The Low Point of My Binge Eating Disorder

Someone recently asked me what the low point was of my binge eating disorder. Why did I seek help for a problem that I had had for years? What was the final straw? Immediately, I knew exactly what it was. Here is the low point of my binge eating disorder.

Binge Eating Disorder's Low Point and Pizza

When I hit my binge eating disorder low point, it involved a pizza. I had just gotten off from work at my job as a nail technician and had purchased a large pizza for dinner that night. I went home to the house I shared with my fiance. Our relationship had always been rocky and around this time I was feeling particularly lonely and ignored.

He told me to start eating and he would join me in a few minutes. I took the first slice of pizza and waited for him. He never came down. I took a second slice of pizza. He still didn't show up. As the night wore on, I methodically ate the entire pizza, by myself, in one sitting. It started out as normal hunger, but soon I started eating my feelings of loneliness, neglect, and worthlessness.

Not only that -- I couldn't stop. I knew it was a bad idea to continue eating after I was already full, I knew I needed to stop eating for my health and comfort, but I couldn't. I didn't care about my health, I didn't care about my comfort, I didn't care about anything other than eating more of that pizza. Not just more, all of it. I ate as if my life depended on finishing that pizza.

Why Was This My Binge Eating Disorder Low Point?

When asked why this incident sticks out in my mind as my rock bottom low point in binge eating disorder, the answer is really simple. I realized at that moment I was out of control. Something clicked in my brain that wasn't me simply lacking willpower or self-control. My behavior was compulsive. Compulsive behavior was something I had experienced with my bipolar disorder and I realized this compulsive hunger and eating was in the same vein.

How Did This Low Point Lead to a Binge Eating Disorder Diagnosis?

When I hit this low point in my binge eating disorder and realized that I was, indeed, out of control, I knew I had to get help. Just like with my bipolar disorder, I knew things would only get worse if I continued down this path unassisted. So I got a referral and went to therapy for binge eating disorder. After two meetings, the therapist diagnosed me with binge eating disorder.

As I've mentioned before, I was surprised to find out that I had an actual problem and that this wasn't a personality flaw or a personal failing. But in other ways, I knew there had to be something wrong with what I was doing. The compulsiveness of my behavior was not healthy or average. The positive thing to come from this experience was that I finally got the help I needed. But it definitely took me reaching the bottom of a pizza box to realize it.

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