How I am Learning to Manage Sadness and Anger

At some point, everyone experiences some degree of anger and sadness. Some people can control those emotions easily. For others, self-control is much more difficult. My anxiety and depression have caused me to lose control over sadness and anger verbally. In this post, I discuss my triggers for anger and sadness and how I am learning to deal with them.

My Relationship with Anger and Sadness

Lately, I have been going to bed feeling sad, angry, or both. A big part of my negative emotions stems from inequality in an unjust society. I spend nights dwelling on all the reasons life isn’t fair.

Sometimes, I ruminate over my childhood. I wasn’t an angel, but I was a decent child. I struggled in school but still tried to understand everything and catch up with my classmates. There was a lot of anxiety and frustration. There were plenty of tears for not learning as fast or being as smart as everyone else. I cried all the time because I considered myself a stupid failure.

As an adult, I still feel like a stupid failure after every mistake. I often think that my inadequacies will make me a terrible partner. And I sometimes think that I don’t deserve to be loved.

The difference between my adulthood and childhood is that I’m angrier now. Yes, I still cry. But when I’m with a person I trust or when I’m alone, I often cuss or frantically write about my envy for people who get everything handed to them without trying. I also vent about being single. Sometimes, I can’t seem to stop expressing negativity. When I lose control, I get angry at myself for letting it happen.

My Therapist Is Helping Me Soothe My Sadness and Anger 

Over the last few weeks, my therapist and I have talked about ways to self-soothe. We talked about identifying cognitive distortions, like the overgeneralization that everyone else is better than me. We also talked about future telling, like assuming that I will die alone without reaching my goals. We talked about reframing those thoughts by identifying my positive qualities and being mindful of the present. 

Additionally, we talked about ways to self-soothe at different times. For instance, during a busy workday, I will remind myself that I am a hard worker. As long as I am trying my best, that is enough.

During my free time, I will listen to music, write stories, chew gum, color, and drink water. Outside of work, I will hang out with people, walk my dogs, join writing groups, and help people on the Crisis Text Line. I will always try to practice gratitude, empathy, forgiveness, and compassion.

Sadness and anger are normal human emotions. But they do not have to destroy my self-esteem or take away the joy in my life. By using helpful coping skills, I will gain more control over my emotions.

If you have struggled with anger or sadness, how have you self-soothed? Share your ideas in the comments.