmountable as many people with bipolar disorder have proven. So while I won't tell you to "be your own Valentine" I will tell you to battle back sick feelings with what you know is true. People with bipolar disorder are worthy of love. Period.
Tracy, N. (2019, February 14). Bipolar Doesn't Make You Unworthy of Love, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2021, January 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2019/2/bipolar-doesnt-make-you-unworthy-of-love
Author: Natasha Tracy
My parents couldn't accept me, didn't love me and were verbal about it. My adult child ( a therapist ) has told me I was just 'something they have had to deal with their whole life'. Likewise a sister who was once a regional head of NAMI.Yes, deep down I know these are really their issues but they are hard to shake off especially when you are not doing well.
I'm so sorry you went through those experiences. You're right, shaking that off isn't easy at all. All I can tell you is that there are people out there who will love and accept you -- even if you haven't found them yet.
- Natasha Tracy
What a great article. Articulate and so ver real. A good reminder for balanced state of mind.