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Breaking Bipolar

There are nasty effects on bipolar when I suffer from a lack of sleep. Luckily for me, I usually do have a decent sleep thanks to my medications but, sometimes, my body just decides to wake up at 3:00 a.m. and refuses to go back to sleep. I know this happens to many people but I also know that most people don’t have bipolar disorder. And I know that, for me, if I have a lack of sleep it really affects my bipolar disorder negatively.
People often say to those suffering with bipolar disorder, “Others have it worse than you.” This is not a helpful statement. We know that others have it worse than us. In fact, others with bipolar have it worse than us; that’s just math. But the fact that others have it worse than us is absolutely irrelevant to our suffering with bipolar.
I am suffering through a long bout of bipolar medication side effects. Side effects, withdrawal effects, call them what you like, they are caused by the use of medication. And I am white-knuckling it. I know that, in my case, there are no options better than this very sucky one. But I tell you, I hate suffering through bipolar medication side effects.
I write about some things that can trigger those with depression so it’s important for readers to know how to deal with depression triggers in blog posts. Understanding how to deal with depression-triggering blog posts can protect you from negative emotional effects and worsening symptoms.
I express the experience of having bipolar disorder in a very specific way – my way. I express the bipolar experience with my words, my language, my thoughts and my metaphors. I approach bipolar disorder the way I live it: primarily depressed with short bouts of hypomania or bipolar mixed moods. I often write politically incorrectly if I feel that expresses my bipolar experience more accurately. But one thing I have learned after doing this for many years is that not everyone likes this.
Recently, I’ve lost my ability to become sexually aroused/experience sexual pleasure because of my bipolar medication. You’d think of all the possible side effects, this wouldn’t be that bad. After all, I could be constantly dizzy and nauseous, gaining weight or having blood sugar/pressure problems. So, loss of sexual arousal/pleasure because of bipolar medication must be a walk in the park then. Well, I’m not finding it that way.
I hate it when people say, “failure is not an option,” because, especially with bipolar, failure is always an option. And by saying “Failure is not an option,” people make it sound like failure is bad. But we all need to accept that failure is an option, and a viable one. We need to accept that with bipolar, failure happens.
People with borderline personality disorder often self-harm, but that doesn’t mean they are the only people who do; let’s face it, anyone can self-harm. People associate self-harm with borderline personality disorder, which I understand, after all, self-harm is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. But it isn’t the case that these are the only people who self-harm. Self-harm can be a coping technique that anyone can pick up (unfortunately), whether they have a mental illness or not.
When I work too hard, I find myself in too much pain thanks to bipolar disorder. I push through when I should stop, and work and work only to find myself waking up one day so sick I can barely move. Work is kind of the bane of my existence. Necessary for existence? Yes. Pleasant? Not in the least. This is eminently clear to me right now as I woke up in extreme pain thanks to bipolar and working too hard.
Living with bipolar disorder is chock full of uncertainty. You never know when you might be well. You never know when you might be acutely depressed. You never know when mania might make you psychotic. And you never know when it might be the day when you need the hospital. If that isn’t uncertainty, I don’t know what it. And while everyone lives with uncertainty, the uncertainties that come with bipolar disorder are so very hard to live with.