My Avoidant Behaviors Cause Relationship Trouble

April 21, 2020 Miranda Card

If it wasn't for my weekly virtual therapy session, my avoidant attachment behaviors would have caused far more mayhem in my quarantine life. What is avoidant attachment? It isn't a mental disorder or illness. Rather, it's a style of attachment.

For me it's characterized by an enforced distance -- I always have one foot out the door of my relationships. Luckily for me, I've been working through these tendencies for a lifetime, in and out of therapy. I have meaningful, sustained relationships. But being in quarantine with three of my loved ones has tested my ability to maintain secure attachments. My therapy has helped me to get through my more destructive impulses.

Quarantine with My Partner Triggers Avoidant Behavior 

When I ended my first relationship, my boyfriend called me a commitment-phobe. At the time I thought that was ridiculous -- we were together for five years. But after reflection, I understand what he meant; I'm always looking for reasons to leave.

Although I'm fully committed to my current partner -- we considered moving in together this summer, before COVID-19 hit -- I have always kept one foot out the door. In fact, in the first year of our relationship, I broke up with him twice. Since quarantine started, I find myself looking for reasons that living with him long-term won't work. I pick fights. Therapy has helped me notice these impulses and think before acting on them.

How Therapy Eases Avoidant Behaviors

Do avoidant behaviors complicate your relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments.

APA Reference
Card, M. (2020, April 21). My Avoidant Behaviors Cause Relationship Trouble, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 20 from

Author: Miranda Card

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