Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me
I am a strong person, physically. At six-foot-three inches tall and 250 pounds, most people wouldn't waste their breath arguing that assertion. And, whether because of, or in spite of, my bipolar and anxiety diagnoses, I consider myself to be strong mentally, as well. I am intelligent, accomplished, likeable, and successful.
Despite the mountains of evidence of this, my brain works diligently to convince me that every interaction I have with another person is a misstep. If I text someone and they don’t reply back, it is obvious they are mad at me. If someone doesn't answer the phone when I call, say hello when they pass by, or reply to my email, then my mind goes into what can only be described as an emotional roller coaster. It isn't a fun, state-of-the-art roller coaster, either. It’s an old wooden one, poorly maintained, and it’s painful when it turns corners. The ride up the first hill is jerky, slow, and the anticipation sends shock waves I can feel all over my body. It is emotionally, physically, and even mentally straining. It is fear, panic, anticipation, and dread all rolled into one giant full body panic attack.
Anxiety Convinces Me That Everyone Hates Me
At that moment, I feel as though everyone I know is mad at me. They all disrespect me, think I am stupid, and do not want me in their lives any longer. Quite simply, my anxiety says everyone hates me.
Now, on top of all the other emotions, guilt forms. I feel guilty that I put someone in such a difficult position. I imposed by reaching out to them. Asking them a question, for a favor, or simply saying hello was uncalled for. I should not have done it and, since I’m a good person, I want to apologize. I want to reach back out to them and ask if they are mad, if they are okay, what I did wrong, and let them know I want to make amends. I want to set things right.
I Just Want the Anxiety to Stop
More often than not, what does get me in trouble and where I do make a mistake is by war dialing, constantly texting or e-mailing, or asking them one too many questions about why something is a certain way. Even apologizing for a legitimate mistake can be over the line, if handled the wrong way.
Ninety-seven times out of a hundred, the reason I didn't hear back was because the person was busy, in a meeting, mulling it over, or because people have things to do other than answer me. In the rare occasions where I did make a mistake, offend, or bother someone, the issue is generally cleared up quickly with an explanation and an apology. The people in my life know that I am a good person and don’t intentionally hurt others and they doubly know I wouldn't intentionally hurt them.
Ignoring the Anxiety that Says that Everyone Hates Me
It is hard to sit back, relax, and not engage the anxiety. It baits me to do something I will later regret. I work with my therapist to find techniques to calm down and I explain to my friends and family that when I ask if they are mad me, it is because I genuinely care and I want to make sure they are okay. I am also honest in admitting that checking in with them alleviates my suffering. Often, it is more about me than about them, and they understand that.
There are as many ways to alleviate anxiety as there are people. It is trial and error, but there are techniques that work for many people. Mindfulness, meditation, advanced preparation, sleep hygiene, therapy, and medication can all be used to control this disorder. But the biggest factor in this will always be me.
Howard, G. (2014, May 6). Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, February 25 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2014/05/anxiety-says-everyone-hates-me
Author: Gabe Howard
I'm glad that you like the HealthyPlace Anxiety-Schmanxiety website. Gabe wrote this particular article, but he is unable to respond to comments as he is no longer writing for HealthyPlace. Articles will keep coming, though, so please visit often. Each week there will be two new articles, and we hope to hear from you again.
I have anxiety an have read allot of the above comments. I get angry at myself an allso think people get angry at me to a point i think they are gonna hurt me. For excample my brother ask me to help take a spare key to him for his car. I could not do it straight away an by the time i could i drove to pick him up an he had lituraly just got back to his car after getting the key himself. This made me angry at myself for failing to help an afraid he was angry at me for not helping. Why do i feel like i have to help all the time or people will hate me? an how can i stop thinking an feeling this way?
I always feel like this im only 14 it makes going to school hard the only way I cope is by playing football im glad to know im not the only person to feel this way I sort of feel less alone now
You're definitely not the only one. Far from it! Kudos to you for finding an activity that helps you cope in a positive way. Focus on football and other positive things that you begin to notice. Changing what you pay attention to can help change your feelings, too.
I have had anxiety for most of my life since as long as I can remember. Mostly anxiety about other people and what they think of me. My mind automatically thinks that people dislike me or even hate me. I know in my better moments that I am a good person and that there is really nothing to dislike, but it does not stop my mind from wandering to those thoughts. I would love to be by myself most of the time and not have to see people but it is not possible. I am married with a daughter and I have a good life but anxiety is ruining it.
I emigrated 11 years ago and the change in friends, family, culture, etc. really affected me badly. I did not take care of myself the way I should have done and it made my anxiety worse. Anxiety and stress go hand-in-hand and I feel like I have had my fair share. Why are some people born with anxiety disorders and some people seem to live their life with none whatsoever?
You asked a question that researchers are still trying to answer. The causes of anxiety disorders are complex and include both nature (biology/genetics) and nurture (environmental factors and stressors that play a part in activating certain genes). You are so right that stress and anxiety are connected. Change is a big factor, too, and lead to something known as adjustment disorder. No matter what the cause, it's possible to develop coping skills to manage anxiety (but anxiety doesn't make it easy to do that!). Have you considered working with a therapist to develop techniques for breaking free from anxiety's grasp? There are people who can help, and you deserve it. :)
hi I am still not that convinced about this problem that might or might not be caused by anxiety I am still at that point where the world hates me and everyone hates me and there's no one who loves or likes me and dont just says that my family loves me because there like forced to love me and I feel if my family didnt know me they would hate me to.
While severe anxiety can absolutely contribute to the thoughts you shared, there are other things that can contribute as well. It's okay not to be convinced of the source; in fact, the most important thing is getting help for your thoughts and feelings first, and underlying causes can be addressed as you progress. When you are feeling hopeless, there are places to turn. One that is available 24/7 via telephone and/or online chats is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. There are resources on the site as well as people to chat with for help. The website is http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. Reaching out here, at the Lifeline, etc. is a very good thing. Help is available, and you can begin to feel better. Contrary to what your thoughts are telling you, you do deserve it.
I am so glad that I found this blog. I finally found a group of people who are just like me. My biggest thing is talking on the phone. Most of the time I can't do it. If someone whom I love calls I usually can't pick up the phone without feeling like I want to throw up. If my best friend, whom I absolutely adore, calls me, I panic and quickly start coming up with a lie to explain later why I didn't pick up the phone. I think the reason I feel this way is because I'm afraid that I will get trapped on the phone and won't know how to say "goodbye". And if I do say goodbye it won't be done properly, leaving the other person to feel hurt or upset with me (a scenario which I can't bear) So if I can't end the conversation, I don't want to even begin.
In terms of FB, I don't even logon anymore. The first time I posted anything on FB, it took me an hour to write two sentences. I was so afraid of getting judged. drives me bananas. I want to be a regular person and talk to my friend on the phone without breaking into a cold sweat.
A year ago, I almost lost my best friend, over my "phone phobia". To this day I still don't think that she fully understands.
Also, I got an epiphany: It just occurred to me after reading everyone's comments, that I may have an anxiety disorder. I've been living with this for so long that I can't imagine taking medication for it at this point. I'm just really happy that what I have is a real thing and not just "in my head". I'm not the only one on the planet dealing with it. Now that I know that, for the first time in my life I feel (ironically) normal
Just the title of your post explains how I feel constantly, even when my small circle of friends DO call me. I feel a huge part of my chronic pain is due to this super high level of constant anxiety over whether my friends truly enjoy my company or think I'm a little off and just put up with me anyway. This stems from being told I am not very easy to get to know and it's probably because I don't want to call attention to my chronic pain and never sleeping well and being sick a lot. I don't want to depress other people with the details of my sad, sick, and lonely life. I'm not even able to hold a job because of my physical pain and low self-esteem/lack of confidence in myself. I'm in tears just opening up this much, yet I'm too scared to seek real help. The biggest of my problems is my addiction to my prescribed medications and I know no one wants to be around someone who is always on "drugs." I wake up in the middle of the night with pain and acid reflux........it seems I can't even relax in my sleep, which I why I take so much medication to help me go back to sleep for another couple hours. I just want to be able to not care what people really think of me anymore, but I don't have anything special about me to be able to say I don't care what someone else thinks. I do know I am highly intelligent, which I have read that people with higher IQs tend to struggle more with anxiety and self confidence. I guess I always just never feel good enough for anyone to accept me and it's only getting worse. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about just "ending it all" in the last year and especially moreso within the last 6 months and sometimes it's several times a day I am thinking about it, but then I can't help thinking what my friends would think of I took my own life at such a young age (30) and why I didn't share my deeper feelings more with them and it's because I don't like being emotionally vulnerable and I feel like the feelings I have may be considered stupid by my friends. I need some real help, but I am barely comfortable calling my friends on the phone and I rarely have the confidence to call a stranger to ask for help.
I also have chronic pain and disability am which exacerbates depression and anxiety and have often thought of ending it all. I also have a high IQ and was valedictorian of my high school and college and am getting a doctorate now, but I have to do all my work from lying down at home. I sometimes take prescription meds to help me sleep, but am afraid of getting addicted because it takes away the emotional and physical pain and just feels so amazing. However, I've found that if there are times I feel like taking it, I just try something else sometimes--like eat good food, watch a tv show that makes me laugh, call up a friend, or go for a walk. These sometimes make me feel better and then I realize that things other than the meds can help sometimes. Also, even though I can't sit in a chair (I have to work on a laptop on a laptop stand that lets me work from lying on my back because of my disability--I have a ruptured disc and damaged nerve so it's painful to sit, but I can walk some), working helps me to feel a little better about myself. I would highly suggest getting some kind of a job--anything. If it stresses you out to be around people, then even something you can do from home on your computer. It doesn't have to be full time. You will start to feel better about yourself each time you accomplish work and get a paycheck--not because money matters or what job you have matters--but more just because it reminds you that you actually ARE capable, even if you don't feel like it sometimes. And that you actually DO have some way or ways you can contribute to society, and then you start to feel more confidence, and that might help you, be a stepping stone to helping you find what you really like doing more. Love and light to you and all the others on this site who are struggling with anxiety. We can do this together.
Please know that you are not the only person out there that thinks "why can't I just be like everyone else"? We are all different and it took me most of a lifetime to embrace that. People ask "why do you do this or do that" as if something is wrong about me?
I had one smug, criticizing person ask me, once, "why would you wear a shirt
that has advertising on it or a slogan on it? Why don't you wear a Polo shirt or a
colorful short sleeve shirt with a nice collar"? I think he was trying to put me down because he could sense my uneasiness in a group of people.
For once, I did not buckle under with shame but retorted with: "Let me tell you something! If we all had long hair, Nike shoes, drove the same type of car, liked the same music, ate the same food, liked the same TV shows, had high morals, had wonderful childhoods, liked the same friends, had all the latest high-tech gadgets, and so on and so on, this would be a very boring world and we wouldn't have anybody to gossip about!
You just wear your designer clothes if you must and stand on your head if you want and howl at the moon and just leave to wear what I want and be who I am. And while you're at it, eat Rocks! He was so embarrassed he never bothered me again.
I don't know how I did this, since I suffer from anxiety, social phobia, depression, ptsd, agoraphobia, etc. The one thing that has helped to cope is finally understanding that I got this way probably by having been my father's punching bag when anything went wrong around him, while also watching him beat my Mother when she did something he didn't like. He made it impossible to grow up as "Normal" people do.
Over the years I've had wonderful Role models in my life whom I've sensed cared about my dilemma and helped me to see that there Are people out there that Care about you and made a difference in my life by giving me Hope. I also hope that my reply to you, my friend, will make a difference in your life as well. Just try to be the best that you can be and always be true to yourself. May God Bless!
Hi! I feel pretty much the same way all around. The only things I feel differently are that I want to tell them I'm sorry, but I can't because I'm afraid of reaching out again to tell them I'm sorry for imposing on them. I can't talk to anyone and if I do text or email someone, I'm so terrified of doing so that when they don't reply I feel exactly the same as you. Thank you for sharing, because it feels so good to know others feel the same way too.
Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace, so he is unable to respond to your comment. I know he'd be pleased to know that you appreciated his post. You are definitely not alone. This feeling/experience is quite common among those of us who live with or have lived with anxiety. I think it's good that you're unable to go back and apologize for things you think you need to apologize for. Chances are high that apologies are not in order at all. Live each moment and move to the next unapologetically, no matter how anxious you feel.
It is always nice to hear that other go through the same thing. I recently went on a camping trip with some university friends and i told two of them that i suffer from this anxiety and they accepted it. it was a huge weight lifted of my shoulders. However, i now feel like that was a bad choice, because my brain now automatically makes me feel like they look at me differently. It doesn't help that the two of them are pretty much best friends, and i am a third wheel sometimes. I just cant shake the idea that i am annoying them by telling them how i feel. As if i am drowning them with my feelings (i told them twice in the last few days) and it is now just driving me crazy. I just want my brain to stop running at 100 miles an hour, and just relax. Everyone else seems to be fine. But for anyone else going through this have a moment of Sonder; the realization that each and every passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own. its the only way i can step out of my anxiety for a minutue, think of when you dont text someone back because you are busy, everyone else in the world is as busy in their lives as you are in yours.
Thanks Gabe. Very helpful article. I am stricken with a general realization that no one likes me.. The problem is, over the years I have been a selfish person and never really concerned with others, so I have the evidence I need, regardless if its real or not. I have been working on loving myself and others more, but sometimes I just come so directly face to face with the "reality" that no one likes me. Usually something I perceptive in Instagram, FB or Texting triggers me. Either way I am reminded of the Four Agreements, and they seem to be helping me come to a more natural and healthy place in my mind.
Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace and is unable to respond to comments. You are certainly not alone in your thoughts. Interesting that you mention social media. Studies show that social media use can increase anxiety and depression and chip away at self-esteem. There are many reasons for this. It's definitely something that everyone should be aware of; when we notice social media taking its toll, it's a good idea to take a break from it as much as possible. Also, gathering evidence to test the reality of our thoughts is a very effective way to counteract negative beliefs that contribute to anxiety and depression. Sometimes, the evidence is just what it is -- it might be false, and it might be real. Either way, we can use it to our advantages to make the changes we want to make in our lives. We can identify what we want to do differently or what we would like to be different in our lives and then create a plan involving little steps toward our goal. You don't have to be limited by the past (or by social media in the present)!
I am dealing with this as we speak! I am on vacation with my family and my quiet natured in laws started the week out chatty and nice and have now become more quiet and to themselves. So here goes the constant anxiety... "Did I do something?" "Do they wish we weren't here now?" "Should I ask if they are mad and risk them thinking I'm annoying?" I'm physically making my self sick worrying over this and not enjoying my vacation work my kids and husband! I hate this!
You're definitely not alone. This is a common aspect of anxiety. One way to counteract this thinking is to beat it at its own game. Recognize it (which you already do!), then go through the process of recognizing that it's irrational. When you realize that you haven't done anything to make people hate you, you can then come to know that their actions are about them rather than you. You can't control how others act, but you can control how you react (or don't react)!
Last summer I was in a really bad forest fire with this camp group I signed up for. We were in groups of six, in half shelters, spread out through the forest and something started the fire but no one really woke up, I remember it got really hot but I thought it was just the weather (since it was a pretty hot place), the camp leaders were not much older than myself or anyone else there so when the fire broke out they had to wake all of us up to evacuate but they were also really scared so they only woke up 2 or 3 of all the groups and told them to wake the rest up, I remember a friend from the other group pretty much dragged my partner and I out of our half shelter and being half asleep I went back to get my stuff and when I got out it was really hot and everyone was gone but there were people shouting for help and I ran towards them because I wanted to help but there was fire and I didn't want to burn myself so I ran back and I found another group who I woke up and we made our way out and in the end all of us got out with minimal injuries (by the grace of God) but later on in the year all of us were treated for smoke inhalation (some more than others) and near September one of the boys killed himself, now all of these people were my friends more or less and throughout the past year 6 of them have killed themselves and another 3 don't talk to anyone from the fire. I relive this fire every single night, every time I hear a fire truck or one drives by fast with sirens on, at night when it gets hot Im too afraid to sleep, so I moved. I moved to a new city thinking it would help...it didn't. I recently made friends (I haven't talked to anyone I knew since I moved and I never bothered making new friends because I was constantly scared they would die out on me, these new friends are the bomb and I just got off Skype with them, I love all of them. The problem is I feel like they don't like me as much as I like them, they were over and we were playing with a ouija board and one of them blew on the candle but the wax splashed back and hit his arm and I went and cleaned it and fixed it but I was scared out of my mind, it wasn't even a lot of wax but I thought he was going to die, I know they like me and we are friends but I constantly feel like they are going to leave me or that they aren't actually my friends...I just want to be normal again...I want to go out and not think of everything as a threat to my friends health and not have to worry about going to another funeral...I have been thinking of going to therapy but I don't know if I meet the criteria, I feel like If I go to therapy that the therapist won't believe me or that they might put me in a mental hospital and I just don't like showing signs of vulnerability, no one really knows how much the fire really ruined my life, yeah I didn't get flesh wounds but I still hear the screams for help and I still feel the guilt for not helping them. Im not seeking for attention, I just really needed to get this off my chest.
I think you are wise in considering therapy. What you describe sounds very much like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). You most definitely fit the criteria, and PTSD is something that can be treated. When ignored, though, it commonly worsens. HealthyPlace has a blog about PTSD and trauma that you might want to check out: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/. Also, the fear of being put in a psychiatric hospital is one that many people have, especially because of the incorrect stereotypes that are out there on TV, in the movies, in the news, etc. Therapists don't just automatically put someone in such a hospital. The goal is to work with someone out of a hospital setting. Sometimes, temporary hospitalization is necessary, but if your therapist thinks that's the case, he/she should talk to you about it and work with you. The purpose of a hospitalization is to help rather than to frighten and make things worse, and again, it's only used when absolutely necessary. It's not a first line of defense. You experienced traumas (both the fire and the losses of friends), and your mind hasn't had a chance to process them. In working with a therapist, you will have the opportunity to process and, ultimately (although it's not always a fast process) to heal.
Thank you for this article! I have suffered with anxiety for most of my life, starting at an early age when I was bullied in middle school and high school, mostly by other girls. I have seen a few therapists over the years and my anxiety has improved over time, however, last year I moved to a new state and finding new friends has been such a struggle for me. So much so that I am debating about whether or not I should move home at the end of the year because I am so lonely. I made a few friends over this past year but all except one either moved to a different state or moved back home... and the last friend I have here is moving in 3 weeks. I also have a boyfriend who I have been dating for almost 5 months now who just moved away last week (he is in the military). I just feel like everyone I care about is leaving. And finding girlfriends are the worst for me! I have reached out to many girls I have met while living where I am now, hoping to make some new friendships and many want nothing to do with me. Or I have started talking to some new girls and things have been going great - we are talking a lot, hanging out, etc etc and then all of a sudden, they want nothing to do with me. I don't get it! This has happened to me my whole life and I am starting to think that something is wrong with me. Many of my close friends back home tell me it's because I am pretty, or that I am too nice and always go out of my way for people I care about...and that most people (girls especially) are not used to that. Or they think I have some hidden agenda which could not be any more farther from the truth. I just want friends so I don't feel so lonely all the time :( I am almost 30 now and I feel like I am at the point where I am experiencing some wonderful things in my life and I would really love to share them with other people.
Anyway, sorry this is so long! Your post brought me some comfort and I am a little relieved to know that I am not alone.
I'm glad you found HealthyPlace and this article in particular. Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace so is unable to respond to comments. You most definitely aren't alone in your feelings or experiences. Know that there are many things you can do to reduce anxiety and increase positive social experiences. There are many articles on Anxiety-Schmanxiey, as well as reader comments, that address this and so many other things. Welcome!
Hi, Nic. I understand where you are coming from, for I was, and am partially, the same way. I do not understand why it is literally nobody wants to be my friend. I could show you pictures and achievements of mine, and you would probably view me as fairly normal. Though, people have always ended up either mistreating me or not wanting anything to do with me. However, instead of allowing this occurrence cause me continued anxiety, I put an end to it. I simply said to myself: "Being anxious is very cumbersome to me and I refuse to carry this burden any longer, no matter what!" After some time, I started to realize there is nothing wrong with me; I am perfect. God has intended me to very great things. Also, I have learned that if I had kept many of those friends, I would not be where I am today: friends take up a lot of time. Because of this increase of time, I have learned a great deal about myself and my passions. I encourage you to be yourself, no matter what. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy. You deserve it. I am more than happy to talk at firstname.lastname@example.org
Good day. Thank you for this article because now I know I'm not alone in this. I constantly ask my husband how long he'll be able to cope with my anxiety. Luckily he keeps saying that he loves me too much to give up on me. But I'm still scared he'll grow tired of it all and I know that everyone is replaceable... I had so many ups and downs this year that sometimes I don't know how I'll make it to the next day. Yes, I have even tried to 'end it all' but apparently I have people who care about me and it makes me feel guilty for being such a wet blanket all the time. I have tried medication for it, but guess what? I got hooked on it and now I'm battling the addiction. Life's tough and then you die. That's my current motto in life and I hope it changes soon. I have a 2 year old daughter and don't want her to see me like this..
Came across this today and so glad I did cause it makes me feel better to know I am not alone. Thank you!
Welcome to Healthy Place! You are definitely not alone (do you know that over 40 million people in the US alone live with some type of anxiety disorder, and every human being on the planet experiences varying degrees of anxiety throughout their life?). So you're in good company! I hope you find the Anxiety-Schmanxiety community to be a helpful resource as you overcome anxiety.
Hello. I love how you put this. No one truly understands how a person feels that has anxiety. I hate it. Just the other day I was having one of those days that nothing I could do was right and I felt like a piece of crap that I told my husband, that lots of people wish for all kinds of stuff. I just wish that I could wake up one day and my anxiety be gone. I could be happy and not stress over absolutely everything. Thanks for your point of view and everyone else as well.
Thank you, Becky, for reading! :) I really appreciate it. Hugs, Gabe
I just want to say thank you for this post because, I literally just came back from class beside myself because I felt all of the things you talked about in this post today, much stronger than usual. And just knowing that other people have had similar experiences with this type of anxiety has made me feel so much better. So thank you :)
Brooke - my pleasure. :) Thank YOU. ~Gabe
I think more people can relate to this than they would like to admit. I find this feeling gets easier to deal with over time when you find things you love to do. Unfortunately, when depression and anxiety mix, you not only feel the world hates you, you lose interest in the things you love so it feels as if your world is crumbling all around you. The feeling gets even worse when you work with someone who absolutely hates you for reasons unknown but everyone else loves this person. So of course, you feel like a complete outcast on top of everything else. I would say step number one would be to remove yourself from that hostile environment like I did. It should leave some open time to understand why these feelings show up.
Your suggestions are spot on and very good! I like them a lot. Thank you for reading and sharing! :) ~Gabe
I find it hard to trust a sole! everybody I know can't stand me the only person who likes me is my ex wife, and she tried to crucify me!. My siblings have tried to punch my lights out and ask things like " how are you from this family you are so different?". I am trying to understand what the hell is going on! Why I distrust everybody! What do I do to make people dislike me so much!
Thank you, Mark for sharing and reading. It is difficult to build trust. I hope you can find someone to look up to. Life is better when we aren't alone. Hugs, Gabe
I have extreme anxiety and can relate to what you posted, Gabe. I am only 17, but I have felt my whole life that everyone I know hates me. I was severely bullied online and in person as a child, and I am often called a bitch because I am very loud when I talk, because i use my "strong" attitude as a defines mechanism. I lay awake at night crying because i feel as though everyone believes i am a bitchy, loud, stupid and ugly freak. It is very hard for me and the guilt is crippling. I hate living like this, I feel like an unloved terrible person despite what many people say and it is terrible.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Keely. Welcome! :) Gabe
Hi Gabe - I really appreciated reading this. I was actually looking for advice for my son who often comes home from school saying "everyone hates me." But this really resonated with me. I often wonder what I did wrong when friends who used to respond don't. I think I am a pretty kind, likeable person but am always living in fear that I have unknowingly done something wrong and that I am being shunned for it. It was very helpful to hear that others have similar experiences. Thanks for starting this conversation.
You are quite welcome, Stephanie! Keep reading my blog -- I have written lots and lots (And Tanya has, too!) ;)
Hi Gage, thanks for sharing your feeling. I always felt this anxiety, throughout my life. I would make friends easily, and then, they would all get annoyed of me, and end up not returning my texts or phone calls. Admittedly, I have been really rude and selfish to my family. And now my mom tells me that basically everybody hates me in the family. I admit it's true because I been a selfish asshole my whole life. The thing is, I grew up being the only boy in a conservative Asian family. I'm also an introvert, and have problems making small talk with people. Please help me, since I keep making these mistakes. I'm close to 40 years old now, and have been fired from my last 4 jobs, because people thought I was an arrogant asshole, and hard to work with. I feel like I cannot change.
PK - Everyone can change. Everyone. It doesn't mean it is overnight and it doesn't mean everyone will accept the changes . . . BUT . . . It is possible. And, step one, is admitting you want and/or need to makes changes. You are making great progress just by admitting you need to make some changes in your life. That has a lot of power and you should be proud of your willingness to seek help. Keep working, keep making small changes, and remember to focus on your successes -- and not on your failures.
Hi Gabe, thanks for replying so quick. Is there any book you recommend reading? I also looked online and saw a group for SAD - social anxiety disorder. I figure I will check this out, since I have always been kinda shy as well.
Hello PK - There isn't a book I recommend. There are so many and they all kind of cover different things. It should come as no surprise I recommend the HealthyPlace community -- I believe in what we all do. Best of luck on your journey -- and please keep reading and commenting. You are always welcome at HealthyPlace! :) ~Gabe
My God, I feel like this all the time. It sucks, because I start getting so close to people and then the anxiety pops up and I suddenly feel like they all secretly hate me and talk bad about me when I'm not around. I never know how to alleviate it--trying to ignore it usually makes me even more anxious and worried. It makes me so sad, because I feel so alone and then I end up feeling like no one ever cares about me anyway... And then, I start thinking that maybe I need to change something about myself to make myself more likeable, and it all just turns out the same way. I go into these states of anxiety and depression, and I just want someone to pull me out of it, but no one is ever around when I need them, and I wind up feeling like everyone hates me and doesn't want to help me... It's such a mess, and I really want to get over this!
As you can tell -- I understand completely. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. ~Gabe
I've felt like this since I was a teenager and it's ruined almost every friendship I've had, I just don't bother to make friends anymore. I am also an artist and feel like I need approval all the time since it the only way I can express myself to others and have them like me at least a little since I am so bad at talking with others. I feel more comfortable online and on facebook , but not much really and most of my "friends" on there are either family or freinds of family or like my art.I'm lucky I at least feel comfortable to share art anyway so that's something I guess. I feel like I'm going to be like this the rest of my life at this point. Part of me is comfortable with it since I feel safer all alone , but I know it's not right and I am very ashamed of it.
Hello Deb -
Living with anxiety is a hard thing. It takes a lot out of a person and is a daily struggle. But, we must fight back. We must soldier on and lead the lives we deserve. Thank you for commenting and reading. You are not alone -- there are many of us right there with you. Hugs, Gabe
I always feel like people hate me or think I'm a b#@$&. I can bev standoffish. My husband and our (his) friends are very outgoing and happy and I am never like that. I am negative and I hate that about myself. I know my husband and friends get so annoyed with me because i can 've so difficult but no matter whatI try to do to cchange it always seems like something stupid comes out of my mouth and they hate me more. I thought about going on mood meds but I'm afraid a doctor Wil think I'm lying or that I'm making things up or that I can't change my personality. Idk what to do.
Therapy and medication can certainly help with negative thoughts and feelings. It isn't magic -- but hard work and a little help from medicine/therapy can go a long way. Thank you for reading and commenting and I wish you the best. Big HUGS - Gabe
Jessie you sound just like me. I hate myself lately, I feel like how could anyone like me? I don't try and be nasty or standoffish, but I know I come across that way. The worst thing for me is thinking that no matter what I do, everyone will automatically dislike me. I'm nearing 40 now when I feel I should be at ease in my own skin, but it's quite the opposite :-(