Your Budding Daughter: Some Practical Suggestions for Parents

What? Already?
Puberty in Girls, Step By Step
The Stages of Development
'Is This Normal?' When to See Your Physician
Helping Your Daughter to Be Well-Informed
Sex Education
Menstruation, tampons and pads
Bras
In Closing

What? Already?

Puberty! It started happening to my 10-year-old daughter this spring. She needed new sandals - women's size 7 sandals! She got those little bumps under her nipples that we doctors call 'breast buds'. Next, I was 'excused' from joining her in the dressing room when we shopped for her clothes, and the bathroom door was locked when she showered. The pants I hemmed up in June were too short by October, despite only being washed once. And she admits to 'maybe' having a few hairs 'down there'.

As a loving mom and adolescent medicine specialist, these are heady times for me. I am proud of my daughter and thrilled to see her embark on this road toward womanhood. I know that she is progressing normally. But still, I think, 'Hold on, she's only in fifth grade!'

My daughter is perfectly normal. Puberty, often first recognized at the onset of breast development, usually begins about the time a girl turns 10. There is a wide range of 'normal' starting times, and the onset time varies in different ethnic groups. For instance, it may occur between the ages of 8 and 14 in white girls, and may begin as early as 7 years of age in African American girls.

Puberty in Girls, Step by Step

Puberty is outwardly manifested by two main sets of changes:

  • Rapid increases in height and weight, referred to as the height and weight spurts

  • Development of breasts, and pubic and axillary (underarm) hair

Tracking the changes during puberty

These changes, and the other physical changes of puberty, occur in a predictable sequence. We use sexual maturity rating (SMR) scales to track a youngster's progression through puberty. Knowing the timing of these changes, related to each other and related to the sexual maturity ratings, is very helpful. After all, most of us like to know what to expect. For example, when my daughter developed breast buds, I was able to tell her that she'd start finding little hairs near her labia majora (outer lips of the vagina) within six months or so. And she knows that she is likely to have her first menstrual period about 2 years after her breasts first started developing. This means she'll be a little over 12 years of age, close to the national average of 12 years and 4 months.

The height spurt

Ultimately, 20-25% of a girl's adult height is acquired in puberty. The height spurt usually begins just before or after breast budding develops. Over a period of about 4 years, girls grow close to a foot taller than they were at the beginning of the height spurt. The bones that grow first are those furthest from the center of the body. This is why my daughter's shoe size shot up before the rest of her body began growing faster. The earlier growth in the arms and legs accounts for the awkwardness and 'gangly' appearance of many teenagers. Their center of gravity is shifting, and they haven't gotten used to those long arms and legs. The growth in the spinal column alone accounts for 20% of the height increase. This is why it is important to check for scoliosis (sideways curvature of the back) before puberty begins. A slight curve can turn into a much larger one during all that growth.

The weight spurt

A girl's height spurt is followed about 6 months later by her weight spurt. This is, of course, when she can never get enough to eat. Fully 50% of ideal adult body weight is gained in puberty. In girls, the proportion of body weight in fat increases from about 16% to nearly 27%. Lean body mass, especially muscle and bones, also increase substantially. It's the growth and maturation of bones, in particular, which makes calcium intake so important.

Getting enough calcium

Most of you know of the importance of good calcium intake for all women, especially growing teenagers, pregnant women, and nursing mothers. Milk and other dairy products are the least expensive, most convenient sources. Nonfat milk has just as much calcium as whole milk. If your daughter doesn't like milk, try doctoring it up with chocolate powder or syrup (this is the only way I can get my daughter to drink it). Calcium is also available as a nutritional supplement in tablet form, but many teenagers find the tablets too large to swallow comfortably. Your daughter may like the fruit or chocolate-flavored calcium-supplement chews available in drugstores now.


The Stages of Development

The table below summarizes the events at each stage of development. The average (mean) age listed here can vary widely; about 2 years either side of these listed ages will usually be considered normal.

Sexual Maturity Rating Average Age (Years) Features What Happens
1 8 2/3 Growth, breasts and pubic hair Height spurt begins. Body fat at 15.7%. Breasts are prepubertal; no glandular tissue. No pubic hair.
2 11 1/4 Breasts The areola (pigmented area around the nipple) enlarges and becomes darker. It raises to become a mound with a small amount of breast tissue underneath. This is called a 'bud'.
2 11 3/4 Pubic hair and growth A few long, downy, slightly darkened hairs appear along the labia majora. At the end of this stage, the body fat has increased to 18.9%.
3 11 2/3 Growth Peak height velocity (maximum growth rate) is reached. Body fat is now 21.6%.
3 12 Breasts Development of breast tissue past the edge of the areola.
3 12 1/3 Pubic hair Moderate amount of more curly, pigmented, and coarser hair on the mons pubis (the raised, fatty area above the labia majora). Hair begins to spread more laterally. Menarche (first menstrual period) occurs in 20% of girls during this pubic hair stage
4 12 3/4 Pubic hair Hair is close to adult pubic hair in curliness and coarseness. Area of pubis covered is smaller than adults, and there are no hairs on the middle surfaces of the thighs. Menarche occurs in 50% of girls.
4 13 Breasts Continued development of breast tissue; in side view, areola and nipple protrude.
4 13 Growth End of growth spurt. Body fat reaches mature proportion: 26.7%. After menstruation begins, girls grow at most 4-5", usually less.
5 14 1/2 Pubic hair and Body fat Adult. It is normal for some long pigmented hairs to grow on the inner thighs. Body fat remains at 26.7%.
5 15 1/4 Breasts Adult breasts.

'Is This Normal?' When to See Your Physician

Parents often have concerns about whether their daughter is starting puberty too early or too late, or whether she is progressing normally. Occasionally they may also notice a physical feature which seems 'different' and want to check it out. Hopefully, the information provided above will be useful in charting your daughter's progress. But whenever you are uncertain, it is best to seek out medical advice. Every girl is different.

Some 'differences' that should lead you to the doctor

There are a few things that should definitely lead you to the pediatrician (or adolescent medicine specialist, if there is one in your area). They are:

  • No breast development by age 13.

  • No menstrual period by between the ages of 13 ½ to 14.

  • In a girl who is at Sexual Maturity Rating 3 or higher, cyclic abdominal pain (pain similar to period cramps) every 3 to 5 weeks, but no menstrual periods. This is rare.

  • Development of pubic hair but no breast development within 6 to 9 months.

Breast development is a very individual thing. There are, however, a number of potential 'dilemmas' to be aware of in this process. They are:

  • Asymmetry (one breast much larger than the other): This may be minimal, or it may be visible even when your daughter is dressed. Some girls with asymmetric breast size are embarrassed to wear a swimsuit, regardless of the extent of asymmetry. In severe cases, plastic surgery is the ultimate answer. This can be performed in teenagers after puberty and after the breasts are fully grown.

  • Very large breasts: Very large breasts can be a source of constant embarrassment and self-consciousness from puberty onwards. They can also cause medical difficulties, namely back problems. Plastic surgery is 'medically indicated' and may well be covered by a health plan, particularly if you and your surgeon are persistent.

  • 'Too small' breasts: Breasts that are 'too small' may also cause embarrassment. Small breasts do not cause medical problems; they do not affect a woman's ability to nurse a baby. With that said, I live in southern California, where breast augmentation seems to be 'de rigeur' for anyone who wants it. Regardless of where you live, I suggest trying some of the ideas in the 'tips' section below before delving into the intense debate about breast augmention surgery. Remember also that teenagers are famously self-conscious about their appearance. Once your daughter is older, she will hopefully have developed more self-confidence. She will then be in a better position to make an educated decision about breast augmentation.

  • Inverted nipple(s): An inverted nipple means just that: the nipple is pointed inwards, rather than outwards. Looking at the breast from the side, you do not see the tip of the nipple protruding. This condition occurs occasionally. It can interfere with breast-feeding. If you notice it, bring it to your doctor's attention. A new non-surgical treatment has recently become available.

  • Tuberous breast disorder: This is a fairly uncommon disorder that often goes unrecognized until a new mother has difficulty breast-feeding. In this condition, growth at the base of the breast (where it attaches to the chest wall) is restricted by a band of tissue. Breast tissue, therefore, grows outwardly while the base remains narrow. This results in a breast shaped like a tuber (for example, a potato). Tuberous breast disorder is surgically correctable.

Helping Your Daughter to Be Well-Informed

Hopefully, your daughter is already well-informed about puberty and the menstrual cycle. It is also important at this time that she be well-informed about sexual intercourse and sexuality.

Sex Education

I recommend that you and your spouse/partner talk with your daughter about when you think it is acceptable to have sexual intercourse. Please be sure that she is well equipped to decline or refuse sexual intercourse - and that she knows that anyone, including a friend or a date, who forces her to have sex, is committing a crime.

She should know that pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are the common consequences of teenage sexual activity. And, despite your own recommendations, she needs to know about contraception - including emergency contraception. Emergency contraception refers to the 'morning after pill', and it is much less unpleasant and much easier to obtain nowadays.

Menstruation, tampons, and pads

  • I suggest that girls make themselves familiar with their bodies by using a hand-held mirror to look at their genitals, early in puberty if possible. Having a drawing on hand is helpful in identifying the different parts of their anatomy. I believe that this helps girls to become more comfortable with their developing bodies. And when the discussion comes to tampons, as it almost inevitably does, they have a better sense of what is involved.

  • Within a year of the time your daughter begins breast development, purchase several different packages of sanitary supplies for your daughter and invite her to check them out. I consider this part of 'de-mystifying' menstrual periods. (And, one of her visiting friends might need something).

  • Every girl should maintain a menstrual calendar to keep track of her periods. I suggest she keep a small calendar and pen right with her sanitary supplies. It is most helpful for physicans reviewing the calendar if the first day of flow is marked, say, with a circle and the last day with an 'X'.

  • What about tampons? There are pluses and minuses. Sports involvement may be limited or impossible for girls who are having their period but not using tampons. Other girls are fastidious and do not want to risk a bloodstain on their clothes. Still others are uncomfortable about touching their genitals or fearful that using tampons may be painful. Here is what I recommend to my teenage patients:

    • Talk about tampon use with your mother. Some mothers are concerned that using tampons means that a girl will no longer be a virgin. Actually, the opening in the hymen (membrane that partially covers the opening of the vagina) is usually large enough for a mini-sized tampon by the time of a girl's first period. Other mothers are rightfully concerned about the risk of toxic shock syndrome. This has become a rarity since the materials used to make tampons were changed some years ago. I believe that tampons are safe for all women, provided that they are changed at least every 4 hours during the daytime and do not leave the tampon in place for more than 8 hours at night. Some women prefer to use tampons during the daytime only.

    • If staining, and not sports participation, is the primary concern, then an investment in black panties might be all that is needed.

    • Try different brands and types of pads and/or tampons to see what works best for you. 'Super' pads can feel (and look) like a diaper on a diminutive teenager. On the other hand, a 'mini' tampon may not absorb enough flow to last more than a few hours, and this can be a problem at school. I suggest a combination of a mini-tampon and a pad for maximal protection.

    • If your daughter wants to try tampons, I recommend trying teen-sized tampons (marketed as such). I think that a slim plastic applicator is easier for a girl to use than tampons without an applicator or with a cardboard applicator. Also, a bit of lubricating jelly or Vaseline placed on the tip of the applicator may make the insertion easier at first.

 


Bras

  • When to wear a bra? I think that whenever your daughter requests one, it's time. Developing breasts are quite tender, and even the logo on a sports T-shirt may cause discomfort. Fortunately, those smooth cotton 'sports' bras are available everywhere.

  • If your daughter is concerned about breast asymmetry, consider purchasing a padded bra and removing the padding from one side. In more marked cases, you might wish to order a set of the bra inserts advertised in newspapers and women's magazines. Again, use the insert in one side only. If this is inadequate, I recommend that my patients who are too young for surgery, or who can't arrange payment, seek out assistance at a shop specializing in breast prostheses (artificial breasts). Although generally used by women who have had a mastectomy (removal of a breast), a prosthesis can also be helpful for severe breast asymmetry.

  • Given the emphasis on 'normalcy' and on breasts in our society, I think it is reasonable for her to wear a padded or lined bra if she wishes. Most commonly, only older girls (SMR 4 or 5) have this concern. As mentioned earlier, this is a temporary concern for many adolescents.

  • If your daughter has very large breasts, it is important that she wear a bra designed especially to provide extra support, often by use of a criss-cross design in the back. If possible, it should be purchased at a department store that has specially trained undergarment fitters.

Getting more information

If you need help or more information on any of these topics, there are some great web sites operated by SIECUS (the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States) and Planned Parenthood. SIECUS has a special 'For Parents' section. Planned Parenthood has a special section for teens, and there is also a special website for adolescents called 'Go Ask Alice' from Columbia University. For the most up-to-date information about emergency contraception, check the Emergency Contraception website at Princeton University.

If you haven't already done so, purchase or borrow books about puberty, sexuality, and teen issues for your daughter. SIECUS provides an excellent bibliography of resources for parents, children, and adolescents. Here are a few of my personal favorites. You'll find more information about them in the SIECUS bibliography.

It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Sex and Sexual Health, by Robie H. Harris

My Body, My Self, by Lynda Madaras and Area Madaras

What's Happening to My Body? For Girls, by Lynda Madaras

What's Happening to Me?, by Peter Mayle

The Period Book: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know), by Karen Gravelle and Jennifer Gravelle (When it comes to periods, this is the most practical book; it's fun, too.)

In Closing

This article has focused mostly on normal and non-gynecological aspects of puberty. While my suggestions and recommendations are far from complete and definitely not inclusive, I hope that the information provided above have given you some information on what physical changes to expect during your daughter's puberty.

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2027, December 27). Your Budding Daughter: Some Practical Suggestions for Parents, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, December 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/sex/teen-sex/your-budding-daughter-practical-suggestions-for-parents

Last Updated: March 26, 2022

Being Overweight Affects Your Sex Drive

Being overweight hampers your sex life

Add a bad time in bed to the list of ways excess weight can impede your life satisfaction. In a survey of more than 1,000 obese and normal-weight men and women, more than half of obese people reported problems with sexual enjoyment, sex drive or sexual performance or avoided sex altogether, compared with only 5 percent of their normal-weight counterparts. It's unknown whether the problems are physical or psychological. However, losing weight makes obese women feel more confident, says Martin Binks, Ph.D., co-lead researcher and director of behavioral health at Duke Diet & Fitness Center in Durham, N.C. And that's true for women who are merely overweight too: After dropping 10 or 20 pounds, women told Binks "they feel younger sexually."

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2025, December 21). Being Overweight Affects Your Sex Drive, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, December 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/sex/body-image/being-overweight-affects-your-sex-drive

Last Updated: March 26, 2022

Lots of Food. No Sex. Time for Rehab

I'M AN ADDICT. My drug of choice isn't heroin, crystal meth, or crack cocaine, but it's just as destructive and impossible to kick cold turkey. I'm strung out on food.

I'm 35 years old, stand 5'10" tall, and weigh 300 pounds. I am obese. Over the years, I've tried every diet to hit The New York Times best-seller list, yo-yoing all over the scale, from a rotund 315 pounds down to a burly 245, and rebounding back to a plump 300. Nothing seems to work, and inevitably the jones to graze always gets the best of me.

Every evening, I eat myself into a coma, then crash in front of the TV or down enough Jack Daniels and ginger ale to dull my senses. My edibles-as-drugs problem is compounded by the fact that I live in New York City, home of the world's best food fixes--thick, juicy steaks at Smith & Wollensky's, the world's greatest pizza at John's, dry-rub baby-back ribs at Virgil's BBQ, and the tastiest ethnic restaurants. But, let's face it, even if I lived in a gastronomic backwater, I'd still do the same thing.

This is what it's like being a walking fat body: I have to shop at big-and-tall stores, paying top dollar because nothing in the pages of this or any magazine fits me off the rack. I need a seat-belt extender on airplanes. And I have a hard time stuffing myself into the cheap seats at Knicks games.

Even more disturbing: My weight is harshing my sex life. Performance isn't the issue--it's just getting in the game. Usually hesitant to approach women, I often rely on friends to make the opening move. I shrug it off to shyness, but I know the real reason: I'm afraid to have relationships with women because I don't find myself attractive, so why, I figure, should they?

I'm not looking for your pity. Fuck that. I'm comfortable in my skin. While the looks and sneers sting, they usually come from superficial assholes I wouldn't want to know anyway. But the health implications do terrify me: limited mobility, diabetes, liver damage, gout (from which I already suffer), heart disease, and stroke. All point to an early grave.

Then came the assignment: Spend two weeks at the Duke University Diet & Fitness Center (DFC) in Durham, N.C., and write about it for Men's Fitness. I felt like I had just won the lottery.

Orientation: May 9

Established in 1969, the DFC is one of the country's oldest weight-management centers. From the outside, this one-story brick building looks like my old grammar school. But inside, it's more like a clinic, with its large gym, 25-meter pool, and many doctors' offices. Its program teaches health and wellness through diet, exercise, and behavior modification--voluntary rehab for the weight-challenged.

Looking around orientation, I size up my hefty comrades. They, too, seem to think, "What the hell did I get myself into?" When the time comes for introductions, this might as well be A.A. "Hi, my name is Chuck, and I'm obese."

I was sure the other attendees would wallow in self-pity: "I ate myself into a blob because life dealt me crappy cards." Boo-fucking-hoo. But in reality, I get a positive vibe from my fellow food fiends. Most are fired up for the coming battle and unafraid to share experiences. I admire that.

Day One: May 10

Enrolling in the DFC is like earning a master's degree in healthy living. The most repeated lesson: The keys to fitness are time management and organization. But to me, the idea of planning out meals and exercise is non-spontaneous and unappealing--I've always flown by the seat of my extra-large pants. This will be the hardest adjustment.

Medical, nutritional, physical, and psychological evaluations begin today. I'm poked and prodded by anyone in a lab coat. The goal of this interrogation, explains DFC director Dr. Howard Eisenson, is to produce a clinical profile to ensure I'm healthy enough to go through the program. It's humiliating--I can't go more than seven minutes on the treadmill during my stress test. My lab results show no abnormalities, but I still feel like a big whale.

Day Two: May 11

Today we focus on good nutrition. You need a comprehensive understanding of what healthy comestibles are and how they affect your body. Indeed, as Funkadelic once put it, "Free your mind and your ass will follow."

During my physical assessment, I realize exercise doesn't have to be monotonous and shouldn't be painful. The slogan "No pain, no gain" is bull-shit. "If you're hurt," cautions Gerald Endress, DFC's fitness manager, "you won't get off the couch. Your success in this program and in life depends on getting out and doing some physical activity."

As the day ends, one thing is clear: Losing weight and getting healthy will be a long process. I didn't wake up one morning with this huge gut. It took years of lethargy to eat and drink myself into this shape. I simply let my consumption spiral out of control in college--and never stopped.


Day Three: May 12

This morning, I attend a meditation class to learn how to "communicate" with my body and make peace with my inner-hunger demon. Sounds ludicrous, but I am actually able to converse with my pained parts--specifically, my sore back muscles, pounding head, and grumbling stomach--simply by concentrating and asking each what it wants. By recognizing there is a problem, my body feels better. This type of touchy-feely crap normally doesn't fly with me. This experience, however, is enlightening. (It still freaks me out, though.)

Next up, I meet with nutrition manager Elisabetta Politi, who corroborates my worst fear: I eat too much shit. Who would've thought fast food, Chinese delivery, and pizza aren't good for you? "Proper eating is all common sense" she says. "Stay away from heavy fats, count calories, eat less processed sugar, limit your sodium intake, and you'll be fine."

Uh, easy for her to say. In my world, eating isn't just a means of sustenance--it's a social event. Food should be enjoyed, even celebrated. "You can still eat out in restaurants with friends," she assures me. "Just choose the right things off the menu and manage your portions. You'll learn."

Behavior modification, then, is the gateway to shedding pounds. Of course, when I was young, my parents practically taught me the opposite--that leaving food on my plate was a waste of money. Or they'd say, "Clean your plate: Kids are going hungry all over the world." This was clearly a mistake of good intentions, but it's not their fault I have self-control issues. They were looking out for my best interests. Now I'm an adult. I have to learn to leave more food on my plate.

Day Four: May 13

Let's talk alternative exercise--yoga, for instance. I thought that was a chicks-ercise. But after road-testing these simple stretching movements and correct breathing and relaxation techniques, I'm invigorated, my focus and mental acuity enhanced. Also in my new routine are water aerobics, a daily one-hour walk, and, three times a week, a half-mile swim and weight workout. This healthy-living "crap" might just work.

Later, my group gathers to interpret our lab results. Mine are not good. Suddenly, my newfound enthusiasm takes one to the gut--I have quantitative evidence that I'm on the road to an early grave.

My glucose is high. (I'm, like, one candy bar away from diabetes.) My cholesterol's good/bad ratio is bad/bad. (It's 6.2--it should be under 5.0.) And my triglycerides (fat stored in the bloodstream) are double the norm. Plus, I display four of the five indicators for increased risk of heart disease. (My father, while not overweight, died of a heart attack at age 59.)

Graded on a curve, my results aren't so horrible: A couple of people in the group learn they have serious medical conditions needing immediate attention. Others' cholesterol levels are as high as the population of Hong Kong. Still, this doesn't comfort me. After all, I'm on what is derisively called a "fat farm." And I'm not vying for the DFC's coveted Most Weight Lost prize. I'm fighting my own demons.

Day Five: May 14

What a turnaround--I'm on top of the world this morning! I've lost nearly eight pounds.

Portion control helped get me to this point. They're not starving me, just giving me smaller amounts of healthier foods. Instead of eating lots of starchy fillers--potatoes, rice, etc.--my plate is filled with fresh vegetables, salad, and fruits. Food preparation is also key: limiting oil, mayonnaise, and fatty condiments, and grilling or steaming foods, not frying.

The result: I feel better, I have more stamina, and I'm thinking more clearly--after just five days!

I'm also really digging Pilates. The stretching and strength-enhancing movements have loosened my limbs, improved my flexibility, and tightened my stomach muscles. (It's even better in a coed class: Some of the positions are very sexually suggestive.)

Though I'm enjoying my time in this sheltered environment, I wonder how I'm going to translate my experiences here to the real world. That's where today's Planning Your Restaurant Experience class comes in handy. It teaches us how to order off the menu by asking the waiter about ingredients and preparation. And we're reminded about portion control, a difficult hurdle for me because I've always enjoyed the supersize, more-for-my-money mentality.


WEEK 2

Day Eight: May 17

Eating healthier starts with buying healthier foods. This afternoon, nutritionist Monette Williams takes me and another patient, Warren, on a tour of a Kroger's supermarket. Instead of grabbing items off the shelves impulsively (as I would at home), we stroll the aisles and carefully read nutrition labels. The foods Warren and I normally buy are loaded with sodium, processed sugars, and wasted calories. Now we're empowered, knowing which foods to reject and which to embrace.

Last Day: May 22

I'm a convert. Two weeks ago, I would never have predicted such a change in lifestyle and attitude. Now I know that pessimism is what killed my other healthy-living attempts.

Still, going home is a little scary. I'm worried about falling back into gluttony. But I've resolved to join a gym, mapped out my exercise regimen, and worked out some menus. I've lost 12.5 pounds and more than halved my triglycerides to normal. Last Thursday, I was ready to buy burial insurance--now I'm looking into mountain bikes.

One Month Later

The real world isn't as scary as I predicted. I'm still losing weight (I'm down 24 pounds), and I exercise daily. Every morning I stretch, then walk an hour. I lift twice a week, play racquetball, and do yoga and Pilates. And I can't imagine powering down Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough on the couch.

The DFC taught me we all need to get off our fat asses, exercise, and eat healthier foods. More important, I learned I have an amazing support system. My family and friends are here for me, and I can call them anytime.

I'm still hardly slim--I strive to be 200 pounds by May. At that point, I'll be a changed man. Well, a thinner, more fit one, anyway.

THE WAR ON FAT

SUCK IT IN

According to Harvard research, Body Mass Index (BMI) measurements may incorrectly classify some men as being over-weight when they are, in fact, in very good shape. Why? Muscle weighs more than fat, so a 250-pound weightlifter and a similar-sized office drone can often have the same BMI. That's why--if you're trying to get fit--it's better to focus on your waist circumference, rather than your actual poundage. You can mark progress with a tape measure, or simply grab a pair of jeans you can't fit into anymore and try them on once a week. Even if your weight and BMI aren't changing with your workout, the jeans should gradually start to fit you better--a sure sign your program is working.

CHUBBY HUBBY

It's not just your imagination that having a wife weighs you down. Most married men are thinner pre-vow than post--as those wedding pictures (and cruel friends) are sure to point out. One theory suggests that not being on the lookout for a partner allows you to get comfortable (i.e., fat). On the flip side, marital problems also lead to stress-eating and the inevitable weight gain that follows. But before you swear yourself to the single life or call that divorce attorney, there is one more twist to the equation. You may be thinner when you're single, but studies show that married guys live significantly longer than bachelors. The choice is yours, cowboy.

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2025, December 16). Lots of Food. No Sex. Time for Rehab, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, December 22 from https://www.healthyplace.com/sex/body-image/lots-of-food-no-sex-time-for-rehab

Last Updated: March 26, 2022

Goodbye to 'Breaking Bipolar,' But Not Bipolar Advocacy

Posted on:

It is with a waterfall of tears that today I tell you that my time writing Breaking Bipolar has come to an end. HealthyPlace is moving in a new direction, and so, after 14 years, my work here is done. And while I find this devastating personally, today, I would like to focus on 14 years of victories for me and for this blog.

My Start with 'Breaking Bipolar'

Fourteen years ago, I was a nameless blogger, writing in a dusty little corner of the Internet. It was there that, miraculously, HealthyPlace plucked me and offered me a job. I still remember the thrill of watching my first paid piece go live on a major site. I knew it was the start of something — although I couldn't have imagined what was to come.

What was to come was writing over 1000 articles here at HealthyPlace. What was to come was being featured in publications like DailyMail, Huffington Post, Healthline, PsychCentral, and more. What was to come were awards, a book, a podcast, masterclasses, and speaking to crowds of hundreds. So much fire was started by the spark that was lit here at HealthyPlace.

What I Learned Writing 'Breaking Bipolar'

HealthyPlace was where I honed my skills as a writer and became a Blog Manager, responsible for editing all the blogs you see on this site. HealthyPlace was also home to my first post that garnered over a quarter of a million views, my first online interview, and a few controversies along the way. While I got a fair amount of flack for various parts of my work here, I also got more love than I can express. It was here that I learned how powerful readers are. It was here that I learned how much my work could give others and how much they would give in return. This place is where I built my home.

HealthyPlace introduced me to a myriad of bloggers, each with their own powerful voice. And it was HealthyPlace that created a connection between me and Gary Koplin — the owner of HealthyPlace and someone to whom will owe much for the remainder of my career.

But I believe HealthyPlace isn't just where I made a home; it's also a launching pad for everything that is still to come. The work I have done here is the foundation upon which I build everything from this day forward.

What's After 'Breaking Bipolar' and HealthyPlace?

So, what's on the horizon? First off, there's a new book on living with bipolar disorder in the works. I believe it will be a great addition to anyone's library and is a great next chapter to my first book.

I also have work with new clients coming up, new speaking engagements, and new places featuring my work. My work is far from over. I will continue fighting for everyone with bipolar disorder and other serious mental illnesses, just like I always have.

In short, while you won't find new Breaking Bipolar posts here, you will find plenty of new work on my site here and across the Internet.

Finally, I would like to thank every reader who ever popped by HealthyPlace to check out my work. Whether you loved, hated, commented, or lurked, I appreciate you all. I would not be where I am today without you. I hope you'll follow my journey forward.

So, while this is a very emotional day for me, it's also a day of great reflection and gratitude. HealthyPlace gave me more than I ever could have asked for in a writing platform. And for that, I will always be thankful.

If you're looking for me, you can find me on Threads, Instagram, Facebook, and Bipolar Burble. The links are in my bio below. I hope to see you there.

Saying Goodbye to My 'Verbal Abuse in Relationships' Blog

Posted on:

After almost four years, this will be my last blog entry for the Verbal Abuse in Relationships blog here at HealthyPlace. I want to thank everyone who took the time to read my posts, add their comments, and share the information I wrote each week. 

Verbal Abuse in Relationships Is Challenging

Navigating a verbally abusive relationship can be one of the hardest things to do in a person's life. However, realizing the damage this dynamic can cause will help you move forward to better times with individuals who value you and treat you properly. It took me many years to understand that I was in a verbally abusive relationship, then several more as I struggled to get away and live my life without it. 

There is not one right way to recover from verbal abuse. Everyone will have individual methods and tools to help them on their healing journey. For myself, I rely on professional therapy and the love and support of those around me. I encourage you to search for the tools and methods that will work for you as you navigate a life away from verbal abuse. If I can do it, anyone can.

Why Get a Second Opinion on Psychiatric Medication?

Posted on:

Recently, I sought a second opinion on my psychiatric medication change. I was suffering because of the lowered dosage of the medication, and I still am. It’s not the first time I’ve done this. Here’s why I’ve had to seek a second opinion on my psychiatric medication.

Getting a Second Opinion on My Psychiatric Medication

Before I tell you about why I got a second opinion on my psychiatric medication now, I’d like to talk about why I did so in the past. In 2002, I was seeing a really bad psychiatrist. She put me on an antidepressant that caused seizures, and it took two trips to the emergency room because of seizures and a doctor saying it was, indeed, the medication for her to look for another antidepressant. Then, she put me on an antipsychotic that caused severe nausea and kept saying she didn’t think it was the medication. When I finally went off it, the nausea went away, however.

So, I got a second opinion on my psychiatric medication. The new doctor recommended trying a mood stabilizer. Not only did the mood stabilizer eventually stop me from hearing voices from my schizoaffective disorder, but it promptly stopped me from feeling “dead” inside. The new doctor remained my doctor for almost two decades until she retired. She always listened to me and believed me when I reported a medication side effect.

Psychiatric Medication Changes and Getting a Second Opinion

Cut to the present time. I am going through a very difficult medication change. I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth it because the as-needed antianxiety treatment is one I’ve been taking for decades. My psychiatric nurse practitioner (NP) decreased the dosage, advising it can increase the risk of dementia. What I’m wondering is whether it’s worth all the misery I’m going through because of something that might happen 30 years from now.

This medication change has been so hard that I had to enter an intensive outpatient program (IOP), and I got a second opinion on my psychiatric medication change from the psychiatrist serving the program. My IOP is associated with the same hospital where my NP works. The psychiatrist said he’d voice my concerns to the NP and let her know how hard the medication change has been for me.

I haven’t done a perfect job of advocating for myself with my NP. I guess getting a second opinion on my psychiatric medication change is my way of advocating for myself.

Thank You for 7 Years of 'Surviving ED'

Posted on:

You are about to read the final post I will ever write for this blog, and I want to express a heartfelt "thank you" for seven years of Surviving ED. You came on this journey with me, and I hope we all grew in the process. When I first joined HealthyPlace in 2017, I was a much different person than who I have since become while sharing my milestones and setbacks in eating disorder recovery. To each one of you who consumed these words I wrote, I am so grateful for your presence here.

A Lot Has Changed in 7 Years of 'Surviving ED'

When I became the Surviving ED writer, I had a cynical outlook on life. My marriage was in turmoil. I felt anxious and miserable on a daily basis. I was in an emotional crisis from the aftermath of a sexual assault. Most of all, I could not envision a future in which I might recover from anorexia.

Now, I am someone who chooses the path of healing, no matter how arduous it seems. I am in a thriving relationship with my husband, who makes me feel more loved than I thought was possible. I am fortunate enough to see a therapist, and I have worked through many painful issues that I once assumed were irreconcilable. I also moved across the country from Florida to Arizona, where I unearthed a passion for nature and became part of a community I adore.

This life I have is wildly imperfect—but it's full of depth, laughter, connection, adventure, and hope for what is still to come. I am under no illusions here. I know that unforeseen challenges or unpredictable circumstances might occur at any time. I harbor no expectations that eating disorder recovery will be simple and seamless moving forward. But in these seven years of Surviving ED, I learned that I am more capable and resilient than I used to give myself credit for. 

Mary-Elizabeth Schurrer Says Goodbye and Thank You for Being Part of the 'Surviving ED' Journey 

Much of what I've come to accept and embrace about myself during those past seven years would not have been possible without you. I mean that sincerely—whether or not you realize it, the sheer willingness to read these articles I published was such a meaningful act of kindness on your part. I had a space to be honest, vulnerable, messy, and human. I had an outlet to process emotions, unravel thoughts, ask hard questions, and stumble upon new revelations, all in real time. I felt both safe and seen. Hopefully, I was able to return that favor.  

As I close out this chapter with HealthyPlace and start looking ahead to what comes next, I want you to know that recovery is accessible and so worthwhile. No matter where you're at in the healing journey, please continue to believe in a brighter tomorrow. Thank you for seven years of Surviving ED. It has been an honor, and I feel proud of this community we built.

Gratitude for Building Self-Esteem with Me

Posted on:

As I reflect on the journey to build self-esteem that we have taken together over the past year, I am filled with gratitude and a deep sense of purpose. Writing these essays has not only allowed me to share insights and strategies to help you build self-esteem but has also given me the opportunity to connect with you, my audience. The stories, struggles, and triumphs of those with lived experience have inspired me more than words can express, and I hope that, in some small way, my words have been a source of encouragement and strength for you.

This final essay marks the end of one chapter, but it also signals the beginning of an exciting new phase in my life. After much thought and reflection, I have decided to embark on two significant film projects that I feel will continue the work we've started here--raising awareness, challenging stigma, and empowering those who have been marginalized by a broken mental health system

Sean Gunderson's Next Steps Toward Improved Self-Esteem

The first of these projects will be a feature film, one that tells the story of my life in a way that I hope will resonate with many of you. This film will delve into the nearly 17 years I spent in unjust detention within a mental health system that too often prioritizes control over care and isolation over understanding. I want to show the world what it means to survive when the odds are stacked against you and to emerge not just as a survivor but as someone who is thriving despite the scars. My hope is that this film will shine a light on the flaws in the system, but more importantly, that it will highlight the resilience of the unbreakable spirit within us. 

The second project that I am passionately pursuing is a documentary that will explore the professional dialog surrounding mental health as it is presented in peer-reviewed journals. There is so much valuable knowledge and insight that remains trapped within academic circles, inaccessible to those who could benefit from it the most. Specifically, the dialectical tension between those who point the finger at bad science and bad ethics and those who attempt to justify it, telling clients and the public known fiction deserves to be highlighted in a public forum. Through this documentary, I aim to bridge that gap, making these important conversations more accessible to the general public while also advocating for more inclusive and client-centered approaches to mental health care.

These projects are deeply personal to me, and they are driven by the same desire that fueled my writing over the past year: to give voice to those who have been silenced, to challenge the status quo, and to create a space where healing and empowerment are possible. 

As I move forward with these films, I want to take a moment to thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to read my essays. Your support has meant so much to me, and it is your strength and courage that continue to inspire me. This isn't goodbye but rather an invitation to join me on the next part of this journey. 

Sean Gunderson's Goodbye Invites You to Continue the Journe Toward Better Self-Esteem

I encourage you to follow me on social media (links in my bio below), where I will be sharing updates on the progress of these film projects and other initiatives that I am working on. Together, we can continue to advocate for change, raise awareness, and build a community where everyone is valued and respected. 

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. I look forward to what we will accomplish together in the future. 

Mahevash Shaikh Says Goodbye

Posted on:

They say all good things must come to an end, and my time here at HealthyPlace is up. After writing for Work and Bipolar or Depression, Coping with Depression, and now Mental Health for the Digital Generation, I am finally saying goodbye to team HealthyPlace and my readers. 

Mahevash Shaikh's Experience as a 'Mental Health for the Digital Generation' Blogger

As a millennial who spends a lot of time online, writing for the Mental Health for the Digital Generation blog has been a dream come true. I have long wanted to write about topics like birthday blues, purpose, digital activism, main character energy, forced gratitude, introversion, and nostalgia, and this blog allowed me to do that and more. Feedback from readers made working here doubly amazing. It has been cathartic to know that my words have resonated with people from different walks of life.

Mental health is a journey, and I'm glad I got the opportunity to offer practical advice and personal reflections to help people navigate their struggles. The sense of community fostered through the comments section, emails, and social media has made it clear that none of us are truly alone in this journey. 

What's Next for Mahevash Shaikh? 

Though I am parting ways with HealthyPlace, this is not the end of my mental health advocacy. I will continue blogging about mental health on my blog, Mahevash Muses (link in bio below). I am open to new writing projects that challenge me personally and professionally. 

I want to express my sincere gratitude to the HealthyPlace team for this wonderful platform and to every reader who took the time to read, comment, and share my work. I hope our paths cross again soon, whether online or in the real world. 

Thank You for Being Part of My Gambling Recovery Journey

Posted on:

Being part of my gambling recovery journey has been a wild ride, hasn't it? We've shared everything from the thrill of the win to the gut-wrenching lows. We've laughed, cried, and learned together. My work at Recovering from Mental Illness has been akin to a virtual support group, a digital cheerleader, and a confidant of sorts. 

This Blog Has Been Part of My Gambling Recovery

It feels like just yesterday that I was drowning in doubt and uncertainty over my first post. And now, look how far I've come in this part of my gambling recovery. I’ve replaced the thrill of a gamble with the satisfaction of progress. I’m proud to say that sharing part of my gambling recovery journey has helped me trade in the empty promises of fortune for the fulfilling rewards of recovery.

Our journeys continue from here. The real winnings are the lives we have rebuilt, the relationships we have mended, the peace we have found in recovery, and the happy, healthy choices we continue to make.

So, this is not goodbye but rather a celebration of our victories. Remember, you are not alone. Every day is a new chance to win in life, and there are countless resources and support groups to hold your hand through every twist and turn. Keep the conversations going. Share your wins, challenges, and support. Together, in our little ways, we can create a world where everyone feels empowered to overcome gambling addiction.

Below is my  farewell video:

Thank you for being part of this incredible gambling recovery journey.