That which doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. We’ve all heard the cliché. That may ring true for some, but not for me. My depression has been raging these past few weeks, putting me through a hellacious test. Only it hasn’t made me stronger. It’s made me weaker. It’s made me tired. And it’s frustrated me to no end.

Depression is a family disease. Not just because it runs in families—but because it can ruin families. Yet it doesn’t have to be that way. I am a happily married man with three wonderful children, and yet I suffer from depression. And my depression affects the whole family. Children are incredibly perceptive. My 8-year-old picks up on it even when my bouts with depression aren’t so severe. My 10-year-old keeps things inside, so he rarely comments about it, but he notices.

Anxiety can motivate us to move faster, but left unchecked it can paralyze us.

So I found some tips to counter holiday depression in a WebMD article. Clearly, the article’s author is not depressed and does not have anxiety issues. If you are like me, events with large crowds make you anxious. During the holidays, they can be especially daunting if you are the only one there not drinking. That’s why the first tip, “do socialize” is almost funny. When I am depressed, I’d rather have bamboo shoved under my toenails than “socialize.”

Depression is an illness. It is not a sin. Some well-meaning Christians who have never experienced depression might tell us otherwise. They might tell us we’ll feel better if we just have more faith. They might even tell us that God has the power to heal our depression, so antidepressants aren’t necessary. That is a dangerous and shallow view of mental illness.