Fear of Losing Someone You Love
Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.
Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)
In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:
Even Loss is Impermanent
This, too, passes.
In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.
Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don't belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an "us-them" mentality.
All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don't belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.
Take Action. Reduce Fear
There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.
Fear of Losing Someone You Love
If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.
People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the "relationship" is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)
This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.
Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?
Lobozzo, J. (2012, November 28). Fear of Losing Someone You Love, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, January 25 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2012/11/fear-of-losing-someone-you-love
Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R
In this turbulant time, it is common to get anxious about lots of things. It will pass and you get used to things. You can't tell the future, we have free will and we can do so much to change things, that it is not written in the cards yet. You and your husband can make your relationship what you want. YOu will feel better if you love more, express more, not less. Fear spearating you from those you love will just make you more afraid!
Sometimes it helps to face this fear of losing people. Knowing that no matter what the relationship lives on, and that people get through unspeakable loss. Then basically take action to get closer, love more, be together so that you feel that connection fully! If you want to take more specifically let me know!
I don't know how to express but thing is like that. I married 5 years back and due to some differences my wife and me got separated..Though we remained in periodically contact and sometimes even also met but things have gone out of control..I would like to say that I had during this time always faced loneliness and missed my wife a lot...I totally dipped myself in alcohol but never cheated my wife by having an illicit relationship with any gal..but things went wrong few months back..I started to visit pros. and out of 24 hours most of the time I remained in influence of alcohol or dopes..I lost my job and again I came in contact with my wife...one day I confessed my sins to my wife..she accepted and said just focus and try to be something again so we can live again together..Now, Jodi one thing I would like to say is My wife is now behaving strangely she is not talking with me properly..I m really facing vivid mental stress beyond my capacity..and I don't want to loose my wife..It has been 5 years since I last met to my wife..Is there any way I can cope with this situation?
I might say that the foreboding brought fear so immediately that it seemed to be combined as one. The fear then continued on, causing daily anxiety. Many people have the constant fear and nothing happens to their loved ones. I am so sorry about your sweet kitty. It is such a loss to you and your family.
It is sometimes tricky to separate intuition from fear and people often worry that their fears are premonitions. This increases the fear. Which becomes it own animal, if you will. Premonitions feel quite different from fear, if you learn how to tell the difference.
"Based in reality" is relative. By that logic we can be afraid constantly. We know everything must die, (death is "real"). Some assume it is "rational" to fear only when death is imminent, but then again we know it can happen even when we are not expecting it. This can paralyze us with fear ALL the time, and I wonder if this is a way to live. Now, I wonder, why fear death or loss at all? It can be painful to loose a loved one, but why be scared? We fear that we can't handle it. Or we fear the pain of it. We can allow ourselves to feel the pain and love of loss without the fear attached. I hope this helps.
Here are some more articles that might interest you.
Or check out http://www.healnowandforever.net and do a search! (I saw that you signed up to receive the blog post via rss)
When we care about someone deeply, the thought of losing them can be terrifying. Once any anxiety sets in, including this fear of losing your mom, it tends to take over. Anxiety is a bit of a controlling bully. :) Once it's in our head, anxiety sets our minds racing in an endless loop of fear and worry. You're very accurate when you say you can't get it out of your head. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an approach that can work well for ridding ourselves of anxious thoughts and fears. It seems like you just might have already used some of the principles. You mentioned that you decided to be happy and appreciative, and it worked. Given your awareness of your thoughts and your willingness to change them positively, CBT might be quite effective for you in overcoming your fear of losing your mom. There are numerous books on the subject (your local library could be a good starting point), and there are therapists who are skilled in using CBT to help people. And perhaps other readers in this thread might have some very inspiring ideas, too. Your awareness of this already puts you one step closer to overcoming the fear.
I'm so glad to know that HealthyPlace has been helpful. Anxiety is frustrating, but it really is temporary. Be patient with yourself as you work through this, and you'll return to that happy, open, optimistic self you know and love. :)
I'll go in the middle of the night a walk to her bed lean down to her and make sure she's breathing.
I would love to hug you for about 10 hours.
Bet you and I would be best friends if we ever met.
You're a sweet girl, and your mom struck it rich when she got fortunate enough to have you by her side!