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Bipolar Depression and Feeling Nothing at All

January 12, 2012 Natasha Tracy

While depression commonly makes people feel sad, it might also make a person feel nothing at all. Feeling nothing with bipolar can be just as devastating.

Bipolar disorder is an affective disorder, in other words it affects your emotions (among other things). Bipolar disorder symptoms are often about feelings. Well, they're about FEELINGS. I feel HAPPY. I feel SAD. I feel IRRITATED. I feel ENERGETIC.

But one thing that's rarely recognized is that sometimes bipolar disorder is about feeling nothing at all.

Depression and Bipolar Disorder

Depression is one of the two poles of bipolar disorder (the other being mania / hypomania). And myself, being bipolar type 2, I'm darn familiar with it because people with bipolar disorder type 2 spend 35 times more time depressed than they do in hypomania.

Depression and Emotion

And while depression is a "low" mood and, of course, is known for sadness, there is something else you might feel when depressed: nothing at all.

Yup. Nothing. Just a void. You feel an absence, if such a thing is possible. You feel the blank page, silence, dark matter, dishwater. You move through the world, and things happen to you that you know you should feel, but instead of feeling, nothing happens. Like turning the key in your car's ignition and the car not starting - it's unsettling.

Yay! I'm Not Sad!

So feeling nothing must be a great break from feeling terrible? Right?

Not in my experience. Feeling nothing just makes you feel like you're not human, not like you're not depressed. It's like being the shell of a person. A walking and talking corpse. Like you're nothing. The human experience with emotion removed isn't the human experience - it's really no experience at all.

Because emotions are how we make sense of the world around us. They are how we remember the day. If you loved the fact that you ate lasagne for lunch, you might remember it. If you ate the same dull ham sandwich for the 14th day in a row, you probably won't. And what does anything matter if it doesn't make you feel? If you don't care about eating ice cream or seeing your kids smile or browsing a book store or taking a bubble bath then why bother doing any of those things? Why bother doing anything at all?

And this is the thing that people fundamentally don't understand about depression. Depression, bipolar, mood disorders, are about moods that don't respond as expected and in this case don't budge at all. There is nothing to do, nothing to say, no strategy to try because nothing moves the needle, even a little. It's not that I'm not trying it's that trying doesn't matter.

And that is a recursive depression. It's depression that makes you feel nothing which makes you feel depressed which makes you feel even less (because yes, there are degrees of nothingness). It's depression that breeds depression. Like bunnies. Depression bunnies, all grey and un-hoppy.

What to Do When You Feel Nothing

Now comes the part of the article when I make my stunningly insightful recommendations. Ah. I'm having trouble with that bit because I only have one suggestion: try to remember it wasn't always like this and it won't always be like this in the future.

That's it. Try to remember. Because I don't have a stunningly insightful recommendation for how to fix the problem, I can only remind you that the problem wasn't always there and won't always be there. You just have to wait. And trust.

One day the bunnies will hop again.

You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or @Natasha_Tracy on Twitter or at the Bipolar Burble, her blog.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2012, January 12). Bipolar Depression and Feeling Nothing at All, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2022, May 18 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2012/01/bipolar-depression-and-feeling-nothing-at-all



Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate, and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar. She's also the host of the podcast Snap Out of It! The Mental Illness in the Workplace Podcast.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleTwitter, InstagramFacebook, and YouTube.

Kellie Diaz
November, 27 2016 at 6:53 pm

I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 several months ago. Often, I don't feel connected to my body. Its like I watch a movie I am starring in. I just sit and watch with no emotion. Sometimes I have tears pour from my eyes but I still don't feel anything. I feel like I have no control over my life and am just a spectator. Sometimes I just wish everything would stop. I just need time to feel something. At least when I cut I can feel pain. Its better than feeling nothing. I have dreams of dying different ways. When I think about it I'm not scared. I already feel dead. Its been months of med changes. It doesn't get better. Yep I'm officially a crazy blonde now. I don't even know what happy feels like. I pretend to be because it is what others expect. I'm tired of pretending when I feel like I'm dying on the inside.

Anonymous
November, 16 2016 at 5:28 pm

I feel empty. Ive had dark thought about my life in the past. I sometimes feel so much energy and happiness and social. But then i feel embarrassed about my presence. Uncomfordable about my presence. I hide. Its elbarassing and i feel thzt i will loise my friends. Im very young. And i dont kniw what to do with myself.

ad
November, 15 2016 at 11:47 am

Im a 20 year old college student suffering from bipolar disorder. Most days i can't make it out of bed to get to class, or struggle to work up the initiative to complete any task. I was wondering if anybody else with this problem feels like they aren't attatched to anything? The best way I can descibe it is that im going through life without an anchor. I have friends and love them, but i just dont feel a connection with anyone or anything and I feel like they aren't connected to me in a way. I just feel so lost at times and it's hard to describe how I feel. I talk to my therapist about it, but I need someone who could possibly understand what im going through, and help me.

Devendra
November, 10 2016 at 8:19 pm

Thank you all for sharing,I thought I was the only one
I was diagnosed with severe chronic depression abt 5 years ago and was on medication,my life was turned upside down.
I was not the person I was anymore and I couldn't hold on to my marriage I then got separated and eventually divorced.
Recently thou I met someone and for the first few meetings I was fine I thought Im being normal again.I felt close to her and then suddenly out of the blue I feel nothing like I did prior to meeting her.Basically I cant be in a relationship im soooo scared of commitment and I dont want to hurt the other person.
It feels like I can abandon anyone close to me in an instant.I cant seem to feel anything.
I don't know when last I felt alive,felt happy.
I just take each day as it comes im not excited about anything I dnt know what excitement feels like.
What do I do ????

Josh
November, 9 2016 at 8:44 pm

I particularly have this problem when being with my girlfriend. I think I love her, but when I say that, I don't really describe a feeling. I just stay with her because I know she's a nice person and because I care about her and I think that I have responsibilities. But this can't be the "love" that everyone is so mad about, right?
I often feel happy when spending time with my friends though, but when I get home again and think about them, I feel nothing, and that makes me feel as if spending time with them only makes me happy because it proves that there are people who think I'm okay and not some emotionless shell.
I think that when I get jealous or something, it's not because I feel so much for my girlfriend, it's because I'm afraid to loose this appreciation that tells me that other humans do not see me in the way I see myself. In fact, I can't let other humans see how I am, because that would turn them away from me and not having ANYONE to show me that I'm human will just have unimaginable consequences. I'm not suicidal and have never been, but I'm pretty certain that letting people see that I don't feel anything for them will turn them away from me, leaving me with the need of appreciation and suicidal.
So yeah, I guess I gotta keep putting on this mask.

David
November, 7 2016 at 6:32 pm

Nothing can be quite beautiful. Perhaps we have all recognized society for what it is. While all those around us are playing the game, caught up in their idiosyncrasies, living through what others have told them life is through silly beliefs and superstitions. Always in their heads, painting a life atop of the ral life that is happening all around us. Their emotions really only spread up thought processes they aren't conscious of. I'd bet that when any of you are alone looking at a beautiful view such as the ocean or the mountains you feel at peace? That is living. Sensations are much more real than emotions. Emotions are always wanting something, its literally the minds reaction to the minds desires, the mind feeling fulfilled on the minds own creation of needs and wants which aren't even actually needed. Tell you the truth I think society is full of crazy people, and the few that see it for what it is are caught up thinking they're the lost ones. Don't compare yourselves to them. Just live and let live. Find peace in the real world, meaning the world as it is before people came in and labeled everything and defined everything. See it for what it is beyond peoples silly definitions of it. Check out Jiddu krishnamurti writings and videos. Everything you've ever wondered will be answered. What do you have to lose? Enjoy your lives everyone :)

jack hart
November, 6 2016 at 5:47 pm

I feel nothing. l think it's more than feeling dead inside. It's more than death covered by a live body. I can't even cry because, I guess, the
dead have never shed a tear.

Jennifer Osullivan
October, 19 2016 at 12:06 pm

I'm not bipolar but my husband is, he was diagnosed with type 2 late last year at the age of 51. A wonderful article, has helped me to understand the emotionless part of the condition somewhat. I'm finding it very tough at the moment, my husband doesn't seem to struggle at all .... I hope our grey bunnies start hopping again soon.

kay
September, 25 2016 at 9:56 pm

hi every one,
i wonder if any of you can maybe help me, 3 years ago both my parents died in a horrible death , i was 17 years old , i never went to see someone to talk about my problems or so , but these last few years (2-1/5) i think i got depression and bipolar , i dont really know , im always on my toes and plan everything out and when something goes wrong i feel like crawling up in a ball and just want to cry , evan when i plan things and when its time to do stuff , i just dont feel like i want to anymore , i just dont care, my moods are horrible i can be happy now , and then one moment im mad or extremely sad .
this has made a lot of problems in my relationship with my fiance because for some reason i get very forgetful and cant remember stuff i said or did , i make promises but then 10min later i forgot what i said . i dont know what to do .
i feel hopeless and like a useless person ,

Anju
September, 14 2016 at 1:25 am

Hi everyone, I can really relate to this as I am going through this myself. There is no energy to do anything. I am like a passenger stiring into the lives of others. They laugh, they cry tears of joy, they share stories about achievements, fun times, about emotions and feelings. Where before I could feel them and feel part of it and could dream and hope that would one day happen to me. I began to realise that life is not like that. There is no fairy tale hopes and feelings. I have become numb and now just watch and think 'whatever' and respond 'ah okay' 'nice'. Im not interested in conversations, no longer excited for others and just cant be bothered. Close friends tell me about their holiday, about how their little one starting to take first steps and how it moves them emotionally, they talk about the feelings of having their baby on their chest and how it makes them forget the world and makes them so engrosed, they talk about what they want to do for their parents because they are getting old etc...it becomes so overwhelming, im happy for them, then I come back to my life, where nothing is moving forward. I cant even get over the fact my dreams are all shattered and that everyday is the same and cannot find anything to push me forward and make a change in life. I work and get paid, but I slack so much, I go badminton as a weekly exercise but just cant be bothered or find that positivity or vision to push me forward. Its not the unwillingness to put the effort in, its that want and inability to embrace life and find the purpose in the everyday things and situations which bring happiness. Its the purpose and vision, plan to want to do something or have something planned. I have no thoughts which motivate me to do something and have no enthuiasm to want to do the things. If I had that drive and vision which can be sustained then maybe I will go far. Others dont have the time and effort to push me and others do have the belief in me but when I dont have that self belief and condifence I really need someone energetic to be beside me to pick me up until I can do it for myself.

meg
September, 11 2016 at 7:45 pm

Sadness, tears, nothing. Nothing is real, love is an illusion, hope for what? What is there to be hopeful for? All has left. I've left the world. I hear good advice but I cannot apply it to my life. I'm a quiet human now. Quiet and alone. I feel as if even the cells in my body have stopped multiplying, and started to slow down. I feel sorry for my family, they will never know how I feel. I'm not sure what to say. I feel nothing. why can't we be happy? Is it something we did? Something we went through? Can we reverse it?

Sean
September, 6 2016 at 3:37 am

I right with everyone. It seems like years since I laugh or cried. I love dogs and had to put two down this yr. Even though I loved them could not cry... I wish I could feel something

Shaeeeem Oooon Meee
August, 27 2016 at 11:32 pm

I know for a fact that as a kid who didn't know anything about the world, I smiled then. Because I saw things in a simple and linear fashion, just like everyone else. But now that I'm entering the adult stage of being and have already researched a lot of things contained within the world I am in in general, it feels pointless to go through the experience of something I have already learned in my mind. So the only entertainment I'll get out of anything that happens is through experiencing emotional things. Which for some reason, I cannot experience in the same manner because I had switched off my emotions as a defence mechanism towards a combination of things I had experienced, briefly or not, during the early years of my life. I would probably feel humoured by such things, as other people have experienced trauma like no other, which is generally documented for entertainment and learning purposes. But I don't, because I don't feel any reason to have the will to feel and therefore, react. I suppose that in some ways, that would've helped to keep me alive when surrounded by people who snap and bite like dogs with rabies any time they disapprove of your actions, or even just the click of your tongue. But now, the very same people want me to switch back to that smiling, happy and ignorant youngster. Simply because they miss how cute I apparently was. Maybe I am capable of doing such a thing. But I feel no reason to do it. It will not help me strive towards my goals in life. It will only allow me to wear a mask, an act of a person, which would cause me to be kept in the dark and leave my problem unsolved. I don't need that. I simply need to be able to care again. Apparently, there is no way to do this. Or, get a "cure", as it was put in the above article. I don't know. It just happened at some point and as of that moment, whenever it had occurred, I haven't turned back. I'm not even sure if it's depression that I'm experiencing. I mean, I make jokes about everything, including death - but there is no real heart behind them despite the way that they are interpreted on the outside. I feel no will to end my life, or to keep moving forward. I simply want to do what my initial goals were and learn from the experiences I have in the meantime. So, I don't believe this to be a depression, despite the results given when I searched up "what to do if you have no emotions". It would almost be disappointing, if it weren't for the fact that I both know and don't care.

Graham
August, 21 2016 at 5:30 pm

I started new medication 2 weeks ago and within a few days l was empty, i feel like an empty shell, sometimes l feel like I'm outside watching myself, telling myself what does anything matter, l have an incurable mental illness which l have to keep secret from all but my closest friends and family.
I sometimes just want to sit down in the street against a lamp post and stay there, empty, non-reponsive until someone calls an ambulance, and l don't have to make decisions any more. Sleep, sleep and leave the world outside.

cathy
August, 21 2016 at 4:02 pm

thank you all for commenting on this. i am so empty at the moment i can't even comment. it helps. i think.

Gem
August, 11 2016 at 11:33 pm

I'm feeling void of any emotions for a whole year but after reading this article and all of you guy's comments, I felt slight hope. Now I know that I'm not alone in this. It's like being in someone else's body and they control your body, laughing, crying. But inside the body am I, feeling nothing at all. I don't even feel sadness anymore. Can anybody relate to me?

Victoria
August, 10 2016 at 10:04 am

Yes, I have a bad case of feeling nothing that's been going on for three days now. I saw a woman suffering from an opiate overdose be revived by naloxone and felt nothing. Not scared, not sad, not concerned, nothing. I feel like an empty shell, dead, disinterested, devoid of personality. The woman survived and is set up for treatment, BTW.

John Doe
August, 3 2016 at 3:20 pm

I just wanted to leave a quick comment to thank the author for writing this. It's good to know I'm not the only one experiencing this and feeling (or i guess not feeling) this way. For such bad news, it's the best news I could've received. Thank you very much

Phil
July, 28 2016 at 5:26 am

Depression is no joke.
See a professional.
I finally saw a psychologist on 6-22 and am seeing a psychiatrist on 8-1.
I can't wait.
My mind is so twisted, I'm devoid of emotion.

John
July, 26 2016 at 7:40 pm

I ended up here after googling about this awful problem and I can somewhat relate to it. I don't know whether I'm bipolar or not but I do feel like my emotions and feelings are there, locked up but still there. I get very sensitive when I drink and I can express the things I feel from the bottom of my heart. I also feel joyful when high and I can remember times when I felt life running thru every inch of me while being under different states of mind. And also rarely, very rarely I used to get this short period of time when I felt more alive than usual like a little hypomania. As for the rest of the time I feel numb, nothing matters, I become a nihilistic, my emotions are locked up and I am denied access to them. I can't draw a smile, I can't think of a reply when in a conversation cause it's just like I don't care. I don't have an opinion to anything. I feel dead on the inside and my biggest fear is that when I get old and look back I will realize all that that I missed. My great family, my youth, amazing people, my dreams, even love! it's then that I feel something and it's sadness and fright. I am 25 and I've never had a girlfriend, for Christ's sake! I just hope we find a solution for this horrible thing troubling us. We shall overcome.

kathy
July, 24 2016 at 8:49 am

I have felt numb for years now, there was a time that I felt love for my children but now i feel nothing for them and i have push everyone away even my children now.
Can anyone relate to how I feel.

Kat
July, 20 2016 at 5:48 pm

I'm still really young and I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I used to laugh so loud. I used to enjoy hanging around others. I used to enjoy doing a lot of things. But now I'm not sure if anything's there.. I'm not sure of my wants or needs. I don't know what i want to do today let alone the rest of my life.
There are times when I actually enjoyed something but it doesn't happen that often anymore.
I feel nothing. I want nothing. I'm not even sure if anything can be gained. Even when I look at the past or future, my memories seem as if all the feelings they held at some point died.
I just feel as if there will only be nothing from here on out.

Bill
July, 20 2016 at 5:44 pm

I have bipolar 1 - I had my first psychotic epposode at 29 and was hospitalized
The problem is to be bombarded by too many thoughts constantly.
A friend of mine has a son with bipolar. The son's behaviour improved when
he took up boxing. My theory is that boxing requires a focused attention.
The too many thoughts are displaced by the required focus required in boxing
to avoid being punched. It is a case of classical psychological conditioning.
To be involved in a sport with a degree of personal risk brings focus.
Uncontrolled thoughts can leed to depression and self harm - markers of risk
for those with bipolar. The brain becomes over taxed and exhausted - a risk of
becoming psychotic.
Bill

robert
July, 19 2016 at 3:54 am

I feel nothing. At times I have a troubled mind plus when I feel nothing and troubled thoughts it is a bigger problem .

robert
July, 19 2016 at 3:28 am

I feel nothing at all, empty if someone was to die I would feel nothing. one thing I ask out there ,would a anti-depressant help me

sophie
July, 16 2016 at 4:12 am

I have had different phases in my life, I have been through really bad depressions, where my negative thinking was ruling my life for a long period of time. Somehow i managed and after a long and exhausting battle i was able to feel positive emotions, even though i could feel that was not the condition mentally healthy person should have, i was still enjoying a very little excitements and joy i could feel.
After a very stressful year i thought that the worst was behind me and i believe it now as well. However during last few weeks i realised, that my behaviour was a bit different from what it used to be before. I am not depressed, I do not worry that much, but what is the strangest thing i do not care about anything, i do not feel excitement from the things i liked before, i feel like nothing makes sense in life and in the moment where i mostly need to kick my life off and use all the chances i have around me, I am just sitting home without any drive or motivation of doing something. I do not know what will be the next, i do not know whether it is better to feel nothing than being depressed and worried all the time, i just know that it is very exhausting feeling, like you live for nothing, going out with friends and close people and pretending all the time, smiling, laughing on the things you do not really give a s*** about, i am so used to this fake smiling that it makes me sick, but what can one do who has always been through some kind of mentally strange situations, i am just tired of people asking me why i am sad, why i am not that funny anymore and just a lot of things where i do not have any answer even for myself.
Yes the article is very well written, and i really hope that there will be the light in the end, that things will change and i will feel excitements from the different things, will have the feeling of happiness and joy back and just will enjoy a very small things like waking up in the morning and seeing sunshines in the windows.

Atti
June, 25 2016 at 4:57 am

Many times I am sad, but when I had cried from my heart. it's killed by my soul. I thought my signal is my blood, so I was crying and running out of nose-blood. Now on control not out or otta, but I think best things happen day by day. But Nowadays Hungary maybe also hungry. Depression style. Nightmares not arrived. I must not get drunk because of ill.
I think I will be happy when the world realize not matter the cock size, the body colour.(as white man) and libido and musquito like- Nirvana Smells Like Teen spirit.
Say no to racism
Say Yes again terrorism
ProtectTheChildren youtube channel not started yet. but planned by me.
(Atti) said
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
Sometimes out of control nasty
Verse 1
I haven't said anything about my conversation
hopin' we stayin' alive forever with high spirit reproduction
Cannot seen it clearly now
Cannot Catch the lightnin' and I know
So happy I ain't have happiness
Know that's the matter about twenty-four nightmares
I have to control and help in your activity
Have to see your eyes any visibility
I can't realize what we are doin'
Be happy in this bein' that whore life
I can't find the way of my dash
Runnin' in the Hell's or Heaven's
Keep and touch your smile
Fearin' of the Hell's or Heaven's
(Turn around one more time)
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
Sometimes out of control nasty
Verse 2
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
I am outta now I keep up madafaka baby
Don't have any chance to translate this as well as I need baby
could or Should Stay Alive and marketin' and realizin'
Third life and forth and last one us blood
Cannot control chance I chose a destiny about mine whore lifeblood
I'mma close "Dante" have to stay alive as Angel's and Daemon's children
Whole viability, whole spirit I couldn't laziness
ain't on inactivity killed by mine chilhood, fearin'from darkness
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
Sometimes out of control nasty
Verse 3

sean
June, 22 2016 at 10:42 pm

I really thought i was alone in this feeling...so its nice to known am not alone and am not the only one waiting to be truly happy or feel something more them kist being context or ok. I hate feeling nothing and i could never find the words to tell ppp how i feel

Whirring Purring
June, 18 2016 at 11:51 am

I like your recommendation. This is the 'trick' I have learned to use since I started mindfulness meditation (which helps a bit) last year. Now I 'notice' I'm depressed, and my strategy is to wait it out. There is nothing I can do. I rationalize that this is a phase I will cycle through (luckily intense bouts of depression only last about a day for me). Remind myself all the negative feelings and thoughts about myself and my life are not 'real' (well, they're real - but unfairly biased in those moments) and try not to listen. The only thing is that takes an incredible amount of self-control which brings me back to your post on being high-functioning. I get really tired of have to 'watch' myself. Having to have this meta-awareness of myself. I get tired and angry that I 'have to' to do this... If I don't I will probably be the most horrible person ever to my family and loved ones. And feel super guilty about it and then enter a new cycle. Oh well, better than letting go I guess? Although sometimes I wonder....

Bipolar girl
June, 13 2016 at 5:28 pm

Hey guys, I had feelings once, I kinda remember them a little, I had them when I was a kid and it was great. I haven't felt a strong feeling in many years, I'm 21 now, I have a really great life and really I thank God for it everyday, I love my husband I love my mom I love my friends and I really love my dogs, but I don't feel the butterflies when I see them or hug them, I feel peace, peace is my happiness, I never feel excited for anything really, I can only feel strong anxiety and saddness, I cannot feel happiness or anything positive, even though I stay hopeful, smiley and optimistic, I just learned how to fake emotions and fit in great, but sometimes I just wonder how others feel in a specific situation, I have told some people about my issue and often ask them when something nice happens what did they feel, like did you feel butterflies in your stomach and did you really wanna jump and laugh? How did it feel can you try to explain it to me? I feel kinda jealous and want to at least hear how feeligs feel. Sometimes I feel just a little tiny glimpse of excitement for about half a milisecond and it always reminds me of something that has happened when I was a kid, because only then I felt feelings, that's why I love going back to places which remind me of old times and looking at old pictures, just for the sake of that milisecond

doreen
June, 6 2016 at 9:53 am

hi am having the same emptiness feeling sad depression anxiety panic attack, this emptiness you feel like you have no heart in side of you even thou you know your heart is there that is how i am feeling right now. my doctor told me about my serotonin in my brain is low and that is why i have this emptiness and emotionless feeling. this is very hard for me i am medication but to no avail it not helping me. my head is so numb and feel like it squeezing in side i don't know if that is how you are feeling is there anything that you could tell what to do pls and thank you....

Chris
June, 1 2016 at 8:14 am

yeah, this feeling nothing, feeling void of any and all emotion. when in situations you KNOW you shoul feel or react in some way, but cant, you react with that same old blank expression.
Whats worse is that fact that you cant protray what is wrong with you. So when your parents ask you whats wrong or why are you sad, you can answer cause theres technically nothing wrong and youre not sad, youre just empty. And with that comes the fact that they start to take it as some for of act, pretending, childishness, putting on a show when you dont get out of bed all day, simply cause you dont see the point. theres no point in getting up and repeating what is now an everyday scenario of feeling empty, walking around the house like a living corpse or shell of what was supposed to be a human feeling atleast something.
I find that its almost better to feel that sad and depressed state of mind, cause you actually know what youre feeling, you know that feeling, how to describe it, rather than just empty.
cause how do you describe "empty" to someone who doesnt feel the same? You cant. They dont understand, and telling them they cant do anything about it just enrages them more, to the point of them picking on you for everything you havent done or missed throughout the day.
ive felt this "empty" for the past year or so, since my "depression" seeming stopped and i was supposed to go along my merry way to finish courses, do something in my life. when it started to dawn on me, that feeling of null emptyness, it started to slow me down, untill i was just able to watch my life, my friends, the world and everyone in general move along, without me. Cause i couldnt, i mean what did it matter? Why would it matter if i tried, if it wouldnt work anyway.
so yeah. Im just stuck in this, emptiness, nothing to do about it but watch as my life slips and runs from my grasp, and im unable to catch up.
sure trying to remember does help, but what help does it do when you cant act appon it.

Anne
May, 23 2016 at 10:12 pm

I love this post a lot.
But with pain there comes beauty and many things we might be capable of calling lessons.
-- ^ That might not make sense, though I appreciate whoever wrote this (:

mike olsen
May, 2 2016 at 11:15 am

hello people of the internet, i am 21 right now, and i know i just got started on life, but.
i keep telling my sister and mom how i fix my so called depression or bad mood, i come with ideas how to fix it, but suddenly when i choose one of them it doesn't work anymore. music become more useless and it does not make me feel so much anymore.
but i am in the beginning of it, i have never really felt bad as i do now. as i saw in the other comments its about the feelin nothing at all, if a bomb were you explode near you, you would proberly not react as much if you were sane.
i do not expect respons to this, i only do it becuase a message is a message and it means something to just do something, whriting something to others. cheer up bois in grills. i will recommend something to you while i am here.
go outsite if its cold with a blanket and just sit without any ellectornics just yourself your mind to do its work. i find computer and other distractions the reason i am feeling this way. many people might disagree with me on this one, but if i had one wish. i would be to only have nokia 3310. i chould go on and on but BB

jaqueline
April, 27 2016 at 9:14 am

Hi I have a friend with bipolar disorder that lives with me he is very unhigenic and if I remind him to bath he totally ignores me he even sends money to people that he never even met and he lies all the time please explain to me why my friend feels nothing for his own life anymore

Mac
April, 25 2016 at 3:51 am

Im on this right now. Like, when you chose to be happy yet you'll know it wont last still you chose to do it and now its time to end everything. art of letting go makes me feel exactly like this.

MM
April, 21 2016 at 11:31 am

I don't cry, I don't feel "sad" necessarily, I just feel numb. Nothing fazes me. If I hear a piece of bad news or good news, I can't even process it. My emotions and face will remain blank. I KNOW I should be reacting to this news somehow but I can't. It's like falling in a deep hole and seeing/hearing nothing.

Janet Cucharo
April, 21 2016 at 10:53 am

This feeling is so strange because in the past when I was depressed I couldn't stop crying. This is worse. Your advice is to REMEMBER & I believe that is the key. It's exactly like restoring your PC back to the point in time when no problem existed. There are some hypnosis audios by Joseph Clough that I listen to which help you do exactly that. Very effective free app available on your play store. There are many free audios but the depression & anxiety audios cost a couple of bucks. I just want to FEEL again. I have so much to be excited about! Beautiful day! Business I love! Yay! REMEMBER. We didn't always feel nothing.

sandy
April, 17 2016 at 9:22 pm

There's this day that you don't know what kind of emotions are you having and worst part of that is people around you misunderstands you always.

Lauren
April, 17 2016 at 4:22 pm

That's me right now, I mean I go through times of feeling really sad, depressed, crying, then nothing. That's the worst, I mean I can fake a smile but then nothings genuine and I really just can't connect, I feel like I should think something's wrong but I really don't care. That's what it's like for me when I get the depression side of bipolar... sad, crying, upset, then nothing.

Lazarus
April, 8 2016 at 12:44 pm

Yep, that is what my life has been for the last year and a half. Nothingness. I feel bad, but not emotionally. When I feel "good", it's only on the logical level. I don't feel sad because life does not matter one bit. I can't feel sadness. I can't laugh, I can't cry. That's right, I can not cry to save my own life. I tried a few times, and it ends with me having an intense panic attack that makes me think I will kill myself here and now.
I have this clear memory of watching "The hangover" movie when it came out, and laughing really hard. So hard my jaw was hurting. I would give everything, EVERYTHING if only I was able to do that again. To just laugh. Or hell, to cry. If I could only just shed tears while feeling sadness inside. That would be heavenly.
Instead it's nothing. I wake up, I go to work, then to bed. And the most I can hope for is some sort of vague logical fear or being mildly, ever so mildly content. I look at pretty girls and think they are pretty, but I feel nothing towards them. To be in love again, or at least to have a crush...
I truly hope this will subside, I need to feel.

dennis
March, 27 2016 at 3:43 pm

I ca connect to this. I feel I have been left all alone like in Highway to Heaven series. All my friends are doing awesome. I feel disconnected.

Andrew
March, 26 2016 at 4:57 pm

Yea. Nothingness, not feeling anything, things that you used to really enjoy, or goals that you have, they don't matter in this state. Recursive depression is tough. Really tough. It's hard to see the point in keeping going. I've lost a lot from depression. Missed a lot of great family and friend events, just because I don't feel anything out of it. In the nothingness, there is no benefit, no sadness, some loneliness, but mostly just nothing.

yassir
March, 22 2016 at 8:46 am

Me Neither Jenna im feeling cool but where is that smile , i don t wanna be cool i wanna wake up

Janna
March, 11 2016 at 10:44 am

It suddenly dawned on me that I not recall the last time I truly laughed. It made me cry.

Bella
March, 11 2016 at 10:32 am

The problem with bipolar depression is that it's not just any depression. It is the lowest of the low. It is so deep that 50% of bipolar's victims try to kill themselves and 20% succeed. If any other disease had this rate of suicide there would be an outcry heard around the world. But there seems to be persistent belief that bipolar individuals are dangerous to others when in fact, we are most dangerous to themselves.

Jordan
March, 11 2016 at 5:10 am

I just woke up from sleep, been a couple of days in trouble. No one helped, no one asked. I never even had a conversation for the whole week. I have no friends. I'm not affected anymore
I just sit. Or doing idiosyncratic tasks on my phone.
I feel nothing after waking up. It's just weird

Henry
March, 6 2016 at 7:47 am

I just wanted to add a few more things and say I want to extend myself to those of you who resonate with my experience. It's as if the world is continuing without me and I am just stuck as a spectator on an island watching everyone else with no sense of inner soul. It sometimes feels like everyone else is crazy and I'm not. I have heavy suicide ideation for awhile as I cannot help but isolate it's very difficult to be seen in this condition when you can barely hold an appropriate conversation your mind is so distracted by itself. Feel free to reach out
Henrysegalellis1992@gmail.com

Henry
March, 6 2016 at 7:39 am

It is as if everyday is the same as the yesterday, nothing impacts my isolated and stagnant consciousness. You could say the meanest stuff to me and it's like I wouldn't care. Months have gone by like this, perhaps years, and I say the same things to my therapists and doctors constantly yet they really don't know how to help me. It's like my personality feelings and emotions have been totally erased and the concept of time and any sense of self Image has been destroyed. The days go by and I feel like more of an [moderated] as I just really cannot stand being in the presence of other people---it just makes me feel worse. What have I done to deserve this life? Did I wrong someone to deserve this? What did I do to get to this headspace of total nothingness.

Adrian
February, 24 2016 at 11:21 am

also i dont have really strong emotional attachment to people like when one of my best friends left last year i didnt care also i have the feeling i dont care about anyone besides my closest relatives. I barely am connected to them though and spend most of my time with my friends. I dont know why I feel so empty as i live an amazing life with everything one could ask for yet... the one thing i want nobody can give to me... to feel normal and happy again and im sooo afraid that this isnt going to go away it is my deepest fear and yes

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