End Your Abusive Relationship By Trusting Your Intuition
Wondering how to end your abusive relationship? There's one way that requires no tools, no tears and no trust given to anyone but yourself. You see, trusting your intuition is like trusting that one friend who never lets you down (imagine that friend if you haven't had one since being isolated). Your intuition guides you through life safely when you develop and use it correctly.
And therein lies a problem: an abusive relationship disconnects you from your intuition. Abusers know that trusting your intuition will lead you away from their control pull, and eventually, your intuition can end your abusive relationship.
How Can You End Your Abusive Relationship?
The person who seeks to control you and is willing to abuse you to gain control over you does not want you connected to your intuition. It is nearly impossible to control you if you have a strong intuitive guidance system in place and you trust it above all else.
Someone who seeks to control you wants you to listen to her and only her. She sets out to separate you emotionally from your friends and family (whom she cannot control). She may want you to quit your job or make such a nuisance of herself during business hours that your boss fires you. The key for the controller is to separate you from anyone who might tell you she is hurting you.
Guess what? Your intuition will tell you she's hurting you, too. So, one of the first steps to ending your abusive relationship is to break out of the isolation your abuse and abuser created for you.
Unfortunately, when you're ready to end your abusive relationship, your intuition has probably slipped away to a great extent. Abuse makes you not trust yourself, and there's nothing more personal to yourself than your intuition.
How Trusting My Intuition Slipped Away
Over time during my abusive relationship, I lost the connection with my intuition because my ex-husband's manipulations made sense, to a point. For example, imagine a huge ugly argument in which both my ex and me yell and scream. Yuck. The kids run and hide, but I don't walk away. Why?
I participate because he said running away from arguments showed weakness. I didn't listen to my intuition tell me, "This is not an argument! It is an opportunity for him to manipulate you!"
I wanted to run, but my ex-husband basically called me a chicken, and I thought he may be right. I wanted to be strong (as he defined strong) so I stopped running for protection. My intuition said, "When you fight on his abusive battlefield, you become worn out and weakened." I ignored it. The longer I ignored my intuition, the less I heard its voice and the more isolated from reality I became.
In the outer world, it is easier to trust someone you can see and touch than it is to trust a voice you can barely hear and can't embrace. The abusive battles (whether loud and ugly or more subtle like gaslighting and brainwashing) take their toll on your ability to hear and see the truth your intuition struggles to tell you about. The controller gets in your face. It is very easy to hear him or her loud and clear, repeatedly. Their verbal and emotional abuse can sever you from your intuition.
You Want To End Your Abusive Relationship, But...
I'm guessing that many of you lost touch with your intuition while in your abusive relationship too. Your intuition silenced, you may feel completely alone. Questions that your intuition once answered for you litter your mind. The answers to your questions are right there on the tip of your tongue but when you open your mouth, you hear yourself say something your controller wants to hear instead of the truth.
Maybe you believe your controller's answer is better than yours, or, in any case, it is easier to repeat her lies than pay for telling the truth. It's less dangerous to make yourself believe that you can be who your controller wants you to be than to hear her scream at you (or worse) for being yourself.
You agree to silence your intuition, to some degree, because the truth hurts so darn much. But remember this: you silenced your intuition, so you can un-silence it. If you begin trusting your intuition again, leaving the abusive relationship will naturally follow. Your intuition would never let you stay in such a life-taking situation.
But the end to your abusive relationship calls for a change. A change in you. And the easiest change you can make is to listen to your built in isolation buster, your intuition.
Next: How to Live With Abuse And Learn to Trust Your Intuition
You can also find Kellie Jo Holly on her VerbalAbuseJournals, Google+, Facebook and Twitter.
*Both women and men could be abusers or victims, so please do not take my pronoun choices as an implication that one gender abuses and the other is victimized.
Jo, K. (2014, November 10). End Your Abusive Relationship By Trusting Your Intuition, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, June 1 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2014/11/revive-your-intuition-to-combat-effects-of-abusive-relationships
Author: Kellie Jo Holly
I'm homeless have nobody and he is always stalking and he taunts me my friends threatens them and I feel helpless
Thank you for your comment. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Please see our resources and hotlines page for ways to get help: https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/resources/mental-health-hotline-numbers-and-refer… and https://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/traumatic-events/traumatic-events-and-how-to-cope.
I know it's hard, but please reach out.
I want out but dont know how need help
Im so finally ready to leave but i need help moving 3 states away where my family lives. Do you know anyone that can help us leave please!
First, ask your family to come help you. If they can't, take only what you can fit into the car. Trust me - everything can be replaced - but you can never relive your life. Ask the domestic violence unit in your county. Perhaps there are some movers that work with abuse victims.
I need help too get out im be homeless if i leave
I endured a 25 yr. marriage that contained all forms of abuse. I totally agree how one becomes disconnected with intuition, I call it, your "true self" You know something is wrong, but you can't put your finger on it. It doesn't kick in until one is totally detached from the relationship. Unfortunately people find this hard to believe, that somehow, someway we had a choice. If I knew, or was able to recognize the red flags I would have left long ago.
Thanks Kellie. Things have really reached a head in my abusive relationship. I've been doing that dance between denial and hoping that things will change. I truly love my abuser and that makes seeing the relationship for what it is extremely painful and difficult. But going back and reading my journals has been eye-opening. It has been six years of excruciating pain peppered with brief moments of (struggling with the word!) happiness? It is never a lasting happiness, but it gives me just enough hope to keep holding on, then something else horrific happens and I am back to misery. I wish SO much that I had listened to my intuition in the beginning. There have been so many moments when it was shouting loud and clear, but I kept over-riding it. His voice shouted over it and told me that I really didn't exist before him and nothing in my life was worth anything; I wasn't worth anything. I've never completely believed it, but I have been wearing down.
I am terrified of what will happen next. It is a lose/lose proposition. I lose the man I love or I lose my very soul. It sucks.
Thank you for your insight and soul and not taking the path of leaving your pain behind you, but dealing with it and helping others like me.