What would a world without eating disorders be like? It would be a world of unimaginable freedom for everyone. It would be a world that each one of us could thrive in. It is only a dream of mine. But think of the possibilities . . .

"Maggie Goes On A Diet" is described by Amazon.com and other retailers as an inspiring tale about a 14-year-old who loses weight and becomes the school soccer star. The premise behind the book is to show how Maggie gains confidence and develops a more positive self-image after losing weight and achieving her goals. There is just one problem. This diet book's reading level and content makes it more appropriate for girls of elementary and middle school ages. The exact group that is  beginning to struggle with body image and weight issues. The exact group that is vulnerable to developing eating disorders.

I struggle with anorexia even now because eating disorders are complex and deadly illnesses. They manifest differently in each individual. For me, anorexia was not about being thin. And yet it was. That is the paradox of anorexia. I was addicted to starving, driven to be thin. I could never be thin enough, and it took years to break the chains of those thoughts. But have I completely broken free?

Jess Weiner: " Did Loving My Body Almost Kill Me?" That is the headline splashed across an article in September's Glamour magazine and online site. Weiner, a well-known author and speaker, has stressed for years that women of all weights and sizes can live happy and fulfilling lives right now. She lived her words, and created a successful career and life while being a size 18. That alone sounds radical in today's society that worships thinness and works hard to make women feel unsuccessful and unworthy if we dare to take up more space than a will-o'-wisp. Then Weiner went to her physician, and that is all it took to take her down the familiar weight loss path of dieting and excessive exercise.

I recently read HP blogger Natasha Tracy's Breaking Bipolar post, "Bipolar Disorder is Caused by a Bad Childhood." Her words made me think about the many myths that have been perpetuated and still exist about the cause or causes of eating disorders. For example, many clinicians believed years ago that a cold and distant mother was a cause of her child developing an eating disorder. I refute this myth, and talk about the variety of theories about the causes of eating disorders in this video.

Recently I was invited to write on my personal blog about weight stigma and what does it mean to me as part of fellow blogger and ED activist Voice in Recovery's Weight Stigma Blog Carnival. (ViR is HealthyPlace blogger Kendra Sebelius, author of Debunking Addiction.) I wanted to continue the conversation about weight stigma on Surviving ED. I was very nervous about writing "Weight(ing) For Change: Why Weight Stigma Impacts Us All." Why? Because it forced me to face my own prejudices and fears towards people who are overweight or obese, and about weight in general.

In part one of this series, I talked about the lure of anorexia and how, at first, I didn't think of anorexia as an addiction. But it is and, of course, the first step to breaking the chains of addiction to starving is both very simple and complex at the same time. I needed to eat and reach a healthy weight. That required me to eat three meals and drink three Ensure Plus daily, and watch as the scale slowly climbed upward. This is very frightening for those of us struggling with anorexia nervosa. But there is no other way. Until I achieved full and consistent nutrition, the eating disorder part of my brain was going to keep telling me to starve myself. I would be forever chained to anorexia.

Addiction is a strange thing. No one sets out to become addicted, whether it is to cigarettes, prescription medications, alcohol or any other substance. My father had been an alcoholic and he had made our lives a living hell. I never wanted to see myself in that light. Then I developed anorexia nervosa. At first, I didn't think of it as an illness of addiction. My husband and I argued about it one night several years ago. I had again started the cycle — restrict, starve, purge with laxatives as needed, and repeat every day. "You're addicted to starving," he said. "Anorexia isn't addiction. Anorexia is totally different," I argued. "If you would read some books or something . . . You don't know what you're talking about, you don't understand at all." "I did read that one book, and anorexia is an addiction. Just like alcoholism."

Today my doctor said to me, "You know, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to recover." I sometimes question if I do deserve to recover. I'm not proud of some of the things I have done in life. I have not always been the kindest person. I have sometimes ignored people who needed me. I have put my husband and loved ones through years of anguish and fear as I slipped further and further into anorexia nervosa and failed at recovery many times. I have made them cry as they thought that I could possibly die from my eating disorder. I blocked myself off from their fears and pleas, and continued to pursue thinness ruthlessly for years like a person possessed. All of these things make me question my worth and if I deserve to recovery. But there's something more. My doctor, a wonderfully perceptive man even when I sometimes sit silently and dive back into the safety of my thoughts, said I have this space within my brain that allows the eating disorder to tell me that I do not deserve to be happy, healthy, and free. This is so true, and I sometimes want to scream at the voices to stop and leave me alone.

A 2008 Harris Interactive study found that about 0.5 percent of Americans are vegan and 3.2 percent of Americans are vegetarians. That equals 1 million and 7.3 million respectively. That's a pretty low number. Why then does it seem that I know so many people with eating disorders who either are vegan, vegetarian, or practice some other type of eating different from the normal population?