Examples of Verbal Abuse Early In A Relationship
Many examples of verbal abuse aren’t easy to pinpoint, especially in the beginning of a relationship. Most verbally abusive statements are camouflaged by tone of voice, choice of words, body language, the abuser insisting "it's for your own good" and other such verbal decoys. Even so, examples of verbal abuse are easy to pick out once you have the ear for them.
Examples of Verbal Abuse: You Misunderstood Me!
Verbal abuse underlies all other forms of abuse because words and tone can be easily manipulated to mean something other than what is said. "You misunderstood me!" is an easy way out of taking responsibility for intentionally wounding someone. Early in relationships, it is very possible that we could misunderstand a person's intention. We think "my bad" and move along.
For example, early in my marriage, when my husband said something that hurt my feelings, I told him so. His response? "I didn't mean it that way, Kellie." Then he would give me a hug. He said that even his sergeants told him he needed to work on his tact. Following the excuse was, "What I really meant to say was..."
But what he really meant to say was so much different than what had come out of his mouth that I had a difficult time twisting his first statement to mean the second.
But, because he hugged me and spoke in a tone that helped me feel secure and loved, I went along with the lie. I didn't know at the time that my willingness to believe and forgive the man I loved would lead to despair.
Examples of Verbal Abuse: Word Play and Denial
Word play and denial of wrong-doing are two sides of the same coin. It doesn't matter how the coin-toss lands because both sides result in confusion for the victim of verbal abuse.
I consider word play to happen when the language used could mean two different things. For example, saying "You're such a wonderful wife!" with a smile and a hug means that you are a wonderful wife. But rolling eyes while saying the same thing means something completely different. It means, "I will tolerate you because we're married."
Denial comes into play when you question the abuser's eye rolling. You may say, "Hey, I saw you roll your eyes! What are you really saying?" But the abuser's answer is "I didn't roll my eyes! You are a wonderful wife!" It doesn't matter what you say, the abuser sticks to the lie that no eyes were rolled in the telling of your wonderfulness.
Word play and denial, given the circumstances of I love you and time, result in the victim becoming really confused. The victim knows what she saw and heard. She knows the abuser is lying. However, the victim tends to blow off the behavior, choosing to make an excuse for why the abuser behaves that way instead of calling in the chips and hitting the road.
As a related side note, the abuser tends to up the ante when he or she believes the victim is stuck in the relationship. Examples of being stuck include pregnancy, engagement, marriage, sleeping together or whatever the abuser associates with owning the victim. Most likely, the victim agrees that he or she is stuck in the relationship. However, because up to that point the victim has not been abused (enough), stuck isn't the word the victim uses.
Unfortunately, over time, confusion turns into destabilization of the victim's mind. She starts to wonder if she's really hearing and seeing what she thinks she hears and sees. This destabilization is the in the abuser needs. Destabilization of your mind amounts to brainwashing.
Destabilization of the mind is crucial to the ability to control anyone. The abuser must implant doubt in the victim's mind concerning what he or she believes and perceives. Without the victim's self-doubt, there is no way to control him or her.
Examples of Verbal Abuse You May Recognize
Below are examples of verbal abuse, statements verbally abusive men and women make. Do you recognize any of these?
Emotionally Abusive Statements
- You're so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at you trying to think.
- I can't believe I love a stupid jerk.
- Aw, come on, can't you take a joke?
Sexually Abusive Statements
- You should know how to please me by now.
- I hoped you were less experienced.
- Stop acting like a whore.
Financially Abusive Statements
- You are going to nickel and dime me to death!
- In what world does buying that make sense?
- Fine. You handle your finances. Let me know when things go to hell.
Societal Abusive Statements
- How dare you spread around our private business!
- Let me do the talking; people listen to men.
- You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!
Threatening and Intimidating Statements
- If you don't train that dog I'm going to rub your nose in its mess.
- I will take our kids if you leave me.
- You're scared?! This isn't angry! You will KNOW when I'm ANGRY!
Spiritually Abusive Statement
- Keep your stupid beliefs to yourself.
- God will find a way to get you back, and it ain't gonna be pretty.
- I can feel myself being pulled into hell just listening to your nonsense!
How Spotting Examples of Verbal Abuse Early Can Help
When verbal abuse begins, you may be able to nip it in the bud if
- your partner admits they have a problem AND
- he or she acts on that statement by going to individual therapy AND
- you hear and sense steady improvement.
You would benefit from seeing your own counselor during this process. Verbal abuse can sneak in the back door without you realizing it. A therapist will help you keep your mind clear.
But if your partner blames you for their words and actions, then the likelihood that he or she will go back to being the sweet person you fell in love with are slim to none.
Lips and tongues lie. But actions never do. No matter what words are spoken, actions betray the truth of everyone's heart. ― Sherrilyn Kenyon
*Both women and men could be abusers or victims, so do not take my pronoun choices as an implication that one gender abuses and the other is victimized.
Holly, K. (2011, September 4). Examples of Verbal Abuse Early In A Relationship, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2019, September 21 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2011/09/examples-of-verbal-abuse
Author: Kellie Jo Holly
I would like to know; When someone refuses to stop/ leave you alone, can that be defined as verbal abuse in some form.( the moment I feel insulted it will be defined by myself as verbal abuse).. I'm just curious though, if someone will not leave you alone, is it considered verbal abuse?.... an example being; they continue babbling on and even at times will follow you into another room to continue letting you hear them, though you've asked them to stop repeatedly and then left the room to get away... ( even though insults and belittlement aren't readily apparent?)
I would prefer a response through an email please and thank you.
Another thing that hurts me is that he gets mad very easily. In the beginning of our relationship, he used to be calm, but now is like he gets fired up with small and honest mistakes.
For example, due to me low self esteem I didn't want to apply for an award of my field (journalism) because I feel like none of my work is worth receiving an award. His response was to get mad at me. I then got mad and yelled once, and slamed my door twice. But I always cae back and said sorry. He never apologized for getting mad at me, and when I tried to tell him that his behaviour was hurtfull, He was furious because I didn't saw all the good things He had done for me that night (which was basically holding me after I left and returned). He just couldn't understand that I needed something, and to this day the "solution" was that due to my own bad behaviour it was impossible for him to react differently. I don't think this is him recognizing his responsability. That fight escalated so much that two days later he told me to "Fuck off" on the phone and inmediately broke me with via whatsapp. we talked later (I reached out), and he agreed that anger wasn't a good solution, but he keeps getting mad about small and big things.
He is not a bad man, and I know he really loves me, but I just don't know if he can change, if he is willing to do it. I know I have to improve my self esteem, because it is very, very low (and has been from a very young age). I feel so bad for wanting him to change, but him getting angry about everything is so hard for me. I don`t want to leave him because he is flawed, because I it would suck if someone would leave me because of my low self esteem, instead of supporting me. But I just don't know how to support him in his personal growing without getting hurt.
So, no I am the bad one, and the little contact we have had, he ahs been the one who has contacted me, and lies then too. He was abroad over a week ago, and apolgised some, and texted when he got back. And I was pleased to know, since i do worry. But if I try to hold him accountable or talk that i need some closure, he cannot talk., He just starts yelling and balme me fo blamig him. Also said something so irrational than: he doesent blame his ex fro cheathing when every time the see (they co parent dogs without proplems) so, irrational claim, just because our thing happenned pretty much a blink ago and they have been separated ove 4 years.
Has Displayed similiar cold behaviour , lke he did in the beginning- especially after I suddenly missed him and admitted him , but he wouldnt see me when i wanted to, and got pissed( I Again Felt he owed me that) especially when i promised not to blame, we could go to a public place. He claims he is afraid i hit him again of stab him ( WT???) " You want this cuddler type, i am not. get it?" I was like, exumua, wasnt that you how said few month ago "oh,this odd. youre spontaneusly tv cuddling me" or who has been sleeping in another room and who has taken drastic space and spent time at my place? ME!
Well, I just forget meeting him at all, and he has proven to be even colder than imagined , despite the little contact.
It was my mistake to admit anything and argue, When there is truth in what he says " why see each other, when it only causes more missing" True, considering I do not love him enough or in a healthy way or have loved him for so long , or see any possibility to a normal relationship. But I got this feeling of missing him, maybe pms, or reading how BPD really suffer and feel despite their abusive behaviour. I care and worry, understand depression.
Also lack of support makes me feel insecure. I have tired posting my story asking does this sound like BPD, what should I expect. But mostly, got underminding "leave it be" , "omg u hit him" , "you cant fix crazy, run run" etc obvious they sont read what I write. I want info, and if someone can see, that yes, that sounds like BPD, fully realizing its not official diagnose, nor brakes any ethical rules. quite opposite, If someone is sick, they need help , even though I cannot give it to him, its good to know facts and the possible chanche of him getting worse.
Also, I really do not know what to expect anymore A) he cheated, B) me losing my temper was a reason for him to escpae any resonsibility and propably lost any authentic feeling of guilt to that point and sees me as the one h´who needs to be punished /discarded/tested.
c)Thus years relationshipis not compareable to a 10 year relationship and living partner. But also, I know from his ex ( this my ex of course hasnt told me)that after she got caught and they broke up, they had to live in the same house for 6 moths. And they did,separated and with separated lives in same house with 2 floors. She moved on,started dating, fully thinking that he wanted a divorce too. He was just him, hurt for sure, but didint try to make a mend and like I said never gave an impression it was nothing but over too.But when she finally found a place and was really physchally moving out . Then he started to cry, saying he understand and wants to change. In ten years she never saw him cry. not healthy
I crave information, and want peoples opinions, not undermning, since, hes behaviour has been predicable and confusing, but then goes to another level, that only I witness. I havent contacted him. I try to stay away, but last thing i said that I feel he needs help, and Its not your fault and im not blaming, but im hurting too, and want to understand you. If theres anythings you wish tell about you, or your childhood, or feelings you feel but do not show or n´dont understand. I will listen, will hug and hug, so you could feel safe. Still love you and wish to help, if you hav even the slightest feeling of not being ok . that was last sat, when he demonstrated his hatred and lack of emphaty, that I kind of snappe out of my anger. calmed down and said that. He did respondn that we can see some oteher time later on. ( And i had suggested sunday in my message and during that days communicating it got VERY clear sunday its not possible) but I didint reply to that, but after and hour he wrote "to be specific"later on" doesent mean sunday". I found it odd, it was so clear it wasnt possible. In the evening I replied "yeah, I know"
So any was that his way of getting me to respond. or more like react. Or ABout anything. AM I the crazy violent, ( im not) or what? WHy do I miss him, when I have days of rationality and why do I feel (even though he propabply keep tinder on fie)i could kind of sweet talk manipulate him back. Of course I wont do that. And I might be wrong. Any good sites where to search info about my situation and how to tell if someone is trying to get an reaction out of you even when they seem just full on hate, and when they should actually be apologizing. About love testing and emotional abuse in BPD men. HE has no wast friend circle, thus has been in a same work place in 13, only has one good friend. He even commented his behaviour when i missed my medical school test ,thats not fair, especially when I got ADHD. He propably doesent show any messages, and hos friend is a counler for kids....and if he hasnt noticed anything yet eiter. They mostly climb and are friend from childhood. And my ex once said a bit amusingly, "that hs friend might be a bit narscissistic"
So...help...do not undermind or judge.
I'm finally out, after 13 years. It's gonna time some time for me to heal.
Your article is very validating! Thank you once more!
I'm Emma-Marie, one of the authors of this blog, and I wanted to thank you for your comment here. Your post struck a chord with me because it sounds exactly like my experience of abuse. It's also pretty textbook gaslighting, which I explored in my recent post "<em><a href="https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2018/03/gaslighting-abuse-examples-and-how-to-respond/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Gaslighting Abuse Examples and How to Respond</a></em>." There, I talk about the three stages of verbal or emotional abuse in relationships often referred to as "gaslighting."
In short, the article supports the idea that there are three stages of an abusive or cohesive relationship: 1. Idealization, where you can do no wrong in your partner's eyes; 2. Devaluation, which is where the partner tells you that you're not living up to their expectations or you're not good enough; and 3. Discarding, where the person tells you they don't want to be with you unless you change.
Sound familiar? It did to me too. My ex-boyfriend and I had fundamentally different personalities, and he repeatedly told me that unless I changed to become more like him then we didn't have a future. He hated that I liked "depressing music" as well as the fact I was "crazy", "emotional" and "needy." He too had a list of qualities he wanted in a partner, and let me tell you -- I would NEVER have been able to live up to them. No one can.
I look back now and feel sorry for him because I don't think he'll ever be truly happy in a relationship. He won't change because he thinks the problem is with everyone else rather than himself. I, on the other hand, am now married to a man who wouldn't change a thing about me and tells me that every day. I now know that's what a relationship should be like, and I am 100% sure it's what you deserve from a partner, too.
Over again.. someone give me advice and help me to understand why I do this to myself.. why can't I just leave and move on. Why do I love such a monster ...
Hi, Thank you so much for your comment. I'm so glad you reached out to us. Over forty years? Wow! Bless your heart, that's a long time to live that way. I'm so sorry this has been your way of life for so long, that must be incredibly frustrating for you. You absolutely deserve to be valued and appreciated. Check out an article I wrote about <a href="https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2017/10/coping-with-verbal-abuse/" rel="noopener" target="_blank">Coping with Verbal Abuse When You Can't Just Leave</a> .
Also, I love that you're writing. I absolutely recommend doing things you enjoy or activities that are therapeutic and expressive for you. It's a great way to be able to get some of those feelings out there and to show yourself love and care. So often in emotionally abusive relationships, the victim begins to feel as though their identity is being diminished and they are slowly losing themselves. Writing will help you use and stay true to your own voice in this. Keep writing Becky! Take care of <em>you</em>. Reach out anytime, Thanks again!
The rewards are far greater than you can imagine .Not only have I've regained my independence but I've evolved into a strong ,wiser ,resilient person . I know what I want and don't want due to my experience. The best lessons are the hardest... life is too short to allow another chip away at your happiness bit by bit ... I see it everyday in people and it hurts me as I know it's their path that sometimes needs to be travelled ..until they wake up one day and say ...what about me ...!!
Somehow when he would smash things and shout in my face for, I don't know what, I seemed to handle it better than I ever could now, I have run out of energy, I feel I want to just give up on life. I feel like I am no longer sure of myself, that I am not capable of doing things, I am not quite sure whats real or not as its all washed over with a tiny bit of nice attention every now and again. Thats without all the tutting, angry growling, rolling eyes, angry looks etc. I rather feel like an empty shell of myself and if it were not for my kids I could have run away or jumped off the nearest bridge, I could never ever hurt my beautiful kids like that. I realise that I need to take tiny steps to independence and eventually leave. I feel so ashamed of this and pathetic for putting up with it. I have asked myself if I am going mad because that what it feels like, and if I am ever ill, ooh it makes him angry. To everyone else he is marvellous and points out he is progressing with his life and I do nothing, I feel like such a let down because 'other wives do this and that etc' he always has plenty to talk about with the other wives and he gets them to organise stuff for him. Its his way or the highway, and you can never go against him, he is very controlling and I swear he does and says stuff to make me feel or think I am going crazy. Thank you for your article it is very helpful and one day I hope that I can get myself back and be free. It has helped to write this too.
If he talks about other people to you, then he's targeted a bunch of you and the group should get together to talk about what can be done. Perhaps report him to human resources together.
Constantly comparing siblings critically, criticizing spouse to child (potentially poisoning parent-child relationship for a long time), etc.
Unless you've grown up under this sort of terrorist, totalitarian regime (all the time being told you/other family members are the real cause) and only come to recognize it much later in adult life, it can be difficult to understand how completely debilitating it can be.
It is very much like your actual soul has been poisoned from a very young age.
He is a wonderful guy one moment and the next moment he turns into an a...hole. I find myself being scared to ask questions as he often puts me down. When I mention this to him he says it's all in my head.
Recently I found out that he's been in touch with his ex-girlfriend- their conversations were beyond friendship and were reminiscing their romantic moments....and when I approached him about it he was very apologetic, felt sorry and that he is aware that wasn't good or mature thing to do. I believe it was a genuine apology and regret. However, the next time I mention it to him along the lines "are you guys still in touch?," he said "we already talked about this there's nothing there. Why are you so insecure?"
Often he alludes that I have bad memory: "Remember what I told you last summer about that?" And when I honestly say that I don't, he accuses me of not caring.
I have been trying to find out whether this is verbal abuse or something else so if you can point me in the right direction that will be wonderful.
Thanks for a great article.
Emotional Abuse: http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples/
Verbal Abuse: http://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/types-of-verbal-abuse/
This post and the following comments are shocking and revealing for me at the same time. I've been in relationship with this guy for over a year now and being in a conservative family, I couldn't go out with him or spend time with him a lot. Our major communication was through phone accompanied with some occasional meetings.
He used to belittle me by saying that I am not sexy or curvy and if i said that his comment hurt me, he'd either say that he didn't mean it that way or he'd blame me for misunderstanding his 'earnest and true' opinion. I am a person with a lot of family problems( my father being an abuser himself) and whenever I'd discuss them with him, he'd either remain silent or pass uninterested comments. If I ask a question about them or ask an elaboration of his uninterested comments, he'd burst out on me. He'd then say that I have no capability of dealing with things or letting past go and say that my worries are just silly.
It's like that on every instance of sharing my insecurities with him. It's been very distressing for me, but I had to always hold onto this thing: His love to me. It was almost as if I didn't love him even. But then, no matter how much I felt sad or let down, I could never accept that it was by his doing, because he always made it look like my fault and he was always very soft-spoken and loving. I used to mull over my mistakes and my 'wrong' judgments again and again for I used to sincerely believe that it was all my fault( my belief was that I was sad or distressed out of proportion or I said an inappropriate thing when he was tired or sleepy that he shouted at me).
But when I figured it out that it was he who was all being mean to me I told it to him. It ended up in escalated fights and arguments but then one day, finally he understood. So I told him that he must do something to improve or change. He promised that he will, because, of course he loved me, but then nothing happened. Whatever suggestions I made, how much ever I supported him, he wasn't willing to change. Now when we fought, he'd say, "you are not giving me time. I am trying so hard but these recurring fights bug me." What did he try? Nothing really though. He claimed that he is trying so hard to pass his exams and get on with a job( that he is so lazy to do that as well) now how can he do all the (silly) things to make me happy?
So I broke up with him. Until today, I was so depressed, not for having to let him go but by his disheartening words that still clamour in my mind. I never knew I was being verbally abused, I still can't believe it. But it is relieving to know that it isn't my fault that we broke up because I was, until now, feeling that it was my insecurities and worries that broke our ties; he, being such a kind and loving person, couldn't possibly hurt me!!
I guess it's important that we respect ourselves and care ourselves. Others are going to mistreat us but if we are unsure of ourselves we are going to fall right into their traps. And to the likes of me who have (once again) lost our self- worth, I guess we should know that our worries our little things aren't silly or unimportant. Those tiny things- pleasures and worries, make us who we are! Never let anyone change that...
FROM MODERATOR: I'm sorry to delete so much of your comment. You're obviously angry. As I cannot allow verbal abuse on an anti-verbal abuse blog, I had to edit this. What you said may be true, but it's just not appropriate for this blog.
I understand the desire to check up on your ex to see what he's posting and whatnot. However, the best thing you can do is ignore him everywhere except in court.
Especially when he says my family don't care about me, they never have, when have they ever been there for you. Really? you think all of a sudden now they want to be so supportive, they're trying to turn you against me you know, your sister is evil, she's a liar, she just wants you to be like her, she doesn't want you to be happy, just miserable like her & the rest of your family. Oh and your so called best friend just wants to sleep with me. If it wasn't for me you'd be living in a caravan park with an idiot boyfriend & 6 ferrill kids running around your ankles & you still wouldn't be able to speak properly or have a job. I've always been there for you, I'm the one who's always looked after you not them. What have they been telling you, who are you listening to, counsellors are all stupid & pathetic and can't fix their own lives so all they want to do is ruin everyone elses. We are suppose to be together etc etc don't listen to them, can't you think for yourself - I am you, YOU are me, we are the same person.
That's the kind of stuff he was saying after I moved states trying to rebuild a life for myself & the kids but then he decided to join us & moved in, which caused much turmoil - he tried desperately to totally destroy my thinking even more. I was going out of my mind, nothing was making sense & I was so confused. He kept turning everything around and wouldn't listen. When I said he was abusive he behaved like he was so shocked that I could say such a thing, he said that I was the abusive one! When I said he drinks too much, he said I drank more than him! Apparently, all I did was get drunk and yell and scream. This talk made me second guess myself, oh no, maybe he's right, maybe I am insane. At times I did resort to a few drinks too many because I couldn't cope with this insanity but it just made things all the more confusing because it was easier then for him to manipulate and confuse me and I would of course get emotional so he could then say, look at yourself......and you say I'm crazy, yeh right, you don't even know what your talking about. In previous years, whenever I didn't want to drink he would encourage me to and say I was so boring if I didn't, I'm never any fun anymore. Then I felt guilty and boring so often did join him for a drink especially when I got fed up watching him on his own or with friends spending all our money, figured I may as well join in but then he'd drink too much as usual become abusive and say it was my fault. If I ever complained about his drinking he'd say, the reason I drink so much is because I have to put up with you. He'd spend so much money on alcohol, expensive bottles of spirits etc.....when we couldn't afford it & I had no money for food so always went through his pockets for change to buy milk & bread for the kids, he'd come home & put his feet up with his expensive alcohol, "ahhh, this is good, was on special & I figured I deserved it after working so hard!" & there I was scrounging around for change, crying in the shopping centre, going to op shops for kids clothes & he'd come home with a brand new expensive shirt, because he says well, what do I work so hard for I need a new shirt, I have to look good otherwise we won't make any money at all.....oh but here I got you this. It was a dress with a $2.50 tag from the op shop....hmmmm I said. He promptly told me how ungrateful I was and said can't you ever just say thank you and be happy for god sake!
By the way, I worked also in his business with no pay, looking after the kids as well plus working till all hours in the morning at times, while he went to bed or watched movies!
Things got worse after moving & he knew I wanted to separate. He would tell me his dreams were telling him that I was going to die - he looked at lines on my hand & said that I didn't have very long to live so I better make the right choices. He said I was going to hell after what I had done & the people in his dreams had told him I had done some really bad things. Apparently "they said" oh, she just doesn't understand the situation, she's just not very smart!" His dreams told him that I had cancer & I needed to go to the doctor immediately to get checked out, this resulted in a colonoscopy & gastroscopy - but no, there was nothing there. He said, well that's because, he'd since realised the dream was actually about him instead, he thought he must be the one with cancer not me. Upon going to my doctor for a follow up, I booked him in also for a check. Our name was called out, he said, no you go in on your own, I looked confused, what? but? oh, he said, I don't need to go anymore I'm cured, yeh, I "healed myself" I don't have it anymore. So, I had to go in and try to apologise to the doctor on his behalf for him not going in. How did he get me to go for the op in the first place you ask? this is how intimidating & manipulative he is, I had to go, I couldn't not go, I would never hear the end of it, ever.
I planned different tactics from all angles to no avail. I even got the strength to speak assertively & calmly trying to tell him that we needed to talk as adults and do something about this situation but there was no getting through to him. In an instant I was shot down in flames, he was furiously intimidating, his voice was so strong, so much so that I just turned into a little mouse again, backed into a corner with no where to go, no voice, shaking. I was terrified. How can your own husband make you feel like that? It was like being killed with words. Like they were being thrown at me like sharp knives. I don't think he even took a breath. Certainly put me in my place again. He took my car leaving me with no transport, after 3 weeks out in the country without being able to get to the shop I finally asked for my car back and he attacked me telling me I was selfish and he'd never met such an angry selfish person, you were never like this, you were always such a nice person, what happened to you.
Funny how I keep wondering if I've made a mistake, did I do the right thing. The kids miss him & wonder when he's coming back? After reading through this though when I see it down in plain English there's no mistaking. I was just so blind.
I could go on forever, many similar stories to tell over the years, it's all too much. He's now been gone for 4 months but only after I had to leave the house myself and threatened to get the police if he wasn't gone when I came back. I'm still so angry....and so frustrated because he will swear black and blue that he doesn't understand and doesn't know what he's done wrong and still blames me!!! I just have to accept it, be strong and let it go.... xxx
I know this is long, just thought the different scenarios might help someone else if they experience similar, they are not alone.
My 2 adult sons (38 & 35), want nothing at all to do with me because I sometime suffer with anxiety. They seem to think I'm mentally unstable, which, of course, I am not and never have been. I have been called "sick in the head", "get your mental health issues sorted out", "you are seeing things which are not real", and more, more.
At the moment, except for post traumatic stress, I feel very well. My last episode of anxiety was last year. I became well on 28/12/2014. I am remaining well.
I have been blocked from seeing my 2 grandchildren, 7 & 4, for no reason at all.
Best wishes to you all out there
She tried to suicide twice. The 2nd time, I was home on school holidays. I was 8.
She also hurt me emotionally, physically, psychologically, but I looked after her until the day she died. She developed dementia. & was in a nursing home.
I was then working full time, bringing up my 2 little boys. My husband had left me for another woman. He had a 5 year affair before that.
Any comments from anyone are welcome please.
We worked overseas and saved some money, came back to our country coz we were not able to get residency in the US. Since back he invested our money in places that he would gather interest for the capital. This is a high risk investment. So before my son was bone we lost all our money and the final bit we had was stolen by his sister.
Once my son was born I worked and am still working very hard today. He looked after our son and stayed home. I have provided very well for them we have a house and a car y son goes to privet school. I struggle to keep providing these things but he is never happy. He complains that he cant work coz he has to look after our son. Reality is he is really lazy. he never washes his dishes or tea cup. Never washes cloths. All he wants to do is go to the gym and expect me to take him on vacations.
He wakes up late everyday. I wake up at 4.30 am in the morning to wash and dress my son and make his breakfast. then get ready to go to work its an hour and a half drive. he wakes up at 7.10 am the child needs to leave the house at 7.30 am. Today he complained that he can never use the bathroom to brush his teeth as i am in there getting ready for work. We have tow bathrooms. He got in to the car to drive my son to school and asked me where the key was. he drove it last and had not put it in the usual place where i looked. Then he gt annoyed and looked for it to find it in his pocket in the jeans he wore the last time we took the car out. Then when i asked if it was in his pocket he huffed and complained that i ask too many questions in the morning. If I ask him to wash his(the ones he ate in) dishes he tells me i do enough. If you cant do it leave it. I don't need to do things the way you want. we have a maid, I pay he just like I pay for everything even loans taken by him and he cannot pay now. He is mean to the maid also. He got annoyed coz she filled the water cup but the lid was not on in a proper manner and a bit of water spilled. He has promised to buy lighting for our home and taken money from me yet never does it. Its been sop long wen I asks he says he just couldn't get to it. even though he is free to do nothing all day. Please help me understand if i need t change myself of=r need to try and talk to him if so how do I go about it he is hostile if i try to talk about any of his lazy behavior.