Psychotic Poetry from the Troubled Mind of Schizophrenia
In my exploration of the psychotic mind, I use poetry as a tool in conveying the terror, irrationality and subtle complexities of psychosis in schizophrenia. Some of this poetry has ended up in the confines of horror magazines, literary journals and street papers. These words are derived not from fictional tales nor lost love, but from true horror deep within my own mind. I bring you to them now in this article, dedicated to the millions with schizophrenia who are haunted by these terrors daily.
Monsters
There is a world
Beyond our own
Where monsters live
Waiting for me
I know they are real
For I live in their world
And not in yours
They say that monsters
Don’t exist
But I have seen them
From inside my brain
Feeding
Feeding
Am I insane?
Transferring thoughts
Reading my mind
Inserting ideas
Inside my head
These monsters are evil
I wish them dead
Monsters exist
You may not see them
But I am like a ghost
Wandering this earth
Till I die
And am given
Second birth
They are all around me
Like spirits in the night
But I am dead
And can see
That they exist
And cause me misery
To experience death
A thousand times
Before I die
Is a burden upon me
My soul is wary
And tired
And tortured
With pain
That no one
Can see
I am alone, sir
With monsters
Around me
I am alone, sir
Why are you
Mocking me?
I am alone, sir
With company
I am alone, sir
With monsters
That feed on me
Parallel Universes
The universe I live in
Is different than yours
I will show you some day
And you will believe
In places
Where death stalks all
Where trickery takes place
Where deception is king
Where demons rule
Where everything is cruel
I came here one day
Through a black hole
Called Knowledge
And viewed the world
In a different light
When traveling through
I saw the demons
That rule everything
Everywhere
All the time
I see them here
In this parallel universe
That you cannot see
That you cannot hear
They can see
Those that are not blind
They track everyone
Who can see the light
They control me
They hear me
They see all
I want to be ignorant again
Just like you
But poisoning my mind
With strange pills
Which brainwash me
Will not let
Me be free
I wish I was blind
And could not see
This world is a curse
To everything
That I breathe
One day you may discover
This parallel world
And find yourself in
A lot of trouble
With demons
That see and hear
Everything that you do
With voices
That will torment you
Stay away from the voices
Stay away from the light
Don’t listen to them
Don’t think they exist
They will lead you here
Where I am now
With voices
And demons that I fear
Reading Psychotic Poetry Video
For more poetry and live recordings you can visit my site at The Schizophrenic Writer
APA Reference
Hoeweler, D.
(2012, January 5). Psychotic Poetry from the Troubled Mind of Schizophrenia, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, November 24 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/creativeschizophrenia/2012/01/psychotic-poetry
Author: Dan Hoeweler
Oh, and before I forget, beautiful poetry. So transparent, so vulnerable, so very real. Thank you for sharing.
I have bipolar but I have psychotic episodes as well so I can really relate to this poetry. I write poetry as well trying to get across what mental illness is like to live with.
Thank you for your comment. It's so good that you do something creative to get across what it's like to have a mental illness! That's what writing this blog is all about, for me. Take care, Elizabeth
julie, i recently read an article about a woman who had psychotic episodes and went to a priest for an exorcism. during the exorcism the woman started screaming and vomiting. 1774 a priest, father gassner said all illness was a result of possession and performed 2,700 exorcisms a month for free with great success. i have had a lot of experience with people with mental illness and there bad spirits (voices) started to get extremely angry when i spoke to the person about exorcism. they told me what they heard.
Rachelle, thank you for your comments. I don't believe that voices are caused by demons or evil spirits. I believe they are caused by a biochemical imbalance in the brain.
I really liked your poems. I have turned to writing poems a couple of times but I like to read poems more. I have 2 I would like to share with you and I think you can see how the illness affects us.
Hate is such a tiny word, when your thought are driving you insane, rage is felt in the heart where once there was love, reasoning is lost and time is distorted, someone blinks and suspicion jumps, you ache to be sane, it may be temporary but realistic it acts, gripped in the insanity of racing thought, I WILL SURVIVE.
i have experienced this also. i am going through an exorcism. a priest in the past said all illness is from satan. many mentally people ill people have shared with me. their spirit (voices) get enraged when i start to speak of exorcism. they have shared with me what they say. this priest in the past would perform 2,700 exorcisms a month. he said with great success. if you study what demons can do you will see how they have inhabited humans under the guise of mental illness so they can then not be destroyed. it is time to conquer!!!!
I suffer from schizophrenia also and I really liked your poetry. I write poetry myself as it is my way of self-medicating, I know where you are coming from. I used to go to the hospital every 4 to 5 months because I would quit taking my medicine and I didn't really give them a chance to get help. About 20 years ago I decided to take my meds mainly because I went to the hospital and decided to stay until I got well. It is very hard to have someone tell you that the things that I see and live with real or not. Or that my beliefs aren't valid or that I am delusional. I was asked if I hear voices and I told them that I was hearing voices and eventually after about 13 years I tried to have them hear the voices that I was hearing talk to them. However they couldn't, but about 2 years ago I decided to hear the voices and I gave them a place, because I feel that they were my own and after I acknowledeged them and they quit. I think they are a way of healing and that I hear them for a reason. I think that I was hearing them because I was crying to be accepted by society and not be isolated, and family and friends, because I don't have very many friends even now. I have always believed that my illness is a blessing and that it helps me cope with everyday life. Schizophreia is a disease of the mind, but I feel that the disease is also a physical one because I have had a history of head trauma, and they are finding in their research that people with a history of head trauma at an early age is one of the reasons that people develope schizophenia. I also feel the reason that I hear the voices is because that is what I am dealing with my illness and that the delusions or beliefs are a part of the healing process of my own way of asking for help or even my own mind or body's way of healing. James
I think poetry and art are the perfect forms of expression for our illness, and is a constructive way of expressing out beliefs and emotions. It is difficult to channel that energy towards positive means, but it is not impossible. Keep up the poetry. I think art is the perfect profession for people with issues. A lot of famous artists suffer from mental illness, and I think it is less a barrier in artistic professions as opposed to working in a business environment.
james, my neighbor heard voices. when ever we would get together we would pray the rosary. he lived down the hall, so i would never call before coming over. whenever i was getting ready to go to his place the voice would say "she is coming leave." i have another friend also that hears voices and when i spoke to him about an exorcism his voice said to him "f word her, she is nothing but s piece of s***." all of this business was once handled by the church. father gassner would do 2,700 exorcisms a month with great success. he said all illness. meaning mental is from satan. let me know what you think. you can text me.
Hi Rachelle, thank you for your comments. I don't believe that mental illness comes from Satan. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be influenced by genetics or life experiences.
Just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean that it's not true. While chemical imbalances are likely the first culprit, it is foolish to reject other possibilities. If spiritual interventions bring some people relief and peace, frankly, your beliefs don't really matter much, do they? Denying that mental illness can come from external unseen forces is to deny the very essence of your spiritual self, your soul. We are not just a lump of flesh. We are much more than that. I know of many therapists who use spiritually centered therapy and if the distress is something that affects their soul and then subsequently deranges the brain or body, they can get their client to a better place. My goodness, in my studies things that we eat and nutritional imbalances can also cause mental illness because your brain is not getting what it needs to function properly. To presume it's all genetic or life experiences is in my view, beyond arrogant and is an attempt to try and box mental illness into some simple package so you can then throw pharma at it. It is NEVER that simple, ever. Pharma has it's place in the treatment of mental illness, but so does spirituality, nutrition, genetics and a whole host of other things. People, whatever brings you relief, do it! But be open to the fact that there are many ways you can get relief and be willing to try them all until you find something that works for you. I wish you all the best in this very challenging and difficult journey.
is it any wonder man turns to the arts michael fitzgerald
I love your poetry. It has helped to give me an understanding of what my 27 year old son is going through. I will show him your blogs, maybe it will make him think that maybe something is wrong and he should again try some new medications. Again, thank you. It gives me hope :)
Hello Debbie,
I wish your son the best, and I hope that someday he will find a better solution to his illness. I have been there and know what it is like, and hopefully someday he will find himself slowly getting better.
-Dan
My son has bipolar with very treatment-resistant psychotic features. He just went through a period of severe psychosis in October-November and he was living in the land of monsters most of that time. Sometimes I worry that he will not be able to return.
There were times when I thought I would never return, but I did. I know a lot of people with mental illness have problems around the winter time, I know I do. I can imagine these diseases are hard on families, because the behavior can be erratic. I hope he will get better.
You mentioned problems around the wintertime. I can relate to this. Often these problems become severe in the winter because of a lack of natural sunlight. You may want to consider getting a light box to use for about an hour when you first wake up during the day, or when you might need a lift during the day. It simulates natural sunlight which none of us really get enough of during the wintertime. Also, check your Vitamin D levels which also suffer during the wintertime months. These simple measures helped my son and I a great deal when the darkness of winter descends.