Premature Ejaculation

Discover what causes premature ejaculation and techniques to treat premature ejaculation. Along with comments on having an orgasm.

Rarely a physiological problem, premature ejaculation can result from over-excitement, positioning or rate of intercourse. "The roots of it go back to the way men learn to orgasm, which is typically through masturbation," suggests Kaminetsky. "A lot of young boys masturbate quickly, because they don't want their mom to walk in on them. It becomes a trained behavior." To treat premature ejaculation, experts suggest changing positions, breathing deeply, thinking about something other than sex or simply stopping for a moment. Here, Kaminetsky offers two additional techniques for delaying orgasm:

• Practice this before reaching "ejaculatory inevitability," the point when ejaculation cannot be stopped; most men recognize it as a sensation of deep warmth or pleasure: Squeeze the head of the penis for about four seconds or until the sensation subsides, then resume.
• During intercourse, the man should press his pelvic bone against the woman's and rock rather than thrust his body. "It won't be as stimulating for him so he'll last longer, and it may be more stimulating for the woman."

HIS BENEFITS

• Long life: Men who have two or more orgasms a week tend to live significantly longer than do those who have only one or none, according to research at Cardiff University in Wales.
• Less cancer: Breast cancer is rare in men, but once developed, the mortality rate is high. Fortunately, a study published in the British Journal of Cancer found that men who have more than six orgasms a month are significantly less likely to develop breast cancer than are those who have less frequent sex.
• Healthy hearts: A study of 2,500 men at the University of Bristol and Queens University of Belfast found that men who have at least three or more orgasms a week are 50 percent less likely to die from heart failure or coronary heart disease.
• Good health: Having sex once or twice a week also fights off the flu and other viruses by strengthening the immune system, psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania recently found.
• Youthful looks: A study of 3,500 aging people at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland found that those who looked the youngest also had the most vigorous sex life. The effects were even greater if the subjects were emotionally satisfied as well.

READ MORE ABOUT IT: The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex Barbara Keesling, Ph.D. (M. Evan and Co., 2001)

Sexual Fitness: 7 Essential Elements of Optimizing Your Sensuality, Satisfaction and Well-Being Hank C.K. Wuh, M.D. (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2001)

Personal Comments

Bee, 25, Copywriter

Masturbating is the easiest way for women to learn how to have an orgasm. Women who masturbate will be a lot more likely to have an orgasm during sex. I think it helps you learn the actual mechanics of what turns you on, where things need to happen.

Because the guy isn't going to know that; there's no reason he would. Every woman is different. Also, the bonding that goes on during sex seems most extreme with an orgasm. It's kind of like one or both people have gone completely over the edge; they're suspended in the other person's grasp, and they're completely surrendered to it. That intensifies any connection.

Gabriel, 25, Musician

There are guys who don't get a rise out of giving a woman an orgasm and would just prefer not to have someone else there. I've even heard some guys say they have better orgasms during masturbation than sex. The mere thought of it astounds me, but it makes sense if a guy has a fear of intimacy or, even more, a fear of performing (performance anxiety). It probably takes away from his own orgasm if he's overly concerned with his sexual performance or whether or not she's having one. It's ironic because an orgasm during sex is enhanced when it's with someone you truly care about.

Kamara, 27, Musician

I'm amazed when I talk to anyone who claims to have never had an orgasm, probably because I just can't imagine not having them or not being able to have them. At the same time, it doesn't surprise me: I was raised in a very conservative religious atmosphere that actually called masturbation "self-abuse," and all sexuality -- not to mention orgasms -- was beautiful and good only if it happened in a marriage bed. It takes a while to expel the load of guilt that piles up around your sexuality if you're raised in that kind of culture, and I'm sure some people never do. But there was no way I wasn't going to aim for the prize once I knew what it felt like. Maybe it depends on your sexual drive -- for me, the drive was strong enough that I could never feel guilty about an orgasm for long.

Steven, 28, Veterinarian

Some guys think sex has to include an orgasm. Orgasms are great, but there's so much more to sex. An orgasm is more of a physical experience; I guess there is an emotional aspect, but it's over in a second. I think anybody can give you an orgasm, but it's the person there after the orgasm that matters. But I think I'm the exception.

Does Orgasm Equal Sex

Our ever-changing definition of sex may hinge more on the climax than on the act itself; Psychologist L.M. Bogart, Ph.D., gave Kent State students a list of scenarios in which "Jim" and "Susie" engaged in vaginal, anal or oral intercourse and either did or did not achieve orgasm. Vaginal intercourse was considered sex 97 percent of the time, followed by anal intercourse (93 percent) and oral sex (44 percent). Researchers were surprised to find that orgasm occurrence dictated whether or not the activity was considered sex. Although the woman was more likely to label vaginal intercourse sex if neither partner climaxed, when it came to oral sex, the recipient was more likely to consider it sex than the partner performing the act, especially if the recipient achieved orgasm -- because the stimulator was unlikely to achieve orgasm. For anal sex, it was more likely to be called sex if Jim had the orgasm, but it was sex to Susie regardless of whether she achieved orgasm. In general, the lack of orgasm for women was less likely to affect her labeling the act sex. Although most sex therapists argue against using orgasm as an end-all definition of sex, Bogart's study indicates that orgasm is still an important gauge by which we measure sexual activity.

Source: Psychology Today