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Verbal Abuse in Relationships

Self-esteem takes a hit when you live with verbal abuse, but you can do something about it. Here's how you can rebuild your self-esteem after verbal abuse.
Losing a loved one to suicide is an emotional journey that no one anticipates or knows how to react to. As a personal supporter of National Suicide Prevention Month, I wanted to share some of my valuable lessons and stories that taught me how to combat the natural urge to inflict verbal abuse on yourself and to avoid blaming yourself after the death of a loved one by suicide. (Note: This post contains a trigger warning.)
It's hard staying grounded while facing verbal abuse, especially if you've been on the abuse merry-go-round with family, friends, or significant others for some time. Having deep-seated connections with abusers can cause confusion when it comes to determining your feelings and deciphering boundaries because these loyalties make it difficult to decide if a behavior is okay.
It can be hard to tell when you're in a relationship: Is it verbal abuse or something else? Over time, every relationship develops a unique dialogue that you share with your partner--a communication style you both understand. But what happens when verbal abuse gets mixed into that dialogue? Is it a unique love language or is it verbal abuse? This was a struggle I faced in many forms over the course of one of my longest relationships.
Grey area verbal abuse makes it hard for you to tell who is an abuser and who is simply human, especially after coming from a place of prolonged abuse. How do you tell an abuser from someone unintentionally hurtful? This was a question I hadn't considered after I broke free from my narcissist.
Covert verbal abuse is a type of verbal abuse which can come in many forms and at many speeds. But at any rate, it can be detrimental to your self-esteem both during that relationship and as you live your life even after the abuse has stopped. Covert verbal abuse can have lasting effects that are just as impactful to your psyche as severe verbal abuse. It was really hard for me to identify this as the root behind a lot of my problems with confidence afterward.
Have you ever noticed how an abusive relationship makes you miss out on life? While thinking about what to write for this week's post, I became fixated on the fact I never got to see George Carlin perform live. I had the tickets, I was ready to go, but at the last minute, I decided to back out. It may seem insignificant, but missing his show over 10 years ago triggered an internal change that bettered my life. I learned to stop missing out on life, and it's all thanks to my narcissist.
I’m Katlyn, (sometimes Kat) Brinkley, and I’m excited to write for "Verbal Abuse in Relationships" at HealthyPlace. I want to share some of my thoughts and hopefully influence those of readers. I think verbal abuse can take many forms, and it’s important to recognize what unhealthy can look like in relationship dialogues. It’s my experience that while no relationship is perfect, repeated issues that involve one partner hurting the other without improvement, can result in significant, long-term emotional strain.
Can the verbal abuse victim become the abuser? And, if so, who does the abuse victim abuse? The answer will surprise you, so read on.
Over the past few years since my abusive relationship ended, I have been unraveling the layers of what happened through therapy, writing, research and a lot of soul-searching.