Breaking Bipolar

Recently, I’ve lost my ability to become sexually aroused/experience sexual pleasure because of my bipolar medication. You’d think of all the possible side effects, this wouldn’t be that bad. After all, I could be constantly dizzy and nauseous, gaining weight or having blood sugar/pressure problems. So, loss of sexual arousal/pleasure because of bipolar medication must be a walk in the park then. Well, I’m not finding it that way.
I hate it when people say, “failure is not an option,” because, especially with bipolar, failure is always an option. And by saying “Failure is not an option,” people make it sound like failure is bad. But we all need to accept that failure is an option, and a viable one. We need to accept that with bipolar, failure happens.
People with borderline personality disorder often self-harm, but that doesn’t mean they are the only people who do; let’s face it, anyone can self-harm. People associate self-harm with borderline personality disorder, which I understand, after all, self-harm is a symptom of borderline personality disorder. But it isn’t the case that these are the only people who self-harm. Self-harm can be a coping technique that anyone can pick up (unfortunately), whether they have a mental illness or not.
When I work too hard, I find myself in too much pain thanks to bipolar disorder. I push through when I should stop, and work and work only to find myself waking up one day so sick I can barely move. Work is kind of the bane of my existence. Necessary for existence? Yes. Pleasant? Not in the least. This is eminently clear to me right now as I woke up in extreme pain thanks to bipolar and working too hard.
Living with bipolar disorder is chock full of uncertainty. You never know when you might be well. You never know when you might be acutely depressed. You never know when mania might make you psychotic. And you never know when it might be the day when you need the hospital. If that isn’t uncertainty, I don’t know what it. And while everyone lives with uncertainty, the uncertainties that come with bipolar disorder are so very hard to live with.
Travel can make my bipolar disorder worse. Knowing this can make me fear travel. It's not that I don't like travel; theoretically, I like travel. I’ve done quite a lot of it, actually – I’ve been to 12 countries. Nevertheless, the older I get, the nastier my bipolar becomes and the more my bipolar disorder is worsened by travel. There are good reasons for this but there are also ways to mitigate it.
It’s important to celebrate the small achievements in bipolar disorder. I have written about this before, in fact. But what does a small win in bipolar disorder look like? How do you celebrate a small achievement in bipolar disorder?
Beating insomnia in bipolar disorder is a serious challenge. In the past, I have recommended sleep hygiene as the primary way of handling insomnia. And while this is very important, quite frankly, it just doesn’t work for everyone. I do it, and sometimes still don’t sleep – even with sleeping pills. So is there something better for beating insomnia in bipolar disorder? Maybe. I have discovered two mobile applications (apps) that help with sleep in new ways.
Sometimes we feel bad ourselves because of bipolar disorder but you can feel better about your bipolar by helping someone else. Maybe this sounds obvious as anyone can feel better when helping someone else, but I think in the case of bipolar disorder, we might get so wrapped up in what we need to be well, we forget that helping others is powerful, too. Recently, I was reminded of this as I felt better about my bipolar by helping strangers.
It’s hard for non-bipolar people to identify with this, but when I have bipolar depression, I don’t want anything. It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter how I used to feel about it, it doesn’t matter how good an idea it seems, I just don’t want it with bipolar depression, and that’s it.