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Love Heals, Kindness Heals

"His Kindness Healed Me"

As often happens, I was brought to tears last night during a therapy session.

"When he asked me why I like him, I didn't know how to put it into words. All I could say was, 'Your kindness healed me.'"

She began to lament that she couldn't express her feelings. Her fear and self-doubt arose and she began to beat herself up at her lack of a good reply.

But I thought this was the sweetest compliment that I ever heard.

This couple, that I have been rooting for for a year (two kind, beautiful people with huge hearts, but who also suffer from desperately low self esteem due to past trauma) finally, finally let each other know they liked each other. The kind of love that sits quietly but continues from afar through all of those months is something special indeed, especially with self-doubt against them.

They have a soul connection, if I have ever saw one.

Feeling Unworthy of Being Loved

For months, she told me that she could never do it. That when she thought of telling him how she felt, she was overwhelmed by anxiety.

I knew he liked her, but not because I knew him and met him. I trusted her instincts better than she did. Why wouldn't I? I have sat listening to her for almost two years as she recovered from a horrible abusive relationship and found her way as a single parent. And I have seen her be correct every time she assessed a situation. She is always spot on. I had the distance to trust her that she didn't have. Her anxiety got in the way.

Despite all of her negative self talk, there was some level that she knew he liked her. But her second guessing was high and tormenting. I knew a conversation would wipe it away and I had been encouraging her for months.

Even through her insecurities, his kindness gave her solace. It make her feel special and worthy. This is exactly what she needed.

"I don't think I will ever tell him. It is just not me." She once told me. This is a limiting belief if I ever heard one. It's amazing how our beliefs run our lives.

But beliefs can change and this is what heals us. She did talked to him and it made a huge difference. She had the biggest smile on her face and some of her fears seemed to drain away.

Believing that someone could love us, that we are worthy of love, can change everything.

Kindness (Love) Heals Us on All Levels

Kindness and love heals us physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

How would you feel if someone said your kindness healed them? Have you ever felt kindness healing you?

By Jodi Lobozzo Aman

I blog here: Heal Now and Forever Be In Peace
and here: Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog,
share here: Twitter@JodiAman, Google+
inspire here: Facebook: Heal Now and Forever Be in Peace,
Get my free E-book: What Is UP In Your DOWN? Being Grateful in 7 Easy Steps.

APA Reference
Lobozzo, J. (2012, May 30). Love Heals, Kindness Heals, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, March 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2012/05/love-heals-kindness-heals



Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R

Brendah
June, 24 2016 at 3:03 am

Nice post!

ndemi
June, 22 2016 at 6:22 am

Very touching love story there....it has made me hold on to the perception "true love exists!"

Josefin Björnberg
March, 4 2016 at 7:31 am

When someone says to me, your kindness healed me. At that moment, I feel very proud for myself. Last week, I helped a woman .she told me you are very obedient it was very glad feeling for me.

Alice
June, 9 2015 at 3:53 am

Fine.....This is beautiful. What I wouldn’t give for my mom to be able to have this happen for her.
I know for me, the kindness and love my husband has for me is definitely what has helped me heal from years of emotional abuse from my father. His kindness has helped me to in turn be more kind to myself and my children.
I also think that, though only tangential related, this is part of the reason why dogs are so helpful in healing. Their unconditional love and kindness to their people despite their faults is inspiring. I know I’ve felt that my dog, in addition to helping me to control my anxiety, has made me feel better about myself as a person.

Alice
June, 9 2015 at 3:52 am

Very true...Undoubtly, the good and humane conduct of any person toward us has got improvemnt effect on our mental state, as basic factor of global welbeing:physical, psychologic, emotional, cognitive, professional and social functioning. But the prerequisite to this healing accomplishment is to be ready to accept the gratitude and honest intetntion of other, without any sense of unreliable and unbelieve. To achieve this healing providing of interpersonal relation it ought po posses a minimum social skill and/or to be able to know the emotion of others as well to perceive adequately oneself feelings. These life affinities in humene psychology are called as emional and social intelegensy.

Christina
May, 7 2015 at 1:26 pm

This is beautiful. What I wouldn't give for my mom to be able to have this happen for her.
I know for me, the kindness and love my husband has for me is definitely what has helped me heal from years of emotional abuse from my father. His kindness has helped me to in turn be more kind to myself and my children.
I also think that, though only tangential related, this is part of the reason why dogs are so helpful in healing. Their unconditional love and kindness to their people despite their faults is inspiring. I know I've felt that my dog, in addition to helping me to control my anxiety, has made me feel better about myself as a person.

Anger Is Anxiety’s Evil Twin | Leaving The Rabbit Holes
September, 22 2013 at 8:00 pm

[...] is a fear. Love and kindness heals us, but we are always afraid we are not worthy of it. It is based on a limiting belief that she is not [...]

Frank Foster
April, 4 2013 at 7:17 am

Love is the answer...and you know that for sure.
Love is a flower...you gotta let it, you gotta let it grow...
Your right Jodi, its the ripple effect. One smile can ripple through many and grow into grow into great love and healing.
For example..The checkout lady smiles at the man, it lifts his heart...it inspires him to call his daughter and say sorry..which inspires her to call and make up with her friend.. I could go on but Im sure everyone gets the point.
Truly awesome.
Cheers
Frank Foster
Queensland, Australia

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

April, 5 2013 at 8:26 pm

Frank,
I totall get and appreciate the point! We should start these chain reactions each day!

Mahmoud
November, 27 2012 at 8:29 am

This is a pretty noarml thing amongst all of us. As a matter of fact, many people suffer from this sort of thing (including myself). It's just that some people can cope better than others. From what you've described, there's no need to throw up the red flag to the extent that you have to go see a doctor. You do have social anxiety yes, but it's not a disorder. People with social anxiety disorder have all these symptoms you've mentioned, but because it's so extreme, it affects their daily routine and their ability to function noarmlly in everyday life. So no need for the doctors yet! I was extremly shy like you too, and I had social anxiety as well right before I went to college a few years ago. Here are some ways you can deal with this: 1) If you're ever invited to an event, tell a trusted friend or a best friend of yorus to tag along with you. If he/she is outgoing, that's a plus. Observe how he/she would approach a social setting.2) Talk to yoru friends about this issue. If you're not comfortable talking on the phone, talk online (MSN, Facebook, etc). Or write an e-mail. That way, you can perhaps organize your thoughts much easier. 3) When you're at a party, try to fascinate yourself with other people; ask them about themselves. Approach with a simple "Hello" and make small talk. I find that things get easier after that point. 4) If you do have a Facebook account, you can add friends and keep in touch with them. That's the best way to get invites to parties other events, etc. That's also a good opportunity to improve your social skills.5) Join a club. There are people with diverse interests.and 6) In college, there are usually gorups tailored to helping people cope with shyness. When you find that you're still shy on the first few days of college, I urge you to check out for those types of groups. Go to like a counseling centre in yoru college and ask about them. Chances are they might have programs or groups or even clubs you can join with other shy people in them, I find that those thigns above have helped me quite a bit. But of course, no-one expects everything to work overnight, it takes a bit of time. But remember, everyone is in the same boat! It's noarml! I wish you all the best! References : Personal experience.

Panic Attack Treatment » Love Heals, Kindness Heals
November, 19 2012 at 7:27 pm

[...] and kindness that are regularly given as a matter of course can help people who are suffering from depression and anxiety to overcome their fears. Love that is given unconditionally and without being asked for helps to [...]

farzana
November, 13 2012 at 8:11 pm

i love u someone
miss u jan

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

November, 14 2012 at 6:06 am

Beautiful, Farzana, love grows through you.

You Are The Welcome-est Person Ever | Heal Now and Forever
November, 12 2012 at 5:01 am

[...] Your kindness healed me.  [...]

Boundaries, Barriers, and Limits, Oh My! | Heal Now and Forever
June, 28 2012 at 5:58 am

[...] that the other person can say yes or no to it. I cannot make them decide to heal, but just offer kindness and love.  (Also see How Do We Know We Are Done Healing? which addresses our responsibility in healing [...]

Too Anxious To Speak Up? | Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog
June, 27 2012 at 5:17 am

[...] but to talk about what is important to us, appreciate each others goodness, skills, and actions. Validate and love each other. Surround yourself with people that can support you.What do you do when someone offends you and feel [...]

Dr Musli Ferati
June, 6 2012 at 3:40 am

Undoubtly, the good and humane conduct of any person toward us has got improvemnt effect on our mental state, as basic factor of global welbeing:physical, psychologic, emotional, cognitive, professional and social functioning. But the prerequisite to this healing accomplishment is to be ready to accept the gratitude and honest intetntion of other, without any sense of unreliable and unbelieve. To achieve this healing providing of interpersonal relation it ought po posses a minimum social skill and/or to be able to know the emotion of others as well to perceive adequately oneself feelings. These life affinities in humene psychology are called as emional and social intelegensy.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

June, 6 2012 at 7:47 am

Kindness always improves mental state, even something as small as a smile can make a difference to someone's day!

Tina Barbour
June, 1 2012 at 10:57 pm

I've learned that kindness is indeed healing. It's different from just being nice. It's from the heart.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Nikky44
June, 2 2012 at 12:38 am

I agree Tina. Often Kindness is considered like being polite and respectful, but it's not only that. There is much more. You are right. It is when you deal with a person's heart straight from your heart. Not only understanding another, but feeling with another person.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

June, 6 2012 at 6:03 am

:) true empathy, true intimacy, a joining together of hearts and minds. Oneness.

nikky44
June, 6 2012 at 6:35 am

<3 <3 <3

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

June, 6 2012 at 6:02 am

I love this, Tina. It is from the heart. Not obligatory. Genuine and real. Feels different and oh so very good. to both parties!

Ann Marie Camp
May, 30 2012 at 7:05 am

I also came from an emtionally abusive marriage and am a single mom to two wonderful boys. I met a classmate at my 25 year reuinion and it's been so hard because of the fear that we both have because of our past. We've dated since November 2011 and have not said the "L" word but his kindness has been knocking down my walls and giving me hope. Our relationship has been building slowly and I have never been treated so kindly before...he is such a sweetheart and it feels so good to laugh and have fun and feel special again. This blog hit home. Let sweetness prevail!!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

June, 6 2012 at 6:02 am

I love hearing about this! Knock down those walls, woman! Sing!

nikky44
May, 30 2012 at 5:22 am

I think I don't need to say how I loved this article:)
I can't remember how many times I have said "you're so kind to me" because I know that is what makes the difference. Sometimes I also have self doubt, in fact more than sometimes, it is happening very often and i ask myself "does she really love me? what would make her love me?" and then i get confused by thinking whether i am loved or not because I can't really know, but what is sure is that the kindness is there. Since I feel better although I am not sure that i am loved, it must be the kindness that is healing me. Yes, You kindness Jodi is healing me since the first contact October 26 2011.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

June, 6 2012 at 6:01 am

Yes, the kindness is love and vice versa. Love is behind all kindness so you can now be sure of it. It is just fear that keeps you unsure of love. Fear that you are not deserving. But please know that you are! Thank you for all of your kindnesses shown back to me. They have given me so much!

nikky44
June, 6 2012 at 6:38 am

Thank you Jodi <3

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