Does Bipolar Make You Feel Left Out of Life?

I've often felt left out of life. In fact, I often say I'm an alien. It's not because I'm green or have bug eyes; it's because my experience of life is so radically different from that of your average person. I'm obviously not the only one. People with serious mental illness (or other chronic illnesses) often feel left out of life. I'm going to take a look at why this is and how we can feel more included.

What Is Being Left Out of Life?

When I say I feel left out of life, I mean I feel left out of the quintessential experiences that make up the typical person's (a "normie's") life. One could say there isn't such a thing as a "normie life," but this patently isn't true. People everywhere have common experiences around employment, family, friends, hobbies, and more and it's entirety possible to feel left out of those experiences.

How Does Bipolar Make Me Feel Left Out of Life?

Bipolar and other chronic illnesses have decimated my existence. My everyday life just isn't like other people's, but moreover, my life experiences aren't like other people's either. 

For example, what is on your calendar this week? I have three medical appointments, one of which will likely lead to a surgical referral. My weeks are like that. My weeks often contain parts driven by illness.

But more than that, if you look at my overall experiences, they just aren't like other people's:

• I didn't have children because of bipolar disorder. I didn't want to pass along the genes that create the obscene suffering I experience.
• I don't work a 9-5 job. My illnesses don't allow for a 40-hour workweek or even having a job that is out of my house.
• I have to maintain a strict sleep and medication schedule (that includes when I eat) because of bipolar disorder. No, I can't go to a concert that lasts until 10 p.m.
• I have never been able to go out drinking with friends. This experience is pretty critical to young people, but I just couldn't do it.
• I don't have hobbies. Depression makes it impossible to like anything, and my fatigue makes it impossible to accomplish anything anyway. 

I suppose I could go on and on, but these are the types of things that create a feeling of being left out of life.

Other People Can Make Us Feel Left Out of Life, Too

Let's not forget that part of the reason that many people with bipolar disorder feel left out of life is because of other people literally leaving us out. For example, many people with mental illness complain of not even being invited to events with family and friends. (This may be because we frequently cancel due to illness, so people just stop asking.)

4 Ways to Not Feel Left Out of Life

While I think it's completely normal to feel left out of life when you have a serious chronic illness, we can fight this feeling. Here are some ways to do it:

• We can realize that there is more that connects us than divides us. Yes, as I've described above, there are some major differences between my life and a normie's life. That doesn't mean that everything is different, however. We can find similarities if we look.
• We can try to participate more with others. While it can be very hard for people with mental illness to reach out and participate with others, it's worth doing. Whether that means ensuring we always have a weekend coffee date on the books or joining a club for something we like to do, social interactions matter and can make us feel more connected.
• We can reach out to other "aliens." There are many people who feel left out of life, and connecting with them can be beneficial. Support groups, whether online or in person, can be a source of this type of interaction. 
• We can make our desire to be included explicit. If others have left us out in the past, it's okay to say, "I appreciate that sometimes I need to cancel, but it's still really important to me to be invited. It makes me feel included and supported." People can't know how important that is unless we tell them.

I think everyone knows it's okay not to be like everyone else. Hopefully, we all outgrew the desire to match others when we were teens. That said, being so divergent legitimately creates a feeling of being left out of life and of "otherness." But we can fight this. We can acknowledge how different our lives are while still connecting with others and being a part of everyone else's world. Nothing is going to make my life normal, but that doesn't mean I'm not a part of the world around me — just like everyone else.