Musical Inspiration for Eating Disorder Recovery

Many times throughout the course of my eating disorder, I found myself listening to music that encouraged my disordered behaviors and thoughts. These songs are still indelibly marked in my brain and I can sing every word of them when they turn up on my iPod. The problem with this is that singing them only serves to cement the messages in my head. So when I started down the road to eating disorder recovery, I needed a new set of songs to sing along to.

I recognize that not everyone clings to music the way that I do. I was trained as a musician from a young age and music has always been a part of my life. So it was upsetting when my anorexia hijacked that love and made it serve the eating disorder. One of things I have had to consistently do throughout recovery is take back the things that my eating disorder stole -- and music was one of those.

Music is a great coping skill for a lot of reasons and can be used in a lot of different ways. It is really difficult, for example, to purge when you are singing along to the soundtrack of "Rent." It is also really difficult to remain in a bad mood for long when you are listening to a song with a great rhythm that just begs to be danced to. Music can distract. Music can shift moods. Music can encourage.

[caption id="attachment_3295" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Both making and listening to music are great coping skills."][/caption]

In eating disorder treatment, music was a huge motivator for me. In fact, when I went into treatment a second time, I chose the center I did because they had music therapy on the schedule every week. I was allowed to bring my flute and practice in free time. As I moved up in the phase system, I was allowed more time to listen to my iPod. But when I was only given 30 or 40 minutes, I had to make the most of that time.

My Eating Disorder Recovery Music Playlist

In my eating disorder, my playlist consisted of songs with dark messages, minor chords, and harsh sounds. So in eating disorder recovery, my musical inspiration playlist had to have more positive songs, in both tone and message. My recovery playlist is a bit eclectic and sometimes a song gets dropped for something new. But these have been regulars for quite some time:

• "All the Beauty (Kati's Story)" -- JJ Heller
• "Beautiful Things" -- Gungor
• "Control" -- JJ Heller
• "Dear X, You Don't Own Me" -- Disciple
• "Shadowfeet" -- Brooke Fraser
• "Twentyfour" -- Switchfoot
• "Nothing Left to Lose" -- Matt Ryd (a brilliant young musician who killed himself last year after a long battle with depression and an eating disorder)
• "Message from Your Heart" -- Kina Grannis
• "Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)" -- Shakira
• "Video" -- India.Arie
• "Skyscraper" -- Demi Lovato
• "Just Showed Up For My Life" -- Sara Groves
• "Add to the Beauty" -- Sara Groves
• "Sweet Surrender" -- John Denver
• "My Wish" -- Rascal Flatts (this was the "goodbye song" at my treatment center, so it always brings with it a flood of sweet memories)
• "Finale B" -- "RENT" Cast

Everyone's musical tastes are different, so I hardly consider this "the" eating disorder recovery playlist. In fact, a lot of the songs that have become a part of this regular rotation were initially shared with me by other friends in recovery.

I'd love to know: What songs do you listen to for encouragement in your recovery?

Jess can also be found on Google+, Facebook and Twitter.